Game development // approach log

[FinallyAlpha]

8/52

All I'm interested in doing this week is shouting out some fellow forum members. I read the forums a lot and these guys, as I explain below, posted ideas that have helped me further understand game and how I can continue to grow and develop strong game.

Fruitbat
*Posted in a thread (can't remember which one) with a bullet point list of wisdom picked up on SS over the years. Some that resonated with me are:

• concentrate on yourself and not techniques;
• think about how she fullfils your needs and not the other way round;
• have a clear direction in life.

Machine10033
*In the same thread as Fruitbat, when asked to list similar wisdom:

• get goals that do not revolve around females;
• when you go out the goal is to have fun and never to get laid;
• the journey is about becoming your best self, which will attract the best mate for you; the journey is not getting chicks.

These ideas from the guys above hit home for me. I find them liberating. I don't need to stress about hunting women. I just need to keep relentlessly focusing on growing, improving and being the best version of myself. And that attracts better women.

Pan87
*Explained the idea of push & pull quite succinctly in a recent thread. That idea of knowing when to pull back and cool off in the attraction process is something that I never employed. In fact, I probably feared it in the past. And I understand now that is not attractive to women. Cool. I will continue to experiment with this more often.

Cheers

 

[FinallyAlpha]

9/52

There doesn't appear to be consensus in the forum on whether masturbation and porn are bad habits for men, or whether they have utility in specific circumstances. This is a question that I am currently considering.

Last month was draining and hectic for me: an inordinate amount of travel; pressure at work; a lot of alcohol consumed; and a brief spell of illness and burnout.

Nine days ago, my schedule cleared and I began to return to normal. I was physically and mentally depleted, and one of the symptoms was reverting back to masturbation and porn. Despite this, I felt excited to rebuild and grind on in the gym and at work. And the past week has been excellent.

But here's the kicker. Even though I have managed my energy levels well since returning back to a normal 'life process', that process is still demanding and I still feel depleted. The process of re-building good habits is hard.

I consciously stopped jerking off (as part of re-building that stronger, more positive sense of self) and I was enjoying it; heightened testosterone etc.

However, I was lying on my bed after work two nights ago, very tired, and something familiar happened. I was overcome by a sudden sense of being very horny and wanting to go out and pursue women. I faced a dilemma.

I had not masturbated for a week (masturbation = bad, weak etc.) and I am expecting of myself (non-negotiable) that I:

1. Don't drink for a while (preferably, one month)
2. Practise good sleep hygiene. (Don't stay out / up late chasing pvssy.)
3. Don't spew any money this month on women. (I had a lot of heavy spends last month.)
4. Just be exceptional at work and in the gym

That's great. Cool. Let's do that.

However, in that state I'm in on Wednesday night, something has got to give. I'm quite worked up. Either I compromise on this view of the strong, noble man and masturbate to some online porn. Or I continue to clumsily prod my phone with my thumb like a monkey, trying to re-download and install Tinder (thereby compromising on the version of myself I want to be this month.)

I watched porn and masturbated:

1. Saved money
2. Calmed me down
3. I got to sleep early
4. Tomorrow is another day to build money and muscles

So which is it? When we are focusing on ourselves (awesome) and getting girls takes a backseat (awesome), do we allow ourselves to masturbate and watch porn? Or is that cognitive dissonance, as we know porn is a pretty lethal sedative to us as men and we are denying the long term facts of such a habit?

Are we expected to go into literal Super Saiyan mode and do neither; simply bathing in the flames until the lust, desire and cravings subside?

( @Çharismo , any take on this? )

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Me

• Early thirties, living overseas."

How I got here
Firstly I want to say what a breath of fresh air this community is. Rollo Tomassi's interview on the Power Project podcast was recommended on my YouTube feed (thanks algorithm). I listened, bought The Rational Male, listened and now I'm here.

I lurched through my twenties, tormented by the refusal of my sex drive to align with the diktats of third wave feminism, postmodernism and cultural Marxism. I really wanted - and tried - to embrace and embody what was expected of me as a good modern man with 'integrity'. And I was thoroughly miserable. Through various experiences watching the culture, leaving a traditional corporate job and experiencing one or two toxic flings and relationships, I am now well on the path of ceasing to apologise for being a man. But I still have work to do to integrate what I fundamentally believe as true with how I see myself, how I speak to myself and how I act and carry myself out in the world. And I think this is a great place to work on this project with conviction.

How I am with women
I lost my virginity when I was 16. At college, I went through some long droughts but had sex a handful of times. During my college years, I was generally confused and unfocused when it came to women. (Oh to have discovered this literature and community at that time. For those of you in your early 20's, well done. Breath it in, it will save you untold hardship.)

As alluded to above, I was much more driven academically and professionally in my early 20's than to try and compete when it came to women. I wanted to save the world. I had a distinct martyrdom complex. As a result, my sexual encounters and relationships were mainly with whatever woman was available at the time I happened to be aroused (invariably being relatively undesirable or unattractive women, let's say). This resulted in many situations where beautiful young women, either showing indications of interest or outright coming onto me, were met with me bumbling, stuttering and running away. Needless to say, these missed opportunities are seared into my memory for life.

Out in the wilderness in my mid-twenties, my expectation was that I needed to find the One with whom I would once and for all cure the scourge of my unpredictable, runaway sex drive and finally become a well-functioning member of society. I had two relationships that I would class as more serious or longer (<1 year) and then several others that were either fck buddies, girls I was dating for a few months or just a 1-2 date thing. The majority of ONS I had in my mid-twenties were forgettable and with women who I wouldn't do it again with.

