Found out gf of 6 mo. has been cheating for the past 2...

[SoCalMike]

I found out today that the girl Ive been seeing since Oct. has been in another serious relationship for the past two months, decieving both me and the other guy. Ive posted several threads throughout our relationship, on various issues. We've been off and on since Feb., and I heard irrefutable evidence today that she has been seriously seeing the guy I have suspected for a long time. I never really had the solid proof to pin it down, but I had suspected it for months, and asked her about it many times.

So not only did she boldface lie, to my face, for months, but she has been decieving the other guy as well, whom I know and is a decent dude. I told him man-to-man today that his sweet "girlfriend" has been seeing me and f*cking me the entire time. She always maintained to me that they were "just really good friends". She had him believing that we were done. Of course, the guy doesnt believe me, he "trusts her completely". Oh, what a fantasy world he is living in. Here is the kicker---he left to go on vacation last wednesday. Just prior to him leaving she said she loved him for the first time. A week earlier, she told me she loved me for the first time. The night that he left, she and I went out to the movies, then we came home and had crazy sex.

This guy is crazy about her, and I was too for a long time. I never thought she would do something so underhanded and decietful, to 2 good guys nonetheless. This experience has forever changed the way I approch relationships and women in general. I will never be in another relationship where I care more than the other person. I'm sure many of you can relate.

this is just an example of an all too common scenario when it comes to male "friends". which is why i never tolerate it.

this really sucks, but i hope you've learned something bro.

 

[Ever onward]

Colossus,

Ouch, I feel ya man.

I've been cheated on so many times it's not even funny. I went through the same period of being bitter that all of us guys go through. I thought that "hey, women are so stupid that they shouldn't even be allowed to think for themselves since they can't even keep their pants up". So yeah, I've been bitter.

I met my last gf last August and she cheated on me within 3 weeks. She came crying back to me and like a fool I let her back in as a friend with benefits until I could find someone better. About that time my dad became terminally ill and she was there for me every step of the way until he passed away and I let myself get attached. Long story short I took her back and believed her when she said that she was truly sorry for cheating on me. We went through some good times and some bad, it was on again then off again and then about a month ago she cheated on me again with a 2nd guy. I called her every name in the book and I don't want anything more to do with her.

Now I could go back to being bitter but I don't think I will. I enjoy women too much to not have them in my life. I enjoy looking at them, touching them, fvcking them, being with them. I'm not going to punish myself and give up all that good stuff by being bitter and driving women off just because some women have loose morals. Life is too short to be bitter and miserable.

The trick is don't become attached. I'm going to have as much fun with women as I can and not go through life being miserable. Becoming exclusive is a gift that you give to a woman only when she proves that she has earned it and not one second before then. If girls aren't willing to give up sleeping with other men then I sure as hell am not going to give up sleeping with other women unless I find someone special. As for all the girls I come across who aren't worth a damn, NEXT

 

[MindOverMatter]

How did you find out?

Anyway, if that is the case, just leave the b!tch and move on with your life. Anything else is giving her more of your effort then she deserves.

 

[legolas]

Move on buddy. It's the best you can do.

Chicks really fvck you up in the head if you give them too much attention and crave them like a drug. I have several friends who are addicted to pvssy and are stuck in deadend jobs and everytime I ask them why haven't they found a better job, and by the way these guys are all really smart and intelligent and full of potential, they reply "It's the women, man....the women"

 

[Colossus]

Some advice for any youngsters...

I was asked in a PM if I could post the things that led me to believe her infidelity, and the AFC behaviors I wallowed in that perpetuated the mess. Although this is quite embarassing, I will do it for the sake of any younger readers or those who havent yet learned such painful lessons. It's a bit long-winded, but here goes....

