Gf is mad that I can walk away at any moment

[Stugots26]

Irrelevant. Your goal is the same regardless of whether she has already shown disrespect.

I don't care if she's the hottest woman you've ever seen. You have to set the frame that you are the prize and she has to win you over. Anything else and you've already lost.

 

[tryst type]

Irrelevant. Your goal is the same regardless of whether she has already shown disrespect.

I don't care if she's the hottest woman you've ever seen. You have to set the frame that you are the prize and she has to win you over. Anything else and you've already lost.

So, she did something I thought was inconsiderate Friday night and then she broke up with me when I called her out on it. Her response was "you're right you deserve better. This isn't working out. Are you happy now?"

Which then turned into her saying she feels she needs to be alone for a while. I simply said ok if that's how you feel.

Anyone else think she was worried I'd leave at any moment and now she's trying to get upper hand? Side note she hates any kind of criticism so I'm sure she's being defensive.

 

[Stugots26]

Yeah, she's playing head games. You need some other options fast.

So you think she does something inconsiderate and you mention it, and she broke up with you. She's basically saying - how I treat you is how I treat you, so either deal with it or I'm leaving. It's an ultimatum, a power play. Does this sound like someone who really cares about you?

She's counting on her power over you being so strong that you'll cave and grovel and put up with whatever she dishes out. You need to show her that she doesn't have the power over you she thinks she does, which will immediately make her crave that power. Only she'll never have it again.

You played it correctly, even if at the time you wanted to cave. You called her poker hand, even if it was a bluff. Now you have to start acting as if. Get a bunch of other options. When she gets in touch with you - and she will - you find out when she's free and invite her over to your place and tell her to bring some wine or beer or whatever. If she hesitates or dithers or does anything other than accept, withdraw the offer and tell her to check her schedule. Same thing if she tries to get you to meet out, "You know it's been a long week, so I'd like to chill at home, but call me in a couple weeks and we can try then." And then you walk away and don't look back.

She dumped you. You're free (and really should stay away from this cvnt aside from some sex) to rock out with your c0ck out. So go have fun. And make her earn your time and attention from now on.

A woman with a good attitude who's crazy about you will move mountains just to be around you. I've got a woman who is flying me round trip business class to Hawaii in a couple of weeks. The past few months have been a blur of 5 star resort stays on her dime, free deep tissue massages, awesome sex and head, and it's not letting up. You're the prize, so act like it.

You don't get what you deserve in life. Only what you negotiate.

 

[Bokanovsky]

So, she did something I thought was inconsiderate Friday night and then she broke up with me when I called her out on it. Her response was "you're right you deserve better. This isn't working out. Are you happy now?"

Which then turned into her saying she feels she needs to be alone for a while. I simply said ok if that's how you feel.

Anyone else think she was worried I'd leave at any moment and now she's trying to get upper hand? Side note she hates any kind of criticism so I'm sure she's being defensive.

Yes, definitely a power play on her part. Her sending you the original message was a red flag in and of itself. Girls rarely open up like that genuinely. When they show vulnerability, it's usually a tactic. While your response was not a bad one, you made an earlier mistake from which you may never recover. Let's look at that mistake.

Honestly I told her the truth from the beginning that before her I was single by choice for about 5 years and I'm conditioned to simply walk away and move on at any sign of disinterest/lack of communication from a girl.

"Honestly telling her from the beginning" was a big mistake. First of all, she may not even believe 100% that you mean what you say. So now she's compelled to sh!t-test you to find out if your behavior is congruent with your claims, even at the expense of letting the relationship fail. And if she does believe you, she will feel insecure. How she deals with that insecurity depends on her personality. Some women will become clingy. Others will try to turn the tables and control the frame.

The moral of the story is that you should have as few "honest" heart-to-heart conversations with women as possible. Nothing good ever comes out of them. Keep your damn mouth shut.

 

[tryst type]

Yeah she told me that she deserves someone who'll support the way she is 100%

But the thing is, she's flirty and the inconsiderate thing I brought up I believe ANY man would have mentioned. So I don't know where she's thinking she'll find a guy that will accept that kind of behavior.

Unless she's into push overs, then I can see it. According to her she'll miss me and I've been the best bf to her yet (which I believe and don't but more so believe from friend feedbacks) so it's interesting she's acting so confident all of a sudden

 

[tryst type]

"The moral of the story is that you should have as few "honest" heart-to-heart conversations with women as possible. Nothing good ever comes out of them. Keep your damn mouth shut."

I agree but when we started talking she asked why I had been single for so long because I seemed like a catch. I merely explained in picky and have learned to walk away from women who don't possess what I'm looking for.

 

[dasein]

In light of the later context of her breakup, IMO there's another guy in the picture. She's squirming around trying to pick fights so she can continue to feel like a "good person" once she pushes you into a breakup. Good luck.

