Former Chad - what next?

[Westminster]

Family Court can be brutal and horribly unfair for men.

My ex-wife was awarded five years durational alimony. As expected, she sued me again for an alimony modification before the end of the five years (the law allows that). The reasons stated in her lawsuit were groundless. However, I had to lawyer up again. My lawyer filed a motion for summary judgment with many items demonstrating the reasons for her lawsuit were not valid. In addition, it contained evidence proving that she was in a supportive relationship with her boyfriend, which nullifies justification for continued alimony. There was overwhelming evidence that the case should be dismissed, however, the judge disregarded all this information and she sent us to mediation.

At that point, I realized the outcome had absolutely nothing to do with justice or fairness. If a resolution was not reached during mediation, I would have to go to trial again with the same judge who had just refused to dismiss in spite of overwhelming evidence. I had to assume that the judge would grant my ex something since she had refused to dismiss, I would also be incurring additional legal fees over and above how much it cost for my lawyer to submit the motion for summary judgment. So the strategy had to switch to minimizing my losses.

I offered a lump sum payment that I calculated would be less than additional legal fees and whatever the judge might grant to my ex. She accepted.

A real life example of the “justice“ that is available to men in the family law system.

-Augustus-

One thing I have come to learn is that I would much rather be in a criminal court than a civil court.

With the former, the evidence has to be pretty strong for things to go against you and you appear in front of a jury of your peers. With the latter, it's just one persons decision and they decide if something 'probably' happened or it probably didn't - and that leaves you in a very dangerous place, especially if you're a man. Wrong judge, wrong day and you're screwed. Big time.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

But if we are being honest, you are still young. And for as much as you have experienced in life, there are tons you haven't.

I was thinking this too. If you really take care of yourself and hit the gym etc. then you can get some cute girls still. You are not "old" (old IMO = 70-80 -->), but just "OLDER" which means you grown hopefully smarter and wiser which women will find attractive if you lead then. A king rules wisely and used his past experience to carry through his goals and visions.

Battle scares btw. which you mention is only a good thing. It means= experience and with the right positive attitude it should strengthen your confidence instead of dragging you down. How cares what happened in your past right?
It's your future that is important and what you decide to do with it because your future has not been written yet. You either chose to be the pilot or the passenger of your plan. Choice is yours to make.

 

[Westminster]

I was thinking this too. If you really take care of yourself and hit the gym etc. then you can get some cute girls still. You are not "old" (old IMO = 70-80 -->), but just "OLDER" which means you grown hopefully smarter and wiser which women will find attractive if you lead then. A king rules wisely and used his past experience to carry through his goals and visions.

Battle scares btw. which you mention is only a good thing. It means= experience and with the right positive attitude it should strengthen your confidence instead of dragging you down. How cares what happened in your past right?
It's your future that is important and what you decide to do with it because your future has not been written yet. You either chose to be the pilot or the passenger of your plan. Choice is yours to make.

I'm loving the positive vibes, brother

 

[xavier_2000]

a former Chad

Once a Chad always a Chad lol.

u still bagged her. Don’t stress bro u know what to do.

Just stop believing you’re old or “don’t got it” cause u don’t lose that ****.

Hard part is just moving on from ex wife which prolly messed up your psyche and confidence tbh

 

[Westminster]

Once a Chad always a Chad lol.

u still bagged her. Don’t stress bro u know what to do.

Just stop believing you’re old or “don’t got it” cause u don’t lose that ****.

Hard part is just moving on from ex wife which prolly messed up your psyche and confidence tbh

This is true. The confidence has taken a battering. Some of the words posted on this thread have most helpful though. So, thank you folks.

 

[xavier_2000]

This is true. The confidence has taken a battering. Some of the words posted on this thread have most helpful though. So, thank you folks.

Remember don’t doubt yourself or hesitate lol

ur messing up cause your second guessing yourself. Don’t do that.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

I'm loving the positive vibes, brother

Thanks! Appreciated.