---------------
I had suspected her of cheating for a long time. There were pretty significant trust issues with her from day one. I met her in school, and we hooked up at a bar one night. One of my buddies told me that "She hooks up. She puts out." That's really where it all started. We had sex literally from the first time we hung out alone. What struck me as odd was that she was very quiet--even after we had sex. No explaining, no emotions, no talking at all, really. I'm not saying she was cheating on me at this point, but I always felt like she kept me at arms length.
Fast forward to about two months ago--this is when I really began to have suspicions. We broke up, for the first time, a little after valentine's day. I broke up with her basically because we were supposed to hang out that night..it was valentine's day. She told me she would be at the lab until late, but she would call me when she got out. Never did. I found out the next day she had gone to the bar with one of her friends. Long story short, we split up for about a week. During that time I was delivering pizza, and I saw her car at a very "close" guy friend's house on a delivery. I instantly got that drop-stomach feeling, because I knew that this guy really liked her, and they hung out quite a bit. We got back together a few days later and I called her out on it...she claimed she was borrowing his chem book. So, like a fool I believed her, because I really had no proof she was actually cheating. Since that time this type of **** continued, so I'll make a list of the signs to keep it brief.

-A lot of her stories and explainations never added up. If I questioned her about it, she would accuse me of not trusting her.

-There were many unexplained gaps of time in her day that she wouldnt elaborate on when asked.

-Not returning phone calls and texts.

-Brief, vague explainations. (Yes, no, I was at lab, I was studying, etc.) I got these alot. Anytime she needed an alibi, it was lab or school.

-She went home every weekend, and sometimes wouldnt call or return calls the whole weekend.

-Her "friend" was always over at her place. But she insisted they were just friends.

-She would often go out drinking with her friends and never invite me or call; or return my calls for that matter.

-Her stories and where she actually was often didnt line up.

-She never planned or even showed any interest in me meeting her family. They live like an hour away.

-In general, she never really made me a part of her life. I always gave her opportunities to be part of mine, but she was always too busy.

These were all big red flags. I found out the truth from guy#2 himself, Facebook, AIM, and friends of hers and his who didnt really know me. Guy #2 told me himself they had been dating for awhile, his facebook said so, his AIM said so, her friends said so, and his best friend confirmed it without even knowing who i was. All the evidence pointed to her double-crossing, except her actual words. But you know what they say, love is blind.

And dude, I cant even begin to tell you all of the AFC things I did for her. In a nutshell---I progressively became more and more obsessive. These behaviors included:

-Driving by her apt. 2-5 times a day to "check" on her.

-Calling her if she blew me off

-Asking her a million questions

-Using every last second of my free brain time to think about her.

-Allowing her actions to completely dictate my emotions.

-Always doing things for her when she did basically nothing for me.

-Apologizing whenever she got mad.

-Constantly checking her away messages, facebook, looking around campus for her car, looking for her after class, etc.

-Blowing off other girls because of her. (The worst)


I could go on for pages, but I think Ive embarassed myself enough. I hope this info helps any younger guys or other DJs who havent experienced this kind of betrayal and obsession. I believe Wyldfire had a post about ORD (Obsessive Relational Disorder), which may not exactly be clinical, but it describes the person I had become pretty well.

Here's to a new Colossus, never to be under a spell like that again. :rockon:

 

[Macgyver]

When it concerns the girl's "male friends" if the male friend doesn't make an effort to be friendly with me or if I notice that he's showing hostility towards me then I know something is up. This is just one of those things that I hate about dealing with girls, girls who know no boundaries and feel it's perfectly normal to have a bunch of male attention-whoring friends waiting to jump for some action. It's normal for a girl to not have many girlfriends, it's normal for a girl to not have any friends, but something is UP whenever you meet her or talk to her, she seems to be surrounded by a male friend(s). I've met enough girls that have a bunch of male friends to determine that, and I don't care if she's "one of the guys" or "her girlfriends are jealous" it's just the true fact that because there is something inherently wrong with her that other girls would not put up with her, but her horny guy "friends" would.

