Gf going on multiple dates/meetings

[The Duke]

What lead you to cheat on this girlfriend?

 

[crikeyhanky]

What lead you to cheat on this girlfriend?

Good question!
Red pill ideology definitely was a factor in my behavior. My ex wife cheated on me with one of her fathers' doctors(a heroin junkie and a troubled individual) while he was admitted in a hospital. Ofc she said that I wasn't attentive to her needs while in that crisis...classic exculpation. After a few months her father passed away. He was a nice kind man and he loved me like a son. I miss him dearly. We are currently in good relations and we actually share the "custody" of the dog, which my present gf really hates.
Besides red pill, opportunities kept arising and I thought to myself if I am going to be cheated on again or if things don't turn out great, better do the business.
It was a safety precaution maybe, it felt I had some leverage.
And no, I am not making anything up. Just my life man.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Hey guys!

My gf of 3 years has recently admitted she went on a few dates with a guy. We were fighting a lot and she said at one time she would see someone else just so I can leave her. At first she said it was a one time thing, then 2 dates, then 3...like an auction, the number kept rising.

She's very temperamental so I didn't pay much attention. Then she started coming home later and later in the evenings. Days in a row sometimes. She admitted seeing a guy but no sexual activities of any kind.

I finally got a hold of her phone & searched through the messages. Indeed she saw this guy for 3-4 times, one time at his place. Spent some time with him at a festival along with a friend of hers.

The messages are civilised and not of a sexual nature, this guy is in town for a limited time and apparently they matched on Tinder. He seems very polite and uses phrases like "I am not the person for a LTR" or "I just wanna chit chat".

He offered her some wine and cooked for her. She didn't tell him about me at first, but the messages stopped a few days ago. I am not sure how to interpret this, I think he's away with business.

I don't like to be a hypocrite, I cheated on her a number of times, for longer periods of time with one girl, but these semi platonic conversations & meetings are peculiar. I tend to believe her that no sexual activity took place, she was having a tough time on multiple levels this year and maybe this guy was a refuge or something. Something different...

Any ideas would be appreciated.
Thanks

OP,

First, thanks for being honest. Yeah, some SS posters are just too damn immature to give advice and prefer to try and shame on some level. Block them if need be.

I don't buy the part about no physical intimacy from her. Women are absolutely notorious for lying about this and will do anything to have their cake and eat it too, which it sounds like she's doing. I've recently watched some videos on YouTube where dudes have 100% cold busted their gfs or wives cheating in the act and recorded the whole thing. The woman usually goes crazy and starts blaming the guy for her cheating and screams it's not what it looks like...as they're both in bed naked. I've busted numerous gfs over the years and they swore on their life nothing happened until I provided the proof, then they tried to blame me and/or immediately make up. There's zero accountability so I wouldn't expect any from her. In her mind, you deserved it.

Good for you for grabbing her phone and looking through it. You need to know. Do what you have to do. It’s your life. The rules of dating have changed exponentially since the 2010's and almost 100% since the 2000s, so all bets are off. People cheat all the time now and don't think much of it.

The best thing to do is break it off 100%. You cheated too. What good is it doing you staying in this relationship? What benefit are you receiving? Now you both don't trust each other, are on the rocks, and she’s dating another guy while she's still with you, allegedly. OP, sounds like you've become a placeholder until she finds a new bf. Not a good position for a DJ to be in.

Cut ties 100% and move on with your life as you're wasting time you'll never get back.

Good luck.
~Dash

 

[Manure Spherian]

-no marriage aka half your shyte on the line
-you take her off the market
-you create leverage/curiosity with other women
- steady sex, less risky than hookers/ random 304's.

See, this is partly why I believe it’s a worthless position to be in. Being beholden to a woman, sacrificing time, energy, and emotion, for what exactly, besides playing house, sex, and pats on the head (validation for being a good boy).

Literally nothing worthy comes out of this. No accrual of resources, no love (and I don’t mean goofy romantic love, a bunch of bullsh-t), no family alliances, no children, no life partnership. And in my book, if a woman doesn’t bring some of these (not everyone wants children) to the table for a man, she is worthless to a man at an individual level for a relationship!

This is also why prostitution comes above a “boyfriend” in my aforesaid list.

 

[Divorced w 3]

OP… Any advice anyone gives you here is going to be of no value to you unless it aligns perfectly with the way you feel yourself. A lot of folks here talk a big game about “iron rules” “red pill” “plates vs marrying the right woman”… learn it and then throw all that stuff away that doesn’t vibe with how you feel personally.

…the only answer is the one you come up with yourself to the following question: “does this legitimately bother me?” You need to sit with that and whatever answer crystallizes for you is how you need to proceed with it.

 

[crikeyhanky]

OP,

First, thanks for being honest. Yeah, some SS posters are just too damn immature to give advice and prefer to try and shame on some level. Block them if need be.

