GF is pregnant and she's angry with me

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
Luckily, it's not her f*cking choice whether he can or cannot see the kid and how much child support he pays.

You know what the point is that I'm trying to make. A lot of women ARE like that and would be absolutely miserable to deal with. He can't just be an ass like some of the guys on here are suggesting. There's too much riding on this for him to just say "f*ck it" and "f*ck you" to her.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Re: Re: GF is pregnant and she's angry with me

Originally posted by Ice Cold
That's where you screwed up man. She's fukkin right.

The pill by itself is not reliable. You should've used a condom.

Turn this on its head. What if he was using a condom and the condom broke and she got pregnant. Would it be okay for him to yell at her and get pissed off because she should have been on the pill?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by seabreeze
I wholeheartedly agree that she is behaving this way because of hormones. However, you should never accept disrespect from her. NewMan is absolutely right. She's hormonal, but she can still get her head on straight and stop acting so immature. It sounds like she's not ready for motherhood, which is understandable, but is this how she's going to behave even after the child is born. I think there some other things going on like Gio said. I would tell her to call if she needs you but you will NOT tolerate her immature tirades. 28 years old is too old for that sort of crap, regardless of hormones.

Good luck, Blues!
SB
P.S. I've been pregnant four times, so I do understand about hormonal changes.

I have 4 children, so I am familiar with what pregnancy does to you, too. It kicks your a$$.

I'm not going to completely blame his girlfriend for her reactions until I hear exactly what he said to her during their initial conversation. If all he said was that he supports her and would be there for her, she would have been more inclined to just cry and let him comfort her rather than getting so angry. There's something significant missing in this story.

 

[Eternal]

Gio, Wyld, chill out, both of you.

Wyld - You complain about people derailing threads, yet this spate keeps going.

Gio - If we have learned anything, it is that Wyld must always be right for some reason. Leave it be before she claims shes pregnant with your kid and is yelling that your sperm traveled from Detroit to her uterus.

Anymore flaming/back and forth bickering will cause me to delete those spates. Don't bother yelling Wyld, you want this thing modded, it'll be modded.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
Bullsh*t. Women get angry about dumb sh*t all the time, especially with their hormones raging. Women get angry about f*cking nothing at all sometimes. Besides that, as I have clearly stated several times, I do not believe she was angry with him exactly, but instead angry with herself which she then projected onto him.

But I really enjoy this little theory that a woman could not possibly get angry unless a man specifically does or says something to make her angry. Once again, we're back to the idea that if ever there is an argument or anything between a man and a woman, then it is the man's fault.

No, if that's all he said she would have been much more likely to just cry really, really badly.

What I'm saying is that the normal response for a man in this kind of situation is to imply that the woman meant to get pregnant. Men tend to think that women make it a habit to get pregnant on purpose to "trap" them. I just know that it's very likely that he said something like "Were you taking the pills?" Although to a guy, that might sound like an innocent question...to her it would be the equivalent of accusing her of getting pregnant on purpose...and would lead her to make the condom comment and get angry. Due to the hormones, the reaction to a question like that would be magnified ten fold.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
No sh*t, Sherlock. And I have already stated what that most likely is... but unfortunately it doesn't fit with your "he must have done something wrong because otherwise I am certain that this pregnant woman would be perfectly reasonable and rational" theories.

No, he didn't do anything "wrong"...I'm saying that he most likely said something that he didn't mean in the way she took it.

When something like this happens, it's in a man's nature to think about HOW it happened...and if the woman is on the pill, his first thought is going to be "Was she taking her pills?". If he asks her that, with the raging hormones and all the emotions she's feeling she is going to take it as if he thinks she got pregnant on purpose. I'm guessing that's probably what happened in this situation and that it's why she's so angry and made the comments she did. In that scenario she would feel like he was blaming her and it would be quite natural for her to say what she did.

And bottom line...anyone who doesn't want to have a child needs to be responsible for their own birth control, even if their partner is using it too. It's advisable to use TWO forms of birth control because sometimes one method fails. And the pill doesn't protect against HIV and other STDs.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

No one is denying that it is possible he asked her if she was taking her pills and that her twisted little female brain took that as some kind of accusation (particularly if she was already feeling guilty about it).

However, to imply that the only possible reason she could have gotten angry was if he did something to give her a reason to be is logically false.

 

[Blues]

Guys my apologies if i caused an arguement bet Gio and WF. You both made very insightful points.