 

[Ever onward]

---------------
I had suspected her of cheating for a long time. There were pretty significant trust issues with her from day one. I met her in school, and we hooked up at a bar one night. One of my buddies told me that "She hooks up. She puts out." That's really where it all started. We had sex literally from the first time we hung out alone. What struck me as odd was that she was very quiet--even after we had sex. No explaining, no emotions, no talking at all, really. I'm not saying she was cheating on me at this point, but I always felt like she kept me at arms length.
Fast forward to about two months ago--this is when I really began to have suspicions. We broke up, for the first time, a little after valentine's day. I broke up with her basically because we were supposed to hang out that night..it was valentine's day. She told me she would be at the lab until late, but she would call me when she got out. Never did. I found out the next day she had gone to the bar with one of her friends. Long story short, we split up for about a week. During that time I was delivering pizza, and I saw her car at a very "close" guy friend's house on a delivery. I instantly got that drop-stomach feeling, because I knew that this guy really liked her, and they hung out quite a bit. We got back together a few days later and I called her out on it...she claimed she was borrowing his chem book. So, like a fool I believed her, because I really had no proof she was actually cheating. Since that time this type of **** continued, so I'll make a list of the signs to keep it brief.

-A lot of her stories and explainations never added up. If I questioned her about it, she would accuse me of not trusting her.

-There were many unexplained gaps of time in her day that she wouldnt elaborate on when asked.

-Not returning phone calls and texts.

-Brief, vague explainations. (Yes, no, I was at lab, I was studying, etc.) I got these alot. Anytime she needed an alibi, it was lab or school.

-She went home every weekend, and sometimes wouldnt call or return calls the whole weekend.

-Her "friend" was always over at her place. But she insisted they were just friends.

-She would often go out drinking with her friends and never invite me or call; or return my calls for that matter.

-Her stories and where she actually was often didnt line up.

-She never planned or even showed any interest in me meeting her family. They live like an hour away.

-In general, she never really made me a part of her life. I always gave her opportunities to be part of mine, but she was always too busy.

These were all big red flags. I found out the truth from guy#2 himself, Facebook, AIM, and friends of hers and his who didnt really know me. Guy #2 told me himself they had been dating for awhile, his facebook said so, his AIM said so, her friends said so, and his best friend confirmed it without even knowing who i was. All the evidence pointed to her double-crossing, except her actual words. But you know what they say, love is blind.

And dude, I cant even begin to tell you all of the AFC things I did for her. In a nutshell---I progressively became more and more obsessive. These behaviors included:

-Driving by her apt. 2-5 times a day to "check" on her.

-Calling her if she blew me off

-Asking her a million questions

-Using every last second of my free brain time to think about her.

-Allowing her actions to completely dictate my emotions.

-Always doing things for her when she did basically nothing for me.

-Apologizing whenever she got mad.

-Constantly checking her away messages, facebook, looking around campus for her car, looking for her after class, etc.

-Blowing off other girls because of her. (The worst)

That list is scary man. I've been there and done all of it. I'm gonna check out Wyldfire's post. Thanks for sharing all this.

 

[RedPill]

When it concerns the girl's "male friends" if the male friend doesn't make an effort to be friendly with me or if I notice that he's showing hostility towards me then I know something is up. This is just one of those things that I hate about dealing with girls, girls who know no boundaries and feel it's perfectly normal to have a bunch of male attention-whoring friends waiting to jump for some action. It's normal for a girl to not have many girlfriends, it's normal for a girl to not have any friends, but something is UP whenever you meet her or talk to her, she seems to be surrounded by a male friend(s). I've met enough girls that have a bunch of male friends to determine that, and I don't care if she's "one of the guys" or "her girlfriends are jealous" it's just the true fact that because there is something inherently wrong with her that other girls would not put up with her, but her horny guy "friends" would.

It's amazing how many women there are out there who act like players - getting involved in multiple relationships at the same time, or always looking for a better deal. Obviously, when you see she's got a harem of beta-males toting along everywhere she goes it's a red flag.

I don't blame women for playing the game to their advantage, but in nature, it's the male's role to build a group of partners, not the other way around. As it's been said a million times around here, the role reversal of women acting like men and men acting like women is what's screwing up the game.

