I was rated a 3 in looks so probably that.
I would say unless you have some grotesque deformity or you're **** eyed, you'll never be ugly. I think once you start dissolving the idea that you're unattractive, you'll start to develop more of a sense of what else might be holding you back. It usually all boils down to the lack of belief in ones self -- and then there are many smaller reasons and beliefs that people utilize and hold onto to "validate" that belief that they cannot be successful with women. Its a major job to start deprogramming and also working on things that will help you look and feel more attractive and confident. But it all starts with letting go of these beliefs that are engrained within you and start reprogramming new more positive self image based ones.
I’ve been rejected more by women I deemed on my level or below me than I ever have women I deemed above me. So that’s why I tend to aim high. My problem right now is I’m lazy. A lifetime of bad experiences with women just had me burnt out. And it’s so weird because being in this mindset right now, I always notice women checking me out and making eye contact or holding eye contact and smiling. I just don’t feel like going through the motions that society had turned modern dating into these days though. Would I like a fwb or plates? Sure. But I’ve gone this long without much success so it doesn’t bother me at this point in life. I’m just tired of the game.
I would say any advice I have for you lies within your own response.. You've taken rejection and bad experiences with women and allowed it to affect your outlook on yourself and dating life. --and now that you stopped looking , you're noticing the truth is that --women are definitely attracted to you and maybe the experiences you had -had n othing to do with you and all to do with the women. I think you're in the right place in all honesty. Just keep on working on things that bring you more confidence and more experience-- and then just make it a point to be available, not to chase, not to look, but make yourself more available, whether you go out more to enjoy YOURSELF and the company of your friends, or go to music festivals, conventions, concerts, maybe make some profiles online and swipe thru without any real expectations, just focusing on the idea of "hypothetically would i see myself having a good tim ewiht htis woman? if so, swipe right. if not swipe left. -- Regardless though if you're happy, you absolutely shouldnt go out your way to change anything.. Being naturally sociable and sexually available will land you the right person eventually.
for me it's 2 things
one of them you mentioned in point #4, not happy with yourself, being insecure
the other one is something you didn't mention. I just don't want it. I don't like most women, I have no respect for them as humans. like what's her biggest life struggle? this one time she got locked out of her facebook and she had to figure out how to get back in. that's her biggest life struggle, not immigration, not having to learn a new language, not getting her masters while working.
I think they are stupid and I have nothing to say to them. I can't relate to them, I can't understand them and they will never understand me.
I would rather pay a prostitute and get it done with than talk to most women.
I mean there's no way I can convince you that women have alot of struggles and I couldn't possibly imagine being a woman wiht some of the stuff they been thru, including my own mother, close friends, etc. I think when you think of women in general you tend to think of the entitled, spoiled, bratty and superficial women. But overall, I think being insecure and not happy with yourself-- you're going to have a perspective that will always kinda see the negative over any positives -- and thus you will kinda reap bad examples and notice them more easily. Whatever your biggest insecurities are, write them down in a fresh notebook and make a simple plan to start overcoming them. Even if it takes years to overcome them, by actually having somewhat of a plan, your brain will subconciously start to frame its way to workign on them even if you don't actively try. That's why journaling is so powerful and recommended by many successful people.
For me it was a fear of succeeding. I wasn't afraid of rejection, but more so how I could lose sight of what is important to me if I got too involved.
Went from having no action to quite a bit in a very short period and had a fwb develop 'the feels' so I let her go. Felt drained and took a break from it, that and dealing with a BPD not long ago. Should be moved out in a bit and will be back to it over the summer, needed the break to have my head screwed on right.
I feel where you're coming from. You definitely have a really sound and logical mind, and I believe you know that you can get women without too much issue-- but I think your circumstances went from 0 to 100 real quick and it might have really frazzled you without giving you much to take away from and utilize on new experiences. I would say that you're prob more capable than alot of people on here (especially since some who arent insecure and cynical toward women are older men who are past their prime) and that as long as you employ the right activities to keep your confidence high, and keep yourself sexually open and available, keep socializing , etc that you'll be just fine
Yeah Good Looking Loser once said: “Don’t be the virgin that only dates Tens”. That changed my whole game and outlook. I swallowed my pride and focused on women that responded to me
That's what it's really all about for many -- Sometimes it's even crucial for some people to take a chance with someone who they feel they won't like, because if that person likes you alot, it can still help boost your ego or make you feel wanted and desired or at least add to your sexual experiences.. thus giving you more confidence for when you do go for someone thats more of your type or that you feel is out of your league, you'll be more ready for it.
My parents they hated each other.
I can see how that might impact you. Just remember you're never doomed to be your parents. Some people do fall under the same circumstances as their parents-- but that's because they didn't take much of their own road in life and kinda just became caricatures of their parents by just following all the same paths and routes. Sometimes you gotta take the back road, you'll never know what you'll find
I'm not charismatic/witty enough and my looks aren't good enough to make up for that.
Focus on what your strengths are and utilize those strengths to gain more experience in general and think about things you can do to improve your confidence. As far as looks, unless you hae some grotesque deformities, are **** eyed, or have some major skin issues, you're not ugly.. find what haircut works for you-- do simple things, if you got bushy eyebrows, a tweezer costs like 1$ u can pluck some of those hairs.. theres fixes for alot of things in the look department these days
Honestly, it's been literally years since I asked out a woman, let alone went on date. I was having a lot of bad experiences for a few years and I had my last real date something like late spring/early summer 2019, which lead to nothing. I think I had continued trying here and there but took a break fall of 2019 for the sake of my mental health. The COVID lockdowns commence and next thing I know it's 2023 lol.
One thing that I know believe is that isolation, loneliness, etc. can become addictive and can eventually prevent people from trying to date, make friends, etc. I look back on 2020 as a huge year for me, there were just so many changes from pre lockdowns compared to the end of 2020. By late 2020/early 2021 I was completely isolated in my area and had no one I knew. I cut out just about everyone I used to hang out
I totally get where you're coming from and really it just seems like you steeped yourself into a real comfort zone -- I think that you know that you are capable of spinning plates or finding women to have sex with, but it's just been a while and the experiences you had were just not captivating enough to hold you over for the years of being forced into introversion due to COVID and just not having too many people around. As long as you do feel happy and are confident in yourself-- the rest is planning or getting back into the fold of socializing and beginning to make yourself available. All it might take is just one good friend to go out with you more often or do cool stuff with to really get the ball rolling.. but then again, you can always hit stuff up yourself like concerts-- so many ppl go to concerts alone.. and often end up meeting someone or just having a great time.
But no matter what you're doing, always have at least 1 or 2 hobbies of a progressive nature, ie: fitness/working on your body and something like learning / becoming better at basketball, or an instrument, or some form of expression or even financial avenue
