Found out gf of 6 mo. has been cheating for the past 2...

[Colossus]

I found out today that the girl Ive been seeing since Oct. has been in another serious relationship for the past two months, decieving both me and the other guy. Ive posted several threads throughout our relationship, on various issues. We've been off and on since Feb., and I heard irrefutable evidence today that she has been seriously seeing the guy I have suspected for a long time. I never really had the solid proof to pin it down, but I had suspected it for months, and asked her about it many times.

So not only did she boldface lie, to my face, for months, but she has been decieving the other guy as well, whom I know and is a decent dude. I told him man-to-man today that his sweet "girlfriend" has been seeing me and f*cking me the entire time. She always maintained to me that they were "just really good friends". She had him believing that we were done. Of course, the guy doesnt believe me, he "trusts her completely". Oh, what a fantasy world he is living in. Here is the kicker---he left to go on vacation last wednesday. Just prior to him leaving she said she loved him for the first time. A week earlier, she told me she loved me for the first time. The night that he left, she and I went out to the movies, then we came home and had crazy sex.

This guy is crazy about her, and I was too for a long time. I never thought she would do something so underhanded and decietful, to 2 good guys nonetheless. This experience has forever changed the way I approch relationships and women in general. I will never be in another relationship where I care more than the other person. I'm sure many of you can relate.

 

[Macgyver]

Revenge is going to be really sweet, I would do it. Other wimpier DJs wouldn't but in this case, her due is to be paid.

 

[WestCoaster]

She needs to be double-dumped

Agree on the revenge part ... not always, but in this case yes. The beyotch needs to be put in her place. After sex, if possible get a digital camera and shoot a picture, perhaps if she's sleeping in the buff ... hopefully the flash won't wake her.

Get the other dude's e-mail and send the photo of her in the buff. Now he might be AFC enough to forgive her, either way I think you should do it. This 'ho needs to be not only double dumped by both of you guys, but humiliated in the process.

If you're not into revenge, just leave her. Gotta be frustrating, my friend.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

I can understand your frustration and feelings. However, I think it would be much more productive for you and healthy for your future if you don't allow this one girl and one situation to ruin your future relationships.

I don't know what your goals are with women, but in the life of a ladiesman, you will face many situations like this, and sometimes you will be the one juggling more than one women. The expression "all is fair in love and war" is actually quite true. The girl is not an evil person really, she was doing what she thought was best. And in effect, if your game was tighter, she would have been too buisy trying to catch you and keep you interested than in recruiting other guys. And therein lies the key to getting over this. That no girl has the power to f*ck you over unless you give it to them. You can't control whether or not you love a girl more, or whether or not she will cheat, or anything like that. The only thing you should concern yourself with is whether or not you were your best self in the relationship. If you were, and she cheated, then there's nothing you could have done about it. And now that you are armed with this information, you can either allow her to hurt you even more (by making you jaded) or you can use this information as a learning experice. Think about your role in causing her to cheat, I'm not saying it's your fault, but on some level you must have known that the relationship had problems, and think about how you will address those problems in your next relationship.

And with this girl, I think you should not confront her with her cheating. I think you should have a talk with her and tell her that you would like to start having an open relationship, you would like to see other women, and you're hoping that she will be open to having threesomes. That will mess with her reality and get her really jealous.

Cesare Cardinali

 

[Weak_Game]

be more creative then that... destory her...

write the other guys name on your ****... get hot and heavy with her lights dimmed... start to **** her... get kinky pull out a cam and snap a pic of you **** half way in her with his name on it... then show him the pics.. and say "nice girlfriend you got there... "

easy to pull off too, then plot together something new you guys can do together to **** her off... hell have him hide in your closet and start to **** her then have him come out and join in... then kick her out

 

[DarkLight]

Cesare dropped some sound wisdom on this one.
I like his touche ending too.

I personally would flip the script on her.
Plant some SEXY panties somewhere, or maybe a voicemail from a sexy-voiced woman. Something of the like, where she will find it.

