GF maybe walking soon

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Friends have a way of screwing things up and putting on additional pressure. It is what it is, but it doesn't faze me.



Agreed. She has my option, if not, it will hurt and be said, but we'd need to go separate ways.

Respect. Any update?

Think it's being amplified with pandemic. Good on you sticking around here in a LTR. Most fellas cultivate some skill and checkout after perma poon.

 

[Relationadvice]

You have done it right. You made it known from day one that you did not want to marry. Obviously your choice.

I will say that I've been married and divorced. And call me blue pilled or whatever, but I wouldn't let a great woman go bc of this. I d get a very good prenup. The most important decision you choose is not who you marry or if you marry, but if and who you decide to have kids with.

Just my take.

That's true. You must have been made it from the day one that you dont want to marry

 

[RickTheToad]

She's calmed down and hasn't brought anything up. The COVID has placed a lot of stress on her and I am not sure how much more she can handle on this lockdown. While I agree to the seriousness of COVID, I think the damage from the psychological effects of COVID are going to be much worse than the actual virus. She doesn't like the be alone and hates working from home. Whereas many other people don't mind. It's like a trifecta and we'll see what happens. So far, it's fine and status quo.

 

[Stoic]

She's calmed down and hasn't brought anything up. The COVID has placed a lot of stress on her and I am not sure how much more she can handle on this lockdown. While I agree to the seriousness of COVID, I think the damage from the psychological effects of COVID are going to be much worse than the actual virus. She doesn't like the be alone and hates working from home. Whereas many other people don't mind. It's like a trifecta and we'll see what happens. So far, it's fine and status quo.

Not to derail the thread but I dont think people have considered the full costs of lockdowns. And I do feel bad for your gf. She's not the only one.

How does lock down impact people's mental health, elderly in nursing homes that cant receive visitors, those that are depressed, alcoholics, etc? Not to mention the unlucky that the government deems inessential who won't be getting paid and be able to support themselves. Shouldn't that be considered? The governor's making these decisions to close restaurants and businesses will still get their same pay. The business owner in a restaurant, hair salon??

I saw an apt line the other day.

Restricting the movements of sick people is a quarantine.

Restricting the movements of healthy people is tyranny.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Not to derail the thread but I dont think people have considered the full costs of lockdowns. And I do feel bad for your gf. She's not the only one.

How does lock down impact people's mental health, elderly in nursing homes that cant receive visitors, those that are depressed, alcoholics, etc? Not to mention the unlucky that the government deems inessential who won't be getting paid and be able to support themselves. Shouldn't that be considered? The governor's making these decisions to close restaurants and businesses will still get their same pay. The business owner in a restaurant, hair salon??

I saw an apt line the other day.

Restricting the movements of sick people is a quarantine.

Restricting the movements of healthy people is tyranny.

I was listening to older bro podcast. I agree that the future will look back on obliterated family businesses and squandering trillions. Absolute moron.

 

[TonyTenner]

Im

Not to derail the thread but I dont think people have considered the full costs of lockdowns. And I do feel bad for your gf. She's not the only one.

How does lock down impact people's mental health, elderly in nursing homes that cant receive visitors, those that are depressed, alcoholics, etc? Not to mention the unlucky that the government deems inessential who won't be getting paid and be able to support themselves. Shouldn't that be considered? The governor's making these decisions to close restaurants and businesses will still get their same pay. The business owner in a restaurant, hair salon??

I saw an apt line the other day.

Restricting the movements of sick people is a quarantine.

Restricting the movements of healthy people is tyranny.

I'm completely against lockdowns now (when they started we were told the IFR was 3.4% - its now at least 40 times less), but I've felt a tinge of sadness now I know they're coming to an end. I've said this to friends and they've said "Ya! Me too!". Getting up early to drive to work and beat the traffic is just round the corner. Amongst other things. Lockdowns has made it a lot easier to not challenge yourself and be too comfortable.

 

[RickTheToad]

Not to derail the thread but I dont think people have considered the full costs of lockdowns. And I do feel bad for your gf. She's not the only one.

