Getting Fed Up with People

[BigWillyStyle]

How many people from this forum experience day-to-day hostility from STRANGERS? I'm not talking about full-on aggression, but rather subtle hostility: a piercing glare, talking under their breath as they pass you, rolling eyes, lopsided grins, sneers, shakes of the head, etc.

I want to know this: Is what I'm experiencing just the norm? I mean sure, not every body will like me, I understand that, but why would COMPLETE STRANGERS act this way? And it's not like these types of hostilities are seldom occurrences either. Say I go down to do the shopping, I'll experience the above-mentioned no less than by a dozen people, men and women. When I look in the mirror I don't see anything wrong with me, so that can't be it.

While this may seem trivial, when it happens so often every single day, it changes your mind-state. I used to be a pretty passive guy; I thought perhaps strangers could sense this foible of mine and despised me for it. Eventually, I said to myself, "f*ck 'em, who cares what strangers think!" And for a while this worked. I became indifferent (yet still friendly). But this hostility did not cease; on the contrary, if anything thing it increase. Thus soon my indifference wore off, and I'm now at this point were I'm unintentionally being a pr*ck -- it's like it is an ungovernable need to vent frustration.

By way of example, earlier today I was dining at some mid-level restaurant for lunch. This young woman at the register takes my order. I initially thought her voice sounded soft, monotonous... contemptuous. I quickly dismissed this thought as being over-analytical. "Don't let your mind run away with you, Will," I tell myself. However, I soon realise that my first thoughts were spot-on. As as I'm seated and waiting for my meal, I see this same woman glaring at me from the counter. I look away. I then soon look back up at her and see she's talking with a co-worker, who's is also now looking at me. They talk to each other. The chick that served me at the register is talking to her co-worker while still maintaing her death-glare... I hear faint laughter and a smirk from that chick. Then they dispart.

Now I'm eating my lunch and am feel incensed over that incident. So when the chick that served me happens to walk past my table I say, "So do they pay you to run your f*ckin' mouth at customers as well, girl?" This comes out sounding pretty aggressive, but it was spontaneous and as I say, I'm fed up with this type of treatment -- it's venting and I'm on auto-pilot. The girl lets out a befuddled, "Excuse me?!" to which I reply, "Ah, f*ck you." Now I'm getting some stares from near-by seated patrons, and this chick scurries off. I finish my meal and walk out of there without further ado.

The type of treatment that chick showed me is just ONE example of what I put up with day to day. As I said earlier in this post, I experience similar type of hostility at least a dozen times a day. And naturally, I've had a gutful of this shabby treatment, hence the auto-pilot pr*ck mode.

I just don't know if I'm overreacting. I don't want to be known as a bitter, sensistive, emotionally unhinged guy. On the other hand I feel that I'm merely responding in a tit-for-tat manner, and thus feel justified. What do you people think about all of this?

 

[Tyson420]

Maybe you did something stupid and rumors spread. I dunno that's weird.

 

[morningbrew]

Civility in general is on a decline but you're most likely giving off a salty vibe. Try to keep positive thoughts in your mind and remember it's not all about you. Staying angry isn't going to improve anything. I always like to meet hostility with a smile. Kill them with kindness. Why ruin your state of well-being over the opinion of some jerk.

I deal with a fair amount of what you're going through. I'm a Northerner in a very insular Southern state and there are a lot of jackasses that still harbor a grudge (Civil War?) against outsiders, especially Yankee outsiders.

Also, if you're in a small town rumors and gossip are a past time. You get a name for certain things very quickly.

 

[DonChino]

To the thread starter I know exactly what you mean. I don't experience it as bad as your example but I do get overall rudeness pretty often. In my situation it's just trivial stuff like a cashier saying "thank you have a nice day, etc" to like 3 people in front of me but when I check out they say nothing; so I think to myself **** you to. It really is small but it's there and I notice it.

 

[Ease]

I was hoping this was a troll as i was reading.

It sounds like you have some social paranoia.

I was shocked you actually confronted a waitress and told her to **** off because you thought she was talking to her friend about you. That kind of thing gives off a very psycho vibe, and with that kind of behaviour im not at all surprised that your complaining that strangers seem to respond badly to you.

It could be a slight paranoia problem, i wouldnt worry but maybe you should look into it. Apart from that, calm down man...

 

[Nutz]

My first thought is do you smile? When you talk to people just smile. It's amazing how much of a difference that makes. And don't just passively interact with people. Ask them if it's been a busy day, make small talk about the weather, anything of that sort will be better than passively going about your day. You might also find people are just having a bad day or something and if you're walking through life with a scowl of your own on your face it could be what's setting them off.