On the day that she tested positive, we had a good talk abt it. I even told her many times that i'll be there for her and take responsibility. I nvr once told her to abort the baby. However we both knew that we were both not ready for mariage. She even admitted that shes not mature enough to be a mother.

If i remember correctly, she started blaming me after she said "i wont force you into marriage just becos of this" And i told her ok, cos we both agreed on that. Then suddenly she started blaming me. I guess she's hoping that i'll say i'll marry her or ****.

I was very dissapointed and angry when i heard that. How could she just trivialise my true intentions. I could have so easily dumped her and told her to handle it herself.

I told her that i've already accepted my responsiblity and she should too. And if she wants to play the blaming game i got nothing more to say. Before i left i told her than i thought we could discuss this like adults.

I wanted to call her a few days later to patch things up until i got this email from her saying that shes not going to attend our friends fuction and asked me to settle it myself. Of cos i was piss when i read that. She's being childish.

So i thought i would call her during the weekend to talk things over. I thought the time away would put us in a better position to talk.

When we met up all i got again was the blaming game. She just refused to consider my feelings and its all abt her. Yeah, i know shes suffering worst than me but i dont think she has the right to talk to me like that.

She told me that she went to confirm the test results and had to go for an ultrascan alone. She called me a cold hearted bastard for not calling her when she's pregnant. She said i was gutless for convenietly walking away w/o shldering responsibility. She was like shouting and me and stuff. Which part of "We both ddint handle the arguement as best as possible" did she not understand??

What i found ironic is that she didnt even tell me that she's going for all these checkups. Isnt it her pride stopping her from telling? Am i suppose to read her freaking mind??

I told her repeatedly to remain calm and to focus on the present. But she kept harping on that week. I so so wanted to give her a peice of my mind but whats the point, its only gona make matters worst. Told her my intention was not to argue but to make things better. I was just wastting my time. She didnt even want to be touched.

On one hand i want to feel misunderstood on my part and on the other i would like to be there for her. She's ignoring me to a certain extent and i feel like some dipshiit grasping at thin air.

I'm feeling very angry and sad at the moment. How long more of this can i take? It seems like she's punishing me for something we both had a hand in.

It seems to easy to throw in the towel and walk away.

I guess if its her writing her end of the story, i'll prob be the bad guy yah.

 

[Wyldfire]

Okay...you probably shouldn't have made the comment about marriage. Even if she doesn't want to get married, part of her fear is about the possibility of having a child outside of marriage. Society tends to be prone to judge women in that position, and you can be certain it's on her mind.

On top of that, in her heightened emotional state and insecurity...by telling her that you weren't going to force her into marriage just because she's pregnant, she heard "I don't love you." So, you inadvertently hurt her feelings in your attempt to be supportive. That's why she's being such a b*tch.

*on edit...read it wrong the first time...and even though it was her that said she wouldn't force you into marriage, the fact that you said "ok" ultimately had the same effect. She was looking for not necessarily a willingness to marry her, but a reason to keep the baby. She is trying to find out if you love her, and if you love her enough to warrant her keeping the baby. The bizarre behavior is part of that.

 

[Blues]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Okay...you probably shouldn't have made the comment about marriage. Even if she doesn't want to get married, part of her fear is about the possibility of having a child outside of marriage. Society tends to be prone to judge women in that position, and you can be certain it's on her mind.

On top of that, in her heightened emotional state and insecurity...by telling her that you weren't going to force her into marriage just because she's pregnant, she heard "I don't love you." So, you inadvertently hurt her feelings in your attempt to be supportive. That's why she's being such a b*tch.

Actually it was her who said there was no need for marriage. So do i derserve to be blamed just for that? I think she needs to grow up face it like an adult.

Yes i know she's going thru 10x worse than me, but its no excuse for ***** behaviour.

 

[Wyldfire]

I edited my last post. I did misread Blue's post, but ultimately...she's looking for the same thing regardless of which one said it.


She doesn't feel like you love her and it's making it hard for her to make a choice about whether or not to have the baby. If you do love her, she doesn't want to abort your child. If you don't love her, she's not sure she wants to have the baby. Her behavior is directly connected to her confusion over what to do.

 

[Desdinova]

It really sounds like you're trying to make this work, but she's not. If she's just being a stubborn b1tch, there's not much you can do.

There's probably something else behind all this. Maybe her parents are giving her a hard time?

BTW, how old is this chick?

 

[m4a1]

BTW, how old is this chick?

They're both 28.


