GF going to South Beach Miami...

[In2theGame]

she said she is breaking up with me because I couldnt come down, i knew it was bull**** she was just mad. Then in the middle of the night she calls me at 3 AM DRUNK of her mind,,. telling me how this promoter is an amazing guy and how he told her shes not being Fvcked right....QUOTE]

Omg, if my girlfriend would of said some sh!t like this to me. It would of been long gone over. I cant stress this ENOUGH, dont EVER!!!!!!!! take bullSh!it from a woman. That was a HUGE!!!! slap in your face when she said this. No doubt about it, you need to move on if she verbally slaps you again. I wrote a long post about guys being hurt earlier, and this is an example i brought up in my post.

 

[Interceptor]

Wow, Slick. Wow.
I did NOT know this stuff, man.


Wow.
This chick is way too reactive. And a little needy for validation too, Slick.

And Slick, dude, I dont know...but I wouldnt be comfortable with the dynamic of anyone rubbing things in my face like that.
The situation you described would pretty much be a dealbreaker for me.

I also wanted to add, that please dont go thinking that 'not caring' about your woman, and 'not being sweet' to your woman are GOOD things.
They arent , Slick.
Being cold, callous, uncaring to your woman are NOT things to be proud of, buddy.
C'mon, man.
This incident aside, you dont treat your woman like that.
That all stems from men thinking that it IS Weak to show how much you care about your woman.
Being with a woman and offering her nothing but your occasional attention and validation is not a loving place to be.
If you really want that warm, kind, and attentive Love from a good, kind hearted woman, you would not get it this way, Slick.
I want to emphasize this.
Its ok to tell your woman (remember, shes not just some random chick you're banging, she's your GF, dude. )
If youre comfortable withyourself, you express your loving self with your woman in a healthy and mature way, not like a misguided AFC.
Trust me.
Theres a lot I can say about this stuff here, but lets move on to your situation.


Slick, what you saw from her reaction shows what she's made of.
It demonstrates her true colors.
She , like you, are only as Strong as your Weakest LINK.
When under pressure, and forced to choose sides, the immature person freaks out and over exaggerates an offense, and goes off the deep end in trying to compensate for the offense.
In this case, she did WRONG going off with some dude, and telling him intimate information that NO ONE is really privy to.
And when she called you 'drunk' to rub this in your face, it shows how much she wants to get back at you.
Hopefully, you apologized for not making it to her Birthday. Hopefully, you understood it was your responsibility and that in these cases we, mature Men, assume responsibility when we fvck up, and apologize.
We dont just say 'sorry'. We apologize. Big difference.
And if we really LOVE the other person and seek to have Harmony again in our relationship, we WILL ask for Forgiveness.
This is HOW we conduct ourselves in these situations.

We dont capitulate by apologizing and asking for forgiveness.

And this goes for women in our relationships too.
They are never absolved of responsibility for their actions.
And no matter how she spins it to you, never absolve her of her responsibility, no matter how 'hawt' she is. Never sell yourself out, and lose your dignity and self respect for some chick. Never.


Perhaps your apology didnt have the effect you may have wanted.
And she was not resolved and harmony was NOT restored in this case.

Unfortunately, the manner in which she CHOSE to deal with this was destructive, and promoted more disharmony.

Its good to care about her.
Slick, the conflict youre having may be because your genuine good intentions, and the desire to have a kind , good woman who loves you is in conflict with a lot of the 'teachings' that you have read, and assimilated.
Guys here can be very bitter, angry and resentful.
And many of them are extremely ENVIOUS when they see a fellow man actually happy and in a good relationship. They HATE it.
They hate to see other guys be happy and succeed. And most guys have only negative experiences to reference from, so everything they relate to you is always colored with those previous negative experiences.
Dont be fooled.
Its your life. So be vary aware of whos advice you are taking.

Now, again, it is not wrong to be 'soft' with your woman.
If its mature and healthy, its about being affectionate, and loving with your woman. A good woman deserves to be treated in a warm, loving manner.
Its not about being a doormat , or wuss.
Its about showing your woman a soft, tender side.
And men can do that without her thinking negatively of you, or you turning into a wussbag.
So dont blame the action, blame the man, if he cannot do it maturely, and properly.
Fact: Just because other guys are not connected to their heart, and cannot have a successful relationship, doesnt mean that you are DOOMED to their same fate.
We choose how we spend our time. And how we think.
Choose yours wisely.

