GF is completely blanking me

[Jariel]

I have been seeing a girl (who started as a friend before) since last month and things have started to get more serious. She invited me to her home on Thursday and we spent a really great day together.

On Thursday, her IL was sky high. I mean, this girl thinks/thought so much of me, calls me all the time, has told her friends about me, and when I so much as kiss her, her pulse starts racing and she gets flustered.

However, we had arranged to meet last night as part of a group. When I met her, she totally blanked me. She didn't look me in the face when I tried speaking to her and never said anything to me, though she regularly leaned across me to speak to someone else. After 30minutes of this, I decided to leave with a mate. I later sent her a text message to ask what was wrong, but she ignored me and continually texted my mate throughout the night. It felt like she was ignoring me intentionally and taunting me.

Considering we never saw each other between kissing goodbye on Thursday and being ignored on Friday, I have no idea why she is doing this.

I'm assuming its some kind of sh1t test, but don't know why or how to deal with it, so would appreciate some input.

 

[rgeere]

Sounds like she really likes you, but has a fear of intimacy. If this is the fact the case, then it is a personal problem on her part and not personally against you. The only thing that you can really do is be patient and persistent, because she needs to feel she can trust you more before she can open up in a more intimate way.

 

[WaterTiger]

Very simple!

NEXT!

If she acts like this and refuses to explain why, then she's being unreasonable. You don't need unreasonable women in your life.

 

[t00dumb]

sometimes we like to do the simple thing is by nexting a girl. but if you feel that she has value for you, than just wait and be persistent.

btw, i suggest maybe not calling her up at every moment. let the gift of being missed catch to her head. i'm sure she's still thinking of you. good luck bro.

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by WaterTiger
Very simple!

NEXT!

If she acts like this and refuses to explain why, then she's being unreasonable. You don't need unreasonable women in your life.

Now it's easy to just assume and take action, but sometimes its' better to do what you can to understand the situation better before making a biased judgement.


Now, if it turns out she is avoiding with the intent of distancing herself as a personal thing against Jariel, then I would agree that she needs to be nexted.

However, if the problem is with herself and she is afraid to get close, then what she needs is Jariel's affirmation, not further distance by nexting.

 

[earthshyne]

Originally posted by WaterTiger
NEXT!

If she acts like this and refuses to explain why, then she's being unreasonable. You don't need unreasonable women in your life.

^^^ What he said. Life is difficult enough. Who needs this stuff from wimmen?

 

[Double]

but why does she have problems to get close? let me guess......LSE and/or other psychological problems...does this sound like a quality woman?? NO!!

it is one thing to be persistant if she plays hard to get or whatever but a totally other thing to let yourself be disrespected/hurt. If you want a relationship like that, then be persistent. If not --->NEXT<---

 

[Jariel]

Thanks for the different insights.

Water Tiger/Earthshyne/Double: I have to confess I would find it difficult to next this girl as I do have feelings for her and - until last night - I believed she had feelings for me. I think we'd both regret it if we walk away from this.

Rgeere: It's interesting what you said because she has told me that she has a fear of intimacy and I have been taking it very slowly with her. I also know she is very defensive, so it is possible there's more to this than just b1tchy behaviour, but I really don't know how to deal with it as I don't know if I'm being too forward or too aloof.

TooDumb: Thanks man. Good advice. I think some distance would be wise.

 

[rgeere]

Rgeere: It's interesting what you said because she has told me that she has a fear of intimacy and I have been taking it very slowly with her. I also know she is very defensive, so it is possible there's more to this than just b1tchy behaviour, but I really don't know how to deal with it as I don't know if I'm being too forward or too aloof.

You need to search your heart and decide if you want to persue a relationship with a girl that feels she has to withdraw out of fear of getting too close only to get abandoned.

For her, it's a cycle of self-fulfilling prophecy. She is so afraid to get close that she attempts to regain control of her situation by doing what she fears most, withdrawal. This in turn causes others to want to withdraw because they don't understand why the sudden withdrawal occured and sometimes assume it is personal.

The only way that I see to get through to resolve this is to somehow convince her somehow that you are not going to reject her after being intimate with her and that you can be trusted.

TooDumb: Thanks man. Good advice. I think some distance would be wise.

