getting back with an ex

[speedo_meme]

i had a girl i thought was "the one" back at the beginning of the year. To make a long story short, I got scared, pulled back, then she pulled back, then I acted like a big wussy and she dumped me. I guess we broke up in February, and it was a bad breakup, for me anyway, I think it actually was a relief for her.

Either way, I've been out with 5 girls since then, and fvcked 2 of them, and actually dated 1 sort of exclusively for awhile, so I've been out there with other girls and living my own life, not sitting around depressed.

I've got options (other than the big girl in my other thread) but I still am hung up on my ex. She was perfect for me, and I acted like a wussy. We've only had one phone conversation since then, and we do a little emailing now and then, always light and funny, and I usually initiate it, she has once I think.

I guess what I want to know is if there's a chance to rekindle this or if it is just a waste of my time. I definitely think she is worth it, because I know exactly what I did to turn her off. I'm looking for you Don Juan's to give me some pointers as to how to ease back into this with her having controversial IL. I think I could raise her IL if I saw her, that's always the way it was. I'm not good at the phone conversations. Anyway, let me know what you think....

 

[DoubleA]

I've got the receipe...

Speedo,

Our stories sound similar only too similar. Hmm.. Well I've been there before.

Here it is:

She still has too be attacted to you still. Maybe you lay pipe pretty good. Maybe you make her smile. If it's only been a few months then the IL is still there. However, she could now be attracted to guys with bald heads. Who know?? But if it's been six I wouldn't expect too much. If she decides to hangout then you can take two courses of action.

1. You pvssy foot around and "worm" your way back in. "Hey let's hangout, sometime " - then you hangout but you treat her like a friend.

Reality: By acting cool and friendly you take the chance of her calling you out. She might play along and think you're still in "indecision mode". Which in turn, gain the title of ULTRA-WUSS. Once again WASTING HER TIME. And TO HER, playing more games.

OR

2. You can come with it and ANTE UP. Tell her something has been missing in your life; and it's her. You should mean it but not be SIMPIN. All Boys 2 Men like "On bended Knee". But tell her you really missed her. Because you do. And you really missed her. MEAN IT. Just being true to yourself.

Reality: This may not work either because she may have moved on in the sense of telling you she's met someone when she hasn't. Or she has met someone who may not be half the guy you are, but as THE DOC says she'll won't tell you the truth. In the sense shooting herself in the foot. Knowing she wants you back.
But like any gamble, you laid it all on the line with best intentions. Be prepared to hear NO. But hope for YES. If yes, you'll find a way. If NO, like Tecmo Bowl Legend Brad Muster said, "I gave it all and left it on the field. So there are no tears."

(But there is a setback so to speak for this action. She may want you to jump through hoops. And prove yourself. If you think she's worth it then Go For It. This is sort of a test I think. Mainly ignited by insecurity on her part.)

3. Or you could do like I do. Regret. And let the time pass by enough where it doesn't hurt as bad, gradually. As the world turns, she became more than a memory of what could have been. But there's always seems to be one that got away. Everybody's got a girl that got away. Keep living. Your PURPOSEFUL EXISTENCE isn't based on one person, esp a skirt. Letting go will be easier as time goes on.

So I say go for the second option. That way you'll always be sure of where you stand and you can find out her position. BUT DO NOT CONFESS ANY UNDYING LOVE FOR HER. COME ONE, SHE KNOWS YOU"VE BEEN WITH OTHER WOMEN AND DATED ONE SERIOUSLY. Instead show her you miss an old friend. And you'll find away to make it work. And she'll do the same if interested.

Good Luck. Hold your head.

Remember..

If you BELIEVE. You will ACHIEVE. - The Heatbreak Kid Shawn Michaels

 

[speedo_meme]

lol.......if Shawn says it, it's gotta be true......thanks for the advice....I actually met him at a bar in Dallas once, real nice guy....

P.S. I hope he kicks Hogan's arse Sunday night

 

[DoubleA]

From my understanding Shawn got his life right. He stopped being angry. Put the coke down. Found peace within. He got right.

Yeah, he's got a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGG match with that stiff Hogan. If puts him over he might be one of the best of all time.

But I wish you the best money. Bring home the gold.

 

[NewMan]

2. You can come with it and ANTE UP. Tell her something has been missing in your life; and it's her. You should mean it but not be SIMPIN. All Boys 2 Men like "On bended Knee". But tell her you really missed her. Because you do. And you really missed her. MEAN IT. Just being true to yourself.

The longer you've been apart the harder it is. She may not want to deal with the drama anymore - may have found someone else - may have grown etc. etc. etc.

This is tough deal to close - even if she does accept what you say and is interested in maybe trying to see what happens - your playing with scared money - be carefull not to give to much up for her.

 

[speedo_meme]

Rollo,

I'm wondering how to go about this (number 2) without completely being anti-challenge. Any advice on that? Like I said, I should probably let it go. It doesn't keep me up at night or anything, but it sucks to know that I let her get away when we had everything in common, blah blah blah,
and I killed it by being a wuss.