Things improved a little when I hit the road in my late-twenties and I started to think more seriously about who I was and what I wanted from life. The women I pursued actually turned me on. But my outlook and philosophies were still misaligned with my behaviour and who I was fundamentally. I had one downright bad relationship with a woman to whom I was very attracted but who was toxic, neurotic, co-dependent, flaky. I learned some stuff about myself through that one.

And now into the present. I've been living in the same place overseas for one year now and I have had sex with at least 11 women during that time. Of those 11:

• 5 were from apps
• 6 were from 'in real life'
• 5 were ONS / first date lay with no subsequent meet (all 5 of those followed up with me and tried to initiate another meet but I was not interested).
• 1 was my girlfriend for 6 months; our relationship ended with me sleeping with another woman, telling her and us both agreeing to end it. I didn't want to stay in the relationship. Despite how it sounds, it actually ended on good terms / 'well'.
• 5 were not attractive, to varying degrees. (I mean, some of them were bad.)
• I was really attracted to and really enjoyed having sex with 4 of them.
• The only one who is really still on the scene and texting me is probably over 40 years old. I met here at a dance class / social, asked for the phone number and closed on the second date. I generally enjoy the sex that we have.
• 1 was my language teacher who I was very turned on by. We had two classes, then had a date and I closed on the first date. We then had sex again two nights later, but I (politely) sent her home as it was a work night for me and I prioritise good sleep. She's followed up a couple of times since but actually flaked on me last week, so I had planned to just leave it. I'm guessing she may be salty that I did not arrange another language class because she wasn't a great teacher.

In critiquing my current game I would say:

• I am often (always?) in a mindset of scarcity as opposed to abundance that, I think, produces a thirsty energy towards women when potential opportunities present themselves
• Traditionally I may have tolerated unattractive or otherwise burdensome women for longer than would be optimal from an alpha viewpoint
• I think I have a (not-so-)subconscious fear or becoming a simp or catching feelings (and proceeding to undermine myself) with attractive women rather than being assertive and understanding and displaying my intrinsic value as an alpha. So I don't bother.
  • I don't have a lot of money right now. So I tend to feel inferior when it comes to women. My career is in an exciting place at the moment though and I forecast that my income will increase significantly over the next one year onwards.

Depending on how deep we want to go here, I have in the past (and still currently do) reserved the intimate, sexual and romantic side of myself for not-the-most attractive women. Maybe this is because it feels safer to express myself in that way with women who themselves are visibly far from perfect. Otherwise, with attractive women, I have this 'lacking' energy. What is the latest thing I need to compensate for, apologise for, now?

Now that I have identified this, or now that it is conscious, it horrifies me. Obviously, I want to integrate that and actively desire and pursue attractive women. Not just feel frustrated, cheated or humiliated when I see them. My default behavior and conditioning is to only excitedly pursue less attractive, sometimes chubby women. But then I see where I'm at in my life now, the risks I've taken, my prospects, my physique, my intelligence, and I think "I'm a stone cold fcking G. What the fck am I doing?"

How I want to be with women
I want to drastically change my track record with attractive women. (I.e. "I just don't get with 'hot' women".) I have deduced that conditioned low self-esteem is the cause of my avoidance of taking shots with hot women. But I'm old enough now not to let such trivial dogsh1t stand in the way of me being the man I want to be. God knows I deserve attractive women as much as the next guy, and I'm willing to compete for that.

That leads us to the question of where to go from here.

I would list my priorities as follows (in no particular order):

• Spend more time outside my comfort zone when it comes to game and meeting women
  • I live in a beach town with a fantastic ratio of attractive women around the place, so day game is a skill set that should be very effective.
  • I need to continue learning the local language as I would estimate that 60% of women don't speak English here.
• Decisively (i.e. consistent study and practise) grow strong game skills
  • First and foremost by continuing to focus on and cultivate my own skills, hobbies and passions that make me the man I want to be
  • Through trial and error in the field
  • Share and discuss my experiences here
  • I will download Rollo Tomassi's new book (the Player's Handbook) and start there

I would be lying if I didn't admit that I'm nervous to start racking up approaches, taking all the rejections on the chin and becoming a DJ. But the alternative of procrastinating through life is much more terrifying.

Welcome, brother.

Excited to see your journey. Stay true to yourself.


Modern Man Advice

 

[FinallyAlpha]

10/52

Game
Going to bin only current plate

• We fvcked last week. I bought dinner (I always pay).
• We’ve seen each other maybe 6 times. Average once-a-week or every 9 days. I always initiate. Zero texting outside of planning a meet.
• It’s a pity because she had the second best head game I’ve ever had in my life. Possibly joint best. I mean, incredibly strong. Busted in her mouth a couple of times and between her t1ts.
• Reason I’m binning is because she went on a trip the day after we met last week. I never look at her Instagram stories nor like her posts (she had made a reference in the past suggesting that she keeps tabs on who watches her stories). But, for some reason, I opened her stories today and she was on a hike with two topless guys and flirting with one. Next story was her flirting with the same guy at dinner after the hike. He was handsome and in good shape.
• I felt jealous; which surprised me. I always knew she was no more than a plate. She gives off slvtty vibes, is an Instagram h0e, is clearly very sexually experienced. She’s also broke and under-employed, and a daily weed smoker. Just generally nightmare material for anything other than plate.
• But we bonded and shared some stuff. I made her cvm during sex last week. And she says a lot of sh1t during sex. Standard, obv.
• Anyway, I’m not going to simp myself here, and be the beta who buys dinner. So I muted her stories and posts. And I won’t initiate with her anymore. If she initiates in future we’ll see. Strategy would probably be not to buy dinner for at least two more meet-ups and bang and take it from there. But again, feels like a #next spot.

I experienced a 'proof-of-concept' here. I ignored this plate, as per the above. I was away at a party and posted it on IG. She instantly reacted to it and DM'd saying that she was glad I was having a good time. I simply replied "thank you. Yes, it was great."

