G/F having dinner with HS Friend

[Nutter]

Originally posted by JohnJones
For me it is the principal too, since she has something of a checkered past.

If I break it into too many details I think I will be overthinking it. My gut is telling me it's been handled poorly.

He is not an old HS friend. He is a guy who remembers her from HS who got her number at their reunion and since he just moved into this town and doesn't know anyone he asked her to "hang with him" this weekend. She essentially counter-offered with no but lets do a dinner.

So basically, here is a guy who asked for her number (got it) asked her out (got a counter-offer which to all of us a better than No) and does not know she has a b/f before he has dinner with her tonight.

When you put it like this, it sounds awfully suspicious to me man. Maybe she's testing you, but I dunno. I'd launch this chick if I was you.

 

[JohnJones]

She has detected that this is an issue for me and has asked me to tell her honestly whether it upsets me.

If it does, she will cancel it she says.

 

[Frank Zappa]

Originally posted by JohnJones
She has detected that this is an issue for me and has asked me to tell her honestly whether it upsets me.

If it does, she will cancel it she says.

She's trying to guilt trip you man... You answer no, you lose... you answer yes, you're insecure and you lose... I'd be very careful at this junction, but I'd like to hear what responses others say, because I've had few successful results out of these situations. ~Zappa

 

[Frank Zappa]

I will take a stab at it, and just say it's okay, and take out an attractive female friend while she's out to dinner with that dood... That should put things in their proper place. ~Zappa

 

[JohnJones]

I don't plan to be backed into a corner in the damned if I do and damned if I don't type situation.

I don't have any outstanding response obligations to her at the moment, so I am just going to let it drop.

 

[Frank Zappa]

Originally posted by JohnJones
I don't plan to be backed into a corner in the damned if I do and damned if I don't type situation.

I don't have any outstanding response obligations to her at the moment, so I am just going to let it drop.

All I know is that these situations are tricky... Just make sure to always keep your respect and dignity... I think you'll be fine. ~Zappa

 

[JohnJones]

Agreed. Unfortunately, we have a date scheduled for tomorrow afternoon through the weekend, and it would be classless to avoid her through that, but petulant and childish to cancel or just not show.

 

[Jay Fiedler]

John you are so AFC its not even funny. She controls this entire relationship. Lets get this straight. She accepts a date with another guy, gives him her number, doesnt tell him shes involved, AND the guy isnt even a close friend..and yet your still going through with the date tomorrow? Damnnnn are you pusssy whipped. What if you told her that you were meeting a girl you hardly knew from high school tonight and that you hadnt told the high school girl you two were involved, do you really think your gf would still be going out with you tomorrow? Hellllllll no.

Grow some balls dude and if you do decide to let her see the guy tonight, at least cancel the date with her tomorrow so she realizes this behavior is unacceptable and that she doesnt have 100% control of the relationship. Cmon, you know better than this.

 

[JohnJones]

Jay: I wouldn't jump so fast to call names. My attitude toward it is that if I have been wronged, she gets a due and dispassionate response.

To me, because I don't feel like bothering with it/ talking about it too much, that means just letting it (and her) float away. If I spontaneously break up with her or let it become a big discussion, then it has become too much an issue.

The point is, I think she screwed up, I think she had time to fix it while I was nonresponsive (and she didn't) and so I am done addressing it with her.

I have other friends to hang out with and other things to do.

 

[Jay Fiedler]

Im not trying to call you names. Im just hoping you see how one sided this situation is, with her being the power broker. You HAVE to let her know that this type of action is unacceptable. I take it from your earlier posts that you have made it clear that you are uncomfortable with this, and yet she still is going ahead with it. To me this screams of her trying to if not break up with you, and least put some distance between you both. Im afraid her IL has fallen to the point where she could do soemthing like this.

