Former Chad - what next?

[Westminster]

First post, here goes...

At thirty, I was a a Chad: handsome; square jaw; long, wavy hair; jacked. I got a lot of attention from women and had plenty of relationships. Some longer than others, but frankly it was easy. I moved on from partying though, prioritised my career and met my (now former) wife when I was 40. She was/is 6 years younger.

We had a whirlwind romance (I stupidly ignored the red flags) and the marriage was a disaster, even though it lasted nearly 15 years and produced two children. Essentially my ex-wife was a cluster B of the worst type but I won't go into details, maybe that's for a different post.

Either way, the marriage finally ended two years ago and last year I had a relationship with a younger woman (age 30) I met through work. That never worked out, largely because I lost frame. Badly, to be honest. But, I was, in my defence, under a lot of pressure as the divorce was coming to a very messy conclusion. That's over now though so, here I am, age 57, a former Chad, single again, wondering where life goes now.

OK, I'm old but I've still got things some going for me:

* I'm physically fit; no long-term ailments or serious injuries. I exercise every day: weights, running, walking and calisthenics
* I'm still a decent looking bloke. Slim; full head of hair; still got the square jaw
* I've got a good job, which I enjoy. I'm a (full) professor at a UK university
* I'm solvent, even though my ex-wife took most of the of the money, and the kids
* I've got a decent sense of style: I dress well; I've got a good wardrobe and drive a nice old Jaguar
* I'm a man of the world. I've seen and done a few interesting things in life; travelled; done different jobs; lived a bit

On the other hand, I've got a few battle scars as well:

* My former wife has moved to another part of the country and stopped me seeing the children
* She has also alienated a lot of former friends and family against me
* I've lost a lot of confidence, largely due to the marriage (and divorce). Even though I hide it pretty well
* I suffer from loneliness. I live on my own now and my social circle's pretty small nowadays, although I see quite a bit of my brother
* Generally, I don't find women of my age attractive. But, at the same time, I don't want to be chasing young women around, like an old letch

So here I am wondering what to do with the rest of my life.

 

[Dr.Suave]

But, at the same time, I don't want to be chasing young women around, like an old letch

Zup, Former Chad. Welcome to SoSuave

What age range are you attracted to? Pulling a hot 18 year old would be very hard but you could slay in the late 20s - early 40s if you get it together. Last time I was single (35) I could pull as young as 22. @LucianoM is older than me and has pulled 18

 

[kavi]

Hey buddy you are in good shape a good candidate for a good life. Women respect older men esp women 30-45. If you dont mind I will pm you with suggestions.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I think the choice is yours and yours alone to make.

At this point in life, what is most important to you? Focus on that. I'm gonna guess it's your children and family.

But if we are being honest, you are still young. And for as much as you have experienced in life, there are tons you haven't.

My only advice, keep curious about life. There's always something to discover and learn about yourself. Make it a goal to learn something new about yourself.

 

[MatureDJ]

First post, here goes...

At thirty, I was a a Chad: handsome; square jaw; long, wavy hair; jacked. I got a lot of attention from women and had plenty of relationships. Some longer than others, but frankly it was easy. I moved on from partying though, prioritised my career and met my (now former) wife when I was 40. She was/is 6 years younger.

We had a whirlwind romance (I stupidly ignored the red flags) and the marriage was a disaster, even though it lasted nearly 15 years and produced two children. Essentially my ex-wife was a cluster B of the worst type but I won't go into details, maybe that's for a different post.

Either way, the marriage finally ended two years ago and last year I had a relationship with a younger woman (age 30) I met through work. That never worked out, largely because I lost frame. Badly, to be honest. But, I was, in my defence, under a lot of pressure as the divorce was coming to a very messy conclusion. That's over now though so, here I am, age 57, a former Chad, single again, wondering where life goes now.

OK, I'm old but I've still got things some going for me:

* I'm physically fit; no long-term ailments or serious injuries. I exercise every day: weights, running, walking and calisthenics
* I'm still a decent looking bloke. Slim; full head of hair; still got the square jaw
* I've got a good job, which I enjoy. I'm a (full) professor at a UK university
* I'm solvent, even though my ex-wife took most of the of the money, and the kids
* I've got a decent sense of style: I dress well; I've got a good wardrobe and drive a nice old Jaguar
* I'm a man of the world. I've seen and done a few interesting things in life; travelled; done different jobs; lived a bit

On the other hand, I've got a few battle scars as well:

* My former wife has moved to another part of the country and stopped me seeing the children
* She has also alienated a lot of former friends and family against me
* I've lost a lot of confidence, largely due to the marriage (and divorce). Even though I hide it pretty well
* I suffer from loneliness. I live on my own now and my social circle's pretty small nowadays, although I see quite a bit of my brother
* Generally, I don't find women of my age attractive. But, at the same time, I don't want to be chasing young women around, like an old letch

So here I am wondering what to do with the rest of my life.