 

[Heisenberg]

tryst type,

First of all, I disagree with anyone on here who says there's another guy in the picture. There is frankly zero evidence of that. Nothing but projections of butt hurt guys who were hurt in the past and can't get over it.

Lastly and most importantly: do you want a long term relationship? And do you want it with her? Because if you do, it's time to ease up on the DJ tactics. I'm not talking about acting beta or even making any sweeping changes to your game, personality, or every day life... I'm just talking about putting down the DJ Bible for a second, realizing someone you care about is asking you to open up a little more, and being willing to give a bit more of yourself because it's what your GF needs.

Who cares about if it's an alpha thing to do, if SoSuavers will call you a pus$y or white knight? You've obviously got your sh!t together enough that putting down the walls just a little bit, just every once and a while, will not cost you your frame with this girl.

We all know the DJ Bible is, literally, a game-changer. We all know how helpful this forum can be. But we all know that LTR game is an area of weakness for most on here. If you want a real, quality relationship (not just banging) then you have to communicate. Sorry, it sucks, and for the very few times that you have to do it you might not come across as the brooding, mysterious DJ who gets her wet. But it's what you've got to do if you want to keep a relationship going longer than a few months.

I hear ya. Balancing the things you did to get this girl in the first place with the things that you were told explicitly to avoid - but now must do - is tricky, annoying, frustrating, and probably not best discussed on a site like this. But it's the difference between keeping a girl you like and posting field reports about your latest Tinder dates on here.

 

[tryst type]

@Heisenberg

It was my attempt at communicating my concerns that caused her to react like that. She basically just took it as me trying to change who she is which wasn't the case at all. From what I got out of it she wants someone who won't call her out on her bad behavior and just accept her for who she is 100%. Now is that even possible? If anything I feel my calm approach was mature where I know most guys would get all upset and create a big argument.

 

[Heisenberg]

@Heisenberg

It was my attempt at communicating my concerns that caused her to react like that. She basically just took it as me trying to change who she is which wasn't the case at all. From what I got out of it she wants someone who won't call her out on her bad behavior and just accept her for who she is 100%. Now is that even possible? If anything I feel my calm approach was mature where I know most guys would get all upset and create a big argument.

meh, maybe she's not the right fit for you, then. Like you said to her, you know what you want.

But, and this is again depending on if you really want an LTR and if you want one with her specifically, be careful with all this "bad behavior" stuff. Thinking about a girl like she's a dog isn't, in my experience and observations, likely to garner a healthy relationship with a quality girl. Treating her like one all but guarantees it.

You can be a lot more hyper-vigilent and discerning when spinning plates and in the early stages of dating a girl. When you get down the road in your LTR is when you have to decide what you will and won't put up with. Maybe you've decided she's doing stuff that you simply won't put up with - in which case, yeah, bail. But if you like her and want to keep her, which you might given your posts, then maybe a shift in thinking is necessary. Instead of looking at her "bad behavior" maybe just look at them as natural flaws. You've got 'em. I've got 'em. She's got 'em. If you still like her and want to be with her in spite of her flaws, then there's no use in the zero tolerance approach. Nobody's perfect, and if one were to dedicate their life to a quest in search of perfection, they are sure to die disappointed.

 

[tryst type]

I agree but what I felt and expressed was in a relationship certain behaviors should naturally be downplayed out of consideration and respect.

She's always been the way she is, but maybe over time it started to bug me. Still I feel it's important to bring up such concerns and at least have your partner hear things out rather than get defensive and go to the extreme as a break up.

 

[logicallefty]

You've given her a gift. The gift of keeping her on her toes, the gift that if she drops the ball she will be nexted.

yeeeep... ^^^

Girl I just started seeing, we have been together 4x, 2x lays. She texted me just yesterday:

HB: "I'd like to introduce you to some of my friends but not until I know you aren't seeing anyone else. I don't want you to meet them and then vanish on me".

Old Lefty's Response a few years ago would have been: "Oh ok I won't see anyone else if you won't"

Lefty's Actual Response yesterday: "I understand. You do what you feel you gotta do for #1"

HB: "Thanks, I guess. "

Lefty: "You are very welcome".


I know darn well she is trying to figure out where I stand. Which to be honest, exclusivity is not on my radar right now.

 

[Heisenberg]

yeeeep... ^^^

Girl I just started seeing, we have been together 4x, 2x lays. She texted me just yesterday:

HB: "I'd like to introduce you to some of my friends but not until I know you aren't seeing anyone else. I don't want you to meet them and then vanish on me".

Old Lefty's Response a few years ago would have been: "Oh ok I won't see anyone else if you won't"

Lefty's Actual Response yesterday: "I understand. You do what you feel you gotta do for #1"

HB: "Thanks, I guess. "

Lefty: "You are very welcome".


I know darn well she is trying to figure out where I stand. Which to be honest, exclusivity is not on my radar right now.

