Getting comfortable

[Raggendecanton]

Hey guys,

So i am noticing a pattern here. Some background information: i am 31, workout 4-5x times a week, have no trouble getting plates and or ltrs, have good friends and a very good job.

My problem is this: when i am spinning a lot of plates and/or in life in general when i am single i have an abundance mindset. I honestly have the idgaf attitude wich seems too attracts women. But after a while of spinning plates i drop them for the one with the most potential for LTR, mind you i wanna have a family someday... Everything is always going great in the first period of the relationship. I always have doubts, focus on my mission and goals etc. But after a while it seems like i get too comfortable, i very slowly lose my frame (although thats what i think), i start too slip up a bit etc. Then the tables turn and everything goes downhill and i get a little oneitis.

I question myself: do i truelly have an abudance mindset, how do i stop getting comfortable. I feel like i cant be always pushing the cart 100%, sometimes i gotta catch my breath a bit, relax and recharge. Or maybe i am matching with the wrong women? Spinning plates is fun and all but LTRs are a bit different, its a slippery slope and i feel like i am missing something or that i am doing something wrong. I wanna learn and improve but dont know how.

Any opinions?

 

[Mertz09]

"I honestly have the idgaf attitude which seems too attracts women." When I think back to when I was much younger and had this attitude.
Was the time in my life that I was getting laid almost "on demand" LOL There is something to it.

 

[soulforge]

Hey guys,

So i am noticing a pattern here. Some background information: i am 31, workout 4-5x times a week, have no trouble getting plates and or ltrs, have good friends and a very good job.

My problem is this: when i am spinning a lot of plates and/or in life in general when i am single i have an abundance mindset. I honestly have the idgaf attitude wich seems too attracts women. But after a while of spinning plates i drop them for the one with the most potential for LTR, mind you i wanna have a family someday... Everything is always going great in the first period of the relationship. I always have doubts, focus on my mission and goals etc. But after a while it seems like i get too comfortable, i very slowly lose my frame (although thats what i think), i start too slip up a bit etc. Then the tables turn and everything goes downhill and i get a little oneitis.

I question myself: do i truelly have an abudance mindset, how do i stop getting comfortable. I feel like i cant be always pushing the cart 100%, sometimes i gotta catch my breath a bit, relax and recharge. Or maybe i am matching with the wrong women? Spinning plates is fun and all but LTRs are a bit different, its a slippery slope and i feel like i am missing something or that i am doing something wrong. I wanna learn and improve but dont know how.

Any opinions?

When you say too comfortable? Expand on this...

Are you quitting the gym?
Are you texting & calling her more than she is you?
Are you spending more than 2-3 days a week with her?
Are you being too open about your feelings with her?
Are you even selecting good chicks?

And yes.. Banging a few chicks on the weekend, is easy mode, compared to maintaining a long term healthy relationship.

 

[soulforge]

"I honestly have the idgaf attitude which seems too attracts women." When I think back to when I was much younger and had this attitude.
Was the time in my life that I was getting laid almost "on demand" LOL There is something to it.

The IDGAF mindset vanishes for MOST men, when they like a girl and want to maintain a relationship with her.

You can still have a IDGAF attitude in a strictly exclusive relationship with a girl, but that happens naturally when you don't like/care or are not highly attracted to the girl.

 

[Mertz09]

The IDGAF mindset vanishes for MOST men, when they like a girl and want to maintain a relationship with her.

You can still have a IDGAF attitude in a strictly exclusive relationship with a girl, but that happens naturally when you don't like/care or are not highly attracted to the girl.

Agree

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

You have to get comfortable with the abundance mindset so you can keep not giving a fvck.

 

[Raggendecanton]

When you say too comfortable? Expand on this...

Are you quitting the gym?
Are you texting & calling her more than she is you?
Are you spending more than 2-3 days a week with her?
Are you being too open about your feelings with her?
Are you even selecting good chicks?

And yes.. Banging a few chicks on the weekend, is easy mode, compared to maintaining a long term healthy relationship.

