Gf going on multiple dates/meetings

[crikeyhanky]

Hey guys!

My gf of 3 years has recently admitted she went on a few dates with a guy. We were fighting a lot and she said at one time she would see someone else just so I can leave her. At first she said it was a one time thing, then 2 dates, then 3...like an auction, the number kept rising.

She's very temperamental so I didn't pay much attention. Then she started coming home later and later in the evenings. Days in a row sometimes. She admitted seeing a guy but no sexual activities of any kind.

I finally got a hold of her phone & searched through the messages. Indeed she saw this guy for 3-4 times, one time at his place. Spent some time with him at a festival along with a friend of hers.

The messages are civilised and not of a sexual nature, this guy is in town for a limited time and apparently they matched on Tinder. He seems very polite and uses phrases like "I am not the person for a LTR" or "I just wanna chit chat".

He offered her some wine and cooked for her. She didn't tell him about me at first, but the messages stopped a few days ago. I am not sure how to interpret this, I think he's away with business.

I don't like to be a hypocrite, I cheated on her a number of times, for longer periods of time with one girl, but these semi platonic conversations & meetings are peculiar. I tend to believe her that no sexual activity took place, she was having a tough time on multiple levels this year and maybe this guy was a refuge or something. Something different...

Any ideas would be appreciated.
Thanks

 

[Murk]

Well you did cheat on her, so it’s completely fine that your gf wh0res herself out to other men and comes crawling home with strange come leaking out of her each night.

Just ignore it, apparently. Being a real man isn’t for you.

 

[crikeyhanky]

Alright dude.
Shaming & bashing someone who wrote an honest account of the whole situation doesn't make you a real man.

 

[CBear]

What is your question? You cheated on her already. Any foundation for an "LTR" has already been destroyed. I would say that if you're trying to "keep" this, best thing to do would be to try and be there and make time with her. However, if you're trying to move forward and make this a monogamous relationship, your situation is like putting a band-aid on a wound that's growing bigger and uglier. There's resentment from her side and there will be from yours. Best to start fresh with someone new.

 

[MixedMutt00]

Yeah, that whole story changed after this part

I cheated on her a number of times

I thought you were the biggest simp/cuck until that part. I HOPE you've been smashing cuz you're definitely losing if not.

We're not tryna judge. This just sounds like such a bone-dry, beaten to the dirt, situation. What do you even want?

 

[MixedMutt00]

Well you did cheat on her, so it’s completely fine that your gf wh0res herself out to other men and comes crawling home with strange come leaking out of her each night.

Just ignore it, apparently. Being a real man isn’t for you.

This isn't an attack on anyone either. The first part is LITERALLY the truth.

The second part is kinda harsh but:

would a real man cheat? Maybe, maybe not. Some would ultimately argue no though.

Or even be in a situation like this? Definitely not. Cheating or not, he'd leave here immediately. She's cheating on you in front of your face...

 

[crikeyhanky]

You live with this girl? Sounds like you guys are poly. Or dont like monogamy.
I got nothing for you on this. Some guys like this kinda stuff.

I told the forum already that monogamy is going to be a small niche in the future

Yes we live together. Interesting take, maybe I am, never thought about it like this before.

 

[crikeyhanky]

Yeah, that whole story changed after this part


I thought you were the biggest simp/cuck until that part. I HOPE you've been smashing cuz you're definitely losing if not.

We're not tryna judge. This just sounds like such a bone-dry, beaten to the dirt, situation. What do you even want?

I just want other guys' opinions on this situation for now.

 

[Gamisch]

Alright dude.
Shaming & bashing someone who wrote an honest account of the whole situation doesn't make you a real man.

Yeah this is always painful and I am kinda like Murk in this one. But oke, imma be a little softer on you.

Unfortunately it seems like the expiration date is long overdue. At this point there ain't no point in going back bro! A "few dates" is a death sentence. I dont even wanna deep dive. You know damn well that she GOT to go NOW.

Prepare for more truth bombs to come your way. Only way to heal is by walking away now.

I get that you feel like being hit by a truck. Still you have to find moments of clarity in which you can make power moves . Do you have the ability to move out asap?

 

[MixedMutt00]

I just want other guys' opinions on this situation for now.

Let's say I told you my girlfriend that I love is going on dates with another man, but she lives with me.

What advice would you have for me?

 

[SW15]

Is this an open relationship? In effect, it has become one because you have had sex with other women. Does she know you've had sex with other women?

If she knows, she is inclined to have sex with other men. Women can generally find sex more easily than men, so she'll have sex if she wants to have sex.

It's best to end the relationship and start fresh elsewhere.

