for those that have conquered approach anxiety
- Thread starter speakeasy
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BongDuy
Master Don Juan
i never had extreme cases for approaching women, but over time i took baby steps like the tutorials show.
I started slowly making eye contact, and even smiling at friendly looking women. To my surprise I got a smile and contact back, so that was a good sign.
when it came to actually going up to women and talking to them, that took some huge balls and guts to do the " cold approach ". I've only done like 2 but i can already feel confidence building, because after a while you know there really isnt much to be afraid of.
I like to think of these quotes before i make a move, it kind of helps me know theres nothing to worry.
"If not now, when?"
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"
"YOU ARE A SEXY MAN!"
I started slowly making eye contact, and even smiling at friendly looking women. To my surprise I got a smile and contact back, so that was a good sign.
when it came to actually going up to women and talking to them, that took some huge balls and guts to do the " cold approach ". I've only done like 2 but i can already feel confidence building, because after a while you know there really isnt much to be afraid of.
I like to think of these quotes before i make a move, it kind of helps me know theres nothing to worry.
"If not now, when?"
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"
"YOU ARE A SEXY MAN!"
it just depends how im feeling. i can be at a bar and just chill by myself and listen to the music or i can just randomly approach a female and strike up a conversation with her. im not a DJ or anything but sometimes you just have to have fun and say something
fertileTurtle
Master Don Juan
Unbridled_Phoenix
Master Don Juan
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Approach anxiety becomes less and less of an issue the harder you work on your inner game. Working hard to build a concrete foundation of confidence which to frame your interactions upon, is your goal. Getting over Attachment to Outcome. Allow yourself to Fail, as fertileTurtle said.
But remember, the only people who have no fear are psychos, and people who don't care about anything. You're alot closer to being the man you want to become when fear does not freeze you up anymore. You acknowledge its ever-shrinking affect upon you, as you keep moving forward.
But remember, the only people who have no fear are psychos, and people who don't care about anything. You're alot closer to being the man you want to become when fear does not freeze you up anymore. You acknowledge its ever-shrinking affect upon you, as you keep moving forward.
you also need to realize that you will need to go through a large number of women, because no matter how gorgeous this one is, it may not (likely won't at first) work out anyway, so it is really no big deal, she's just #4132 prior to #4133, then a thousand more after that. Once you start approaching and succeeding at closing u will see that by no means is that the end game at all. You can (and I have) approach 10 hotties in a day and maybe 1 will be interested enough to actually go out with you, so why waste the anxiety on those other 9....I'm sure those numbers will improve over time, but for now realize that one approach means sh*t, no matter the outcome. Even if you get her out, you may not do well on a date or whatever...even if you do well on a first, the second may suck badly, a fourth may not get you into her panties anyway.....so you're gonna need to go through some serious numbers to get where you need to go. If you can't start working through them your ultimate objective will never arrive. Got through it myself, now I realize that even a great approach can mean f*ck all, so just go up and have fun with it...U should be enjoying yourself, and closing consistently, even if you get NO answers to the close.
Agent Zero
Senior Don Juan
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I still have a lot of AA, but I do approach occasionally now. It gets easier cause the more approaches you do the more memory of how fun approaches are you have. I would just do it. Don't do the "hi" stuff that some people recommend cause you get weird reactions doing that at first (because you're incongruent). I suggest starting off with compliments. Every girl smiles at that and it gives you confidence to up the ante.
I have a really bad case of social anxiety. I still managed to do several cold approaches in my life. It feels great even if you get "no" for an answer. Sometimes I just get moments in which I'm in somewhat of a destructive mood and really don't care about anything. What normally holds me back is not rejection or social anxiety but many of the times I'm either not "in it" or I fear coming off as strange because I really don't know what to say or do. Speaking to an attractive woman that I know absolutely nothing about and possibly would never see again would give me that "alive" feeling. I don't know about anyone else but thats just me. I need to start approaching women some more.
Let yourself fail.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=20106
Changed my life.
Not to become another Pook worshipper (I do have lots of respect for the guy) but that article is just GENIUS!
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=20106
Changed my life.
Not to become another Pook worshipper (I do have lots of respect for the guy) but that article is just GENIUS!
GQ_Confidence_1
Don Juan
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I think extreme approach anxiety is tied to a general social anxiety. Not always. But if you're comfortable around people at a party, you should be able to extend that to talking to girls out and about.
In highschool in the 90's, socially I was a mess. Couldnt answer the phone. I remember meeting girls from like yahoo messenger (this was before I knew any sosuave or inner game) and I'd sit there for an hour saying 5 words.
I remember meeting this woman at a pizza place we agreed upon. She was like a 3. Moved from South Dakota to LA (where I was). She was a south dakota 3, no makeup really, wearing this weird mumu dress. I think about it now, I cant believe it.
-It's all inner game and how you identify yourself. Your identity is rock solid.
A book quoted on here is maxwell maltz's pyscho cybernetics (its self help/personal development). A passage from that, that changed my thinking is that your identity is 100% rock solid. Violating what you think your identity is, would be like a law abiding citizen suddenly breaking the law and becoming a criminal. Its that tight of a grip.
Do everything you can to identify yourself as someone who can talk to girls and approach. Part of it is finding out whats really you.
I'd be nervous if I was doing approaches that wasnt me (like palm reading, magic, c&f). None of that is me. It wouldn't be congruent, it'd come across as anxious or contrived. Do things that are you and only you, and I think your confidence will go up.
It's all identity and inner game. Can't say it enough.
In highschool in the 90's, socially I was a mess. Couldnt answer the phone. I remember meeting girls from like yahoo messenger (this was before I knew any sosuave or inner game) and I'd sit there for an hour saying 5 words.
I remember meeting this woman at a pizza place we agreed upon. She was like a 3. Moved from South Dakota to LA (where I was). She was a south dakota 3, no makeup really, wearing this weird mumu dress. I think about it now, I cant believe it.
-It's all inner game and how you identify yourself. Your identity is rock solid.
A book quoted on here is maxwell maltz's pyscho cybernetics (its self help/personal development). A passage from that, that changed my thinking is that your identity is 100% rock solid. Violating what you think your identity is, would be like a law abiding citizen suddenly breaking the law and becoming a criminal. Its that tight of a grip.
Do everything you can to identify yourself as someone who can talk to girls and approach. Part of it is finding out whats really you.
I'd be nervous if I was doing approaches that wasnt me (like palm reading, magic, c&f). None of that is me. It wouldn't be congruent, it'd come across as anxious or contrived. Do things that are you and only you, and I think your confidence will go up.
It's all identity and inner game. Can't say it enough.
godofanxiety
Don Juan
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speakeasy, systematic desensitization is the key. It basically means, approach and fail, many times. Your brain will stop reacting so strongly to a stimulus it's being exposed to regularly. I suffer from extreme social anxiety, would rather swim with crocodiles than approach a girl.
It's very hard to get started, though. I tried but shat myself. Guess it's counts as exposing myself to fear, hopefully next time will be easier. Find someone who does Cognitive Behavioral Therapy well and get to it.
It's very hard to get started, though. I tried but shat myself. Guess it's counts as exposing myself to fear, hopefully next time will be easier. Find someone who does Cognitive Behavioral Therapy well and get to it.