Two weeks or so later, she initiated. I didn't put my hand in my pocket all night. She collected me from my place. Brought me to her place. We smoked some of her weed, drank a little of her gin. She gave me a massage. We fvcked. And she drove me home.

It was by no means the best the night of my life. But it was relaxing and enjoyable. I'm happy to have learned some of these tools that we can utilize in these types of situations from the forum so far.

 

[FinallyAlpha]

11/52

Sup

I have been enjoying the Murk thread. I appreciate your candor. It is refreshing and endearing. Tough spot. I would recommend a massive dose of psilocybin mushrooms every 18 months. Then you will marry this woman and be happy. Talking therapy, not so much. Don’t bother. You’re too far gone. You sound like a neurotic type A guy. And talking therapy is usually wack anyway.

———-

I went on a date with an overweight 2 or 3. In my defense:
*I didn’t know she was fat before we met
*She looked worse in person
*It was more of a reconnaissance mission (just sat with her for a while in a public place) to verify whether I was attracted to her or not
*I left after a short while

I did however, shamefully, invite her back to my place after I said I was leaving. Fvcking cretinous behavior. Thankfully she declined.

I need to stop wanking.

I’m so fvcking tired all of the time. I took on another professional project on top of my business (I had to). I’m trying to keep a good routine and I’m in the gym…. 5 days a week.

I’m not crying about it. It’s just a fact. Trying to channel my inner David Goggins.

I think I just need to take my hand off my d1ck because it’s making me depressed.

 

[FinallyAlpha]

12/52

As far as I remember, I have not fapp'd this week. I was sick all week so *shrug* ... I guess that's a win. I don't really know what to tell ya. I still managed to have a relatively productive week.

I'm trying to pick up Athletic Greens or something similar to bolster my immune system because it has not been great.

I'll keep the no fap going. At least that way I'll be motivated to try and get some action. It has been 3 weeks since I last f*cked, so I guess I'm in a dry spell. That's not necessarily bugging me. I'm getting on with more important things. But it's good to stay active.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Out of curiosity, why out of the 5 ONS women did you not decide to keep any them in your rotation of plates? Were they low quality on the looks scale and you just decided to hit and quit once? Were they crazy? Was there something else going on with them?

Just seems strange to me that if the goal is to date and bang women that women you already banged who are interested in continuing to do so wouldn't become a plate. I usually don't bang a woman once that I would t be interested in doing so again, so that doesn't really make sense to me...Unless of course they weren't of sufficient quality and it was a one time thing.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

12/52

As far as I remember, I have not fapp'd this week. I was sick all week so *shrug* ... I guess that's a win. I don't really know what to tell ya. I still managed to have a relatively productive week.

I'm trying to pick up Athletic Greens or something similar to bolster my immune system because it has not been great.

I'll keep the no fap going. At least that way I'll be motivated to try and get some action. It has been 3 weeks since I last f*cked, so I guess I'm in a dry spell. That's not necessarily bugging me. I'm getting on with more important things. But it's good to stay active.

If you aren't taking Vitamin D3, I would suggest that as a starting place as that basically modulates your immune system and with few exceptions most people are usually deficient in it. 8-10K units is a good starting place to reach optimal levels.

 

[FinallyAlpha]

Out of curiosity, why out of the 5 ONS women did you not decide to keep any them in your rotation of plates? Were they low quality on the looks scale and you just decided to hit and quit once? Were they crazy? Was there something else going on with them?

Just seems strange to me that if the goal is to date and bang women that women you already banged who are interested in continuing to do so wouldn't become a plate. I usually don't bang a woman once that I would t be interested in doing so again, so that doesn't really make sense to me...Unless of course they weren't of sufficient quality and it was a one time thing.

Excuse the wall of text, but you've given me a good opportunity to riff on this...

Appreciate the engagement. Your message has made me think how starkly differently we all, as men, approach dating and women. It's remarkable. What's even more remarkable is how rare candid conversations with male friends are on these things. All (?) of even my closest friends don't know that most of my sexual encounters with women even happen. So I never get a chance to properly reflect on my own behavior. In my head it's 'normal'.

Really though, it might not be. It might not be healthy. When I do run stuff by friends, they assure me that my behavior is healthy and normal. And, yeah, it's probably fine. But it's not optimal. And that's the issue.

Answering your question...

I've just now written a list trying to remember the 5 I was referring to in my original post. Man, IDK how to say this but... when it comes to women... I'm fvcked up. I'm not judging myself for that; but it's just a fact. And I need help. That's also fine. It's not 'Help', as in, "help, my life is falling apart and I'm desperate!". No. It's just something I'm not super happy about in my life, and I know I can do better at.

Basically, I don't like trying to get with women. I don't necessarily enjoy talking to women. So I tend to avoid it. I stay away from women until I'm horny and I try and find a woman to fvck, usually. Sometimes when I'm at a social event and I find a woman attractive, I'll make moves.

Those ONS's, Jesus. One was so unattractive it's crazy. And I banged her just to bang her. Another - funny story - was so ugly, but she had enormous boobs (which I like). I matched her on OLD and simultaneously matched a perfectly sexy girl who was clearly into me and wanted to meet her for drinks same day. I ditched sexy girl and went with the ugly woman. Fvcked her brains out and then avoided her.

Another one literally had hairy fvcking armpits - I'm ashamed to say - and she came to my place and I banged her, politely dismissed her and ghosted her. Another was overweight and annoying and a terrible lay from OLD. Another was an extremely neurotic alcoholic who I met on the street.