Remember too that is wise king did not get there without the battles:

Decide to prioritize yourself first and your goals, visions and dreams.
Women will follow a leader of men and also remember they should be compliment to your life, never the end goal of it.

 

[Slowhandluke]

I did try to fight it but my former wife is extremely malicious and manipulative, and made extreme allegations of violence and abuse against me, which she submitted to the family court.

If I pressed on that would have resulted in a finding of fact hearing (effectively me being put on trial for serious offences) which would have resulted in me losing my job had the result gone against me. I may have won but civil cases are, as you probably know, decided on the balance of probability - 51% (rather than beyond reasonable doubt) and there is no jury.

I also didn't trust the judge as he seemed to favour my former wife in the preliminary hearings. My ex-wife is also a very convincing actress and liar so the risk was high. The worst case scenario would be: reputation ruined, no job, no contact with children, and no prospect of rebuilding my life going forward. Which was/is her goal.

I am also sure that my ex-wife would make more allegations against me if won and was able to see the children. She is a very dangerous woman who will stop at nothing to hurt damage me. So, ultimately I was in a no win situation.

It's a sorry tale, I know, but that's the harsh reality of the situation.

The family court scares me. Men have no leverage. This is why the marriage rate is down.. and there are more single women. If I didn't want more children, I wouldn't date ever again.

 

[Westminster]

The family court scares me. Men have no leverage. This is why the marriage rate is down.. and there are more single women. If I didn't want more children, I wouldn't date ever again.

Believe me, brother, you don't want to find yourself there. The dice are loaded against you.

 

[Westminster]

Meanwhile, a mini-update.

Had a few positive interactions with women over the last couple of days. Nothing amazing but still nice after everything that's happened.

1. Work is very quiet at the moment but I'm sat at my desk and an attractive young woman, who I sort of recognise - I think she's an undergraduate student - knocks on the door, opens it, and asks where she'll find one of my colleagues (I'm sure she knows where to find him). Anyway, I tell her but she just stands there smirking for a while before leaving. Nice looking young woman, in a sort of kooky way but maybe she's just being friendly, I dunno. Either way, it's best left alone. An undergraduate in her 20s, it would be a hanging offence.

2. Again at work, I'm leaving the office and bump into a new member of staff, who I know a bit from when she did her PhD. We stop and have a chat, she's nice, slim, mid to late 30s. She's giving me lots of eye contact and big toothy smiles. But maybe she's just being friendly because I'm a senior member of staff. Don't want to read too much into it but it's still nice little interaction.

3. I called into a store in town today to see an old friend of mine who works there (we used to train together) and this attractive East European woman (again, maybe in her 30s) engages me in conversation. She thinks I work in the store but stays chatting even when I tell her I don't. Unfortunately, a big lump of an East European guy then appears out of nowhere (obviously her significant other), which abruptly ends the conversation

Nothing spectacular guys, I know - and none of these are leads I can follow up really. But I just need to build a bit of confidence back at the moment so it's all good I guess.

 

[radha]

Man this thread makes me never want to get married. These divorce and family court stories are brutal.

 

[Westminster]

I try not to be jaundiced but it's very difficult to recommend marriage nowadays. Obviously, my own experiences haven't been great but, when you weigh it up objectively, there are just too many downsides to marriage (for men). As Rich Cooper says, it's 'high risk, low gain' for most guys.

My ex-wife was/is a dreadful person but I blame myself to some extent because I rushed into the relationship too quickly and she was pregnant within the first year of us getting together. In hindsight, I was too naive and too trusting and it was all a terrible mistake.

Partly, I think that's because of my own background and experiences. On one hand, because of my former Chad status, I had little experience with LTRs. I know that sounds contradictory but I just bounced from woman to woman and it was easy, so I didn't really think too deeply about the nature of women. They just came and went, so what? Then at 40 I thought I was ready to 'settle down' and made a really bad choice. Believe me, I wish I had been a member of this forum back then.

