1. Get some professional help! If your talking about wanting to die then your way beyond anyones but a pro's reach.
2. Your focusing too much on YOU. This is vain and self centered. If you quit worrying about how YOU feel when you talk to folks you will relax more. Who cares if they see a friend and run off. So what. You see...your to much into yourself.
3. Next time try to focus on the other person. Do not even think about how your feeling or if you feel stupid or if you feel embarrassed or anything. Put all of your focus on the other person without looking like a zombie. Relax and try to look like a normal human being. This is one of the key components of charasma.
Posted: Sun Sep 05, 2004 7:08 am Post subject: Charisma
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I found this on Charisma. Tell me what you fella's think:
Maybe an easy way to make the word charisma understandable is to define it as knowing when to speak, and what to say when you speak, knowing when not to speak, and knowing how to carry yourself throughout . This takes discipline, which is acquired with practice. Actors are expected to rehearse the same parts over and over again to get things just right for the camera. Writers re-write their pieces sometimes repeatedly before their scripts are finally approved to begin a film shoot.
As an example of what we mention above, look hard at the fine detail that Hollywood uses to craft the "on-screen presence" of a main or central character. A main or central character must command attention throughout the film to hold the audience's interest. The more attention they command, through elements of intrigue, mystery, and action, the greater their on-screen presence . Many elements go in to this "on-screen presence" - these are elements of charisma.
But this is real life, not Hollywood. In reality, and as charisma applies to the social scene and to the women involved in the social scene, it's all about diplomacy.
THE FIRST ELEMENT: PRESENCE
The first element of charisma is "presence." Presence, as used here, refers to the quality of commanding respectful attention.
To further define presence, think of it more specifically as how you carry yourself . Picture a Lotus in a parking lot of Fords. The Lotus stands alone - as a European sports car, it's sleek and stylishly detailed compared to the conservative and boring Fords. It's not moving, it's not talking - it's not doing a thing and yet you've taken notice of it because of its detailed features. That is presence.
Presence is important... It is the very first step to making a highly effective first impression. As numerous elements make up charisma, so do numerous elements make up presence.
What do you need to do create presence? The following steps will get you well on your way:
Image is Everything: So Pay Attention to Detail
* Dress in a style that is considered fashionable. Wear clothes that will get you compliments. You care about your image and it shows. While it's good to have an image that says that you care about how you look, you don't have to exactly mimic the trendy crowd around you, which by tradition is all 'into looks'. Be a little creative, looking for those items that will make your wardrobe more original than the average well-dressed guy. But recognize, if a woman is well into the trendy crowd, to seduce her you'd better seem high up in it yourself.
* In general, the attractive women in society prefer a man with a clean, short hair cut. This same group of women (most desired by men) also prefers men to be clean shaven. A clean shave says two things about you... First, it says that you're well-groomed, and second that you prefer a more youthful look, and are aware of the social ramifications of a clean shaven face. Does this mean you have to be clean shaven? No. In regards to first impressions, we're just telling you what women prefer in general.
And when following what women are generally known to prefer, you position yourself in such a way as to have the statistically greatest chances of success at catching their attention with your image.
Some other tips to enhance your presence:
* If you're white, work on maintaining a healthy tan. No sunshine?... Find a nearby tanning salon.
* Pay attention to how you walk, sit, and stand. Your posture should make you appear to be confident and at ease with your surroundings. Even if you're not at ease, pay attention to your posture so that it seems as though you are.
* Flaunt a sincere, friendly smile at strategic intervals (but don't over do it - learn to read when it is called for, and when it's not). * A sincere, friendly smile is a strong weapon. It breaks the ice, tears down people's walls, automatically paints you as a person of high self-esteem and confidence. ( * Refer to The Sixth Element: Diplomacy.)
* What is your mind set? You are in a situation that requires a strong focus on tact and diplomacy. Meaning, knowing when to speak, and what to say when you speak, knowing when not to speak, and knowing how to carry yourself throughout.
* How do your eyes follow the crowd? As if you're disinterested (meaning, you're not paying too much attention to any one person) - and that's because you feel that their is nobody worthy of your attention. In other words, you're never "star-struck" because you are the star. In the end, your goal is to give off the impression that you're a prestigious person accustomed to ranking high in social circles - not even the blonde-bombshell walking by can shake this poise. You may cast a glance, but you're to prestigious to stare. *People around you WILL notice this and subconsciously decide that you ARE a person of prestige. (* Refer to Element II: "Regal Bearing").
In a world where most people lack a high level of self-respect, it is easy to stand out when you have it and it shows. And if you don't have a high level of self-respect (again, like most), then fake it. Take note - the trick to faking it is to fake it with sincerity (this will be repeated further along).
By themselves, these simple details regarding a positive, prestigious self-image don't accomplish much, but when packaged together they merge for great effect. And now you've created "presence."
Introducing 'Universal Presence': Dressing In A "Safety Zone"
When it comes to first impressions, there's a certain zone statistically most women respond to, and for the purpose of this section we'll call it the "safety zone". You can dress how you've always dressed, or you can dress in a way that women are known most often to admire.
Nowadays, the trendy Calvin Klein / Ralph Lauren look seems to be in with the "cool" upscale crowds... and as such, this is what most women admire. (Not all women, just most). Now, if this isn't the type of woman you're after, then disregard the next few paragraphs regarding personal image. The important thing to realize, is that it's about presenting yourself (dressing) in such a way as to impress the women you're targetting. Biker girls like tattooed-up bikers. Thug girls like thug guys. Punk rock girls like punk rock guys. Cowgirls like cowboys.
Analyze the traits most admired by the women you're most after. Then adapt these traits into who you are to give yourself the greatest odds for getting these women.
The great seducers understood what the women they were after most looked for in a man's appearance, and so they portrayed this image for the sole purpose of getting these women. Today, this means that if you're going after a woman who's 'big on country', dressing with a 'hip hop' look probably isn't going to have a good effect.
Now, let's say that you prefer country music, however where you work the women are more into hip hop... The easiest way then to seduce these women, is to first keep your musical preferences to yourself, and second recognize what they admire most in guys that listen to hip hop. Loose fitting jeans. Well-styled hair. Designer clothes... Nike, Polo, Etc. You can then make the choice to greatly enhance your chances with these women by dressing in this fashion.
'Universal Presence' Part II: Understanding That Presence Is A Key Element In First Impressions
For the most part, how you are regarded by others is how people you come into contact with will regard you. But if they don't know you from Adam, if you're a complete stranger to them, then they will subconsciously prejudge you and form an early opinion of you before EVEN MEETING YOU.
It is human instinct to look for patterns in the world around us. It is psychological, it is subconscious. We relate the situations we're presented with based on our passed experiences.
When creating an aura of charisma, you're using this instinct to your advantage (which most people can't control because they're unaware that it is something happening in their subconscious). Here's an analogy: If you look like a thug, you'll be prejudged as probably being a thug. If you look like your gay, you'll be prejudged as probably being gay. And if you look like a charismatic person used to respect and even admiration, you will be prejudged as a person who is probably charismatic and worthy of respect and even admiration.
Once you've been prejudged, it's that much easier to create the effect that you're after. Notice that we used the word "probably" in the above paragraph? We use the word "probably" to represent the other person's expectations. This is what he or she expects. And because they expect it, now it's that much easier to give it to them.