Then when she finds it, and confronts you. Tell her you've been seeing someone on the side for the last few months, and you think now is the time for you guys to break up. You just don't find her attractive anymore, and your other girl is just so beautiful and theres magic.

She'll fvckin flip! You'll be hitting the core of her womanhood.

Then she'll probably try to slice you back in vengence, with the truth of her cheating. This is where the real and final twist of the sword comes in. You go "really?" in total lightspirited sincere intrigue... almost casting a glimmer of happyness and relief. She'll say yes... blah blah... and you respond with "hahahaa, oh thats great then... this is so easy, I should have done this sooner."

At this point... she'll be livid in venom. But all the while trying to hide it, and show you how over you she is, trying to copy your behaivor. That will only be a sign of how effective your behaivor is, on hurting and destroying her. She'll probably be packing up her things, and trying to hurt you as best she can. But you just keep on with the "hahahaaa" easy lighthearted "oh this is so great, how easy" attitude.

She'll try to barb you. w shots at your masculinty (cut your sexual performance down, etc, whatever). Just keep your "So over it" attitude light and thankfully final.

By the time she hits her car and is driving away... she'll be fvcking crushed! Enraged, Crying, Jeolous... you name it!

The best part about it is this also. She'll probably be so insanely fixated on this event, and news... that it will break her up from her other BF, and she'll probably have neurotic insecure feelings for you. If this comes around again... you can really just shut her down in rejection... and own her mind for a long while to come. lol

Absolutely ruthless...? YES!
But then again... wasn't her behaivor with you?!

Final word............. do as you feel.
(and from the enlightened perspective... should probably just cut the b!tch and carry on with your life without looking back)

 

[newbie81]

I can understand your frustration and feelings. However, I think it would be much more productive for you and healthy for your future if you don't allow this one girl and one situation to ruin your future relationships.

I don't know what your goals are with women, but in the life of a ladiesman, you will face many situations like this, and sometimes you will be the one juggling more than one women. The expression "all is fair in love and war" is actually quite true. The girl is not an evil person really, she was doing what she thought was best. And in effect, if your game was tighter, she would have been too buisy trying to catch you and keep you interested than in recruiting other guys. And therein lies the key to getting over this. That no girl has the power to f*ck you over unless you give it to them. You can't control whether or not you love a girl more, or whether or not she will cheat, or anything like that. The only thing you should concern yourself with is whether or not you were your best self in the relationship. If you were, and she cheated, then there's nothing you could have done about it. And now that you are armed with this information, you can either allow her to hurt you even more (by making you jaded) or you can use this information as a learning experice. Think about your role in causing her to cheat, I'm not saying it's your fault, but on some level you must have known that the relationship had problems, and think about how you will address those problems in your next relationship.

And with this girl, I think you should not confront her with her cheating. I think you should have a talk with her and tell her that you would like to start having an open relationship, you would like to see other women, and you're hoping that she will be open to having threesomes. That will mess with her reality and get her really jealous.

Cesare Cardinali

listen to him.

Revenge is a waste of time & won't make you feel happier.

Just get rid of her & start spinning plates.

 

[KontrollerX]

Listen to Weak Game or Spider.

"The girl is not an evil person really"

She is lying and playing with two good people's hearts and minds.

She's either an evil normal woman that chooses to be a manipulative slvt or more likely a very sick sufferer of a Cluster B sociopathic personality disorder who has no conscience so can do any hurtful thing to anyone at any time with no remorse.

 

[Jamo]

What Cesare Cardinali says will really fvck her reality. Do it.

 

[WestCoaster]

Classic!

Cesare dropped some sound wisdom on this one.
I like his touche ending too.

I personally would flip the script on her.
Plant some SEXY panties somewhere, or maybe a voicemail from a sexy-voiced woman. Something of the like, where she will find it.

Then when she finds it, and confronts you. Tell her you've been seeing someone on the side for the last few months, and you think now is the time for you guys to break up. You just don't find her attractive anymore, and your other girl is just so beautiful and theres magic.