 

[snackwitch]

dude, no offense, but you have anger issues.

It seems like you are overcompensating for your "passivity" with aggressiveness. I agree with ease, you are showing signs of social paranoia and you want people to validate your feelings are legitimate and not just in your own head.

If you are at unease and you are looking for disgust and dislike in other people, guess what... you will find it. But if you are truly at ease you won't let little **** like some waitress's dirty looks or gossiping get you so worked up.

The angry person is letting emotions control him and not the other way around, grasshopper.

 

[Ice882]

the OP and anyone who knows "exactly where he's coming from" needs so much help. so much. look at this quote:

When I look in the mirror I don't see anything wrong with me, so that can't be it.

The fact that this is NOT said in jest or with sarcasm should be having you shaking your head if your head is screwed on straight. Get help OP.

 

[Voice]

the OP and anyone who knows "exactly where he's coming from" needs so much help. so much. look at this quote:



The fact that this is NOT said in jest or with sarcasm should be having you shaking your head if your head is screwed on straight. Get help OP.

I've actually done that plenty of times. It's nothing more than anxiety. The OP isn't crazy, however he does suffer from plenty of irrational thoughts and anxiety.

To OP:

Like mentioned before, I think you could benefit from something like CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) to change your irrational negative thoughts. Just research it.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Laugh Out Loud. Hilarious. I've experienced the same. Wtf is going on? I had one waitress/greeter at a breakfast place last weekend turn her head and cough, this in turn made me sick for the greater part of this past week. Don't come to work if you're sick goddamnit!

 

[HeyPachuco!]

Double post -----

 

[HeyPachuco!]

How many people from this forum experience day-to-day hostility from STRANGERS? I'm not talking about full-on aggression, but rather subtle hostility: a piercing glare, talking under their breath as they pass you, rolling eyes, lopsided grins, sneers, shakes of the head, etc.

I want to know this: Is what I'm experiencing just the norm? I mean sure, not every body will like me, I understand that, but why would COMPLETE STRANGERS act this way? And it's not like these types of hostilities are seldom occurrences either. Say I go down to do the shopping, I'll experience the above-mentioned no less than by a dozen people, men and women. When I look in the mirror I don't see anything wrong with me, so that can't be it.

Welcome to the real world. You'll find that some people will smile at you, and more often others will subconciously sneer and give you dirty looks. Personally, I notice this quite abit with me.

I get it from guys more than girls thou'. When girls do it, I usually get talking under there breath followed by laughing or giggling and it makes me wonder what the eff they're talking and giggling about.

Thats why I look at passing car windows often, just to check my face lol. I think it's just social paranoia. Especially if you aren't with any of your buddies you'll experience this more. Everybodies on alert in shopping malls and arcades I've noticed.

If you're going about your day-to-day buisness. It shouldn't be visible, but if you aren't doing anything and scoping about for girls, you may look like a creep or if you're scrutinizing people's facial expressions, you could be calling it upon yourself?

Try walking down the street, and the first person who looks at you, look ahead of them, dont stear at them and see what there next expression would be (sneer, muttering, giggling etc), try looking from the side of your eye and when they pass - look back to see if they're still in this expression - 99.9% they're probably not.

All I can say is, the majority of the human race and day-to-day people DO NOT KNOW YOU from adams. So don't take it personal when you experience the above. They do not know your weaknesses or your fears. You might think they're talking about you, giving you dirty looks etc.. but they can be looking at you whilst talking about a whole different thing.

But what really ticks me off, is the women with pushchairs and a baby, who think they can walk right into you and you must move out of the way for common courtesy. I will respect the young and old but some women with pushchairs take it too far.

About a week ago I was outside the shopping mall and I didn't see this woman and her pram coming, I spat out my gum, and it looked asif she deliberatley went 20mph into the flying spit and into her pram! She looked at the baby and then looked up at me and started snarling and going "OHHHH ..ohh..tut, huff, tut" - huffing and puffing. There is always going to be some idiots especially in controlled busy enviroments.

 

[DonChino]

I don't see whats wrong with him confronting the waitress, we weren't there but if she was really making rude comments about him with her coworker then by all means confront her.

To Ice882, why would you say that? I need help because I'm making an observation? If someone does something rude or snide, I notice it, it doesn't affect my mood because I don't let others control my emotions. If you are actively seeking out rudeness then yeah that's being paranoid. But if I'm just going about my business and someone happens to be rude you must be blind or deaf to not notice. I'm not going to go out of my way to be rude back to them but I definitely wont be polite either. Now tell me what is wrong with what I just said that I would need "so much help. so much."