Yeah I think that is a great response for your situation. New girl. No interest in exclusivity.

I also agree with tits, you don't want the girl to feel too comfortable. I was just saying that in OP's case, if this is someone he wants to see long term, he should give a little bit. Not make her feel like she has him, but give her enough assurance that she's not going to develop those "fck it - I'm out!" feelings... That she appears to have actually developed towards OP now.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

"The moral of the story is that you should have as few "honest" heart-to-heart conversations with women as possible. Nothing good ever comes out of them. Keep your damn mouth shut."

I agree but when we started talking she asked why I had been single for so long because I seemed like a catch. I merely explained in picky and have learned to walk away from women who don't possess what I'm looking for.

Bokanovsky is right - with girls, it's best to learn how to master the art of saying much without really ever saying anything. Keep them guessing because they want to keep on guessing, like a voluminous page-turner with no end in sight ...seemingly...

 

[Heisenberg]

Bokanovsky is right - with girls, it's best to learn how to master the art of saying much without really ever saying anything. Keep them guessing because they want to keep on guessing, like a voluminous page-turner with no end in sight ...seemingly...

Yes, and you don't necessarily have to SAY things to make the girl feel assured. Letting your actions speak louder than words is way more powerful and attractive. But you gotta do those things. Do something nice and unexpected once and a while/look at her with "those eyes" and pull her in for a serious kiss/take her out to an event or something that is definitely showing her off to your people, make her see you're proud to have her around your arm.

 

[El Payaso]

Good. That's exactly where you want any woman to be.

Don't respond logically. Just tell her to come over and give her a hug. Don't say words. You want to incite emotionality in her.

 

[dasein]

First of all, I disagree with anyone on here who says there's another guy in the picture. There is frankly zero evidence of that. Nothing but projections of butt hurt guys who were hurt in the past and can't get over it.

Should have stopped with the first sentence, yet you didn't. "Butt hurt" (what are you, eight?) guys, such as myself, who do very well with women, are not projecting at all, and have 20-40 more years of experience with women than you do disagree with you.

When a woman, ANY woman, starts behaving like OP's woman, there is a very good chance there is another guy(s) in the picture. Of course it isn't 100%, maybe only 70-80%, but the odds are good enough for me to bet them every time in Vegas. Women who behave like OP's GF are either 1. inherently dispositioned to be confrontational and high maintenance (20%), 2. personality disordered (10%), 3. are losing interest because of dire mistakes of the man in question (10%), or 4. looking to ride another cvck somewhere in the environment while maintaining their illusory self-image as a "good person" (60%). That, combined with the fact that many men get totally blindsided based on their own egos ("Oh she would NEVER do that to ME, she says she lurvs me every day!!"), makes the "look for other cvck somewhere in the picture" very good and useful advice. No one knows OP or the GF, you don't, I don't, and any poster seeking advice here knows or should know of its limitations.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

You've given her a gift. The gift of keeping her on her toes, the gift that if she drops the ball she will be nexted. This is what Western women have been craving for 5 straight decades. A lack of gift giving of this magnitude has created soaring depression levels among our women, an epidemic of anti-depressant usage and the slow descent into vaginal knitting insanity.

Well done

This all day. There's some other good posts as well, tried to rep you Stugots26

Keep doing what you're doing. Even if there is another guy (there are always other guys around somewhere) she will be comparing them to you, and she will see what a bunch of wuss bags they are compared to her (former) ALPHA man.

Attraction is not a choice, or a negotiation. There is a time, to open up, listen, blah blah, but you have to do it from a position of strength.

Like was said before, this is a power play, an ultimatum coming from a position of weakness. More than likely her single friends have been giving her bad advice. Best you can do is go ghost. SHE broke up with YOU. Next time she tries to get back in contact with you (and she will, as long as you don't turn into a beta wuss), tell her that you've thought about it, and you agree that it's best you two stay broken up.

Spin hamster, spin.

 

[Stugots26]

There's some other good posts as well, tried to rep you Stugots26

Do or do not, there is no try.

 

[tryst type]

Update: went by last week to get my stuff. The night before she was drunk texting me/flirting and made it seem like she wanted to spend the day together when I was going by for my things. I remained calm, and busting her balls via text.

Next day I go by and she was so quick to have me leave! It made me laugh inside. She was acting happy with a nervous undertone, telling me about the night before and how she was at a bar then ended up on the stage with a live band. The entire time I'm like "oh yeah? Ha cool"

Then she proceeds to call her friend to say "yeah he's here just grabbing his stuff real quick" so I take my que from that, calmly grab my things make non-chalant jokes then leave. She wishes me a merry Xmas if we don't talk and I say "and a happy new year!" And exit.

I was laughing on the drive home from her flip flop behavior. Today a I receive a Xmas card from a friend who accidentally addressed it to her and I. I'm tempted to text her a pic of it but I shouldn't right?