She'll fvckin flip! You'll be hitting the core of her womanhood.

Then she'll probably try to slice you back in vengence, with the truth of her cheating. This is where the real and final twist of the sword comes in. You go "really?" in total lightspirited sincere intrigue... almost casting a glimmer of happyness and relief. She'll say yes... blah blah... and you respond with "hahahaa, oh thats great then... this is so easy, I should have done this sooner."

At this point... she'll be livid in venom. But all the while trying to hide it, and show you how over you she is, trying to copy your behaivor. That will only be a sign of how effective your behaivor is, on hurting and destroying her. She'll probably be packing up her things, and trying to hurt you as best she can. But you just keep on with the "hahahaaa" easy lighthearted "oh this is so great, how easy" attitude.

She'll try to barb you. w shots at your masculinty (cut your sexual performance down, etc, whatever). Just keep your "So over it" attitude light and thankfully final.

By the time she hits her car and is driving away... she'll be fvcking crushed! Enraged, Crying, Jeolous... you name it!

The best part about it is this also. She'll probably be so insanely fixated on this event, and news... that it will break her up from her other BF, and she'll probably have neurotic insecure feelings for you. If this comes around again... you can really just shut her down in rejection... and own her mind for a long while to come. lol

Absolutely ruthless...? YES!
But then again... wasn't her behaivor with you?!

Final word............. do as you feel.
(and from the enlightened perspective... should probably just cut the b!tch and carry on with your life without looking back)

Revenge or not, this idea is a good one. If you go for revenge, use this idea; if you let it slide, just move on. I'm convinced this girl needs to be taught a lesson, but it's not the DJ's duty to do that ... only if they want to. I gotta admit, DarkLight's idea is very creative.

I do know I'd move on very quickly from this sl-t.

 

[Vulpine]

Emailing photos? I'm wicked-awesome at photoshop, if you wanna have some fun .... we can have her being "spit roasted" and "DP'd" with a couple guys whacking off on her back if you want. Heck, I could even throw a donkey and a sound guy in the mix. But, that sort of exertion, fun though it may be, is a waste of calories; calories better directed towards the pursuit of new and better prospects.

Indeed, divert your anger and negative energy into the pursuit of new prospects.

Consider revenge and drama as the female way of handling this. Keep her around as an FB to abuse if you please, but most definitely move on.

 

[Sinistar]

A couple of questions, please answer yourself honestly:

Q1.Do you really ever want to be intimate with this woman again, for all you know she was just with Guy # 2 a half hour earlier (heck, maybe he calls you Guy # 2)?

Q2.Could you ever trust this woman again?

Q3.Do you really think games or revenge are going to work?

And in effect, if your game was tighter, she would have been too buisy trying to catch you and keep you interested than in recruiting other guys. And therein lies the key to getting over this. That no girl has the power to f*ck you over unless you give it to them. You can't control whether or not you love a girl more, or whether or not she will cheat, or anything like that. The only thing you should concern yourself with is whether or not you were your best self in the relationship. If you were, and she cheated, then there's nothing you could have done about it.

I don't think revenge will work here because it doesn't sound like you currently have a HB or two off on the side. You'd be making up something. I'm not sure of every DJ rule, however I think a good DJ response would be to just walk away instead of plotting revenge, or making up something that ain't true. Remember, sometimes things backfire and she might just spring even more sh!t to p!ss you off or hurt you. What does the man say "Anything you say can and will be used against you."

My advice, it's time to just walk. I'll reframe that - Move forward with your life. Don't say a single word. Never contact her again. Never respond to her if she calls or writes or emails. Invest that time you could spend on plotting revenge or analysing or dwelling towards something better - finding yourself & hobbies back, meeting other women (you can trust) and getting your life to where you really want it to be. You first my friend.

Most likely she'll fall back on Guy # 2 (for a while), find out he's way too AFC (or maybe he'll dump her!). Maybe they'll get married, have a fvcked life or whatever. Who gives a sh!t. You know she'll eventually write, then call, then stop by and you'll continue to man up, keeping mum and you'll realize you were always in control and she was never right for you.