Wyldfire,
I've read all your arguments, but still, I don't care if it's hormones or whatnot, it's not a free-pass to acting like a b#tch, a man has his dignity to look out for, she needs to gain control of herself. It's not like it is HER baby and not HIS, he already told her he's going to take full responsibility. Many men would turn their backs and walk away. Blues is going through the same situation, except he's not the one who's gonna deliver the baby (lol). I mean he's still in the "WTF HAPPENED!?" phase.
They should compromise and think of what would benefit the unborn child, instead of pointing fingers.

Blues,
I'm going to suggest something no previous reply suggested, we honestly can't help you much, put some money aside for counseling, it's worth it. I have some web-links, if you're interested, PM me.

 

[seabreeze]

I have four children too Wyld. I don't think you are arguing that she's right for behaving this way. And I don't think that you are insinuating that HE necessarily did something wrong. But, what I think Wyld is trying to say is that they must have had relational problems before this. There must have been something going on between them that wasn't working well beforehand. This could have been just her perception and she might have just been keeping it to herself to keep the peace. THEN the preganancy happens and all of the residual animosity she might have been holding inside just came out.

So, maybe Blues can talk to her and ask her if there is anything else wrong about their relationship. Ask her if she feels that the relationship, prior to the pregnancy, was going well in her view. I think if you start their and validate her feelings that were there before the pregnancy you two might be able to work through the underlying problem that's obviously there.

Rememebr, she needs a lot of support right now, but so do you. You should remind her of that.
SB

 

[penkitten]

i have had 4 children also.

i have to tell you that i wasnt the happiest mother to be around. i had tons of hormonal changes and i was angry because that i took all the precautions and still got pregnant all four times.

you can not take everything she says to heart right now.
if she says she hates you, she really doesnt.
if she says she isnt going to trap you, she really wants you to say you wanna marry her.

it takes a real man to get thru this whole pregnancy thing...

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by m4a1
They're both 28.


Wyldfire,
I've read all your arguments, but still, I don't care if it's hormones or whatnot, it's not a free-pass to acting like a b#tch, a man has his dignity to look out for, she needs to gain control of herself. It's not like it is HER baby and not HIS, he already told her he's going to take full responsibility. Many men would turn their backs and walk away. Blues is going through the same situation, except he's not the one who's gonna deliver the baby (lol). I mean he's still in the "WTF HAPPENED!?" phase.
They should compromise and think of what would benefit the unborn child, instead of pointing fingers.

Blues,
I'm going to suggest something no previous reply suggested, we honestly can't help you much, put some money aside for counseling, it's worth it. I have some web-links, if you're interested, PM me.

I'm not excusing her bad behavior...I'm trying to explain it. Also, the situation is a very serious one and it's not a time where he should let his ego lead him to behave in any way that might ultimately cause him many, many years of difficulties and suffering. It's not going to be easy on him, but it's very important that he try to resolve this, whether they stay together or not. He's just got to find a way to address this in a way they can both feel okay about. That's in his best interest in the long term. I believe that some of you are more worried about the short term impact. It's not that the short term isn't important too, but the long term is just more important.

 

[diplomatic_lie]

1 - change your name (say to "Bob Brown" or "Jack Dack")

2 - move to Brazil

3 - you're free!

 

[Ice Cold]

Re: Re: Re: GF is pregnant and she's angry with me

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
Turn this on its head. What if he was using a condom and the condom broke and she got pregnant. Would it be okay for him to yell at her and get pissed off because she should have been on the pill?

But he should expect her to be hysterical and lost in this case. When she actually gets hysterical, he should offer her a shoulder to cry on, and direct her to the closest abortion clinic.

Not push her away, cause then he loses control over it.

 

[Blues]

Well i'm doing what i can. obviously she doesnt want me to be very involved. She wont tell me if she's feeling horrible or naseau until i ask. If she wants to be a lone ranger than she can be my guest.

I'm not here to make up for that one week or to impress her with my concern. I'm here becos i care and want to make things better.

Not sure how long more she wants me to go on a guilt trip

 

[seabreeze]

Blues,

I feel for you. this woman doesn't even sound like healthy relationship material, much less a good choice for the mother of your future child. Frankly, she sounds emotionally unstable and maybe borderline personality. C'mon you had to notice that there was something weird about her before this, right? What mature woman in her right mind blames the MAN for getting her pregnant when they are in a exclusive relationship so he doesn't feel the need to wear a condom AND she's on birth control pills? What woman? A semi-crazy woman! Watch out for this one, she sounds oh so strange.
SB