Friendzoned After Sex.

[Crosstimbers Okie]

Greetings everyone! I have a problem and I don't understand what's happening. I'm a fit 54 year old male who exercises daily, usually yoga. Women tell me I'm handsome.

In early February I met a woman who is the same age as me on a Saturday morning and wound up spending the weekend with her at her place, having sex and hanging out. Before the next weekend I received a text from her telling me that she couldn't see me anymore because she still wasn't over her former fiance' whom she had been separated from for TWO years. In mid February I received a hi-how-ya-doing text from her. The same thing happened in mid March.

Then in Mid April I received a text from her telling me that she had been thinking of me and was curious as to how I was doing. I gave her a short reply and then ignored her. A week later I received another text saying she wanted to get together sometime. The following Sunday we met, went to a festival and had a great time. No sex.

The following Sunday we spent at her place grilling, cooking, eating and hanging out. We had sex. The following evening I attended an amateur performance that she was a part of. We went back to her place where I took her shirt off and gave her a backrub. No sex, which was acceptable because we both didn't get much rest the night before and both had to be up very early the next day.

The following Saturday, two weeks ago, she invited me to a camping trip she was having with friends. We spent the night in a tent and everyone packed up and returned home around noon on Sunday. She & I returned to her place where she invited me to shower with her and we had the best sex ever.

The following Friday she texts me stating that having sex with me had been a mistake and that she felt that sex had happened way too soon. She said that attraction played a part and the fact that I had put so much effort into making it work. "But I felt it was too soon and pressured." Then, "I do enjoy your company and look forward to the time we spend together. I will however be slowing the sexual intimacy back down. It should not have happened."

The following weekend she left town to visit her sister.

The following Thursday I met another woman for drinks at a bar in the town in which friendzone girl lives, which is an hour away from me. After the woman and I finished and she went on her way I texted friendzone girl inviting her to come to the bar. She was there in five minutes. We had a drink, I has too buzzed to drive at this point, so she took my to her house to sober up. I tried to discuss the friendzone issue with her but she simply clammed up. I then walked back to my car and went home.

The next day, this past Friday, I received a text from her inviting me her place for the weekend, stating that it would give us time to talk. Saturday evening I picked her up, went to a movie, then a bar for pool & drinks, then back to her house where we slept together in her bed. No sex. Yesterday morning we spend all day together seeing sights, eating out, etc. She would hardly let me kiss her or hold her hand or touch her. She didn't mind me feeding here though... She was uncommunicative.

We arrived back at her place where I pointedly asked her what she intended to talk to me about. She basically stated that she wanted me as a friend and to get to know me more before she would have sex with me. I told her that that's not the way things happened between men and women and that I could find a pal anywhere. At that point I left.

I'm having trouble figuring this all out. Many times she's hinted at exclusivity and marriage. She's even shown me properties she would like to buy and build on. She's asked my several times about my objections to marriage. I was married for 23 years. I had reached the conclusion that her friendzone move was an attempt, unconsciously or part consciously, to coerce me into a commitment. But now I'm wondering if she really isn't interested in me sexually and if her dildos don't entirely satisfy her and she just wants me for some emotional comfort and validation.

She's a 54 year old well educated professional who speaks German fluently having grown up there. She has two sons in their 30s and grandchildren. She's never been married but has been engaged twice. Her engagements took place after her sons were grown and had established homes of their own. She's quite introverted and can spend hours entertaining herself painting, playing piano or guitar.

She's quite the riddle. She is quite sexy in spite of her rather homely looks.

I look forward to feedback. I'm stuck and am having trouble getting her out of my mind. I do have a date with a hot blonds who is 50 and very fit next Saturday. Maybe that will help me get Ms. Friendzone out of my mind.

Thanks guys!

 

[btownbuck2012]

A couple things come to my mind.

1: there’s another guy who you are in competition with and her sex with you is when he has upset her somehow. When things are good w/ him she wants to play friends with you.

2: she has serious commitment issues. Twice engaged never married w/ two kids is a red flag that this woman has intimacy/commitment issues.

If you’re fine banging her on and off and dealing with her hot and cold sh*t, enjoy. You seem grounded enough not to let it bother you too much. Just don’t ever expect to completely lock her down. Not gonna happen.

 

[wifehunter]

congratulations!

bullet dodged!!!

 

[Crosstimbers Okie]

A couple things come to my mind.