Now, about being weak.
That has to do with personal boundaries.
THIS is the syndrome that AFCs/Nice Guys, etc suffer from.
They dont know how to say "NO".

So they become doormats.

Slick, make sure youre not a doormat to some chick, just because the chick is 'hawt', or because "omg, I will NEVER find another chick like her...like forever!!".
This is bad. Its a bad bad place to operate from.

Tolerating bad behavior is a sliding gauge. We each have different tolerance levels and deal breakers.

If you are not comfortable with a certain dynamic the correct course of action is to ADDRESS it face to face with your GF.
ALWAYS.
Never run away from dealing with an incident. Clear it out, resolve it.
If you cant resolve it, be prepared to move on.
Its not about fighting for power, its about addressing if there is love and respect.
Why would you be with her if she doesnt love and respect you?
For most guys, they dont know. Because this is the first female that ever gave them attention. So they sort of fell into a relationship.And now theyre terrified of losing it. So they become doormats, appeasing, overly accomodating.....and disrespected.
Why?
Because they dont understand how badly theyre being treated, and they beleive it was luck, so they can never attract another woman, and they hate being alone.
Bad place.

I think you have to address why you are not feeling trusting of her, Slick.
You may have to do the uncomfortable, but get some peace of mind, man.
And you need to think about if this is the manner in which she deals with life.
Is this drama worth your peace of mind? What for some 'hawt' chick?



DO you value your peace of mind?

Then the correct course of action is to talk to her, and tell her about the past incident and why her going off to South Beach is worrying you.
Dont live in misery.

Be strong, but loving, not only for her , but for yourself.

Theres a lot of stuff thats going on here, Slick.
But you may want to start reflecting now.

Let me know what YOU think.

 

[Slick101]

Wow, Slick. Wow.
I did NOT know this stuff, man.


Wow.
This chick is way too reactive. And a little needy for validation too, Slick.

And Slick, dude, I dont know...but I wouldnt be comfortable with the dynamic of anyone rubbing things in my face like that.
The situation you described would pretty much be a dealbreaker for me.

I also wanted to add, that please dont go thinking that 'not caring' about your woman, and 'not being sweet' to your woman are GOOD things.
They arent , Slick.
Being cold, callous, uncaring to your woman are NOT things to be proud of, buddy.
C'mon, man.
This incident aside, you dont treat your woman like that.
That all stems from men thinking that it IS Weak to show how much you care about your woman.
Being with a woman and offering her nothing but your occasional attention and validation is not a loving place to be.
If you really want that warm, kind, and attentive Love from a good, kind hearted woman, you would not get it this way, Slick.
I want to emphasize this.
Its ok to tell your woman (remember, shes not just some random chick you're banging, she's your GF, dude. )
If youre comfortable withyourself, you express your loving self with your woman in a healthy and mature way, not like a misguided AFC.
Trust me.
Theres a lot I can say about this stuff here, but lets move on to your situation.


Slick, what you saw from her reaction shows what she's made of.
It demonstrates her true colors.
She , like you, are only as Strong as your Weakest LINK.
When under pressure, and forced to choose sides, the immature person freaks out and over exaggerates an offense, and goes off the deep end in trying to compensate for the offense.
In this case, she did WRONG going off with some dude, and telling him intimate information that NO ONE is really privy to.
And when she called you 'drunk' to rub this in your face, it shows how much she wants to get back at you.
Hopefully, you apologized for not making it to her Birthday. Hopefully, you understood it was your responsibility and that in these cases we, mature Men, assume responsibility when we fvck up, and apologize.
We dont just say 'sorry'. We apologize. Big difference.
And if we really LOVE the other person and seek to have Harmony again in our relationship, we WILL ask for Forgiveness.
This is HOW we conduct ourselves in these situations.

We dont capitulate by apologizing and asking for forgiveness.

And this goes for women in our relationships too.
They are never absolved of responsibility for their actions.
And no matter how she spins it to you, never absolve her of her responsibility, no matter how 'hawt' she is. Never sell yourself out, and lose your dignity and self respect for some chick. Never.


Perhaps your apology didnt have the effect you may have wanted.
And she was not resolved and harmony was NOT restored in this case.

Unfortunately, the manner in which she CHOSE to deal with this was destructive, and promoted more disharmony.