Hence, the self-fulfilling prophecy ... Distance creates distance and feeds the fear.

I disagree that you should necessarily distance yourself from her, even though that appears to be the best solution I don't think that it is necessarily the wisest choice. However, I can't say that I have any real good advice on how to approach her after this or how to show her you can be trusted because I only understand that I am scared of intimacy myself, and can relate to her situation on the basis that we are people without regard to gender.

The only thing that I can say is that there has to be a way to get her to open up and communicate, which is really what you both need to do. If you really like and want to be with this girl you should do everything you can to try to make this work. If not, I guess you could atleast chalk it up as a learning experience.

 

[dearsappho]

Theres another bloke m8...

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by Double
but why does she have problems to get close? let me guess......LSE and/or other psychological problems...does this sound like a quality woman?? NO!!

Now hold on a second. There are many people who appear otherwise normal and have no other noticable psychological problems except for their fear of intimacy. To automatically assume everyone who is afraid of intimacy in the world has inferior qualities because of this is unfair and untrue. In fact, it is noramlly not their fault they feel this way and were probably wronged by people close to them in their past somehow.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by Jariel
I have been seeing a girl (who started as a friend before) since last month and things have started to get more serious. She invited me to her home on Thursday and we spent a really great day together.

On Thursday, her IL was sky high. I mean, this girl thinks/thought so much of me, calls me all the time, has told her friends about me, and when I so much as kiss her, her pulse starts racing and she gets flustered.

However, we had arranged to meet last night as part of a group. When I met her, she totally blanked me. She didn't look me in the face when I tried speaking to her and never said anything to me, though she regularly leaned across me to speak to someone else. After 30minutes of this, I decided to leave with a mate. I later sent her a text message to ask what was wrong, but she ignored me and continually texted my mate throughout the night. It felt like she was ignoring me intentionally and taunting me.

Considering we never saw each other between kissing goodbye on Thursday and being ignored on Friday, I have no idea why she is doing this.

I'm assuming its some kind of sh1t test, but don't know why or how to deal with it, so would appreciate some input.

She's being a bit of a b1tch it seems. I think "NEXT!" is much too soon in your case. It sounds like things were going great but she's become fickle/moody. This is not totally out of the ordinary for women.

Here is what I think you should do. Distance yourself from her when she acts like this. The WORST thing you can do is be on her case all the time asking what is wrong or if you did something to upset her. When you do this, this is the translation women receive:

"I'm needy. I'm insecure. I'm worried you're going to leave me" etc......

Either that or they just get plain annoyed.

When you distance yourself from her, you call her less and less, don't talk to her as much....basically start to cut her out of your self. Be aloof when she talks to you. Give her short, slightly cold responses when she talks to you (not cold as in mean, but as in you don't really care). Turn down any invitations to meet up for a while. If she still does like you, this will definetely get to her. This is the translation women receive when you do this:

"You're being a b1tch. If you're going to act like this, then go ahead but don't expect me by your side. I'm not needy, I won't put up with this sh1t to be with you. I've got better things in my life going on."

If she likes you, she will take off those heels and come running to you and never try to put up bullsh1t like that again in fear of losing you like she "almost" did.

I do think this is most likely a subconscious sh1t test. She wants to see if you're needy (willing to put up with disrespect to stay with her). By distancing yourself, you will pass with flying colors.

P.S. If she confronts you about the way you're acting and asks about it, say something like this:

"Lately you've been ignoring me, giving me the cold shoulder when we're with friends. As far as I know I have not done anything to deserve this kind of disrespect.....and I don't appreciate it either. If you think the way I've been acting now is bad, just continue this behaviour and see what happens. You'll lose me for good."

For this to have ANY affect you must mean every single word. You must be ready to walk away. It's hard to "fake" this kind of confidence so I hope you already got that confidence to begin with.

If you do pull this off, congradulations. She now knows you're an alpha male and won't try to test your authority again..........if she knows what's good for her. Get it?

 

[rgeere]

The problem I see with what TillTheEndOfTime suggested is that her fear of intimacy totally has a hugh effect on the way you should be treating her, even though she is a female. I think his information would work better on a woman that was actually acting like a b;tch, and not one who is acting upon an intense fear of rejection.