What I can't stand is a lack of honesty. Now, majority of the time women who operate this way are not going to honestly communicate what they're doing because they don't want to hurt feelings and lose attention/options. If there's anything I'm taking away from this thread, and others like it, it's to not tolerate flaking (avoiding accountability) on any level because it frequently leads to situations like this. Flaking is the hor's calling card.

 

[ElChoclo]

Well Colossus, when you found out you should have made a point about it. Since you know the other guy, you should have just got her round to your place and then presented her other boyfriend. Then suggested a threesome. You could explain to her that its more efficient to handle it that way, since it saves all the duplication of labour and saves time.

Once I was having a casual relationship with this low grade type. I went to her house without ringing. She comes out with a dressing gown on, trying to get rid of me. I look through the crack in the door and I can see someone is in there. I just started laughing. With her trying to get rid of me, and not being at all worth it, the thought of the other guy wondering what he was getting himself in for and whether I would burst in there, just struck me as very funny indeed.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Man, sometimes I think you go overboard with your labelling."

Trust me I don't.

Most of the pain in this world is caused by people suffering from a Cluster B personality disorder.

Anti Social Personality Disordered people are the highest occuring number in the prison population responsible for society's most vile and despicable crimes like rape, murder, child molestation, gang warfare and assault and battery.

Most of the business abuse and financial scandals like Enron come from people afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. (Hitler was an N and many of his most famous generals like Rommel and such were ASPD's.)

The majority of the horrible relationships described on this forum and those I've seen in the world I personally believe to be the direct result of being involved with someone afflicted with borderline, histrionic or the other two Cluster B personality disorders I mentioned ASPD and NPD.

I mean come on the majority of the posts on this forum where a guy details his painful past relationship and subsequent breakup the girl exhibited all of the signs of being a borderline or histrionic or an unhealthy combo of one of those and NPD.

Oh and btw before I end this post I did begin my first post in this topic by saying this could be a normal woman that just enjoys being manipulative if you paid attention. I really just said that in the interest of fairness even though I don't believe a truly normal woman could or would act this way.

When someone can lead two people on in a false love relationship and maybe more guys than that for all those two know something is seriously wrong with that girl that goes way beyond simple immaturity and low morals.

How about no conscience or empathy? Thats Cluster B my friend.

You can easily tell when a relationship breakup was normal or a Cluster B breakup in ways other than just the girl's symptoms.

Usually when its Cluster B the guy becomes obsessed with his ex and her every movement.

Actually he was for quite a long time during the relationship but he didn't know it.

Thats hypnosis and the love obsession those girls build in you to get all that love from you that they wanted as a child but did not get.

When a normal relationship ends there's sometimes bad feelings for a week or two or even a month but after a few outings and beers with friends the guy or woman is able to start moving on looking for someone new.

Not so with Cluster B.

The obsession lasts for a long time and is accompanied by PTSD and needs therapy to combat.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

"Man, sometimes I think you go overboard with your labelling."

Trust me I don't.

Most of the pain in this world is caused by people suffering from a Cluster B personality disorder.

Anti Social Personality Disordered people are the highest occuring number in the prison population responsible for society's most vile and despicable crimes like rape, murder, child molestation, gang warfare and assault and battery.

Most of the business abuse and financial scandals like Enron come from people afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. (Hitler was an N and many of his most famous generals like Rommel and such were ASPD's.)

The majority of the horrible relationships described on this forum and those I've seen in the world I personally believe to be the direct result of being involved with someone afflicted with borderline, histrionic or the other two Cluster B personality disorders I mentioned ASPD and NPD.

I mean come on the majority of the posts on this forum where a guy details his painful past relationship and subsequent breakup the girl exhibited all of the signs of being a borderline or histrionic or an unhealthy combo of one of those and NPD.

Oh and btw before I end this post I did begin my first post in this topic by saying this could be a normal woman that just enjoys being manipulative if you paid attention. I really just said that in the interest of fairness even though I don't believe a truly normal woman could or would act this way.