One day (maybe this month, maybe in year or whatever) she'll see (or hear you're) with a fine babe and you'll have the best revenge of all! If she really did love you it will crush her because there is nothing she can do except dwell on her mistakes and wonder if you're thinking about her when she knows better because you only focus your time on other better, more attractive, non-slvtty women. Youch! Youch!!

We all watched Tr!mReaper's thread. I think everyone would agree that he did the right thing in never contacting his ex or responding when she tried. Here you have an option he didn't, you can quietly (or loudly) boot her and let her figure it out and you won't carry a speck of guilt because you caught her screwing around, dishonest, etc. The best lesson we can teach women like this is that they are not allowed in our lives. She was given a chance (remember YOU are the prize, not her) and when she got selfish you showed her your zero tolerance policy for BS.

(PS. Get an STD scan)
(PPS. I would contact the other dude....remind him to get an STD scan too).

 

[Lovesorrow]

Listen to Weak Game or Spider.

"The girl is not an evil person really"

She is lying and playing with two good people's hearts and minds.

She's either an evil normal woman that chooses to be a manipulative slvt or more likely a very sick sufferer of a Cluster B sociopathic personality disorder who has no conscience so can do any hurtful thing to anyone at any time with no remorse.

Man, sometimes I think you go overboard with your labelling. "He´s sociopatic, or borderline or whatever". Some people are just plain immature or have low morals. It doesn´t mean they suffer from some mental disease.
:wave:

 

[Slickster]

Sorry guys but you're all missing the point

His attention is something she no longer deserves. So why give her anymore by seeking revenge?

This girl is a liar and a cheat. She doesn't give a fawk about Collosus! Her actions display this. She doesn't "love" him. She is using him!

Revenge is stupid in this case. Going for revenge in this situation only draws Collosus further into her, and her fawked up shyt.

Pretty tough to get revenge on someone who doesn't give a fawk about you or your feelings. She already has another guy. Any attempt at revenge and she just slips into her new relationship.

If it were me I would step right out of her life. Cease to exist in her fawked up world. If she has any feelings for him at all then that is the best revenge.

My guess is that if Collosus walks and refuses any more contact with her she will be begging him to come back. He should move on with his life, forget her and find someone new.

Revenge just shows weakness and surrenders his power to her.

Slick

 

[WestCoaster]

You're right Slickster ... darn it! It just sounded like so much fun.

 

[resilient]

I'd go Keyser Soze on her.

Use a fellow DJs advice on LJBF tactics from the board:

The Anti Dr Phil's "Medieval Torture Methods" - aka extreme psychological warfare. Closure and forgiveness are NOT an option

So with that being the ugly and smelly facts, I will behoove me to leave first, if I can help it. The person who chooses to ride it out is usually left with the most emotionally baggage/battle scars, and their self-esteem takes an even greater hit. Not only will said individual be left with the unnerving feeling that they didn't have the strength to leave first, they are left toiling in emotional uncertainty wondering what you're doing, "who you're doing", and why you didn't attempt to work things out. Their self-esteem takes a hit, and it leaves them with a feeling of lowered self worth. A feeling of "he loved me the least because he had the power to walk away first - with a trace". Nothing lowers a persons self esteem quicker than dealing with feelings of rejection. And there is no feeling of rejection worse than being jilted by a former lover. Knowing all of that, a person would be an absolute fool to not leave first.

Not only would I leave, I'd disappear like Keyser Soze (Usual Suspects), never to be seen or heard from again. And if she did see you again months or years later??? Take that time in between to self improve to ridiculous lengths, which would drive the stake home even further. It's a subconscious way of saying, "not only did I not need you, I didn't respect you enough to say goodbye". And as a kick in the tail on the way out, "I got even better without you".

Is it an ******* move? Yep. But no one ever said war and breakups weren't ugly.