Its good to care about her.
Slick, the conflict youre having may be because your genuine good intentions, and the desire to have a kind , good woman who loves you is in conflict with a lot of the 'teachings' that you have read, and assimilated.
Guys here can be very bitter, angry and resentful.
And many of them are extremely ENVIOUS when they see a fellow man actually happy and in a good relationship. They HATE it.
They hate to see other guys be happy and succeed. And most guys have only negative experiences to reference from, so everything they relate to you is always colored with those previous negative experiences.
Dont be fooled.
Its your life. So be vary aware of whos advice you are taking.

Now, again, it is not wrong to be 'soft' with your woman.
If its mature and healthy, its about being affectionate, and loving with your woman. A good woman deserves to be treated in a warm, loving manner.
Its not about being a doormat , or wuss.
Its about showing your woman a soft, tender side.
And men can do that without her thinking negatively of you, or you turning into a wussbag.
So dont blame the action, blame the man, if he cannot do it maturely, and properly.
Fact: Just because other guys are not connected to their heart, and cannot have a successful relationship, doesnt mean that you are DOOMED to their same fate.
We choose how we spend our time. And how we think.
Choose yours wisely.

Now, about being weak.
That has to do with personal boundaries.
THIS is the syndrome that AFCs/Nice Guys, etc suffer from.
They dont know how to say "NO".

So they become doormats.

Slick, make sure youre not a doormat to some chick, just because the chick is 'hawt', or because "omg, I will NEVER find another chick like her...like forever!!".
This is bad. Its a bad bad place to operate from.

Tolerating bad behavior is a sliding gauge. We each have different tolerance levels and deal breakers.

If you are not comfortable with a certain dynamic the correct course of action is to ADDRESS it face to face with your GF.
ALWAYS.
Never run away from dealing with an incident. Clear it out, resolve it.
If you cant resolve it, be prepared to move on.
Its not about fighting for power, its about addressing if there is love and respect.
Why would you be with her if she doesnt love and respect you?
For most guys, they dont know. Because this is the first female that ever gave them attention. So they sort of fell into a relationship.And now theyre terrified of losing it. So they become doormats, appeasing, overly accomodating.....and disrespected.
Why?
Because they dont understand how badly theyre being treated, and they beleive it was luck, so they can never attract another woman, and they hate being alone.
Bad place.

I think you have to address why you are not feeling trusting of her, Slick.
You may have to do the uncomfortable, but get some peace of mind, man.
And you need to think about if this is the manner in which she deals with life.
Is this drama worth your peace of mind? What for some 'hawt' chick?



DO you value your peace of mind?

Then the correct course of action is to talk to her, and tell her about the past incident and why her going off to South Beach is worrying you.
Dont live in misery.

Be strong, but loving, not only for her , but for yourself.

Theres a lot of stuff thats going on here, Slick.
But you may want to start reflecting now.

Let me know what YOU think.

WoW... I am starting to think diff now man Thanks....

For most guys, they dont know. Because this is the first female that ever gave them attention. So they sort of fell into a relationship.And now theyre terrified of losing it. So they become doormats, appeasing, overly accomodating.....and disrespected.
Why?
Because they dont understand how badly theyre being treated, and they beleive it was luck, so they can never attract another woman, and they hate being alone.
Bad place

Now that you have opened up my eyes..... I have realized that you described me here.... This is my first relationship With a hot smart woman and she is older than me by 5 years....

This promoter so call it that I told her to never mention him again and never see..... when I was away for vacation.... I came back and went through her texts .... one of them when I was away sent to her best friends telling her and even begging her to come with her drive 2 hours just to see this guy.....

I talked to her about it.... she acted like nothing happ.... saying that it was his Birthday.... I mean she didnt go because I saw her that day.... but i asked her if she would see him if I didnt come down... she said yes...

Now that shes going to South Beach it gets me thinking...

If I cant trust her here..... How can I trust her there? (plus there is no way of me finding out)

I mean I know she loves me and all.... I think I need to step up to the plate..... I just do know how to do so in order for her to take me seriosuly....

BTW It will be 1 year with her next month.... on our anniversary she wants to get a hotel in the city with me.... and spend time there for the weekend.

Jusst additional infoo....

How do I step up to the plate.... about south beach and our relationship?

 

[In2theGame]

WoW... I am starting to think diff now man Thanks....



Now that you have opened up my eyes..... I have realized that you described me here.... This is my first relationship With a hot smart woman and she is older than me by 5 years....

