gf goes out with male friend...

[darth yoda]

just recently my gf told me she was going to meet up with her male friend

--Told? Not asked?--

she's known for a while to go into the city.

--Away from you. Reminisce about the old days, could be romantic. What exactly are they gonna do?--

i'm not suspicious or anything. don't know why it's bothering me.. not much just a little.

--Because something is telling you it isn't right.--

probably because i don't hang out with other girls.

--Exactly. Give her a taste of her own medicine, and I'd bet she wouldn't want you to do it.--

i don't feel the need to hang out with other girls.

--And she shouldn't feel the need to "hang out" with other guys. I don't care if they are from the past or not.--

just find it a TINY bit disturbing she's out with another man.

--So do I my young padawan, so do I.--

but i trust her. i think i've put on enough moves to keep her craving for me.

--Let's hope so. She's your girl, you know her better than I do. But please keep your eyes open.

 

[chance]

i asked what she was doing on the weekend. that's how the subject came up. good points there though. thanks.

 

[JohnJones]

Originally posted by chance
i asked what she was doing on the weekend. that's how the subject came up. good points there though. thanks.

Is this an issue where she's basically scheduled time alone with this guy INSTEAD of you or would she have been doing her own thing anyway?

Whoever said review what they plan to do to see if it looks like a date had a good point (she'll swear up and down that it is not but what matters is what it looks like). A good woman will not only avoid improper behavior but the appearance of it as well.

I don't see that she's going to the Motel 6 with him, but this is definately something that is off the normal course. What if he tries to kiss her? Isn't that her fault too for putting herself in a slightly intimate position?

Tell her it sounds great and you'd like to tag along. If she objects, tell her you don't want to butt in on her date but...

 

[Trance]

She's doing this because she can, because you let her!!

Now she will probably be upset if you tell her this is something wrong, because you're denying a aquired privliege! With girls it is the same thing as educating a kid, but with the diference they expect the same from you. Once you start a relation, you should never let her start doing something you dont like!!

If my GF would one day tell me "i'm going out with my guy friend" i would just WTF??? You're going where??? And she'd imediatly beg for sorry and she wont ever think about something like that again because its a disrespect!

But you didnt tell her this as your first reaction, now you allowed this, and now if you tell her this, instead of a strong protective male, you will seem as a insecure boy!

Think about it for a while, and make it a lesson for the future.

 

[chance]

i'm not one to tell her who she can or can't see. she's known this fella way before me obviously, cause i heard his name come up once and that he lives in the city. not near her. so they probably don't see each other much. maybe they've been friends for a while and well i don't really want to start pushing her and telling her she can't see the guy. i'll feel too needy of her and i don't wanna seem like a child. i'm not in love with her yet. but i do like her and we've been dating for about four weeks or so.

i've had her half naked in bed and we've fooled around. she told me while in bed "you know i want to do it. next time i'll take my jeans off." i laughed. but she replied; "i will!"

i don't think she's about to run off with another fella and start fooling around with him. i'm more than enough for her and more experienced than this other guy. i assume he's her age. 17 or something. i'm 21.

if she's already told another guy who asked her out (different guy i mentioned earlier on) that she's seeing me then i don't think i should start worrying yet.

 

[chance]

you know. now that i think about it. i'm not too sure where i stand. she's never treated me as a boyfriend. i don't even know if she calls me that when she talks to other people. all i know is that she said she was seeing someone (which was me) to another guy. when we say bye on msn, there's no "bye sweetie." no "love ya, bye." just a "catch ya later ***" or "alright, talk to you tomrrow bye "

could be cause it's still early in the relationship, only about four weeks of seeing each other. i'm not in love with her or near it. maybe i should just have fun with it and look for more girls. cause i AM looking for long term. this gal is young. the only reason i chased up on her is because she has qualities older women do. she's as mature as someone twice her age and very smart. she does't show off or flirt. she's a good girl. i guess that's what attracted me.

maybe i should go easy on this one and let her do her own thing and we can see each other once or twice a week like we do. we don't call each other everyday either. infact we rarely call each other unless we're about to meet up. because she's young, should i even bother with a long term with her, or just go with the flow and not fall in love? at the moment, she's not the girl in my dreams. giving me as much attention as i want from a girl. my ex gf was more something i am after.

my ex gf would call me everyday. she made all the moves. we spoke on the phone for hours at night. she always asked me questions... she was never boring. she would drive an hour and a bit to come see me on weekends. she wouldn't go meet up with any other guys, i was the only thing on her mind. she would tell me how much she loved me, how much she missed me, etc etc.
however i left her cause she was too hyperactive for me. i couldn't handle her... she was too immature for me in some ways. i wasn't ready for that at the time.