How does lock down impact people's mental health, elderly in nursing homes that cant receive visitors, those that are depressed, alcoholics, etc? Not to mention the unlucky that the government deems inessential who won't be getting paid and be able to support themselves. Shouldn't that be considered? The governor's making these decisions to close restaurants and businesses will still get their same pay. The business owner in a restaurant, hair salon??

I saw an apt line the other day.

Restricting the movements of sick people is a quarantine.

Restricting the movements of healthy people is tyranny.

Agreed. The damage done to small business and people's mental state is underreported. The world after COVID-19 is past would be similar to Germany, France, Britain or Japan after WW2. It's going to take years to get somewhere back to a "normal" life such as pre-COVID-19.

 

[RickTheToad]

Brought it up again. Acknowledged that I've told her this at the beginning and multiple times since then. She "thought" it wasn't going to be a big deal and she could accept it. She now cannot as all her friends are engaged and getting married. I said, well, I guess we're at a stalemate (and done) since I will not give in and you need something that I cannot give you (even though I stated this multiple times in crystal clear words). She doesn't want me to hate her, I said, I don't, it is what it is. Good bye. This was in person last night.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Brought it up again. Acknowledged that I've told her this at the beginning and multiple times since then. She "thought" it wasn't going to be a big deal and she could accept it. She now cannot as all her friends are engaged and getting married. I said, well, I guess we're at a stalemate (and done) since I will not give in and you need something that I cannot give you (even though I stated this multiple times in crystal clear words). She doesn't want me to hate her, I said, I don't, it is what it is. Good bye. This was in person last night.

Not sure if it was Mentioned in a previous comment, how old is she and does she have children? And do you have children or do you want to have them?
-Augustus-

 

[RickTheToad]

Not sure if it was Mentioned in a previous comment, how old is she and does she have children? And do you have children or do you want to have them?
-Augustus-

33 recently, yes on the children.

 

[logicallefty]

33 recently, yes on the children.

I wouldn't marry a woman in her 30s. NO WAY. You probably haven't seen her worst side yet as far as emotions and what she might put you through. Some really bad sh|t happens to women in their 30s. I have posted about this a lot. But now for the GOOD news. In my experience and opinion, they actually get better ~ after 40, relative to their 30s. If you think there is a chance you might marry her someday but just not right now, I would consider telling her you would in 6-7 years if things are still going well because you don't want her or you to be another "divorce statistic". If she doesn't like that, then stick with what you already told her for now which was NO. And tell her "If you leave now, you may be happy with your decision for a few months but at some point your going to miss me and I'm going to move on. You will be alone for a while before Mr. MarriageRightNow comes along. Think about that. "

 

[bcude]

I wouldn't marry a woman in her 30s. NO WAY. You probably haven't seen her worst side yet as far as emotions and what she might put you through. Some really bad sh|t happens to women in their 30s. I have posted about this a lot. But now for the GOOD news. In my experience and opinion, they actually get better ~ after 40, relative to their 30s. If you think there is a chance you might marry her someday but just not right now, I would consider telling her you would in 6-7 years if things are still going well because you don't want her or you to be another "divorce statistic". If she doesn't like that, then stick with what you already told her for now which was NO. And tell her "If you leave now, you may be happy with your decision for a few months but at some point your going to miss me and I'm going to move on. You will be alone for a while before Mr. MarriageRightNow comes along. Think about that. "

That would be to reason with emotion, it won't work and OP wants children which probably won't happen with a woman 40+, but maybe he's open to have children outside of marriage.

She's being pulled by strong forces, both internally and externally. Unfortunately she'll leave him eventually because emotion must win in the end.