When someone can lead two people on in a false love relationship and maybe more guys than that for all those two know something is seriously wrong with that girl that goes way beyond simple immaturity and low morals.

How about no conscience or empathy? Thats Cluster B my friend.

You can easily tell when a relationship breakup was normal or a Cluster B breakup in ways other than just the girl's symptoms.

Usually when its Cluster B the guy becomes obsessed with his ex and her every movement.

Actually he was for quite a long time during the relationship but he didn't know it.

Thats hypnosis and the love obsession those girls build in you to get all that love from you that they wanted as a child but did not get.

When a normal relationship ends there's sometimes bad feelings for a week or two or even a month but after a few outings and beers with friends the guy or woman is able to start moving on looking for someone new.

Not so with Cluster B.

The obsession lasts for a long time and is accompanied by PTSD and needs therapy to combat.

Kontroller X: Your spot on here!! Its funny because as I was reading Colossus's post the first thought that went into my head was:

"This chick is a textbook Cluster B!!!" LOL

Guys who have never been through a relationship with these wack jobs have no idea how convincing and emotionally devastating these relationships really are in every phase (beginning, during, post breakup). Good post, keep up the good work.




PIMP

 

[Bonhomme]

Damn. Seeing as how you know the other guy, if she's not aware of your knowledge of all this, you can team up, and really set her up for one helluva surprise ~~~

Regarding KontrollerX and Pimp-sicle's posts, the only effective way to deal with such people who are devoid of empathy is to recognize them for what they are straightaway, and use them just as they're using you.

That's obviously not the case here ... as you said, love is blind. At least a lot of the time. Live and learn.

 

[resilient]

Regarding KontrollerX and Pimp-sicle's posts, the only effective way to deal with such people who are devoid of empathy is to recognize them for what they are straightaway, and use them just as they're using you.

Can you expand upon this please?

 

[Latinoman]

Forget about the "revenge" part. In fact, that can most certainly back fire. Taking naked pictures of a woman and sharing them with a third party is illegal. She can even sue you in the process! Worst, your reputation will be tarnished too (imagine your full name in the news or in court).

In addition, trying the revenge part is in essence pay way too much attention to her. In fact, you are treating her like the axis in which you revolve.

My advice is to forget about her. In fact, dump her. Then forget about her and stop 100% comunication.

A true man's man or "dj" doesn't make any woman (unless she is his daughter) the axis in which his life rotates.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Can you expand upon this please?

resilient:

There are many many people in this world who lack empathy, concern and flat out any sympathetic emotion for other human beings. There only object is to use the other person and milk them for all they're worth. In terms of relationships, most people who say things like "baby I love you sooo much" then go out and fuvk another guy/girl are grouped into the category as "devoid of empathy." Furthermore, most of these people, if not all, are suffering from some form of a Cluster B personality disorder. If you want to research them more, look up Histrionic, Borderline and Anti-Social Personality Disorder. Its a real eye opener!!

The second part of Bonhomme's sentence about "recognizing them for what they are" is simply stating the following: If you recognize a user as a user, you wouldn't be foolish to get involved with them. Just like when you recognize a guy with a gun as a mad man, your not going to walk up to him in plain view and shake his hand with a big smile on your face.

However in terms of relationships this is much easier said than done. These users (Cluster B's) have an iniate ability to become the idealized version of what you look for in a woman, in other words they change their colors for every guy they want to use. You can get suxed into their black hole so quick it will literally blow your mind. Be careful you've been warned.



PIMP

 

[resilient]

pimp-sicle-

If you want to research them more, look up Histrionic, Borderline and Anti-Social Personality Disorder. Its a real eye opener!!

Oh believe me after my ex LDR dumped me after my lame ultimatum, I began my inner game (rAFC) work like a mad man with sosuave and began applying them as affirmations to serve me in life. I did a lot of research on wikipedia and was absolutely dumbfounded that such people exist and are stealthy to cover their major character flaws. I took on the mother of hard relationships. I chalked it up and learned that it can only get better from here on.That was the last time I played "captainsaveah0" lol..........