This is a ChadPrivilege Problem.

 

[Westminster]

Thanks, for your kind words guys.

In response, I'm not entirely sure what I want in terms of work, relationships or life. Some female company would be nice and a woman in her early to mid 30s would be ideal. But, I need to be careful. The divorce was enough trouble for nine lives.

ps. Please PM Kavi, yes. That would be appreciated.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Some female company would be nice and a woman in her early to mid 30s would be ideal.

Swipe apps will probably be a bad experience for you as I would imagine most girls limit the age of profiles. I think "cold approaching" could be your thing.

You should read about @Jesse Pinkman ´s cold approaches in his field reports. Here´s the link:

Jesse Pinkman's approach/field reports thread.

So I thought that since I am going out and approaching so much, why not post a field report thread. Yeah, it is a little over 3 AM and I am posting this but whatever. Hate to post a new thread every time I go out and do approaches so I will just keep bumping this one (until mods make an official...

www.sosuave.net

 

[Westminster]

Swipe apps will probably be a bad experience for you as I would imagine most girls limit the age of profiles. I think "cold approaching" could be your thing.

You should read about @Jesse Pinkman ´s cold approaches in his field reports. Here´s the link:

Jesse Pinkman's approach/field reports thread.

So I thought that since I am going out and approaching so much, why not post a field report thread. Yeah, it is a little over 3 AM and I am posting this but whatever. Hate to post a new thread every time I go out and do approaches so I will just keep bumping this one (until mods make an official...

www.sosuave.net

Yeah, I've already decided that swipe apps aren't for me, basically for the reasons you describe. But I just don't like the idea of OLD anyway, I suppose I'm a bit old school in that respect.

Thanks for the link, much appreciated. I'll check it out.

 

[Westminster]

Interesting post

Care to expand, Mike? Interesting can be a euphemism for lots of different things.

 

[Westminster]

Just changing tack slightly, I've had a few PMs about this thread. which I've not yet replied to. I'm not ignoring you guys, will respond later. Just tied up with a few things this morning.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

First post, here goes...

At thirty, I was a a Chad: handsome; square jaw; long, wavy hair; jacked. I got a lot of attention from women and had plenty of relationships. Some longer than others, but frankly it was easy. I moved on from partying though, prioritised my career and met my (now former) wife when I was 40. She was/is 6 years younger.

We had a whirlwind romance (I stupidly ignored the red flags) and the marriage was a disaster, even though it lasted nearly 15 years and produced two children. Essentially my ex-wife was a cluster B of the worst type but I won't go into details, maybe that's for a different post.

Either way, the marriage finally ended two years ago and last year I had a relationship with a younger woman (age 30) I met through work. That never worked out, largely because I lost frame. Badly, to be honest. But, I was, in my defence, under a lot of pressure as the divorce was coming to a very messy conclusion. That's over now though so, here I am, age 57, a former Chad, single again, wondering where life goes now.

OK, I'm old but I've still got things some going for me:

* I'm physically fit; no long-term ailments or serious injuries. I exercise every day: weights, running, walking and calisthenics
* I'm still a decent looking bloke. Slim; full head of hair; still got the square jaw
* I've got a good job, which I enjoy. I'm a (full) professor at a UK university
* I'm solvent, even though my ex-wife took most of the of the money, and the kids
* I've got a decent sense of style: I dress well; I've got a good wardrobe and drive a nice old Jaguar
* I'm a man of the world. I've seen and done a few interesting things in life; travelled; done different jobs; lived a bit

On the other hand, I've got a few battle scars as well:

* My former wife has moved to another part of the country and stopped me seeing the children
* She has also alienated a lot of former friends and family against me
* I've lost a lot of confidence, largely due to the marriage (and divorce). Even though I hide it pretty well
* I suffer from loneliness. I live on my own now and my social circle's pretty small nowadays, although I see quite a bit of my brother
* Generally, I don't find women of my age attractive. But, at the same time, I don't want to be chasing young women around, like an old letch

So here I am wondering what to do with the rest of my life.