Edit: I read all of what he wrote, thoroughly disregarded in my mind already.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by rgeere
The problem I see with what TillTheEndOfTime suggested is that her fear of intimacy totally has a hugh effect on the way you should be treating her, even though she is a female. I think his information would work better on a woman that was actually acting like a b;tch, and not one who is acting upon an intense fear of rejection.

Are you a psychologist? How do you know for sure?

Go by fact, not by stipulations of psychological conditions.

Supulation: Fear of intimacy.

Fact. She's been IGNORING him infront of friends. Literally. That's not fear of intimacy. That's disrespect.

Someone with fear of intmacy may have trouble getting close, kissing, having sex. They will pull away from your sexual advances in fear of getting close. Just plain ignoring your partner in front of friends does not qualify.

 

[alphawolfx]

oh the irony...

i bet you she's probably reading the female version of sosuave (or talking to her gf's)

and they're like "you gotta be hot and cold to keep him on his toes... be really into him one night, and ignore him the next"

she's just laying games to keep you around.... hahaah call her ass on it

 

[johnfjr]

yeah this is a definite **** test it seems. One day into you, the next day ignores you? It doesn't make sense because she is doing it on purpose so that you write this on here asking for advice and so that you think about her. You did the right thing by walking out. Now don't contact her until SHE contacts you. OR , wait a week, a good week and then call her to ask her out. If she really wants you, she knows that you have interest enough and she will call because you made that clear. IF she doesn't call, then you have your answer.


PS. Don't ever try to rationalize a woman's bad behavior. Don't try to pinpoint what freudian theory relates to her being a flaky *****. Was it because her daddy never bought her that bike she wanted on her 9th birthday? Who gives a ****. A woman responds to Interest level. Low interest level = flaky, inconsistent behavior...unless she's testing you. Women know your weakness.

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by TillTheEndOfTime

Are you a psychologist? How do you know for sure?

Neither do you ...

Go by fact, not by stipulations of psychological conditions.

Supulation: Fear of intimacy.

Someone with fear of intmacy may have trouble getting close, kissing, having sex. They will pull away from your sexual advances in fear of getting close. Just plain ignoring your partner in front of friends does not qualify. [/B]

Pulling away from friends or anyone close to you does indeed qualify, and is a very common thing for someone with intimacy problems to do. There is only two ways to handle these type of situations. One is with tact, the other is with idiocentrity. I'll let you decide which one is the better way to handle thing.

Fact. She's been IGNORING him infront of friends. Literally. That's not fear of intimacy. That's disrespect.

If you want to take it totally personal it could be interpreted as disrespect, whether she really means it that way is a whole thing altogether.

 

[TedJustAdmitIt]

Hmmm....how old is she mate?

Were the other people you were hanging out with aware that she was ignoring you?

Has she blanked you before in social situations or is this the first time?

Did you flirt with any of her friends in front of her?

Maybe she has trouble being affectionate in public and this uncomfortableness has caused her to go to the other extreme of ignoring you.

However.....
It's one thing being shy with you in front of others but it's another thing entirely if she was ignoring you and other people were aware of this.....I'd take this as being very disrespectful and I'd probably have flirted with as many of her friends as possible then just left her to it.

Then to top it off.....she ignores your txt when you ask her whats wrong but txts your friend several times?!

That would've done it for me mate!

She sounds a little immature.....

 

[TedJustAdmitIt]

rgeere said: If you want to take it totally personal it could be interpreted as disrespect, whether she really means it that way is a whole thing altogether.


It's not his role to decode or figure out her true intentions my friend,if she ignored him she ignored him!

If she's mature enough and isn't f.uct in the head she will be perfectly aware of how her behaviour made him feel whether that was her intention or not.

Jariel,the fact that she ignored the txt that you sent her but txted your friend instead is my main concern.....now that's really taking the piss mate.

 

[Double]

I'm excited to know to which side Jariel will listen. To the one side who analyses everything she said/did and tries to solve HER problems BEFORE the real relationship has started and which tries to please her or to the side which says never put up with obvious disrespect, which says focus on your own pleasure and your own life. I would say wait some days, then call her or let her call you and explain her that she can only disrespect you 2times - the first and the last! then either she apologizes and you give her a 2nd chance or she keeps on b1tching and she is out forever.

Actions speak louder than words.