Most recently, I was at a party, a wild affair that lasted a full weekend, on the last night, blind drunk, I fcked an ugly girl's brains out - three times - just because she was there. The sex was kind of lit NGL. I fvcked her twice, went back to my hotel room, writhed around for a bit trying to sleep, then said fvck it, and walked back to her hotel room, woke her up and fvcked her senseless one last time.

Sex with these women is kind of twisted for me. It's an extension of my unrealistically low self view. This is a lens into my psyche. I come from a broken and unstable family background. I was bullied and tormented by a rejecting father. My early caregivers were wildly unstable. Being unable to trust women, being obsessively self conscious, having a low tolerance for rejection; this all literally runs in my veins.

This more degenerate (?) sexual behavior has been interspersed with some plating and one girl I made my girlfriend.

I couldn't begin to explain how much I beat the sh1t out of myself internally. I'm not X enough, I'm not Y enough.

If you met me, you might find this weird. I'm very tall, athletic and I'm - at least - average looking. I just give off very dismissive vibes and I run away from any intimacy. I'm usually a happy, calm person to be around. I'm personable. I can hold any sort of conversation. I was recently described by someone as stoic.

It's all pretty fvcked.

So, yeah, women are for banging. That's where I have been stuck at for quite some time. It's not a happy place. And I would like to graduate on from that.

 

[FinallyAlpha]

13/52

Pretty fun week. I was in the gym 5 days in a row (short workouts) to make up for gains lost while sick. I was then suddenly very tired on Tuesday and had not masturbated in a while. So I found myself grinding OLD. I ended up having a fun experience. The girl who I went to meet was an absolute non-starter, even by my standards. But I vibed with her (and her entire family, as it turned out). We just sat out drinking beers. I peaced out after a few hours. My plan was to hit the bars and see if I could pull.

I was not going to go down without a fight, so I hopped into one bar, but it was dead, so I took my beer to go. I stopped two girls in the street and took them to a fun bar nearby. I was very drunk and giddy, which created a great atmosphere for them. One of them was very drunk and the other (hotter) one was more restrained and standoffish.

In a fun, playful way I made the hotter girl get the first round. It was an attempt to implement some game. I made a bet with her, and claimed I won, and she went and got the drinks, no problem.

We did shots and I started making out with the 'bitchy' (not drunk) one. She was calling me a 'cradle snatcher' as we kissed (I'm not old!)... but I guess they were pretty young. College age or recent graduates.

They bailed. She said she wanted to bring her drunk friend home. I gave a vibe that I couldn't care less, which interestingly, made her kiss me more. E.g. I would say "look, if I'm making you uncomfortable, I'm out, it's fine" and she grabbed me and kissed me. She took my number and added me on Instagram.

A few moments after they left, I stood up and in a pretty drunken haze, went to the bar and ordered a beer and a water. I scanned the place and saw two girls across the floor. I approached and - honestly - I can't remember a lot of the chat, but I fvcking nailed the close. One of them left to another part of the bar to be with other friends, and I was left with this girl and I just escalated, escalated, escalated.

The dynamic was super interesting. She was visibly twitchy, looking around, not comfortable. I was giving it "look, I hate to disappoint you, but nobody in this bar cares about what we're doing over here". At one point when I asked her was she ok, she said something like "yeah, I'm just nervous". I took this as: LFG. She was getting very turned on. I was tensing my leg muscles against her ass (I was sitting on a stool and she was standing between my legs), touching her hair, touching her body etc. We soon started kissing, a lot.

My closing line was: "that tattoo, I want to kiss it". She had a tattoo in between her breasts. I remember using that line once as a teenager in a club. And that girl liked it a lot too. This time, the girl replied "you want to kiss it?" in a very calm tone. Then, just like with the earlier signs of 'being-perceived-as-a-slut-anxiety' let's say, I walked her through what would happen next. I asked her would she regret it if we left together. She said she wouldn't.

We came back to my place. My place was messy af. (Another interesting note about this night: I made very little effort and focused on having a good time. I was wearing a tank top, shorts and old trainers. But I felt confident and comfortable. Because I didn't care, I guess. Other nights, when I make a big effort and put a lot of pressure on myself, that probably comes across.)

I took my clothes straight off. (It's probably better to warm her up with some comforting touch and kissing first.) And she was a bit nervous / uncomfortable to be there. I was so - so - drunk though. When I noticed that, I started kissing her and it was lift off.

She was wild. Sucked me dry. And gave me a fvcking rim job! First time for me. We banged - was good. Can't remember most of it. I could only manage one bullet before comatosing and she left.

I wish we had exchanged numbers or something as I would like another few rounds with her. She would literally let me do whatever the fvck. I busted on her back and she complained "you had my titz, my mouth, wtf".

Anyway, yeah.

Takeaway:
1. no fap is good to motivate me to go out and hunt and go wild

----------------

The following day I went to a spiritual temple in the forest and had a 24-hour retreat. No phone, no internet, no screens. Completely unplugged.

I'm not kidding.

So it was a good break. Nice two days off. That was also my first time getting drunk in a month. I think that sort of cycle suits me.

I'll make it a thing to give myself 2 days like that once-a-month.

 

[FinallyAlpha]

14/52

Solid week. Max productivity. 5 good, intense gym sessions. My body is starting to change since I started focusing on taking more good quality carbs and structuring my workouts for hypertrophy. Work has also been intense and I'm focusing on being relentlessly consistent there.

I have enjoyed perusing the forums this week. In particular, the thread "Why 30+ years old girls see me as beta provider?". I think Pan has nailed it in that thread and I am benefiting from the tough love feedback that he shared there.