1: there’s another guy who you are in competition with and her sex with you is when he has upset her somehow. When things are good w/ him she wants to play friends with you.

2: she has serious commitment issues. Twice engaged never married w/ two kids is a red flag that this woman has intimacy/commitment issues.

If you’re fine banging her on and off and dealing with her hot and cold sh*t, enjoy. You seem grounded enough not to let it bother you too much. Just don’t ever expect to completely lock her down. Not gonna happen.

I've been thinking the same thing myself.

What do you think will happen if I ask her both of those questions point blank?

 

[btownbuck2012]

I've been thinking the same thing myself.

What do you think will happen if I ask her both of those questions point blank?

It’ll trigger whatever disfunction she has to flare up full bloom. Look at what happened when you tried to discuss it logically with her and she wouldn’t even let you touch her. Just enjoy banging her and realize you won’t ever be able to lock her down. The harder you fall for her the the worse it’ll get. At 54 years old she’s fully set in her ways. Not that talking to women of any age logically about sex and relationships works either, lol.

 

[Crosstimbers Okie]

It’ll trigger whatever disfunction she has to flare up full bloom. Look at what happened when you tried to discuss it logically with her and she wouldn’t even let you touch her. Just enjoy banging her and realize you won’t ever be able to lock her down. The harder you fall for her the the worse it’ll get. At 54 years old she’s fully set in her ways. Not that talking to women of any age logically about sex and relationships works either, lol.

I may do it just to see if she blows up. She said she just wanted to be friends and get to know each other after all. How can you be friends without being able to ask questions and engaging in open, honest communication? That's a question women typically ask. I may see how well a woman takes to being asked those questions...

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

She's a 54 year old !

Gross.

Op, you realize Meghan is 36 and people are telling him that he did it all wrong with haggard smv.

Younger son.

 

[speed dawg]

Sounds to me like you are being too needy. However, once you get into the 50s, it seems like women start valuing security and companionship more than simply what makes their p*ssy wet, so that's why she keeps coming back to you. She likely doesn't have many options as women's SMV starts drying up. You are also entering her frame way too much.

I think you need to back up and establish your own frame. She's leading you right now. I mean, seriously, you are making all your life choices based on her. Stop that crap.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

The following Friday she texts me stating that having sex with me had been a mistake and that she felt that sex had happened way too soon. She said that attraction played a part and the fact that I had put so much effort into making it work. "But I felt it was too soon and pressured." Then, "I do enjoy your company and look forward to the time we spend together. I will however be slowing the sexual intimacy back down. It should not have happened."

The following Thursday I met another woman for drinks at a bar in the town in which friendzone girl lives, which is an hour away from me. After the woman and I finished and she went on her way I texted friendzone girl inviting her to come to the bar. She was there in five minutes. We had a drink, I has too buzzed to drive at this point, so she took my to her house to sober up. I tried to discuss the friendzone issue with her but she simply clammed up. I then walked back to my car and went home.

The second paragraph is where you're making a mistake in my opinion, when you reach out to her after she's spent the last time you hung out giving you all this s**t about how it "shouldn't have happened". It's not even like you've only had sex once...you've had sex several times. What, she just accidentally fell on you all those times? Bulls**t.

The truth is, she's just trying to turn you into an orbiter that she can control to satisfy her ego and maybe her sexual desires every now and then.

As soon as she starts going on about "pressure" and the ex and blah blah blah you should just respond with a shrug and "Alright then, if that's how you feel I guess I'll see you around."

Keep it short, dismissive of her "uncertainties" (because they really don't seem like genuine uncertainties at all) and leave the next time you'll see each other vague. She wants to have you when she wants you and then f*ck you about when she doesn't - don't even play this game because you'll just get punked. Just cut her off and let her stop trying to play chess in her own time.

Don't reach out first either. No contact, let her reach you, talk to other women in the mean time. If she doesn't get back to you - congratulations, you just dodged a load of BS mind-games. If she does get back to you - she will have new respect for you and will have to stop giving you all this garbage.

 

[Alvafe]

she is old and never married with 2 kids and was only engaged? wonder why no one put a ring on her. dude forget all the sh!t and try to go younger, if you are as fit as you say it shouldn't be a problem, keep her as a FB

 

[Crosstimbers Okie]

Sounds to me like you are being too needy. However, once you get into the 50s, it seems like women start valuing security and companionship more than simply what makes their p*ssy wet, so that's why she keeps coming back to you. She likely doesn't have many options as women's SMV starts drying up. You are also entering her frame way too much.