This promoter so call it that I told her to never mention him again and never see..... when I was away for vacation.... I came back and went through her texts .... one of them when I was away sent to her best friends telling her and even begging her to come with her drive 2 hours just to see this guy.....

I talked to her about it.... she acted like nothing happ.... saying that it was his Birthday.... I mean she didnt go because I saw her that day.... but i asked her if she would see him if I didnt come down... she said yes...

Now that shes going to South Beach it gets me thinking...

If I cant trust her here..... How can I trust her there? (plus there is no way of me finding out)

I mean I know she loves me and all.... I think I need to step up to the plate..... I just do know how to do so in order for her to take me seriosuly....

BTW It will be 1 year with her next month.... on our anniversary she wants to get a hotel in the city with me.... and spend time there for the weekend.

Jusst additional infoo....

How do I step up to the plate.... about south beach and our relationship?

Come on Slick!!, What i highlighted in bold is a pretty strong indication that she's going to do what she wants. and she even admitted it in your face. If she was willing to drive two hours just to see a guy,....... What do you think SOUTH BEACH is going to bring? :trouble:

 

[Slick101]

Come on Slick!!, What i highlighted in bold is a pretty strong indication that she's going to do what she wants. and she even admitted it in your face. If she was willing to drive two hours just to see a guy,....... What do you think SOUTH BEACH is going to bring? :trouble:

Ok!... What should I do then man?

 

[In2theGame]

Ok!... What should I do then man?

BTW, you from the BX?? fellow NYer. I think you need to watch for her actions and not her words. If she starts acting up, you need to cut the rope and let her lose because if you keep letting sh!t slide... she's gonna ride you until the next dude comes along.

 

[In2theGame]

BTW, is she there already?

 

[Slick101]

BTW, is she there already?

No Im from LI

shes from NJ 2 hours away

And no she is going there sept 17th..... staying at the most expensive and popular hotel our there.... forgot the nameee

4 days with her BF whos a nice girl and a Virgin

 

[KontrollerX]

"Kontroller made a great point. If this girl had any respect for him, she wouldn't INSIST on going to a place like South Beach alone. We all know what type of thing happens down there, and it's total bvllshyt that she'd even consider going there without him.

It's the same old crap. If you throw a fit, she'll go anyway and cheat on you. If you act totally fine with it, she'll go anyway and cheat on you. She's a hor, dump her."

Going to a hook up spot like South Beach without your man just indicates a woman is keeping her options open.

Very open. :crackup:

And most importantly a chick doing something like that while in a relationship with you as though it were nothing is quite clearly an indicator of low interest on her part.

You don't even need proof that she is a wh0re or anything bad like that to next some chick, just watch for an extreme indicator of low interest in you such as a continued desire to go to hook up spots alone and general stuff like that.

There are many MANY safer spots to have a girls night out that don't involve, clubs, bars, Cancun, South Beach, etc and a woman that has an incredibly high interest in you won't even dare thinking of going to any of these places ALONE out of the fear of losing you.

 

[Slick101]

"Kontroller made a great point. If this girl had any respect for him, she wouldn't INSIST on going to a place like South Beach alone. We all know what type of thing happens down there, and it's total bvllshyt that she'd even consider going there without him.

It's the same old crap. If you throw a fit, she'll go anyway and cheat on you. If you act totally fine with it, she'll go anyway and cheat on you. She's a hor, dump her."

Going to a hook up spot like South Beach without your man just indicates a woman is keeping her options open.

Very open. :crackup:

And most importantly a chick doing something like that while in a relationship with you as though it were nothing is quite clearly an indicator of low interest on her part.

You don't even need proof that she is a wh0re or anything bad like that to next some chick, just watch for an extreme indicator of low interest in you such as a continued desire to go to hook up spots alone and general stuff like that.

There are many MANY safer spots to have a girls night out that don't involve, clubs, bars, Cancun, South Beach, etc and a woman that has an incredibly high interest in you won't even dare thinking of going to any of these places ALONE out of the fear of losing you.

So should I tell her not to go?

 

[KontrollerX]

Nope.

She can go.

Its just you won't be in a relationship with her when she gets back.

You can tell her that and if she doesn't want to go then her interest level in you is sky high.

If she p!sses and moans clearly cruising for d!ck is more important to her than keeping a relationship with you in which case you are better off without her anyway.