I used this on my oneitis LDR ex and now she's calling/SMSing me like crazy but I'm not picking up her restricted calls or replying to texts. So, ultimately I win since I moved on, got better, and haven't spoken with her in 6 months since the morning of the break up. Hope this helped, this advice and other good DJs on here really helped me get past it. We tend to chase that which runs away from us. Don't be surprised if she emails you out of the blue trying to recontact you. Trimreaper's breakup thread from last fall, is another excellent thread on the board to follow if you have the time.

 

[Colossus]

Thanks for the replies, guys. Some of your revenge ideas are great, and believe me I would LOVE to see this blow up in her face. But, unfortunately, it usually doesnt happen when you want it to. It may take some time. Word is getting around to the other guy's friends about his girl cheating, so we'll see.

Ever since yesterday Ive done nothing but stew in my head about how best to get my revenge, but like slickster and sinistar stated, all this is doing is keeping obsessed with her and perpetuating my pain. It's f*cking hard enough to see her and joe blow happy with each other despite all her lies. He's in the same fantasy world I was in for months. It will come to light someday.
As for your questions....

A couple of questions, please answer yourself honestly:

Q1.Do you really ever want to be intimate with this woman again, for all you know she was just with Guy # 2 a half hour earlier (heck, maybe he calls you Guy # 2)?

Q2.Could you ever trust this woman again?

Q3.Do you really think games or revenge are going to work?

1. No, not anymore.

2. Never. Ever.

3. It's too late now for me too play games with her--things between us were very unstable anyways. On one day, off the next. Ive been so obsessive with this girl; I have really made a fool out of myself enough. This relationship f*cked my head up. I think if I keep investigating and spying and slandering her, I will never be able to just stop caring about her and move on.


So, on that note, maybe the best thing I can do is just never speak to her again and avoid her if at all possible. Unfortunately I still have a class with guy #2.

 

[sunlight44]

I think the sweetest “revenge” as you may wan to call or the others call it is to not let her know that you know the truth right now and flip the coin on her! Let me explain; start dating other women to the side “spin more plate” and keep your girl in mind spend time with her but not too much because you are busy dating other women! That how you detach from her emotionally ( if you are!!) and once she find out you are seeing other If she does ( play your game right) she will be jealous and want to only be with you ! and it will be up to you to make the decision to keep her or not! Cheers

 

[SAYNO]

Thanks for the replies, guys. Some of your revenge ideas are great, and believe me I would LOVE to see this blow up in her face. But, unfortunately, it usually doesnt happen when you want it to. It may take some time. Word is getting around to the other guy's friends about his girl cheating, so we'll see.

Ever since yesterday Ive done nothing but stew in my head about how best to get my revenge, but like slickster and sinistar stated, all this is doing is keeping obsessed with her and perpetuating my pain. It's f*cking hard enough to see her and joe blow happy with each other despite all her lies. He's in the same fantasy world I was in for months. It will come to light someday.
As for your questions....




1. No, not anymore.

2. Never. Ever.

3. It's too late now for me too play games with her--things between us were very unstable anyways. On one day, off the next. Ive been so obsessive with this girl; I have really made a fool out of myself enough. This relationship f*cked my head up. I think if I keep investigating and spying and slandering her, I will never be able to just stop caring about her and move on.


So, on that note, maybe the best thing I can do is just never speak to her again and avoid her if at all possible. Unfortunately I still have a class with guy #2.

Yep, she sounds pretty selfish, but that's just proof about not geting so obsessive over them, :nono: besides she eats, sleeps and shiits just like you do.

Perhaps Marquis De Sade said it best:

"We must bear it ever in mind that the woman who strives to get us the most inextricably into her captivity is certainly concealing flaws which would rapidly disgust us if we knew what they were...

Undress this idol of your soul, undress her...is it over these two crooked and stubby thighs you propose to rave? Or over this unclean, fetid gulf there they meet? Ah ha, its perhaps this apron of matted hairs hanging untidily between those same thighs that is due to fire your imagination...or else these two flaccid globes drooping flappily onto her naval? These are the wonders your mind battens on, and it is for their sake you sink yourself into a condition lower than the condition of an earthworm?