Keeping a relationship with your children should be your number one priority. Women may come and go, but your kids are your family. Hopefully, your ex isn’t so bad that she has turned them against you. If that is the case, I am truly sorry, that has to be the worst heartbreak imaginable.

With regard to women, it sounds like you’ll have no problem at all attracting them. The more difficult task will be finding one who is worthwhile to be exclusive with, if that is what you want. Below is a list of rules I wrote for myself some years ago that helped me keep my priorities straight with regard to finding a decent woman.

Rules To Live By

While doing a post mortem review in the aftermath of the break up of a 5 year relationship in December, I made a list of rules with regard to women and relationships. I'm sure a lot of this has been posted elsewhere, but it was helpful for me to put it into a single document to review every...

www.sosuave.net

-Augustus-

 

[Westminster]

Interesting in the sense that your post got me thinking...

If I look at all the girls I've been with (girlfriends, fwb, dates), I would be considered to be a Chad by most men. In my opinion I'm not a Chad, I consider myself as above the average yes, but I'm far from my definition/mental image of the typical Chad. Anyway. I'm turning 37 soon, I still look mid/late 20s, that's nice but I see that the party is over, not completely over but, it's what it used to be. I was quite successful with women, I'm still doing well for a guy of my age and with my situation if we look at the kind of girls I date (mostly 8-9s). So i can relate with you about being a "Chad" and the feeling that your success with women is fading away or has already faded away completely. Not a nice feeling, especially when you are used to get laid with top quality chicks (in terms of look).

My current girlfriend (or the girl I'm seeing right now, I don't know if I can/want call her my girlfriend yet) is super hot. Tall Russian girl, did some model works, blonde blue eyes, super fun, 27yo. Cool. The last girl I had sex with was 2.5 years ago (and I've dated tons of women during that time), so I realize that if it doesn't work with her, I might be single and sexless for a while again... If it works with her, well I guess I will have to invest in the relationship (time and money), at her age she is probably thinking about having a baby. I don't want children, and I have issues with commitment, as I think the most important value in life is liberty, to be able to do whatever you want when you want (taking in account financial limitations of course). I'm slowly trying to accept the fact that I might die alone, with no children, no family, no one. Alone. that is the price to pay when you want to be "free and have mobility".

So I'm 36yo, lived in Moscow, Russia for a few years, now I study at the university in the Czech Republic (I'm from Quebec), live in a dorm, finances are ok (I survive and don't have too much debt) and trying to do something with my life, trying to find a purpose. I'm going to Japan this summer and I might decide to move in Tokyo if I feel like it, I'm starting a Youtube project, I can travel everywhere, meet new people, I don't have any limitation (finance could be better though). I'm able to design a lifestyle that fits my values and personality, but I'm getting old, I'm not 20 anymore, that is a reality. My life is pretty exciting if we compare to the average man's life, but it has some downsides. You can't have your cake and eat it too I guess...

My point is, although I can't fully relate with you because of the age difference, what I can say is that you're in a good situation, it could be worse. What you should try to do is to build a life that you enjoy, do things that you live or that you've been dreaming of doing, set goals/projects with a timeline, be busy. The idea is to switch your focus from women and "minuses" to other interesting things in your life, accept the fact that you won't bang women like you used to and focus on finding happiness in building a life that is satisfying and fulfilling. Depending on your type of personality, it is going to be difficult/easy to create an interesting lifestyle for yourself, difficult/easy to bury the idea of banging hot 20yo girls. I don't know if what I say make sense, but it's the way I see things.

Easier said than done of course, but at this point you don't have a lot of options. Either you keep going and try to get the best out of everything before you die and collect nice memories, either you spend the rest of your life being miserable as a former Chad who can't get laid anymore (I feel you) and that has lost appetite for life. I understand that your situation is different than mine because you have children and you've been through a divorce, it's hard. But for what I read, you're in a good spot. You're free to do pretty much whatever you want.

I'm a bit concern about my future, but like my mother says: today is today, tomorrow is tomorrow. We're all gonna die anyway. Do your best and try to enjoy it while it lasts.