Now keep in mind Ice882 when you respond to the second paragraph this is about me and you. I'm not talking about the OP in my response to your comment.

 

[zekko]

So when the chick that served me happens to walk past my table I say, "So do they pay you to run your f*ckin' mouth at customers as well, girl?" This comes out sounding pretty aggressive, but it was spontaneous and as I say, I'm fed up with this type of treatment -- it's venting and I'm on auto-pilot. The girl lets out a befuddled, "Excuse me?!" to which I reply, "Ah, f*ck you."

It's hard to believe you're complaining about other people being hostile when you do something like this. Sounds to me like you're the hostile one.

Basically all the girl did was give what you interpreted as a dirty look, and you cuss her out like a psycho. You have no idea what the girl was actually thinking or what she and the other girl were discussing. Sounds to me like you're paranoid. Even if she was glaring at you, she did not deserve the treatment you gave her. Not acceptable social behavior.

 

[Ice882]

Chino:

I don't see whats wrong with him confronting the waitress, we weren't there but if she was really making rude comments about him with her coworker then by all means confront her.

To Ice882, why would you say that? Because if you know exactly where he's coming from, then you have the same problems as him. This sort of irrationally percieved disrespect is something that you should seek help for. I need help because I'm making an observation? Because you're empathizing. If someone does something rude or snide, I notice it, it doesn't affect my mood because I don't let others control my emotions. I never get dirty looks or snide comments. Never. The only way that happens is if you're a) dressed like a douche b) carrying yourself like a douche or c) So pathetically ugly and/or awkward that it stands out in a crowd. If you are actively seeking out rudeness then yeah that's being paranoid. Yeah...you're either doing that, or doing one of the three options I listed before. But if I'm just going about my business and someone happens to be rude you must be blind or deaf to not notice. Okay, sometimes crazy people will do this, but its not this CONSTANT STREAM of disrespect. It might happen once every blue moon--not what you and the OP are going through. I'm not going to go out of my way to be rude back to them but I definitely wont be polite either. Sounds like you are a little more mentally stable than the OP. Now tell me what is wrong with what I just said that I would need "so much help. so much."

Now keep in mind Ice882 when you respond to the second paragraph this is about me and you. I'm not talking about the OP in my response to your comment. You two had to be connected because of the similarities in your two cases.

Just telling it like it is.

 

[BigWillyStyle]

the OP and anyone who knows "exactly where he's coming from" needs so much help. so much. look at this quote:


Quote:
When I look in the mirror I don't see anything wrong with me, so that can't be it.


The fact that this is NOT said in jest or with sarcasm should be having you shaking your head if your head is screwed on straight. Get help OP.

Ice882, you're a dumb c*nt. Rather than hurl virulent abuse, how about just sticking to answering my questions. Better still, stick to the highschool forum, boy. ****ing little idiot.

Everybody else, thank you for your comments.

 

[RamboCS]

Whats up, Larry David?

I've always actually felt unnecessary hostility towards me, my entire life. I couldn't raise my hand until after recess in 2nd grade. Teachers hated me long before I became the record holder of time spent in in-house suspension. They drove me to that point, made me stop caring about grades.

Then you get the nay-sayers amongst your friends, you'll say something and they'll disagree vehemently, as if you really cared all that much about your opinion in the first place. You gotta walk on egg shells just to avoid arguing for no reason. I got this a lot during high school, people waiting for me to slip up so they could verbally attack me for it.

I likened my problem to Larry Davids, and always have. People take what he says too seriously, and get bent out of shape. They care too much about what LD thinks, and I've always encountered similar hostility to what he faces in Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Unlike you, however, its not usually with a group of strangers. The only time I find hostility from strangers is when they see me hitting on a girl or girls they themselves are also hitting on.

If any strangers at all are glaring or talking about me from a distance, I'm well aware that the topic of discussion is most likely about my long hair, be it positive or negative. That or whatever hippie clothes or ridiculously suave, super villain-esque suit I got on.

 

[ENIGMA16]

This sounds like some kind of extreme anxiety/paranoia rather than something that's actually happening. I doubt that the girl you cussed out was actually talking about you, for example.

 

[Phenomenal One]

I've experience this too, not alot but it does happen.
for me it's normal and since we live in the "i don't have a problem, you do" era there are a bunch of people walkin around with bad attitudes ready to start sh*t.

the whole "that happened because you were thinking about it" is bullsh*t.

 

[Phenomenal One]

double post