But what is this? I am mistaken? You are not attracted by any of this, that there are much finer qualities than these that spellbind you?

Her personality?

It is that traitorous cunning character, those perpetual dishonesties, that lying tongue, that shrewish scolding tone, this voice like a cat's? Or this whorishness, or this prudery, for woman spends her life in the one or the other of those two extremes. This calumny, this spitefulness, this contrariness, this witless inconsequence, ever nagging, caviling, cawing stupidity...

Oh, my brothers, contemplate a little the host of sorrows passion brings in its wake, the cruel maladies caused by the sufferings it gives, the material expenditures, the loss as well of sleep, of ease, of appetite, of health, the obligatory renunciation of all other pleasures; realizing the gigantic sacrifices it entails, and profiting from all these examples, do as the prudent helsman who steers not for the reef littered with hulks of a thousand shattered vessels."




SN'

 

[Sinistar]

Become a big blank...
...and let her spend all emotional energy trying to fill it in

From some of your previous posts you knew or felt things probably weren't going to work. In the meantime she was off somewhere else. And now you know the truth. She could have been a decent human being and let you know straight away when things weren't working for her. Perhaps then she would have merited closure, a decent ending etc.

However she got selfish and played this her way. Anti Dr Phil's advice is perfect here. She does not deserve any sort of closure or forgiveness.

You answered those questions honestly. Not many dudes on this forum are going to want to get cozy with a babe once they know she's been getting d!ck elsewhere after seeing you. Rollo's thesis on The Desire Dynamic just confirms what you know - that it ain't never gonna work after what's happened.

You were honest with yourself in that you do not and never will trust her again. And you know revenge will most likely backfire.

So your next step is to be successful at something most of us have blundered and screwed up (and paid for) over and over again. Be that DJ that just walks away and never says another word.

Delete the emails so you won't re-read and dwell. If you get one from her and your kung-fu is strong you won't even read it. If you read it, no problem. Just don't respond. Be a big blank. Set your phone ringer to silent. If you want to listen the message, no problem, delete no problem either. If you have things that she owns (not given to you), box them up soon and drop them off (before dark, no big production). Don't include a note or explanation. If she stops by simply tell her "You need to leave". No explanation. If you bump into her be yourself and if she wants to talk just firmly, calmly & assertively tell her something like you've moved on. Your words should be true and your actions need to back it up 100%. Keep this up and your arse is covered if she gets crazy on you. You have shown you are not obsessing, fixating or any other thing she can use against you (if it gets ugly).

Along the way a couple things will happen and this is where you get to use logic for a change.

First, you might start to doubt you're doing the right thing and that you may never find anyone better. Just use logic. Rememeber your answers to those questions and all the other posts to this topic. Logic (via her actions) tells you she can't be trusted and you know you don't want intimacy ever again. Therefore you can conclude no contact is the only correct answer.

Second, you might start feeling guilty when you hear her voice, read the emails, etc. This one is easy. The one who is feeling guilty is her. She did something mean, dishonest and downright nasty. She's probably feeling remorse for what she did (good!). The key her is to NEVER give her that closure or forgiveness. She will respect you 100x more if you don't. If you slide on this in just the slightest she'll feel emotionally relieved, happy and will not give an once of a sh!t about you.

More importantly, that guilt you are feeling ain't guilt my friend. It is just you being p!ssed at yourself for not doing what was right a long time ago (ending things). So don't feel guilty, she gets to carry that load and most likely won't even feel that way if she's the type of person you described.

Then just stick it out, if you can make it through this weekend you can make it forever. You'll have a few week moments along the way however if you stick to your decisions you'll always know what is right and that will get you through it.

The best part, if you can do this you'll probably never suffer through it again because you know (via the hard way) what it feels like and more importantly, you'll know that you can (and have) walked away from anything that does not bring happiness to your life.

When you meet future HB's with that type of confidence and attitude your game will very strong.