In general you should set this kind of frame from the beginning with a woman ie the do's and don'ts that you have for eachother.

Yeah though it all depends on what kind of relationship you want with a chick.

If you don't mind looking over your shoulder wondering who she's getting with behind your back put up with sh!t like this.

If you do mind next this girl and when you get with a new girl make sure you both set the ground rules for eachother from the beginning.

Setting the frame of the relationship in the beginning is the fairest way to do things.

 

[Slick101]

Nope.

She can go.

Its just you won't be in a relationship with her when she gets back.

In general you should set this kind of frame from the beginning with a woman ie the do's and don'ts that you have for eachother.

Yeah though it all depends on what kind of relationship you want with a chick.

If you don't mind looking over your shoulder wondering who she's getting with behind your back put up with sh!t like this.

If you do mind next this girl and when you get with a new girl make sure you both set the ground rules for eachother from the beginning.

Setting the frame of the relationship in the beginning is the fairest way to do things.

So I just tell her nothing....

 

[KontrollerX]

I edited in the answer for you.

Sorry man I just woke up and had to fix the message a bit.

Done editing it now.

 

[Slick101]

I edited in the answer for you.

Sorry man I just woke up and had to fix the message a bit.

Done editing it now.

its okay,...

So I just tell her nothing.... Like I tell her ok w/e go

and then get out of the relationship when she gets back....??

 

[SmoothTalker]

Well no... in that case you might as well dump her now.

What Kontroller is saying is tell her that she's free to go but you will not accept that, so that if she goes you are dumping her.

Sorry man but the stuff with that club guy is too much - she is not trustworthy. "It's his birthday?" So ****ing what, I would only drive that far for DAMN good friends on their birthday, not somebody I've hung out with a few times. She wants to try his **** if she hasn't tried it already.

 

[Interceptor]

That situation with that promoter guy is not cool, Slick.
And if she's insisting even if it means displeasing you, well...I dont know.
If she really wants to value and cherish your relationship, most women that I know will always walk toward their relationship...not some 'party'.
I mean, the 'its either him or me' dynamic is really to be avoided when possible.

And with her friends insisting she drive 2 hours for some dude.

This is just an awkward situation.


The only thing I can tell you is tell her that the previous situation makes you distrust her. And her insisting on going to South Beach, which is a known hook up spot in particular, does not rub you the right way.

Now, its true, if a woman is going to cheat, it doesnt matter WHERE....it just matters if she's WILLING. So the LOCATION doesnt factor THAT much.
But if she's weak?
Who knows?

Im not sure what happened in the relationship, but perhaps somewhere along the way she lost IL, and some respect for you.

And if you were to go for an ultimatum, I think it will push her over the edge and you may give her the reason she was looking for.
This is a fvcked up situation.

She is probably going to pull out the 'OMG, youre so insecure! I cant believe you dont trust me!" to try to make YOU feel guilty about this. But dont let it affect you.
Im sorry, Slick. but shes not that mature, and certainly doesnt have the highest respect and IL for you right now.
But you cant be affected or reactive.
You need to assert your boundaries, unfortunately now, rather than earlier.
You must not be emotionally charged in the interaction.
And dont be reactive to her balking, and complaining.
Just state what you want matter of factly, with no hatred, anger, nothing.
Just tell it like it is.

It is important for each partner to have their own space, and time alone, and do things alone.
We,as the men, cant put leashes on them and be domineering and controlling in this super insecure, anxiety filled, cry baby manner.
Fvck that. I am not going to be crying and beggin and threatening some woman to not do this , or whatever. You have to be out of your mind. She either is or she isnt, she either does it, or she doesnt. I will merely state which one I agree with or want. Its up to HER, not ME, to act upon that information.
Im not responsible for her perception filters or her behavior. So I never sweat that ever...

But it's important to communicate the things that we dont agree with.
And its important to recognize if the partner is acting from Love, or from extreme selfish interest.

I know it's tough, Slick.
Im not sure how this will turn out.
But start asserting yourself. Dont be an arrogant jerk.
Be cool. You can still be a cool gentleman.

But tell her you understand her doing things with her friends, and alone.
You're cool with that. You encourage her to go out and have fun away from you.
Sheeyit, you have to be apart sometime, you know?? Dont suffocate each other.
So tell her you are cool with her going out and doing her own thing.
We ALL are, or we SHOULD be.