Thx for the responses guys. No i am not quitting the gym. But i am def texting and calling more then i should. Also i feel when ur in an LTR you gotta open up more, so yeah u naturally start too talk about feelings in general. What your goals are in life and ofcourse how u feel about her.

I am not spending more then 2 or 3 times a week with them. I think its about loosing frame bit by bit. But i mean u have too communicate much more when ur in an LTR. Its so much more difficult then spinning plates. I thought once i got older i would understand women a lot better. But if i look back right now, i would say the more i know, the more i dont know.

I understand a lot of advice here. Have been a long time lurker. But its all fun and games and quite easy too get lays. The difficult part seems too be actually keeping a steady, healthy relationship for all sides.

 

[Raggendecanton]

The IDGAF mindset vanishes for MOST men, when they like a girl and want to maintain a relationship with her.

You can still have a IDGAF attitude in a strictly exclusive relationship with a girl, but that happens naturally when you don't like/care or are not highly attracted to the girl.

I totally agree. But then the question remains; how can we fix this? It doesnt seem right too me too get with a girl that i dont care about or am not so attracted too.

 

[Raggendecanton]

You have to get comfortable with the abundance mindset so you can keep not giving a fvck.

Yeah but is this how u wanna go true life? Not giving a **** about the people you care about?

I understand what you are saying. Just doubt if its an long term solution for living in a healthy relationship, if thats a goal you wanna go for.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Hey guys,

So i am noticing a pattern here. Some background information: i am 31, workout 4-5x times a week, have no trouble getting plates and or ltrs, have good friends and a very good job.

My problem is this: when i am spinning a lot of plates and/or in life in general when i am single i have an abundance mindset. I honestly have the idgaf attitude wich seems too attracts women. But after a while of spinning plates i drop them for the one with the most potential for LTR, mind you i wanna have a family someday... Everything is always going great in the first period of the relationship. I always have doubts, focus on my mission and goals etc. But after a while it seems like i get too comfortable, i very slowly lose my frame (although thats what i think), i start too slip up a bit etc. Then the tables turn and everything goes downhill and i get a little oneitis.

I question myself: do i truelly have an abudance mindset, how do i stop getting comfortable. I feel like i cant be always pushing the cart 100%, sometimes i gotta catch my breath a bit, relax and recharge. Or maybe i am matching with the wrong women? Spinning plates is fun and all but LTRs are a bit different, its a slippery slope and i feel like i am missing something or that i am doing something wrong. I wanna learn and improve but dont know how.

Any opinions?

If you want a family, you can only marry one woman. Go out on some dates. If you think a woman is mother/wife material, you start a relationship. If all goes well, you marry and have a family.

There’s no mindset required. And it’s that simple.

An opinion: I think LTR’s not leading to marriage are utter wastes of time. I’m anti-bf and gf.

 

[Mertz09]

I totally agree. But then the question remains; how can we fix this? It doesnt seem right too me too get with a girl that i dont care about or am not so attracted too.

I'm an Old guy. Simple answer...we can't fix it. It is what it is.
And if you don't care about her..at least a little...then don't "get" with her.
It's really that simple Men.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You fail to understand that what gets you into a relationship is not the same thing that actually maintains the relationship long term.

 

[BadBoy89]

Also i feel when ur in an LTR you gotta open up more, so yeah u naturally start too talk about feelings in general. What your goals are in life and ofcourse how u feel about her.

Who said you have to open up more?

Once a man has slept with a woman, her asking a man to “open up more” = “give me more information about yourself so I can understand your weaknesses and vulnerabilities and crush you when the time is ripe.”

A woman can’t physically over power a man, so the only way she play the game is by emotionally over powering him, If a man doesn’t disclose his emotions, she’s got nothing.

But i mean u have too communicate much more when ur in an LTR. Its so much more difficult then spinning plates. I thought once i got older i would understand women a lot better. But if i look back right now, i would say the more i know, the more i dont know.

Who the hell said you have to communicate more? A man should communicate as much as needed to sleep with a woman. Nothing more, even when he is in a LTR.

