GF is completely blanking me

[rgeere]

Jariel, you should entirely disregard this thread and seek out the help of a psychologist that has actually counceled with people that have a fear of intimacy.

I think that if you listened to the advice that people are trying to give you here about this girl it will only cause you and her to get hurt because people here do not seem to fully understand the situation.

 

[Bonhomme]

You have to pull back

Whether she has psychiatric problems or not, this is not doing you any good.

This reminds me too much of a situation with a gal I know in which we had extreme chemistry, but she would cancel. The feeling became sort of addictive. Then she was acting reliable, and I thought she'd come around. Then we set a date, she flaked, and that was it. When she called the next day I did not answer.

You have to pull away. Be firm. Sh1t test or not, what she did was disrespectful. Don't lose your cool, just cool off. What you're feeling is not unlike the addiction to a drug, and just like any addiction it is not healthy.

She either has to straighten this out an make things right on her own volition or you have to move on to someone who will be good for you.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by rgeere
Neither do you ...



Pulling away from friends or anyone close to you does indeed qualify, and is a very common thing for someone with intimacy problems to do. There is only two ways to handle these type of situations. One is with tact, the other is with idiocentrity. I'll let you decide which one is the better way to handle thing.




If you want to take it totally personal it could be interpreted as disrespect, whether she really means it that way is a whole thing altogether.

Where I come from ignoring = disrepect. I don't see how you can not find completely ignoring someone trying to talk to you as disrespectful (assuming you know this person reasonably well and are not a stranger). Whether you "mean" to be disrepectful or not, it's still disrespect. Stop making excuses for her.

"If you want to take it totally personal it could be interpreted as disrespect, whether she really means it that way is a whole thing altogether."

A man gets angry at another man. They fight, he kills him. In court he pleads, "But, but, but I didn't MEAN to kill him!!"

He killed him. Killing another man is murder. End of story. Go to jail. Don't pass go. Don't collect $200.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by rgeere
Jariel, you should entirely disregard this thread and seek out the help of a psychologist that has actually counceled with people that have a fear of intimacy.

I think that if you listened to the advice that people are trying to give you here about this girl it will only cause you and her to get hurt because people here do not seem to fully understand the situation.

That's an arrogant and unfounded claim rgeere.

Why do you like this girl so much? Do you know her or something? It's like you're insisting to side with her and that it's not her fault at all that she's ignoring him. Again, stop making excuses for the damn girl.

IF she does have psychological problems, WHY, WHY should Jariel "see this through thick and thin"? Is he married?

To what does he owe her to put up with her psychological problems? Why should he not go find a more stable and mentally suitable girlfriend who is ready for him? Why does he have to cater to a girl's psychological problems? Are there not millions of other girls around him he could not find who are more level-headed?

Until you can answer all these questions, don't tell him to stick with and see a psychiatrist about it.

Case in point. He owes her nothing. Until he's married and takes an oath until death do they part, he has no obligation to put up with psychological problems (if they exist). That's my logic. I'm sticking with it.

Just because you get emotionally attached to someone, it does not mean you have to stick with them and owe them something. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. You're not a bad person for calling it quits.

This site is about growing as a man and becoming this ideal figure, the DJ. The DJ isn't a DJ because he can get a girl. A DJ is a DJ because he can get the girl he wants.

Jariel, ask yourself: Do I want to put up with this and stick through it, or do I want a girl that is more stable and emotionally mature?

 

[rgeere]

Very good, I can see you decided to take the idiocentric route. Have a nice day ...

 

[Bonhomme]

Look at it this way

What if the gal had tendencies toward violence or was a kleptomainiac? Should his priority be to try to understand her or to get the hell out with his life and property?

This thread is a painful read. Addictive negative relationships are bad news, and should be avoided. Having experienced this sort of thing -- albeit milder -- once, I have to say that once is once too many.

 

[rgeere]

So far it has only been established that she has a problem with intimacy. Of all the psychological things that can happen to a person, that would be one of the less harmful; unless something else was wrong with her brain physiologically, which is possible.

From what I have gathered Jariel has a good head on his shoulder, so I would only assume he would know not to try to form relationships with psychopaths. It is only common sense afterall.

 

[Bonhomme]

It IS up to Jariel, after all

I do see your point, rgeere. But my recent experience with a similar situation has definitely affected my point of view. At this time, I'm at a point where I don't want any flaky behavior to deal with, and am glad I'm out of that cat and mouse game.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by TillTheEndOfTime
Are you a psychologist? How do you know for sure?

Go by fact, not by stipulations of psychological conditions.