Believe me if her IL was still sky high, this is the last thing she would be doing. So..you have to put some massive distance between you both, if not outright next her. THis is totally disrespectful behavior. For the love of humanity do NOT go out with her tomorrow. If you do she will know what she did was alright, or at least it was something that you couldnt be a man about and stop. She may break up with you if you do tell her not to, but at least she'll respect you for saying what you think. Or, she may not really even be interested in this guy, but is using it to make you jealous-who the hell knows. But one thing I do know is if you go out with this girl tomorrow, you are giving her total HAND in the relationship (which she probably already has if shes got the balls to do this) and you will NEVER get it back.

 

[Jay Fiedler]

"The point is, I think she screwed up, I think she had time to fix it while I was nonresponsive (and she didn't) and so I am done addressing it with her.

I have other friends to hang out with and other things to do."

Then DONT GO out with her tomorrow. Teach her a lesson and show her two can play the game. Im telling you, going out with her so soon after this is the worst thing you can do. I know you just want to be with her and show her that your a better man than this other guy, but your the one with hsitory with her, your the one with a relationship and connections. IF she values your relationship and at all she'll come crawling back, but not if you go out with her so soon.

 

[Frank Zappa]

Fiedler's right buddy. Girls with high interest level don't do anything to put the relationship at risk. Your real problem is not stopping her from doing this, it's in raising her interest level in general. ~Zappa

 

[joey37]

Originally posted by Kineti[C]harm
It makes no sense that she should not be able to have dinner with an old friend without it being a sign of cheating or unfaithfulness.... It's COMMON in my book... Fvck if the boys that are together with some of my girlfriends where this paranoid they wouldn't have GFs or something other bad...

What the hell are you talking about???? Why didn't she ask him to come alone? He's not being paranoid, he's justified in wanting to know why she's so interested in doing this.


You know most guys aren't out to "catch up on the old days" and most girls know this. So why do it then?

 

[JohnJones]

When she told me about it last night, I said that it was a little fishy. I am not, however, inclined to either lay down ultimatums or threats, so I did not tell her she shouldn't go (I won't participate in any discussions about being "controlling").

In the end, however, she is going and I basically brushed her off (she emailed me several times to get me to tell her what was wrong, but I was brief in my replies but told her I didn't want to get into a big thing).

 

[Frank Zappa]

Whatever you do, don't act like a pouty woman... Like crossing your arms and saying nothing's wrong in a puff.

Just ignore her, let her sweat for a while. Don't give her any guilt-trips or poutiness. Cancel your date the next day, or do something fun with a female friend. Let her sweat, don't let her know she has the power to make you a pouty girl. ~Zappa

 

[Jay Fiedler]

Was the get together tonight?

If so have you heard from her?

Remember, dont go out with her tomorrow. Make her sweat for once. Say your going out with "friends". That will drive her nuts.

 

[JohnJones]

No, I haven't heard from her but that doesn't surprise me: I got a "fine" when I declined to meet up with her after her dinner.

 

[Jay Fiedler]

Damn dude I feel your pain right now. I bet your sweatin bullets. Do you have a hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach knowing she is with the other guy right now? I've been through this same thing exactly so if you want to talk let me know.

 

[Frank Zappa]

I suggest being really careful, let her seriously sweat, but DON'T let her know that it's bothering you. I repeat, if you declined meeting up with her later, give her a reason, even a fake reason... Remember, you are a busy man, and your not sitting at home pouting while she's out. Same thing with tomorrow, act like something else is seriously more important and urgent than her. Don't act like you are doing it in response to tonight. PLEASE. Just act like it's no big deal and do your own thang... Make her bend herself over to please your schedule and needs... Because I'm warning you, if you let her do as she pleases, she'll get tired of you.

NO MATTTER WHAT, don't let her know it gets to you, and let her know that your schedule and needs are no. 1 in your book THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS. good luck. ~Zappa

 

[Frank Zappa]

Originally posted by Jay Fiedler
Damn dude I feel your pain right now. I bet your sweatin bullets. Do you have a hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach knowing she is with the other guy right now? I've been through this same thing exactly so if you want to talk let me know.

Yeah, seriously, you can PM me too, that feeling is like sh*t, and we've all been there making the frantic phone calls in an AFC style. Don't do it... you've got this site now. ~Zappa