If an LTR is so difficult, why are you doing it? Come on bro, for someone who has no difficulty getting plates, your logic is not very good here.

 

[Raggendecanton]

You fail to understand that what gets you into a relationship is not the same thing that actually maintains the relationship long term.

Yeah i think i agree. Thats where i need too learn more on how too keep one for a long time

 

[Raggendecanton]

Who said you have to open up more?

Once a man has slept with a woman, her asking a man to “open up more” = “give me more information about yourself so I can understand your weaknesses and vulnerabilities and crush you when the time is ripe.”

A woman can’t physically over power a man, so the only way she play the game is by emotionally over powering him, If a man doesn’t disclose his emotions, she’s got nothing.



Who the hell said you have to communicate more? A man should communicate as much as needed to sleep with a woman. Nothing more, even when he is in a LTR.

If an LTR is so difficult, why are you doing it? Come on bro, for someone who has no difficulty getting plates, your logic is not very good here.

Thanks man this is making some sense too me. Its not that i am opening up everyday ofcourse but it adds up. I feel like i have too improve a bit on too implement the mindset of when i am single too EVERYDAY life. And look back on why the hell i think i need to do "more" when i am in an ltr.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Same age as you and similar situation although I have the problem the other way around

When I am attracted to a woman and theres some mutual interest back I tend to either over play my hand OR reveal way too much too fast

But once ive fvcked a chick a couple of times I tend to take total control especially as we enter relationship terriority , once I know I have her I'm able to emotionally withdraw and always keep her at arms length

women despite what they say much prefer the idea of losing you compared to the idea of you being complacent and actually keeping you which is odd but yea probably something to do with the female primal brain

As long as your not too emotionally dependent on her and keep focusing on improving yourself she will never leave

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Yeah but is this how u wanna go true life? Not giving a **** about the people you care about?

I understand what you are saying. Just doubt if its an long term solution for living in a healthy relationship, if thats a goal you wanna go for.

Back when I was young, I cared too much about other people's opinions and almost committed suicide at 16, when I realised that my misery came from putting other people's opinions first. After that, IDGAF anymore about anybody else's opinion and lived a rough life until I almost got killed at 23. That woke me up and I changed my life so I wouldn't die before 30, but the attitude remained.

I have a few good friends and I'm positively regarded by most people around me. Since 17 I've always been in relationships with multiple women (and no, I don't call that 'spinning plates') and I'm honest with them about non-exclusivity. I divorced in 2016 from the mother of my children, but we're in almost daily 'whatsapp' contact (children are still under 18).

I'm over fifty, I've had long and short relationships, but my IDGAF attitude was actually what kept most of the relationships together. I'm not aloof or morose, I'm positive and women enjoy my company, but if I need to feel like sharing my darker emotions, I have my friends. I'm an Einzelgänger, so I'm not looking for live-in women.

I'm here on SoSuave to study the Manosphere to use in my fiction, not to learn how to get and keep women. I've got that down.

 

[soulforge]

If you want a family, you can only marry one woman. Go out on some dates. If you think a woman is mother/wife material, you start a relationship. If all goes well, you marry and have a family.

There’s no mindset required. And it’s that simple.

An opinion: I think LTR’s not leading to marriage are utter wastes of time. I’m anti-bf and gf.

I agree with this too, especially if you are an older man & have already banged a bunch of woman in your 20s 30s.

If the girl you are dating, is not someone that you can eventually have children with or live with, then it's just pointless.

You are both simply killing time with eachother, till one of you decided to move the hell on.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

You are both simply killing time with eachother, till one of you decided to move the hell on.

If only you knew how much fun killing time could be, you wouldn't be so cavalier.

 

[Manure Spherian]

If only you knew how much fun killing time could be, you wouldn't be so cavalier.

It certainly is fun, and I’ve experienced such fun killing time. But at some point I had to stop killing time because I wanted a wife and children.

The OP said he wants a family. Most men are not lone wolves. Some try to front like they are, but they’re not.

I actually respect your approach that works for you specifically because you do not lead women on and you are not riddled with desperation, as some on here are.