Particularly these points about sex addiction and having sex with slobs or women you're not attracted to. I am guilty as charged as a repeat offender here. So my approach for this week is as follows:

1. No masturbation
2. No pursuing quick sex fixes with undesirable women when the intense arousal inevitably arises. (If I see a woman on OLD and I really want to fug her, that's different. It's a nuanced matter. I'm not saying "objectively HB8+ from now on". I'm saying no desperate, anything-will-do sex.)
3. When that arousal does come, experiment with describing my experience in writing
4. Eat clean (I think the junk food analogy is excellent. Therefore, as a Man, one must also have standards with how one nourishes one's body.)

I'll feed back my experience next week.

Let's kill the fvcking thirst!

 

[FinallyAlpha]

15/52

5 more solid workouts. I'm excited about my gainz. And a very good week at work.

As to game, I don't know what to tell you.

My intentions for this week were:

1. don't masturbate - successfully achieved
2. don't pursue whales - also done
3. Eat clean - yep
4. Write when horny - nope

I mean, I feel agitated and mentally exhausted. I do feel kind of like an addict. I was hanging out with friends during my day off and I just wasn't very good company; I was restless and uninterested. All I want to do is fvck. I was lying in bed unable to sleep last night and was just angrily horny.

I liked Deezebrah's reference to OLD as 'passive game'. I have been passively grinding OLD this week and it's pretty sh1t. I'm getting hits with hot and young women. But being on there and knowingly being addicted to checking the app just feels bleugh. The algorithm's intermittent reward schedule has me like a fvcking crackhead.

I have also been thinking about Pan87's points that vibe is everything. And I get it. I want to have a sick vibe. But I'm unsure as to how to cultivate that. I think it's a case of 'steady as she goes' for me, because at least now I'm somewhat red pilled and aware of the importance of vibe. When I look at women, the difference between a sh1t vibe and a great vibe is night and day. Again, tough to pinpoint the constituent elements of vibe though.

Anyway, *shrug*... at this interval along the journey from AFC --> DJ.... if there are any helpful articles or posts, send them my way.

Will keep trynna fight the good fight :')

 

[FinallyAlpha]

16/52

5 more workouts. That has become a big part of my identity. The consistency in my approach to the gym currently is pretty remarkable. I'm tired and sore but I'm also relishing this journey of cultivating mastery in this area of my life.

I also began this week incorporating ice baths into my routine and I'm interested to see how that will impact my energy and mood.

----------------

I banged a 20 y.o. from OLD. We met a few nights ago after having been texting back and forth for a week or two. (She hadn't arrived in town when we matched.) I liked her text mannerism, and she clearly had interest. She was less attractive in person and when we met I thought I would get a drink with her and then bail because I couldn't see myself wanting to bang her.

By the time we were sitting across from each other having a drink, I started to find her more attractive. She was engaging, feisty, pedantic and intelligent. And she had big bright eyes. We had two drinks and went to my apartment and banged.

She stayed the night, which reminded me how much I hate sharing a bed. And I judge myself for that because, as a man in his thirties, it seems regressive and childish to be so precious about sharing a bed.

We had morning sex and then I coaxed her out of my home.

It made me think about whether the fixation on women's age (and its correlation to sexual desirability) is a fallacy. There are some women in their 30's - and maybe even 40's - who I've been with and who I would prefer to bang again over this most recent, younger woman. I just find them, and the prospect of fvcking them, sexier.

---------------

Generally, I'm quite jaded. Work and training are intense. I seem to fvck every couple of weeks when I feel like it has been a while since my last lay.

But it's a lonely existence. I have some friends around who I interact with, but even with them I often feel bored and restless.

My confidence feels somewhat low at present. Work is extremely challenging and it is closely tied to my self-esteem. Sometimes I question whether I am good enough to make it.

But alas, I shall grind on. My time horizon for this particular sprint, or, chapter of my life is around mid-2023 when I want to have more disposable income and perhaps move to a new city that is more aligned with my values.

---------------
Oh and I caved one week ago and masturbated... so... yeah.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

@FinallyAlpha mate,

It could be burn out. Get new hobbies. Find new areas to run game. Make new pals when going out. Take up meditation. Lift. Get out in nature. Enjoy the ride playboy.

Keep it up. Remember it's a tool. Use it when you want. The more use the better you get at it. The tool works for you not you working for it. Cheers mate.

 

[FinallyAlpha]

@FinallyAlpha mate,

It could be burn out. Get new hobbies. Find new areas to run game. Make new pals when going out. Take up meditation. Lift. Get out in nature. Enjoy the ride playboy.

Keep it up. Remember it's a tool. Use it when you want. The more use the better you get at it. The tool works for you not you working for it. Cheers mate.

Thanks mate - I appreciate it.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Thanks mate - I appreciate it.

Austen has got a theory on naturalization. Step 5. Final form.

Noob needs to get past AA.

Intermediate is inconsistent but has no AA. Can pull but has sticking points.

Advanced is naturalization. It's not routines. It's not mental masturbation to theory or boomer pods. It's integration of game and being. You don't need 17 hours of approaching spam sessions. It's @SW15 style of sniper approach.

You want to incorporate game as a way of life and lifestyle. Shoot your shot daily everywhere day or night minimum 5x. Create a routine of being that guy. I do that. Another day at the office.

If you experience burn out, likely you over did it. It shouldn't be a chore.

 

[FinallyAlpha]

17/52

I went out a few nights ago with a thirsty, desperate, frustrated sort of an energy. That may sound retarded or extreme, but looking back on how the night went, it's clear to me that I was chasing a buzz.

I told myself I wasn't out to pull, rather to have a good time. (I'm not sure I believed myself.)

I started out at one place and sat with two attractive women. One left and I remained with the other for a few hours drinking and chatting. We had a lot in common. It was an enjoyable and relaxing conversation. I wasn't very turned on by her, so I was just happy to be there honestly. We said goodnight (I ended up doing a daytime activity with her the next day) and I continued to another bar.