I wonder would it help to tell her straight out that I've changed some of the things that split us apart like my sarcastic attitude and indecisibility, again the traits of a wuss. She'd see a different guy now, that's for sure. I guess I need to find a way to show her without telling her.

 

[DoubleA]

LOL

Speedo it wounds like we have the same issues. LOL! But you may get another chance.

Use you wits, kid.

1. DO you want her? -
Really ask yourself this? Is it her or a the feeling you had with her at that moment in time. Sorry to tell you if you're looking for it be as good as the time in February. It's probably not going to be. But if you're looking to have a whole new experience then that's the mindset you should have.

2.

Like I said, I should probably let it go. It doesn't keep me up at night or anything, but it sucks to know that I let her get away when we had everything in common, blah blah blah, Written by Speedo

- Good GAWD Man! Take a stand. Grab your Nuts! Be alive! Play your hand....Be a Man (Pook tha Great). What are you scared of? She says, NO. So what!!!! I live with regret everyday. But I keep living. I breathe in and out. You don't seem like a obsessive bloke like myself. So you'll get over it. It took me time. a very long time. That's why when the idea of her coming back, was planted in my head by mutual friends. I backed off. It hurt too much. I didn't want to go back. I worked to hard to go forward. Maybe now a different story could be told. But then, no.

- You didn't kill it by being a wuss. You made a mistake. Fellas...Remember...It is ok that we make MISTAKES. It is OK to be upset over a made mistake. IT's ALL PART OF BEING A HUMAN BEING. So you feeling like a wuss is misplaced. Kid, I've made my share of mistakes more than most people care to admit their own personal mistakes. A fool? Maybe. A wuss. NO. But things always work out for a purpose that we can't see. Maybe you are meant to meet a Superwoman who'll eliminate all your doubtvin her. But don't be to hard on yourself. Sacrifice for the best. Because the best is yet too come.

- You need to sh1t or get off the toilet. Besides it's been six months. People change the leaves from Fall to Winter and so on. Just call and see how she's doing.

I wonder would it help to tell her straight out that I've changed some of the things that split us apart like my sarcastic attitude and indecisibility, again the traits of a wuss. She'd see a different guy now, that's for sure. I guess I need to find a way to show her without telling her.Written by Speedo

LOL! man this too funny. I was the same way. I still am. Maybe you're like me at times a wise azz. So what. They're are worst things to be in life. A liar. A cheat. A theif. A glutton. A child molester. A dead beat parent. A hypocrite. So you're a little sarcastic big deal. But for the most part, do you treat people with some ounce of decency and repect for the most part? If Yes. You're no bad guy. Forget about it. BUT just ease up sometimes. I forget sometimes that women can be delicate and fragile if they are having a bad day. Yo think of yourself as Steel. You don't break. But you are bendable.

The best way to show her is "not to show her."

That flick..Swingers. She called when he didn't call. It works like that. But in this case, just live your life. Keep living. Live to the fullest. Not for her. But for YOU. JUST LIVE WELL.

Then one day, like me, you'll won't need anyone to depend on. But feel blessed. Come home to a small apartment. A few friends who you can count on. They count on you. A tight family unit. a six pack of Yengling in the fridge. little things that make life worth living. Realizing you changing to make something work was never the answer. It was all about balance.

 

[speedo_meme]

well rollo, it appears you were right.....i may get a second chance.

Someone please explain this. I called her up last night out of the blue, and she's very excited to see me. the whole conversation was upbeat, and she kept making references to my parents and some stuff she had left at my house. I was dumbfounded, it was almost as if she had high IL again, maybe she does, h*ll if i know....

we're going to the park this week to walk our dogs and just to hang out. It was funny because she was excited to see me. Now I'm not getting my hopes up, I have learned my lesson and I'm not the afc i used to be. What's some advice to keep her IL up this time and not screw up like i did before? Should i try to bang her that night or play hard to get? Like i said, I'm in a good position, but it's still a very fragile position.....

 

[DoubleA]

Speedo! My Man!...

Someone please explain this. I called her up last night out of the blue, and she's very excited to see me. the whole conversation was upbeat, and she kept making references to my parents and some stuff she had left at my house. I was dumbfounded, it was almost as if she had high IL again, maybe she does, h*ll if i know.... Written by Speedo

Who cares? You'll never know why. I mean maybe she thought you two needed time apart. Maybe it was someone else. Maybe she just got sick of you. Forget about it. Enjoy each other's company. If the conversation comes up she'll talk to you about it. But unless the boat's sinking again. Let it be.

My problem was I was mad at her when I should have been mad at myself for being an F'N AFC. Big Time. When she walked out I should have got my flow on or atleast tried to stick other chicks and found a new one. But I didn't. Big lesson learned.

we're going to the park this week to walk our dogs and just to hang out. It was funny because she was excited to see me. Now I'm not getting my hopes up, I have learned my lesson and I'm not the afc i used to be. What's some advice to keep her IL up this time and not screw up like i did before? Should i try to bang her that night or play hard to get? Like i said, I'm in a good position, but it's still a very fragile position..... Written by Speedo

Just be yourself. Remeber this?...