Rollo T- if you're reading this thanks for helping me get my head screwed on back straight a few months ago, that email really set my mind straight with women and how I deal with myself. The serial monogamist is gone, haha. Plate Spin Theory is my motto now.

If you recognize a user as a user, you wouldn't be foolish to get involved with them. Just like when you recognize a guy with a gun as a mad man, your not going to walk up to him in plain view and shake his hand with a big smile on your face.

Definately, it takes shrewed intuition to screen them after a few initial dates to spot red flags. Too bad I was stuck on a bus with her in Europe for 6 weeks. After I confessed my love she started kinoing all guys on the bus. That was tough to deal with it, but whatever.. I was incredibly inexperienced so I didn't know these type of girls who have personality disorders are out there. Thankfuly, now I can cold-read them fast and NEXT them before I invest too much time and energy.

However in terms of relationships this is much easier said than done. These users (Cluster B's) have an iniate ability to become the idealized version of what you look for in a woman, in other words they change their colors for every guy they want to use. You can get suxed into their black hole so quick it will literally blow your mind. Be careful you've been warned.

I'm only frustrated I didn't find this site sooner since I had to go through a lot of suffering for being extremely sheltered and naive. It was a lot of pain since I've been raised to think so highly of everyone and give away my trust/love to anyone. Now I know better and will definately be guarding my heart in the future. I have faith that there are good women still out there... just like good women have faith that there are still good men out there.

Colossus - Good luck man with whatever you decide to do with your situation.

 

[Colossus]

...most people who say things like "baby I love you sooo much" then go out and fvck another guy/girl are grouped into the category as "devoid of empathy."

It would appear so in her case. The girl's moral compass is jilted, I think. I dont see how she could rationalize what I descibed her doing in my opening post. For months, nonetheless.

I havent communicated with her in any way since I found out...although I want to say so many things. I know in my gut that I can never go back, but when I wake up in the morning the pain is still there. Im just trying to stay busy and look ahead to better things.

-C

 

[DJDamage]

Guys who have never been through a relationship with these wack jobs have no idea how convincing and emotionally devastating these relationships really are in every phase (beginning, during, post breakup).

They do a mindjob on you like you never believe and you end up inheriting some of her undesire qualities as a result of being with her. I know exectly what you mean Pimp-sicle.

DJD

 

[KontrollerX]

Thanks Pimp.

Your posts have been awesome too!

I directed a few guys I know from another site to your post history here since they wanted more case studies than just mine of how destructive a Cluster B relationship can be and you really got it bad with your borderline case.

Anyway...

"It would appear so in her case. The girl's moral compass is jilted, I think. I dont see how she could rationalize what I descibed her doing in my opening post. For months, nonetheless."

Oh Cluster B's believe they are justified and entitled to anything they want everyone else be damned.

They have an excuse and twisted rationalization for every harmful thing they do already worked up in their minds.

Its really messed up.

Oh and to expand on what Pimpsicle said not only can you tell a Cluster B by their actions not matching up to their words they all share what is commonly known as the psychopath stare or reptilian gaze think Hannibal Lecter.

How would a person feel if the Hannibal Lecter character were real and he stared at them? Creeped the hell out I imagine but now think of a beautiful woman staring at you almost unblinkingly. You feel special now and not creeped out don't you? Well thats an unintended side effect that most Cluster B's probably don't know they have but it helps in their hypnosis and it helps informed guys like us to spot them!

So watch out for a woman you are involved with staring at you that never seems to get embarrassed and then looks away ever.

 

[Latinoman]

It would appear so in her case. The girl's moral compass is jilted, I think. I dont see how she could rationalize what I descibed her doing in my opening post. For months, nonetheless.

I havent communicated with her in any way since I found out...although I want to say so many things. I know in my gut that I can never go back, but when I wake up in the morning the pain is still there. Im just trying to stay busy and look ahead to better things.

-C

Good luck man.

In this case, everytime she comes into your mind...think about EVERYTHING that is NEGATIVE about her (including her looks)...you will start losing interest real fast.