Entering the second bar, I was tipsy / drunk and definitely looking for a woman.

I sat down beside a woman drinking alone at the bar and tried to close. We drank and chatted, she was clearly interested, I escalated and eventually kissed her, and we kept kissing.

I ultimately ended up botching the close really badly.

Here are my notes from my phone:

1. "We'll do X together; we'll do Y together" - I was making all these future plans with her (e.g. going to a rave when she said she likes techno music) like a lonely fvcking simp desperate for a GF
2. Obsessed with what I can give / do for her - she was a tattoo artist and I used that as a cue to talk about massaging her stiff back. And I kept banging that drum. I was also way overly complimentary towards her. I was also staring at her too much / struggled to be smooth and cool. When I was convinced the close was booked, I voluntarily bought us both a big old round of drinks that we neither wanted or needed. I was just being a fvcking fiend.
3. Too quick to pay for drinks - see 2. above. Alpha fux...
4. Opened with a request - I opened with "is there somebody sitting here?" Skip that and sit your azs down like a boss. Then I bummed a cigarette from her. So immediately the frame is me asking her for all this sh1t.

We were kissing and groping each other. Getting along famously.

But then the wheels fell off in a particularly brutal / humbling manner. When I came back from a pizz, thinking we were headed for the door to go fvck each other's brains out, she said there was someone in another area of the bar that she really wanted to say hello to and she asked me to come with her. She walked me up to this table of dudes (they were very chill and polite and said hi to me and shook my hand) where one of them was someone in her industry who she was obsessed with. At this point, I started to feel uncomfortable as her and I sat and danced at a neighboring table and she proceeds to fawn over a dude at another table. She was blabbering about how she was too embarrassed to go and talk to him and "didn't want to be a groupie".

At that point, the only dignified thing to do was dip the fvck out of there. All the sexual attraction and tension had *poof* disappeared into thin air and it was just awkward and sh1t. So I said goodnight. The phone number exchange was gross. She basically refused to take mine and insisted I take hers. I didn't have a comeback for the spot, so I did and instantly messaged her and it was the right number. (I obviously didn't follow up with her.)

I took a big old 'L'. Fine.

---------------------------

(When I got home, a h0e from OLD booty called me to her place... and then ghosted when I arrived outside! All-in-all a pretty brutal night.)

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Maybe she would have fvcked if those colleagues of hers weren't at the bar. Maybe she never had any intention of fvcking me. Who TF knows. My tendency here is to berate myself and that doesn't help to build oneself up to be a King. You're just keeping yourself down.

But there are good lessons from it as are highlighted in the numbered list, above. These are partially stubborn things in my personality that are hard to shift and that are anathema to good Game. And they are partially symptoms of feeling frustrated and burned out in the present moment. Going out fiending, chasing a buzz, which serves only to exacerbate burnout.

So yeah, first order of business is to recover from the burnout. I'm planning to do a psilocybin mushroom trip to try and shift some of the negative energy that seems to have become prevalent over recent weeks.

Beyond that, thinking about women, I can only try to keep learning and iterating. It's extremely difficult to overcome certain patterns of behavior and perception. But... it's an interesting journey, I suppose.

It's just fvcking frustrating when I have these moments when I see fvcking fit women eye fvck the sh1t out of me, yet my overall perception of myself is negative. In a subtle, insidious way. Which is a big obstacle to going and doing anything about sexy b1tches.

The big takeaway here, in any event, is we have to be in good shape (mentally and emotionally) to have good game. If you go out to pull when your life feels difficult, then you will project that onto your interactions. In my case here, I guess it was some sort of sad, loneliness... and that ain't gonna make any pvssy wet....

 

[FinallyAlpha]

18/52

I have fallen in love with the pain.

I booked a place out in nature for yesterday afternoon and last night and took shrooms.

The overall picture of the trip was positive and bullish. At a fundamental level, I love myself and I am happy with who I am and where I am in my life right now. That came through quite strongly.

Some ideas that I recorded while on the mushroom journey:

1. I don't want this thread to be a sex log that feeds a 'male wank fantasy'.
   1. I want this thread to detail my transformation from AFC into MDJ. Ergo, recording the lessons that I'm learning on how to be better at life and better with women.
2. Difficulties in life
   1. For me, it's about sitting in the fire
   2. An amateur / AFC thinks (I thought) that he goes to the gym to get pvssy; that he works hard at his career to get pvssy
   3. No!
   4. The gym becomes its own type of pvssy. That fvcking deep burn, that aversion to the next set. That's the fvcking payoff. Congratulations, you've won. You're swimming in pvssy. You have pvssy on tap. You're abundant.
   5. When work is driving you nuts and you are getting destroyed, awesome! You are in love with the pain. The grind is the payoff.
3. Getting pvssy is merely part of a cycle
   1. Imagine going out all the time, focusing most of your energy on trying to pick up women. Imagine how fvcking sloppy and useless you would be
   2. Meeting women is awesome, but only as part of a balanced cycle.
   3. And - crucially - it's not the payoff, it's not the thing you look forward to. You relish the grind of work. You relish the dirtiest workouts.
   4. And, yes, the sweetest pvssy you get, you will have earned. Because you live like a King.
4. We are Kings
   1. All of this is to say that we are not sloppy, weak fvcks. We are Kings. And a King understands that he has to go to battle. And the only way he can win his battles if he is invested (not if he is complacently fantasizing about the Queen's vag waiting for him back home). This is the path we have chosen. This is all life is for Kings - a cycle.
   2. A voice recording I took yesterday: "My life is fvcking intense. My existence is intense. How I choose to live my life is intense. Five juicy lifts per week. Plus [specifically how I choose to approach my career diligently and professionally]. That is intense. That is because I want to be a King. And I want to continue to grow to be a King. And the biggest price I have to pay - the only price I have to pay - to do this and to get there is, uncomfortable emotions. If you can deal with uncomfortable emotions in the right way, then you win. You win the game of life."
5. The Cycle
   1. So we work appropriately when it is time to work
      1. And we understand that we have to sacrifice and fall in love with pain in order to compete and win the resources you need. If you are not willing to do that, you will live like a peasant and you will never forgive yourself. If that wasn't clear: you need resources and the only way to get them is to go out and fight for them, every fvcking day like a King.
      2. And we never give space to weak emotions like resentment and apathy
      3. We simply work, rest and go again
      4. We are not chasing that breakthrough in life. No! Selling the business for the retirement fund. Landing the well paid job. Finally getting promoted. No, no, no. Your work will be sh1t. You will resent those that have what you don't. And be a salty little b1tch. You will burn out. No! You have arrived. The grind is the fvcking pay off. Fall in love with your craft. Fall in love with your craft. Fall in love with your craft. That is the only way to be excellent.
   2. We train appropriately when it is time to train
      1. And then we rest appropriately, and we fuel our bodies appropriately, and we go again, and we watch ourselves gradually grow into sculpted fvcking gods
      2. And we don't do it for vanity, we don't even do it for health, we do it because we are Kings
      3. And your physical body begins to change and show you how you are growing and becoming stronger and looking more and more like a King every day. In your low moments, you might feel like a fool, you might experience imposter syndrome, but the physical marks that your dedication and commitment to your physical training have left on your body don't lie. They show you the truth: that you are a King
   3. We rest and play appropriately when it is time to play
      1. Exercise prudence and wisdom here
      2. The prudence to know not to be a prude (and to be able to let go and relax when that is required)
      3. And the prudence to know that abusing alcohol and neglecting sleep is weak fvcking sauce and real Kings don't do that sh1t. The King always knows that the next battle is around the corner and that he can only win his battles and rule his empire if he is well rested. So he sips his wine in a relaxed manner before taking his leave.
      4. Get a massage
   4. And we fvck appropriately when it is time to fvck
   5. It is when we fall out of balance that things fvck up
      1. So keep coming back into nature and keep checking in with yourself
6. The end / the destination
   1. There is none
   2. Congratulations, you've arrived
   3. If you are true to this, then yeah, you'll one day find yourself wearing beautiful clothes walking in a cool place with a hot female on your arm, and you can be satisfied with the fruits of your labor (before getting back on the grind as is your responsibility as a King)
   4. That moment won't feel any different than this. That moment won't feel any different than this. That moment won't feel any different than this.
   5. So you might as well fall in love with this
   6. The alternative? Be a wayward, resentful, lost little boy.
7. And finally
   1. You have to believe it in order for it to be true
   2. Your mom can tell you you're great; your friends; lovers. But if you don't see it, it ain't worth sh1t.
   3. With women, with what you're capable of at work, with what you're capable of and willing to do with your body, your mind.
   4. The only way it will ever - ever - be true is if you believe it first.
   5. Once you look at it, see it, and believe it, then in that moment, it's the truth.

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I haven't skipped a workout in forever and nor will I. I did a glutes & delts workout this afternoon. My reptilian brain dreaded it. My King brain relished it. It almost killed me. And I'll be back in there tomorrow morning and back on the grind. So let's keep it lit.

 

[FinallyAlpha]

19/52

Hello SoSuave brother players.

Life has been solid and productive over the last week. I've felt generally happy and content and am applying myself well to my work and my training. That short break I took and the chance it gave me to reflect has been beneficial.

My workouts are relentlessly consistent. I'm bigger, more consistently. I.e. I'm more disciplined with taking the requisite calories and I don't miss workouts. So I don't kind of swell and shrink like I used to--I think. I need to get a weighing scales. And I will ultimately need to start counting calories, if I'm serious about bulking out, I think.

Here are my current splits for those who may be interested:

Each exercise: 6 total sets of 15, 12, 10, 8, 8 and 5 reps.

(X = superset)

Mon
bench press X standing EZ bar bicep curls
cable flies X seated bicep curl machine

Tues
Glute extension machine X dumbbell side lateral raises
Bulgarian split squats X cable side lateral raises

Weds
Lat pull down X dips
Lying chest supported row X skull crushers

Thurs
Rest

Fri
Incline dumbbell press X seated chest supported row
Dumbbell shoulder press X seated alternating dumbbell bicep curls

Sat
Leg press
Leg extension
Leg curl

Sun
Rest

Any thoughts, feel free to share. I find it to be a demanding schedule. It often brings me close to burnout if, say for example, I go out and get drunk and fvck my sleep up 2 or 3 times in a month. Even if I've been living clean, I often wake up and feel like I have zero energy to workout. But, invariably, I feel a lot better once I'm a few sets in. And I always feel incredible after the workout.

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Tomorrow, I take my day off--from both working out and work. I tend to feel and act a bit listless on my day off. I dread it, in a weird way. But I think I'll go to the beach, get some sun and get a haircut.

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Wow. OP is crazy simping in his head over women.

You care way too much about women to ever be good with women. You are in analysis paralysis and it’s a result of thirst and an inability to control it. Think of it as a drug addiction.

Why not put those autistic analysis skills to work building a business or something? You need balance I think.

Part of being good with women is a chilled vibe (denotes pre-selection), which you couldn’t possibly have with where your addicted head is at atm.

As to @Pan87 's post. Look mate, I don't deny it. I could go as far as to say that it has been the bane of my existence.

During the second week of August, I was in a tough place and I acted that out, as I sometimes tend to do. (The events described in post 17/52 on August 14th.) I touch on that idea in paragraph 4.2 in post 18/52 on August 16th. I.e. My life is intense; I experience challenging emotions quite keenly. And if I can deal with them in the right way, then that might be the key to caring less, exercising more self-control and being more chill, as you allude to.