I wonder would it help to tell her straight out that I've changed some of the things that split us apart like my sarcastic attitude and indecisibility, again the traits of a wuss. She'd see a different guy now, that's for sure. I guess I need to find a way to show her without telling her.

Don't tell her how much you have changed. SHOW HER. If she can't see it, and is still complaining then the problem is still there. And hopefully the changes you went through are for yourself not for some flame who had issues and used it as an excuse to look at the front door.

Do what you feel. If you want to get in her pants do it. If not don't. I'd go for it. But what do I know.

Good luck, kid. :woo:

 

[Maximus_Decimus]

Re: Speedo! My Man!...

Originally posted by Rollo
And hopefully the changes you went through are for yourself not for some flame who had issues and used it as an excuse to look at the front door.

Yes, this is a good internal frame and mindset to have. You make changes for yourself and not for her.

Maximus_Decimus

 

[666]

inspiration

Hi guys,

Thanks for the inspiration Speedo_meme. I have a similar situation on my hands. I dumped her though, but she was going to dump me.

We haven't spoken for awhile, but we did chat last night for the first time in a few weeks since the breakup.

I dated since and am not desperate or anything like that, but would like to give it another shot. I feel I was also a bit of an AFC.

We will see what happens...

Good luck with your walk in the park.

 

[decades]

Originally posted by speedo_meme
Rollo,

I'm wondering how to go about this (number 2) without completely being anti-challenge. Any advice on that? Like I said, I should probably let it go. It doesn't keep me up at night or anything, but it sucks to know that I let her get away when we had everything in common, blah blah blah,
and I killed it by being a wuss.

I wonder would it help to tell her straight out that I've changed some of the things that split us apart like my sarcastic attitude and indecisibility, again the traits of a wuss. She'd see a different guy now, that's for sure. I guess I need to find a way to show her without telling her.

MOVE ON.....you know the answer....do it...go NC....NO CONTACT...most guys woldn't have got themselves laid so quickly after a breakup like yours. It tells me you have skills that will allow you to do just fine once you LET GO...There are countless new experiences out there for you. You had one with your ex and you learned and now its time to learn some more....

regards

mike

 

[speedo_meme]

awww...man....we went out last night and her IL is soaring again. I hope this is an inspiration to some guys out there with the same situation. Just give it time and don't bother her about it. I really can't believe it, she's done a 180, apologizing for sh*t she said and all kinds of crap. Gotta play it cool and keep it a challenge though.

Which brings me to another conflict. This guy who's friends with both of us (long story, but he used to date her years ago, now they're friends, she dumped him, he has a girlfriend now) calls her every now and again just to try and f*ck her or something. I really don't know his hidden agenda, I think he's still in love with her, like I was or am. Me and her are not together, not yet anyways, but it's looking up. How should I treat this? We've had a confrontation in the past (his girlfriend gave me her number in front of him lol). I guess it would be major AFC to get pissed off at her and raise hell about it. I played it off really cool last night. But with all I've been through the last thing I want is this ****s*cker calling her all the time.

It would be an even fight, luck would decide the outcome, but just curious what some of you would do....

 

[NewMan]

but just curious what some of you would do....

Me and her are not together

If your not together you do nothing.

If this bothers you though, you should reconsider trying to get back with her... because he seeing this guy is already an issue.

 

[DoubleA]

Speedo,

Listen. You don't want to be sharing someone you are into with someone else. That's for fools.

I'd ignore it, until it becomes an issue. It's only in your head. Let give them something to worry about. Right now it sounds like

FEAR - False Expectations Appearing Real.

If it turns out she slips up, you'll eventually find out. Until then keep ON LIVING. Man, you seem happy most of the guys here REGARDLESS would admit if they could've kept the one that got away, it would be a different story. Well...most of the guys for the most part.

Just don't get to far ahead of yourself. You'll know what to do when the time comes. Just believe in yourself.

 

[Ricky]

This gives me hope a bit for getting back with my ex.

But in the meantime Im meeting new women. I'm done studying for a while so here goes!

 

[Metalixia]

I posted this on another thread:

My suggestion? Forget all the player bull****.

If what you two shared was so special, just go with the feeling and romance her. Initiate contact. Embrace her...

Why are you asking for advice? Are you so pathetic that you have to make sure that it's the cool thing to do or something? Are you so chicken that you'd rather read stupid posts on an internet site, than take a risk and phone her?

By the way, I got back with an ex. She dumped me for being possesive and insecure, but I got her back.

 

[Ricky]

Well I do agree. After a couple of years on this board though you kind of get the feel that there is a right way to do things.

Not being needy is a great start. As long as we aren't needy and are the same guy that attracted them you can get them back. I believe it now.

 

[Metalixia]

Ricky, I read your other post, and I think you have some good advice.

 

[speedo_meme]

well, it is possible......you can get back with an ex, and the sex was unbelievable

no more afc-ing and she's eating that sh*t up....I got the best of both worlds