On the other hand, I never had sisters or female cousins and I came from a stable nuclear family. My mother was a very good person who got together with my father when they were both teenagers. they got married in their early 20s and stayed together until my mum died five years ago in her 80s. So, all in all, I had never really been exposed to bad women, I wasn't aware just how nasty and spiteful they can be.

None of this excuses anything BTW, I'm just saying I should have been smarter and more aware. No doubt about that.

 

[radha]

Yea don't be so hard on yourself. The majority of men jump into marriages exactly like you did. The percentage of guys who read this forum or any red pill stuff is still pretty low. I know I'm very lucky to have found these communities years ago starting in the RVF days and have been very hesitant to get married but nonetheless I still want kids and want the best family setup for them.

 

[Westminster]

Yea don't be so hard on yourself. The majority of men jump into marriages exactly like you did. The percentage of guys who read this forum or any red pill stuff is still pretty low. I know I'm very lucky to have found these communities years ago starting in the RVF days and have been very hesitant to get married but nonetheless I still want kids and want the best family setup for them.

This is a difficult circle to square, because you're effectively at a woman's mercy once you introduce children into the equation, although you're even more vulnerable if you're married too. It's something of a conundrum.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I don’t understand what you mean by former chad. You either got it or you don’t. If you need a little brushing up you’re in the right place. But these god given qualities don’t go away

 

[Westminster]

I don’t understand what you mean by former chad. You either got it or you don’t. If you need a little brushing up you’re in the right place. But these god given qualities don’t go away

When I was younger I was good looking; big and muscular; long thick wavy hair; and got loads of female attention.

Nowadays I'm a lot slimmer and a lot older. I'm still a decent looking bloke but frankly I'm nearer 60 than 50. I've also lost a bit of confidence due to the marriage.

A woman engaged me in conversation yesterday but the patter wasn't flowing. So, I dunno.

 

[Divorced w 3]

When I was younger I was good looking; big and muscular; long thick wavy hair; and got loads of female attention.

Nowadays I'm a lot slimmer and a lot older. I'm still a decent looking bloke but frankly I'm nearer 60 than 50. I've also lost a bit of confidence due to the marriage.

A woman engaged me in conversation yesterday but the patter wasn't flowing. So, I dunno.

I hear you bro. I would read book of Pook, I would read Anti Dumps machine, and I’d follow a few select participants here and you’ll be in good shape. It just requires more at bats. We’re in the same phase right now. Maybe I have a 9 month jump on you but not a lot. It’ll get you back up quickly if you just stick to the above. Promise.

 

[Westminster]

I hear you bro. I would read book of Pook, I would read Anti Dumps machine, and I’d follow a few select participants here and you’ll be in good shape. It just requires more at bats. We’re in the same phase right now. Maybe I have a 9 month jump on you but not a lot. It’ll get you back up quickly if you just stick to the above. Promise.

Thank you for your support, brother. Much appreciated.

Recommended reading noted.

 

[Westminster]

Bit of an update, guys.

I've been at a conference this week - two nights away - and been pleasantly surprised.

Night 1: Sat with this woman at dinner (I've known her for a while) and she was soon making it pretty obvious she was into me (plenty of IoIs and kino). Not bad looking, about 35. We went to a couple of bars afterwards and then back to her room, which was great - although strangely I didn't do the full business. Somehow, I just preferred the flattery of having 'pulled'. She came to my room first thing the following morning and things got physical again, although still not the full works (even though I'm sure it was on offer).

Night 2: Got on well with another woman over dinner, more my age but she still had a bit about her. Again plenty of IoIs, although she was with a colleague so no chance of things developing really. Still, a positive vibe though. I had a wander into town afterwards and got a few IoIs from some younger women in a bar, which was another boost.

Maybe a bit tame for some of you fellas, but frankly the ego has taken a battering these last couple of years so it's just nice to get a confidence boost. Looks like I still might be in the game!

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I don’t understand what you mean by former chad. You either got it or you don’t. If you need a little brushing up you’re in the right place. But these god given qualities don’t go away

they can. A friend of mine was a Chad in his twenties. Now. He lost his looks and I think he’s in s pretty long dry spell.