On my reading, your third paragraph appears to contain a contradiction. It would be helpful if you talked more about what you mean when you say 'balance'. My understanding is that building a business does not allow for a lot of balance in one's life. It's quite an all-consuming endeavor.

I could say that I never had a chilled vibe. But that wouldn't be accurate or fair. I've definitely exuded a chilled vibe around women in the past, and that has led to some great experiences. However, conversely, I've also tended to lose the plot a bit, shall we say, and come off far too intense. Perhaps that's the energy that I'm inhabiting at the moment and I just need to ride it out, and wait - frankly - until I feel better and more calm about my life again before I... prioritize women.

A somewhat anxious picture is then painted in my mind, however. As if I'm going to wake up one day, 40 years old, having spent my thirties mostly masturbating, and still be spasmodic in how I relate to sex, romance and women.

At least I'll be jacked and a millionaire...

 

[FinallyAlpha]

20/52

Fun week.

First though, in the interest of full disclosure, I fvcked up a couple of weeks ago and didn't share it here. I tried to have sex with an unattractive woman. ... again. It was just a dumb spot where we were chatting in her living room, then she started massaging me, and I tried to escalate, and then we were in her bed and she didn't want to bang so I politely excused myself. It wasn't particularly awkward or embarrassing for either of us; just a situation where I failed to live up to some set of standards for myself.

I didn't dwell on it for too long. And I didn't beat myself up for it. But if this thread is about improving with women, then I need to share it.

This week, however (!), I had a more interesting experience.

I suggested to a professional acquaintance (let's say) (F 25), that we go on an overnight trip together. It was kind of a retarded / asp-ey thing to do. We've only known each other a few weeks, and exclusively on a professional level. But when we were together, there was a vibe and I got indications of interest... I think.

As described previously, I went to a spot in nature recently to do magic mushrooms. When I returned, she asked me about it, and when I told her how great it was, she said she wanted to go. Some time passed and she asked for the name and contact of the place, which I gave her. I eventually blurted out that we should go together and she agreed.

We go to the place anyway and just have a good time, smoke some weed, eat a nice picnic lunch, and spend time in some spectacular nature. But she won't kiss me. It was low key pathetic. We're high and sh*t and I'm trying to kiss her but she won't.

The fcked up thing was that she was still giving a lot of ioi's. We were in my bed massaging each other ffs. But she clearly had made up her mind that she wasn't going to let it get romantic.

Which, in hindsight, was so fvcking obvious. And I was severely p1ssed at myself for thinking that she'd just be DTF like that. The entire frame was wack. We had started on a procedural, professional frame. As opposed to a flirtatious or sexually tense one.

And she was killing me. We were doing some swimming and she was wearing this thong bathing suit and she looked so good. (I had also not fapped for like 4 days so was like a wild fvcking animal.) And she called me "nice" and, kept telling me that I "had to behave well" and that I had "been behaving well so far" (usually whenever she had just rejected another attempt from me to kiss her). At one point, she even patted me on the fvcking head. I was almost ready to top myself at that point.

I wasn't going to drink alcohol because I was confident we could have a sexy vibe just with some weed (how fcking wrong I was). But it was so fvcking maddening what was happening, we were alone in the middle of nowhere and I had the world's bluest fvcking balls and was getting precisely none, that I suggested driving back to the nearest town to pick up booze.

I got 8 beers, and we had a good dinner and hung out in a hammock. It was very romantic and peaceful. Finally - finally - we kissed in the hammock (but fvck me did I have to muster every ounce of patience and perseverance to make it happen). That, obviously, only made me want more, but she wouldn't sleep with me and retired to her own bed.

I was drunk and high in a giant bed alone and so - so - fvcking frustrated. I jerked off at least 4 times. I kept waking up in drunken stupor for a wank. I watched a bunch of degen porn. When I'm feeling very sh1tty, the porn I watch is girlfriend cheating / cuckold porn, or some stuff with slvt connotations. The male wank fantasy basically. That all women are c0ck hungry wh0res and I'm a loser in bed alone getting none.

I woke up the next day feeling an acute sense of dread and remorse. She skips into my bedroom all fresh and awake, gets into my bed, we cuddle, I try to kiss her again and she won't.

I try to salvage any last remaining ounce of dignity I have and excuse myself to have a coffee and go out into nature alone to wake up. I then got showered, dressed, and packed my things to head home. But - bizarrely - I wasn't ready to give up on her.

On my suggestion, we drove back to the city where we live, and went to a really good brunch spot. And we just had a great time over lunch. I was in my absolute element, conversing really well.

We then went back to her place and had great sex three times. We smoked some more weed. Got dinner. It was just good vibes. and I mean the sex was a workout. Very rewarding after what had come before.

Even when we were in her bed after lunch, getting her to the point where sex was being initiated was hard fvcking work. Of course, once we got there she was like a woman possessed. But fvck me. Over the course of the entire episode, I was wracking my brain to think of what I needed to say to get things moving in the right direction.

I can't exactly remember some of the lines I was coming out with, but when we were in her bed and she said she didn't want to go further, I calmly said, "ok, look then what am I doing here. It's dumb for me to be here. It's already gotten intense as we're still together when we should have parted ways this morning. We should call it a day and speak again soon." Or something to that effect. I meant what I said. And it was an attempt to highlight the contradiction inherent in us being in bed together - again - in a short space of time but not wanting to be romantic.

Anyway, it ended very well. And we were back working together the next day.

Inb4 I get called a phaggot for trying too hard

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This, of course, is all against a backdrop of me working hard and doing what I need to do this week to progress well in my training and professionally.