I think you need to back up and establish your own frame. She's leading you right now. I mean, seriously, you are making all your life choices based on her. Stop that crap.

I think you are right.

 

[Crosstimbers Okie]

The second paragraph is where you're making a mistake in my opinion, when you reach out to her after she's spent the last time you hung out giving you all this s**t about how it "shouldn't have happened". It's not even like you've only had sex once...you've had sex several times. What, she just accidentally fell on you all those times? Bulls**t.

The truth is, she's just trying to turn you into an orbiter that she can control to satisfy her ego and maybe her sexual desires every now and then.

As soon as she starts going on about "pressure" and the ex and blah blah blah you should just respond with a shrug and "Alright then, if that's how you feel I guess I'll see you around."

Keep it short, dismissive of her "uncertainties" (because they really don't seem like genuine uncertainties at all) and leave the next time you'll see each other vague. She wants to have you when she wants you and then f*ck you about when she doesn't - don't even play this game because you'll just get punked. Just cut her off and let her stop trying to play chess in her own time.

Don't reach out first either. No contact, let her reach you, talk to other women in the mean time. If she doesn't get back to you - congratulations, you just dodged a load of BS mind-games. If she does get back to you - she will have new respect for you and will have to stop giving you all this garbage.

I think you are right.

 

[ubercat]

If you're wondering about these things at 54 I'm thinking you've had a Fortunate Life. Or more likely here out the other side of la ong marriage. Either way you need to get up to speed with the owners manual. The DJ Bible is great of course. I also recommend practical female psychology for the practical man and I'm sure the other guys will have their book pics too. It won't necessarily tell you how a particular woman is going to behave but she will understand the nature of the Beast

 

[Crosstimbers Okie]

If you're wondering about these things at 54 I'm thinking you've had a Fortunate Life. Or more likely here out the other side of la ong marriage. Either way you need to get up to speed with the owners manual. The DJ Bible is great of course. I also recommend practical female psychology for the practical man and I'm sure the other guys will have their book pics too. It won't necessarily tell you how a particular woman is going to behave but she will understand the nature of the Beast

I agree. I was out of circulation for a long time, long before 'Game' of the '90s began to teach men about female nature.

 

[ubercat]

We're pretty much the same age. And if you look at my backtrail here you'll see I've had plenty of LTRs including being married. Honestly I d consider all of your dating as just practice until you've read that book at least twice. Social media has amplified female nature.

 

[The Duke]

She gets her needs met, and you don't. The currency you ultimately value is "SEX". The currency she values is "ATTENTION". You have given her $1000 worth of ATTENTION, and in return she has provided you with $50 worth of SEX. Women understand this concept better than most men. They will have far more respect for you when you hold them accountable and not allow yourself to be used. Reflect back on the part where she said "the fact that I had put so much effort into making it work"...at the end of the day this isn't some thing you want to hear. Its the man putting more value on the relationship than the woman and that never works out.

Next time she turns you down for sex, get up and walk out. A woman that was truly attracted to you would have no problem having sex after all of the nice dates and time you have invested in her.

A woman that is truly into you will leave no doubts in your mind. Stop caring so much, stop doing so many nice things for them. It won't matter with a woman that is truly interested.

ACTION'S TRUMP WORD'S EVERY TIME. And women are excellent actors.
Stop believing everything they tell you, that's just their emotional mind talking. Kind of like when guys say all sorts of stupid emotional/irrational schitt when they are horny.

 

[spred]

OP, all the guys who replied have a good point, you should pay attention.

In my opinion, you do WAY too many ****ing activities together. You are rewarding her for ****ty treatment.

 

[Crosstimbers Okie]

I agree.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I love getting frurbz zoned 'AFTER SEX!'

THE Problem is that you dealt with cratered smv when she's the carousel riding sloot. What can you expect?

The frog and the scorpion come to mind.

 

[Gaucho Rivero]

A couple things come to my mind.

1: there’s another guy who you are in competition with and her sex with you is when he has upset her somehow. When things are good w/ him she wants to play friends with you.

2: she has serious commitment issues. Twice engaged never married w/ two kids is a red flag that this woman has intimacy/commitment issues.

This. I bet is 2.