I don't buy the part about no physical intimacy from her. Women are absolutely notorious for lying about this and will do anything to have their cake and eat it too, which it sounds like she's doing. I've recently watched some videos on YouTube where dudes have 100% cold busted their gfs or wives cheating in the act and recorded the whole thing. The woman usually goes crazy and starts blaming the guy for her cheating and screams it's not what it looks like...as they're both in bed naked. I've busted numerous gfs over the years and they swore on their life nothing happened until I provided the proof, then they tried to blame me and/or immediately make up. There's zero accountability so I wouldn't expect any from her. In her mind, you deserved it.

Good for you for grabbing her phone and looking through it. You need to know. Do what you have to do. It’s your life. The rules of dating have changed exponentially since the 2010's and almost 100% since the 2000s, so all bets are off. People cheat all the time now and don't think much of it.

The best thing to do is break it off 100%. You cheated too. What good is it doing you staying in this relationship? What benefit are you receiving? Now you both don't trust each other, are on the rocks, and she’s dating another guy while she's still with you, allegedly. OP, sounds like you've become a placeholder until she finds a new bf. Not a good position for a DJ to be in.

Cut ties 100% and move on with your life as you're wasting time you'll never get back.

Good luck.
~Dash

It's ok, I can take it. And also I expected these sort of replies.
Yep, trust is broken indeed. Maybe attachment is all that still keeps us together.
Thanks dude. Really appreciate your advice.

 

[crikeyhanky]

OP… Any advice anyone gives you here is going to be of no value to you unless it aligns perfectly with the way you feel yourself. A lot of folks here talk a big game about “iron rules” “red pill” “plates vs marrying the right woman”… learn it and then throw all that stuff away that doesn’t vibe with how you feel personally.

…the only answer is the one you come up with yourself to the following question: “does this legitimately bother me?” You need to sit with that and whatever answer crystallizes for you is how you need to proceed with it.

Perfectly said man! Thanks a lot.
It does bother me at the moment.

 

[MixedMutt00]

I think you should cheat on her again. Like, start getting into another serious relationship with another girl, but make sure you don't let either girl find out

Then one day months later bang the new girl at home and get caught by Girl #1. I promise you she'll drop that deadbeat other guy and learn her lesson not to under appreciate you.

If you can use your ex wife, it's a double win. Throw in a fake suicide note, just to guarantee it works

 

[crikeyhanky]

Oh I see, you're just afraid to be alone, and that is controlling you.

A lot of suffering will follow you on this one, a lot of nights seeing her coming late, a lot fights, lots of drama, you're relieving your past relationships because you haven't been honest with yourself and you need to heal from that trauma and reflect on why that happened to you.

I've been alone before, I can do it again.
I've reflected enough, can't do that **** all the time. It disturbs my work and productivity.
If we continue together, there will be no more coming home late without prior notice. I've made that very clear.

 

[MixedMutt00]

Or just let her read this post. Everything will work out, Trust

 

[crikeyhanky]

I think you should cheat on her again. Like, start getting into another serious relationship with another girl, but make sure you don't let either girl find out

Then one day months later bang the new girl at home and get caught by Girl #1. I promise you she'll drop that deadbeat other guy and learn her lesson not to under appreciate you.

If you can use your ex wife, it's a double win. Throw in a fake suicide note, just to guarantee it works

I did that last week. Spent the night at the college students' place, ****ed her brains out & didn't tell her a thing. Put the phone in DND. She called the next morning worried. It was payback. It felt good & I feel no remorse.

 

[crikeyhanky]

Or just let her read this post. Everything will work out, Trust

Haha alright dude. You're the man with the plan.

 

[MixedMutt00]

Haha alright dude. You're the man with the plan.

No bro, CLEARLY you are

Unfollow this thread before you waste anymore of your time @crikeyhanky

 

[johnrambo]

She's 40.

Wow! 40 and still act like a teenager.

 

[crikeyhanky]

No bro, CLEARLY you are

Unfollow this thread before you waste anymore of your time @crikeyhanky

It's ok dude, I'm taking some time off.
Thanks for caring.

 

[crikeyhanky]

Wow! 40 and still act like a teenager.

Yep I know. Ridiculous!

 

[Dr.Suave]

This relationship is done. You should monkeybranch to a younger and hotter girl.

 

[Canadian_Man]

She met him on Tinder.

She's on Tinder.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Perfectly said man! Thanks a lot.
It does bother me at the moment.

Then sit with it for a second. Ask yourself why, reflect on yourself and your security and insecurities, try and see any positive attributes in your situation together and whether those can exist and overcome your concerns. If need be talk to a counselor. Do your best to see the situation as it actually is and then move forward with confidence.

 

[johnrambo]

I did that last week. Spent the night at the college students' place, ****ed her brains out & didn't tell her a thing. Put the phone in DND. She called the next morning worried. It was payback. It felt good & I feel no remorse.

Is this real? You gamed a college student and still want your 40 yo cheater around. Replace the cheater with the college student. Is the college student fat or something?