In a nutshell, find things that you want to do and do it, get busy. The party is over, then have a party for yourself. Learn to live in your own little world, your bubble. Discover the art of being alone, and enjoy it.
Not sure if it helps, but that's the idea.

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful post, Mike.

I still have an appetite for life, just not sure where it's going to take me over the next few years, but we'll see. It sounds like you're at something of a crossroads yourself. Good luck with whatever you decide to do - and thanks for your support.

 

[Westminster]

Keeping a relationship with your children should be your number one priority. Women may come and go, but your kids are your family. Hopefully, your ex isn’t so bad that she has turned them against you. If that is the case, I am truly sorry, that has to be the worst heartbreak imaginable.

With regard to women, it sounds like you’ll have no problem at all attracting them. The more difficult task will be finding one who is worthwhile to be exclusive with, if that is what you want. Below is a list of rules I wrote for myself some years ago that helped me keep my priorities straight with regard to finding a decent woman.

Rules To Live By

While doing a post mortem review in the aftermath of the break up of a 5 year relationship in December, I made a list of rules with regard to women and relationships. I'm sure a lot of this has been posted elsewhere, but it was helpful for me to put it into a single document to review every...

www.sosuave.net

-Augustus-

Thanks for the link to your thread, Augustus. Hard to argue with any of those rules, my friend - that's strong work

Regarding the children - unfortunately, my former wife has totally alienated them against me. She has also made dreadful accusations against me, claiming that I have abused her and the kids and made clear that she will oppose any application for access to the children, and accuse me of abuse in the family court should I try to see the children.

She previously made these allegations to the police and tried to get me dismissed from my job on the basis of these allegations. She and members of her family have also said disgraceful things about me on social media, bad mouthed me to former friends, neighbours, the children's school, and anybody else that will listen. Eventually I had to go to court to get a non-molestation order to make it stop.

To be honest, the last two years have been a nightmare, mate. I had come to realise my ex-wife is a nasty piece of work, but hadn't realised to depths to which she would sink. She's a truly bad person, but I need to move on and try and rebuild what's left of my life.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

IF you were a Chad. You should have a solid base of good bones and such. I lost my 'chaddiness' after over a decade of marriage. Got fat, soft, sloppy... She told me she couldn't imagine sex with me anymore. After the divorce. I woke up. lost the weight, got in shape, dressed better... Got the 'chaddiness' back. Wound up dating girls decades younger than me. My ex- wants to get back and be FBs with me. And I'm middle aged. If you have the base and are willing to work on improving yourself, you should be fine. Realize fat is a real attractiveness killer. I look at a picture of myself from 2017 and I cringe in horror. Jowly, bad skin. fat. And I'm short. So there's no room for error.

 

[BMX]

OK, I'm old but I've still got things some going for me:

* I'm physically fit; no long-term ailments or serious injuries. I exercise every day: weights, running, walking and calisthenics
* I'm a man of the world. I've seen and done a few interesting things in life; travelled; done different jobs; lived a bit

In bold, keep that up for as long as you can. Keep getting after it. I now have plenty enough ailments/serious (enough) injuries that will follow me around forever.

The second bit, I can relate to. It helps me nowadays with coming to terms with my past and being happy with my actual accomplishments, that I no longer have career regrets about not going other professional routes. That massive pressure is off my shoulders, but I still have to look ahead.

 

[Westminster]

IF you were a Chad. You should have a solid base of good bones and such. I lost my 'chaddiness' after over a decade of marriage. Got fat, soft, sloppy... She told me she couldn't imagine sex with me anymore. After the divorce. I woke up. lost the weight, got in shape, dressed better... Got the 'chaddiness' back. Wound up dating girls decades younger than me. My ex- wants to get back and be FBs with me. And I'm middle aged. If you have the base and are willing to work on improving yourself, you should be fine. Realize fat is a real attractiveness killer. I look at a picture of myself from 2017 and I cringe in horror. Jowly, bad skin. fat. And I'm short. So there's no room for error.

You're right, weight is a killer. You've got to be in shape if you can be.

I've lost my chadness inasmuch as I'm not big and muscular anymore, but I'm not fat either. Nowadays, I exercise to stay slim, which is better in terms of health and you look better in clothes too - and I like my clothes, so that suits me.

Basically, I'd say I've got a soccer player's build nowadays, and that's OK for me now, to be honest.

 

[SW15]

met my (now former) wife when I was 40. She was/is 6 years younger.