 

[RickTheToad]

I wouldn't marry a woman in her 30s. NO WAY. You probably haven't seen her worst side yet as far as emotions and what she might put you through. Some really bad sh|t happens to women in their 30s. I have posted about this a lot. But now for the GOOD news. In my experience and opinion, they actually get better ~ after 40, relative to their 30s. If you think there is a chance you might marry her someday but just not right now, I would consider telling her you would in 6-7 years if things are still going well because you don't want her or you to be another "divorce statistic". If she doesn't like that, then stick with what you already told her for now which was NO. And tell her "If you leave now, you may be happy with your decision for a few months but at some point your going to miss me and I'm going to move on. You will be alone for a while before Mr. MarriageRightNow comes along. Think about that. "

I wouldn't marry the richest female in the world. This is on her. I told her multiple times. If she wants to walk, as I told her yesterday, she can walk. She said you won't fight for me? I said fight for you? I've come as far as I can. You're an attractive lady, you'd have no problem finding a dude to marry. It wouldn't be me, but hey, I understand. I do not know why you've not thought this through earlier, as it's been told to you numerous times already and I am just done. You can walk now, and you'll be missed. She's all nice and supportive now, but it doesn't matter. I killed it yesterday, but she's been blowing up my phone and then stopped by with gifts. Strange.

 

[RickTheToad]

That would be to reason with emotion, it won't work and OP wants children which probably won't happen with a woman 40+, but maybe he's open to have children outside of marriage.

She's being pulled by strong forces, both internally and externally. Unfortunately she'll leave him eventually because emotion must win in the end.

Guess you've not read my reply this morning. You may want to re-read dude.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I wouldn't marry the richest female in the world. This is on her. I told her multiple times. If she wants to walk, as I told her yesterday, she can walk. She said you won't fight for me? I said fight for you? I've come as far as I can. You're an attractive lady, you'd have no problem finding a dude to marry. It wouldn't be me, but hey, I understand. I do not know why you've not thought this through earlier, as it's been told to you numerous times already and I am just done. You can walk now, and you'll be missed. She's all nice and supportive now, but it doesn't matter. I killed it yesterday, but she's been blowing up my phone and then stopped by with gifts. Strange.

Nope...not surprising at all. She thought you would buckle when she gave you an ultimatum and you didn't and then acted like it wa no big deal and told her to have a nice day. Now her hamster is spinning into overdrive because she was expecting you to act all upset and crying and begging her not to leave and you didn't. Now she is thinking she made a mistake.

She will probably continue blowing your phone up and she will likely beg for you back at some point. It is then you will have all the power if you decide to give her another chance because she knows you are not to be trifled with.

 

[RickTheToad]

Nope...not surprising at all. She thought you would buckle when she gave you an ultimatum and you didn't and then acted like it wa no big deal and told her to have a nice day. Now her hamster is spinning into overdrive because she was expecting you to act all upset and crying and begging her not to leave and you didn't. Now she is thinking she made a mistake.

She will probably continue blowing your phone up and she will likely beg for you back at some point. It is then you will have all the power if you decide to give her another chance because she knows you are not to be trifled with.

Seems like Christmas came early for me.. TBH, I hate when people buy me things, but she spent a pretty penny on me this weekend and today. Strange in deed. A buddy of mine tells me show them some care and concern like you're upset, but stand firm on your convictions and show her the door. If you can tear and cry, it makes it even more believable. Shows that you are upset, but will still stay logical and stand your ground. Never thought of that.

 

[RickTheToad]

I expect she will leave sooner or later.

What you want is not what she wants - that's ok.

As long as you know......you haven't stopped her leaving/thinking this way, you have only postponed it.

I didn't tell her to come, she just showed up. It's mind boggling.

 

[RickTheToad]

I meant looking longer term, she will not be staisfied with your marriage refusal.

She is just going to re-strategize.

Eventually, if she really wants this, she will pull the pin.

Expect it.

Wouldn't be surprised. However, females can be peculiar from time to time. Logic with females is not the norms in terms of relationships.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Wouldn't be surprised. However, females can be peculiar from time to time. Logic with females is not the norms in terms of relationships.

Are you going to be lining up other women in response to this from her?

 

[Black Widow Void]

I guarantee that once she accepts that you aren't going to budge (and cheers for standing your ground) ... you will soon see a dark side to her that you've not seen before - one that you didn't think could even exist within her.

Once you encounter the emotional "how could you" stage, be prepared... because it's the next stage (anger) that is the worst.