this girl doesn't do those things. she's more quiet really. she doesn't tell me she misses me. she doesn't call. she is very nice though. she's probably less confident than my ex gf. this girl tends to let me do all the talking and plans. she never argues with it either. if i tell her to do something she pretty much does it. i tell her i want to see her on the weekend she'll lie to her mom just to come see me like she did the weekend that just went by. stayed over two nights. i tell her to call me, she will. you get my drift. maybe she's just that kinda girl or maybe she takes it slower and she doesn't wanna rush things.

sorry for the long post. but you know how it is. better to get it off ya chest.

by the way, here's some of the log about her and her male friend;

*** = male friend.
** = female friend

me; what ya doin on the weekend?

her; i might go up to the city for a day, not sure yet. depends if *** ends up going

me; cool. what ya doin' up there? shopping?

her; nah, im almost broke. dont know what im doing, *** was meeting someone, so i was gonna go to **. but like, still duno.... well. whats ure plans.

me; not sure yet. might catch up with friend go out somewhere, who knows

her; fun weekned to look forward to eh?

me; well if you dont end up doin nothin give me a buzz and i might get us a drive into the city again.

her; yeah alright.

blah blah blah... said our goodbyes. yada yada yah.

 

[frivolousz21]

she is 17....

dont exspect any LTR out of this.

sorry man!

 

[chance]

true, but sometimes it's possible. but i'd put my money on 40% out of 100%

 

[frivolousz21]

id put my money on .001 percent of 100 percent.

unless your speaking of an LTR and not a life long LTR.

just my expierence from it..I mean when I was 17 I couldnt even fathom what long term commitment was?

wat about you when u were 17?

 

[chance]

lol. well i know it's not gonna last forever. but my friend is 25 and he's been with his gf for two years or so who is now 17 or 18 i think. but yeah, again... that probably won't last either. when i was 17? i wanted a LTR back then too... i don't know what it is about me but i've always just wanted to be with one girl and never break up. not really into the whole falling in love with heaps of girls then it ends up being nothing. i'm very picky with my girls and i'll only date them unless i know i'm gonna get some long term thing goin' on.

don't get me wrong though, i've had my one nighters and all that

 

[frivolousz21]

I wish you the best of luck, I am just trying to throw you some perspective.

I want a LTR too..hell I hope my gf now is the last one im ever with. its set up well for it.

which is what you have to do. and dating someone 17 isnt the best setup for it....go for a women 20 to 22 at your age and it will Drastically increase ur odds of success.

 

[chance]

thanks. also, this girl is a virgin and we're going to have sex pretty soon i'm sure. she's already suggested it'll happen next time i see her. so me taking her virginity will mean a bit to her i assume and i don't think we'll be breaking up anytime soon. but hey, good news. i don't fall in love so fast anymore. i'm in control pal. all is good

 

[frivolousz21]

the virgin thing is going to go far for you.

contrary to popular belief here....

a women giving you her virginity will bring her close to you in ways she wont want to let go off.

so you basically will have a hold on her.

my gf is a virgin as well nearly 21 yrs old...about 12 days away..we are close to it too...and I know how much it means to her to lose it someone she loves..and she will...luckily for her I care about this one and wont fyck her over.

best of luck to you.

 

[chance]

that's great pal. best of luck to you too.

 

[chance]

well then. i just had a talk to her on the phone and we were discussing the weekend again. she said she didn't know what she was gonna do. it went a bit like this;

me; yeah i am not sure what i'm doin' yet. what about that guy you were gonna go meet, *** wasn't it?

her; oh i'm not going anymore cause he was gonna go meet someone but i was just gonna go with him and then go to my friends house (a girl) but she's busy so i'm not going now.

me; oh. haha. so who was he gonna meet anyway? a girl?

her; no, he was gonna meet a guy! haha.

me; wtf, is he gay or somethin'?

her; yes.

me; haha..... are you serious?

her; yeah haha! ... i don't wanna go there to meet another guy!

blah blah blah.

so that explains that!

so yeah... now we're going to catch up on the weekend ;D

 

[MacDiddy]

don't you wish it was the good ol' days when other men actually respected the "spoken for" chick and left it at that... Nowadays, all bets are off with chick harder than ever to court for the average frustrated chump. This is where you have an advantage to become the dominant and desirable male... This is the only hope of you retaining this juvenile for the long term....

 

[tobby]

I really don't know what to say about this. I've had a female friend do this sort of crap all the time. She says when she wants to "try out another guy" she tells her boyfriend about the friend she's going to go see. That way, if someone catches her out with another guy and tells her boyfriend he'll be like "I know, she already told me!" I could be wrong, but good luck!