Always give your GF the space she needs, just like we need our time alone and to be with our friends.

BUT...
...there are certain actions that demonstrate just WHERE her 'head is at' in terms of how she views and REGARDS your relationship.

If a woman has high IL and really Loves you, she will think "Even though going to South Beach may be fun, Im not comfortable going there without my man, or alone. Its not what a proper lady would really do. I can totally understand that he would feel a little uncomfortable, and so because I dont want to bring this up and create a problem where there isnt one, Im going to have to pass. Because I wouldnt feel great if my man went to some strip club thing like that. Id be mortified. So IM not going to put my man in that situation."


Slick, and everybody, THAT is HOW the good women, the Ladies, who are really kind, and good women will operate.
They dont put their relationship in jeopardy for stupid sh*t.
Sure, they want their independence, you better believe they do. But they pick their 'battles'. They are VERY smart, and if theyre GOOD women, they are ALWAYS on YOUR SIDE.
Trust me.
I know first hand.

And if you're in that kind of relationship, you will have MUTUAL TRUST in each other.
And you can even have the confidence to insist your woman go and have fun. And beleive it or not, whether she goes or not, she will usually end up even loving you even more, more affection , and higher overall IL, and all the good things that come from a good woman who loves you , and loves that YOU GIVE HER FREEDOM.

Because you trust her,and you make sure you have her best interests at heart too. You demonstrate you want HER to be Happy. And you put your trust in her, and she feels REWARDED..she'll say: "finally.... a Man that is SECURE enough to trust me!"
Insecure men are a DIME A DOZEN.

Remember that.


MOST WOMEN are NOT USED to self confident men, who are self assured, have high self esteem, have boundaries, self respect, and trust their women. Most women DO NOT MEET guys like that.

ASK THEM.



Good luck.

 

[chinwaggler]

If she knows you're upset that she's going.. tell her it's because you want to go...

Whatever happens there, you can't do anything about... so have fun while she's gone.. and be nice to her when she gets back.. but if you found out that she's done anything "wrong", then dump her.

You're not going to be able to stop her from going.. the more you try, the more annoyed she will be and the more likely it is she will do something naughty.

 

[Mr. Unique]

SHE WILL CHEAT, YOU ARE ****ED!

Face truth *****!

 

[KontrollerX]

Well no... in that case you might as well dump her now.

What Kontroller is saying is tell her that she's free to go but you will not accept that, so that if she goes you are dumping her.

Sorry man but the stuff with that club guy is too much - she is not trustworthy. "It's his birthday?" So ****ing what, I would only drive that far for DAMN good friends on their birthday, not somebody I've hung out with a few times. She wants to try his **** if she hasn't tried it already.

Yep thats what I was getting at.

You don't control the girl, you control yourself by letting her know upfront that any shady behavior such as her going to hook up spots like South Beach Miami without you present the relationship is done and over and you walk.

No listening to her whining about you being insecure or the popular don't you trust me garbage or the re-assurances of oh nothing will happen I love you blah blah blah.

You are done the minute she insists and goes through with going to any hook up place without you by her side.

D-O-N-E.

And you are done because her going through with this is an indicator of low interest in you, she is going because she is bored and wants to shop for and sample new d!ck and once she finds it, its adios amigo for your relationship on her terms.

A woman head over heels out of her mind in love with you will not bring up wanting to go to such a place out of her fear of losing you.

You ever hear your chick talk about wanting to go to such a place with her girlfriends or by herself without you by her side you need to dump her ass and then work on stepping up your game or staying out of relationships entirely and just focus on hooking up with chicks.

Relationships breed stagnation and dull the competitive fires which keeps you and a girl hot for eachother.

Stay out of em guys especially if you are young like say 18-25 and even older if you like.

 

[decades]

she devalued you when she told you about the promoter dude. It looks like she has GFs that are going to be "bad" influences on her. They encouraged her to see Mr. Promoter again. This guy disrespected you by having a sexual conversation with your GF and planting ideas in her mind. He was trying to put a wedge between you. A proper GF would have walked away from this dude but she remained with him and listened to his BS "rap". Then she called you up and threw it in your face. She is not the quality GF you should have for yourself. Now she wants to spend 4 days in SB without you. I don't like this situation and believe you have a GF that knows she can walk all over you and have you accept it. Take the advice of the others here and tell her that you have NEW boundaries.