 

[CornbreadFed]

My gf of 3 years has recently admitted she went on a few dates with a guy. We were fighting a lot and she said at one time she would see someone else just so I can leave her. At first she said it was a one time thing, then 2 dates, then 3...like an auction, the number kept rising.

she isn’t your girlfriend

I don't like to be a hypocrite, I cheated on her a number of times, for longer periods of time with one girl, but these semi platonic conversations & meetings are peculiar. I tend to believe her that no sexual activity took place, she was having a tough time on multiple levels this year and maybe this guy was a refuge or something. Something different...

relationship should’ve ended after this. Op, you are the Germans defending the streets of Berlin at this point. You need to say your goodbye and move on.

 

[crikeyhanky]

Yeah this is always painful and I am kinda like Murk in this one. But oke, imma be a little softer on you.

Unfortunately it seems like the expiration date is long overdue. At this point there ain't no point in going back bro! A "few dates" is a death sentence. I dont even wanna deep dive. You know damn well that she GOT to go NOW.

Prepare for more truth bombs to come your way. Only way to heal is by walking away now.

I get that you feel like being hit by a truck. Still you have to find moments of clarity in which you can make power moves . Do you have the ability to move out asap?

Yes I do.

 

[crikeyhanky]

Let's say I told you my girlfriend that I love is going on dates with another man, but she lives with me.

What advice would you have for me?

Without knowing all the specifics, I would have prolly said it's a really bad sign of things to come.

 

[crikeyhanky]

Is this an open relationship? In effect, it has become one because you have had sex with other women. Does she know you've had sex with other women?

If she knows, she is inclined to have sex with other men. Women can generally find sex more easily than men, so she'll have sex if she wants to have sex.

It's best to end the relationship and start fresh elsewhere.

No it's not.
And no, she doesn't know about my cheating. She's the jealous type or at least used to be. She suspected it.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Hey guys!

My gf of 3 years has recently admitted she went on a few dates with a guy. We were fighting a lot and she said at one time she would see someone else just so I can leave her. At first she said it was a one time thing, then 2 dates, then 3...like an auction, the number kept rising.

She's very temperamental so I didn't pay much attention. Then she started coming home later and later in the evenings. Days in a row sometimes. She admitted seeing a guy but no sexual activities of any kind.

I finally got a hold of her phone & searched through the messages. Indeed she saw this guy for 3-4 times, one time at his place. Spent some time with him at a festival along with a friend of hers.

The messages are civilised and not of a sexual nature, this guy is in town for a limited time and apparently they matched on Tinder. He seems very polite and uses phrases like "I am not the person for a LTR" or "I just wanna chit chat".

He offered her some wine and cooked for her. She didn't tell him about me at first, but the messages stopped a few days ago. I am not sure how to interpret this, I think he's away with business.

I don't like to be a hypocrite, I cheated on her a number of times, for longer periods of time with one girl, but these semi platonic conversations & meetings are peculiar. I tend to believe her that no sexual activity took place, she was having a tough time on multiple levels this year and maybe this guy was a refuge or something. Something different...

Any ideas would be appreciated.
Thanks

Are you going to marry her and is she going to give you children?

From the description of this, you are “boyfriend and girlfriend” who live together and cheat on each other. Which in practical terms means… uh… nothing, especially if neither one lives or respects each other.

Her having dates with other men is absurd!

Why are you contemplating holding onto this situation? Do you even want monogamy, marriage, kids?

 

[crikeyhanky]

Why did you cheat on her? What was the rationale going through your mind? You didn't love her but didn't want to be alone?

One things is to have a one time fling that happened very rare, but cheating on her for long time is not okay. Many men say cheat on her, she will love you more, she will have competition, but that bs, they will never forget that, will always throw that in your face that will make the relationship a living hell.

The only way she can love you and decide you're a her best option is improving your physique, money, status. That way she will know you're her best option and girls hate to lose her best option.
[/QUOTE
The opportunities were there. First time with a girl that I slept with before her and the second one, a college student that was a FB situation.
I had a soft spot for her and still do. It's difficult to explain. I felt the need to protect her and make her life a little easier.

 

[SW15]

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

 

[crikeyhanky]

Are you going to marry her and is she going to give you children?

From the description of this, you are “boyfriend and girlfriend” who live together and cheat on each other. Which in practical terms means… uh… nothing, especially if neither one lives or respects each other.

Her having dates with other men is absurd!

Why are you contemplating holding onto this situation? Do you even want monogamy, marriage, kids?

I don't know rn. I wanted kids a while back. Didn't happen. After that things got more & more sour between us.
I love certain parts of her character but I really hate others.
Love/hate situation.

 

[Murk]

Yep. I agree these types of takes usually come from dudes with very little life experience or never been cheated on or knows what really goes on out here.

I have plenty of life experience but to my knowledge never been cheated on.

Sorry if I came across as harsh, but in my world, a girlfriend you live with, cheating on you and "coming home late" multiple times, doesn't make sense. So I struggle to give serious replies to this kind of sh*t. I tried to think of a scenario that this could happen, but I come up with nothing. How can people even take this situation seriously? How could you live with yourself? Regardless of a mans past cheating, this girl needs to pack her bags. Relationship is done. No brainer.