Supulation: Fear of intimacy.

Fact. She's been IGNORING him infront of friends. Literally. That's not fear of intimacy. That's disrespect.

Someone with fear of intmacy may have trouble getting close, kissing, having sex. They will pull away from your sexual advances in fear of getting close. Just plain ignoring your partner in front of friends does not qualify.

Yes, I agree.

In this case being ignored is more a sign of disrespect than "fear of intimacy".

 

[DJDamage]

This is pure speculation when you think this girl has "intimacy issues".

Even if that were true, you can bet that this girl has other issues as well. If a woman can't get rid of a certain problem you can bet that she will have a tough time easily getting rid of other problems.

Why should you play Doctor?! its her problem not yours. You are only been dating her for 1 month and you are already "trying to be the understanding psychologist boyfriend?" - This is the road to becoming an AFC by trying to help her and be more understanding for someone you barley know ( It don't matter if you knew her as a friend before that, once you enter a relationship mode its a whole new ball game with a whole new person) you are showing her you have no backbone.

This is already the fouth thread you had for this girl isn't it? Can't you see its becoming a problem?! You let yourself have oneitis and you are afraid to show her who is boss because of it. You keep this submissive behaviour and she will walk out of your life in no time.

 

[rgeere]

I'm starting to wonder which is more AFC; to worry about a woman's inconsistencies or to just assume you should take everything a woman does personally.

And here I suggest the possibility that Jariel shouldn't take it personal because she has an issue with closeness, and everyone gives me flak because they insist that you should 'be the man' or 'take control' or 'be the alpha' male.

As insecure and AFC as most of you sound, I'm actually surprised any of you guys pull women with that type of smack. But, that's a lesson you guys need to learn from experience.

 

[alphawolfx]

don't be phased by it... that's ur only mistake... your playing into HER game, instead of just laughing at her attempt to get you jealous and worked up (it worked)

go tell her u think it's funny how she's playing hard to get, but it's okay, i can play the other role... "honey! please don't ignore me! i need you and ONLY you in my life!"

either you catch her in her game, or she seriously is f.ucked in the head, and you probably deserve better. if you don't deserve better, then by all means, stick around for even more bs.

 

[alphawolfx]

.

 

[rgeere]

Alphawolfx does make a point that should be considered. There is a possibility that this is a mind game, and if that is the case Jariel does deserve better than the way he is being treated.

 

[Double]

Originally posted by rgeere
As insecure and AFC as most of you sound, I'm actually surprised any of you guys pull women with that type of smack. But, that's a lesson you guys need to learn from experience.

are you analyzing your own replies? think you got the definitions wrong(you are thinking selfrespect=AFC, pushover=DJ)...go read them up in the bible

 

[dearsappho]

This thread is insane!

Its testament to the claim that this site does nothing but confuse due to looking too deep for answers to superficial questions.

FFS. The girl ingnored the guy. Should he really be bothered by that? I dont think so. If he is then he needs to look at his own mindset, not hers.

If it continues dump her. If it dont then dont.

 

[Trance]

She's just playing games with you.

- You are using advice from this forum.
- She is using advice from girl's magazine or from friends.

Who will win the game? Just follow your will, and do what you feel like doing it.

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by Double
are you analyzing your own replies? think you got the definitions wrong(you are thinking selfrespect=AFC, pushover=DJ)...go read them up in the bible

I know the diffrence between a DJ and AFC ... I actually know a little bit about everything actually, including more than basic human psychology. And in result I can also think rationally and intellectually without fear of what others might think. There is a name for it; it's called living up to your potential.

The difference between me and most of you in this circumstance is the fact that I have bypassed the stage where I just assume that every little inconsistency or quark a woman or anyone else shows is due in part to the fact that they are sh1t testing you and that you should automatically take it personal. This is completely AFC behaviour, and shows a lack of understanding of DJ principles. If you can't consider this, then you should do more than just read the bible, you should reinnovate yourself. Granted, I don't expect any of you to automatically understand this.

 

[OpenMind]

What healthy male would want a women who is a. disrespectful or b. has intimacy issues????? Either one is a red flag.. Spare yourself the heart ache and read the writing on the wall. IMHO this one is a no brainer........ good luck!

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by rgeere

The difference between me and most of you in this circumstance is the fact that I have bypassed the stage where I just assume that every little inconsistency or quark a woman or anyone else shows is due in part to the fact that they are sh1t testing you and that you should automatically take it personal. This is completely AFC behaviour, and shows a lack of understanding of DJ principles. I don't expect any of you to automatically understand this.

So explain that to us. What woud you do in his case?