 

[OneArmDeeJay]

Well my troubled friend, you should always talk to your girl because obviously this is a problem and it is affecting you big time or else you wouldn’t be posting. And that’s understandable and it should. Its totally natural for any man to be upset, uneasy, or bothered if his women went to hung out with another man alone. And vise versa. Communication is a big thing in a relationship.

But to me it seems like your looking for a(n) answer or post that will make you feel good about this situation and make you feel that how you handle your business was the right thing to do.

We can’t help you with that. We can only give you our opinion on how we would handle are women if that ever happened and just give you our 2 cents of what we think of the situation.

Now in my opinion if that was I, I would of nip that crap in the bud.

Example:

Me: Hey baby how’s it goin?
Her: Good. You?
Me: Great! So what are you doin’ 2nite?
Her: I’m going to go hang with a friend?
Me: Right on. You and (one of her female friends) goin to a show or somethin’?


Her: No (dudes name). We’ve been friends for along time though. Before I met you.

Me: (Still calm) So it’s a date?

Her: What? haha No were just really good friends and were just hanging out.

Me: (Still calm) Hmm I see. (now kinda excited) Ok then. Alright cool

Her: Huh?

Me: Well, a few weeks ago, (chicks name), a really good friend of mine wanted to hang out, you know its been awhile since the last time we hung out. But I told her that we couldn’t because I have a girlfriend now and I’m sure she wouldn’t like that we hung out alone together and I don’t want to hurt her. But now I can see its all good.

See I didn’t freak out when she told me it was a dude nor did I told her flat out she couldn’t do that. I just turned the tables around her. And being a smart girl she should get the hint.


Her: No its not all good.

Me: But wait your going with a guy friend alone to (where ever)

Her: But…

Me: (Cut her off) That’s different?? No I don’t think so. What’s so different then you and him?

Her: I…I..dunno??

Me: Yes you do know it just aint right. So if you don’t like me hanging out with other girls alone close friends or not then what makes you think I wouldn’t like the idea of you going with some guy alone?

Her: Ok ok your right…

Now if the conversation didn’t go like this then it may be time for me to reconsider the relationship and pull the plug.

Because all I know is that women that really like or love their bf and especially husbands won’t go alone with another dude. Case close. Its just looks wrong, causes unnecessary ripples and just plain wrong. Unfortunately alot of young women don’t see that but that’s because they’re immature and are not mature enough for a serious relationship and appreciate what they have.

In the past my ex had to tell her male friends no and a lady friend of mine displayed loyalty and true commitment when she had to tell a dude she is friends for a very long time before the guys she is seeing, no even though she could of easily done so with out her bf knowing because it’s along distance relationship.

I asked her why not? Don’t you two trust each other? And this is what she said. She told me “Yes. But boyfriend and girlfriend shouldn’t do that its just wrong and it can start stuff.” And I have more examples but this post is pretty damn long already.

So if your lady doesn’t see what’s wrong with it then that’s not the type of girl for you if you’re looking for an LTR/Wife. Because bub, if she pulls this crap now and think nothing of it when your bf/gf she will without doubt do this when you are Husband and Wife.

 

[Luveno]

Re: Re: gf goes out with male friend...

Originally posted by darth yoda
just recently my gf told me she was going to meet up with her male friend

--Told? Not asked?--

she's known for a while to go into the city.

--Away from you. Reminisce about the old days, could be romantic. What exactly are they gonna do?--

i'm not suspicious or anything. don't know why it's bothering me.. not much just a little.

--Because something is telling you it isn't right.--

probably because i don't hang out with other girls.

--Exactly. Give her a taste of her own medicine, and I'd bet she wouldn't want you to do it.--

i don't feel the need to hang out with other girls.

--And she shouldn't feel the need to "hang out" with other guys. I don't care if they are from the past or not.--

just find it a TINY bit disturbing she's out with another man.

--So do I my young padawan, so do I.--

but i trust her. i think i've put on enough moves to keep her craving for me.

--Let's hope so. She's your girl, you know her better than I do. But please keep your eyes open.

Again, a great post from a freak who talks like Yoda. Whats up with it??

 

[Glenfiddich101]

Any guy who is serious abt his gf would not like her hanging out alone with another guy. I'm no exception to the rule either. In this time and age, its very common to have frens of the opposite sex

Like one poster said, to tell her not to meet her guy friends is pretty controlling and insecure. BUT, if she starts meeting them too often or meeting them at clubs/bars then its time to put yr foot down.

To be fair, my gf doesnt mind my hanging out with my good female frens either but she told me there's a limit as well.

So if you both know your boundaries and expectations, its out of respect and love that you both keep to them.

If she doesnt, its time to look for a new gf with smililar values.