We had a whirlwind romance (I stupidly ignored the red flags) and the marriage was a disaster, even though it lasted nearly 15 years and produced two children. Essentially my ex-wife was a cluster B of the worst type but I won't go into details, maybe that's for a different post.

There were 2 mistakes here...

1. At 40, one would think that a 'Chad' had enough romantic experience to identify the red flags and get out immediately. At worst, in a less than a year.
2. This is the bigger mistake. Wasting 15 years and having 2 kids. Always good to childless bachelor status.

* I'm physically fit; no long-term ailments or serious injuries. I exercise every day: weights, running, walking and calisthenics
* I'm still a decent looking bloke. Slim; full head of hair; still got the square jaw
* I've got a good job, which I enjoy. I'm a (full) professor at a UK university
* I'm solvent, even though my ex-wife took most of the of the money, and the kids
* I've got a decent sense of style: I dress well; I've got a good wardrobe and drive a nice old Jaguar
* I'm a man of the world. I've seen and done a few interesting things in life; travelled; done different jobs; lived a bit

This is good. Also being a professor might put you into contact with younger, single women. Solid income too.

* My former wife has moved to another part of the country and stopped me seeing the children
* She has also alienated a lot of former friends and family against me
* I've lost a lot of confidence, largely due to the marriage (and divorce). Even though I hide it pretty well
* I suffer from loneliness. I live on my own now and my social circle's pretty small nowadays, although I see quite a bit of my brother
* Generally, I don't find women of my age attractive. But, at the same time, I don't want to be chasing young women around, like an old letch

The emotional damage from the failed marriage is a thing.

The biggest downside in all of this is the alienation. You now lack a social circle. Social circle is the easiest way to find an extended girlfriend.

So here I am wondering what to do with the rest of my life.

How do you feel about approaching strangers at the grocery store, in the mall, or in your gym (either general gym floor or in fitness classes)?

You might have a charismatic older man vibe, which can help in attraction-seduction.

Approaching strangers is your best option as you lack a social circle. The tech-based dating options stink. Even with your attributes, you're just going to be another penis among many penises that women can select. Even women close to your age can get a lot of penis offers on the dating websites and swipe apps. Older men are often nearly as thirsty as younger men. Swipe apps given women abundance, often far later into life than any reasonable person would expect.

 

[Westminster]

There were 2 mistakes here...

1. At 40, one would think that a 'Chad' had enough romantic experience to identify the red flags and get out immediately. At worst, in a less than a year.
2. This is the bigger mistake. Wasting 15 years and having 2 kids. Always good to childless bachelor status.



This is good. Also being a professor might put you into contact with younger, single women. Solid income too.



The emotional damage from the failed marriage is a thing.

The biggest downside in all of this is the alienation. You now lack a social circle. Social circle is the easiest way to find an extended girlfriend.



How do you feel about approaching strangers at the grocery store, in the mall, or in your gym (either general gym floor or in fitness classes)?

You might have a charismatic older man vibe, which can help in attraction-seduction.

Approaching strangers is your best option as you lack a social circle. The tech-based dating options stink. Even with your attributes, you're just going to be another penis among many penises that women can select. Even women close to your age can get a lot of penis offers on the dating websites and swipe apps. Older men are often nearly as thirsty as younger men. Swipe apps given women abundance, often far later into life than any reasonable person would expect.

Oh, I screwed up big time marrying my wife, I admit that. In my defence, she hid her true nature very very well and suckered me in. Plus, at 40 I thought I was ready to settle down. Big mistake, big, big mistake. Still, you live and learn, etc.

On other matters, the idea of 'cold approaches' is a bit daunting, but I'm OK if they give me a hint - eye contact, a smile, etc. And, I've just started taking to people a bit more of late, men, women, anybody. Just to build a bit of confidence up interacting with people. So, I'm going to do a bit more of that, especially with women, and generally try to build up my social circle.

What I must avoid though, is any further mistakes. No woman is 100% better than a bad woman, that much I do know.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Oh, I screwed up big time marrying my wife, I admit that. In my defence, she hid her true nature very very well and suckered me in. Plus, at 40 I thought I was ready to settle down. Big mistake, big, big mistake. Still, you live and learn, etc.

What I must avoid though, is any further mistakes. No woman is 100% better than a bad woman, that much I do know.

Im stealing this for my collection.

 

[Westminster]

Im stealing this for my collection.

You're welcome brother