For those in LTRs... when was the time to move in together?

[strong like bull]

hey boys, for those of you whove played the game and moved on to LTR/monogamy... as you went down the road with your girl, at what point in the relationship did you decide it was right to move in together? what was your motivation... what made you feel it was time to take the next step? did it work out well and lead to other great things, or was it a big mistake?

-SLB

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I wouldn't even consider it until we had spent an extended vacation together (10 days or more) someplace where neither of us had ever been.

 

[Dongfu]

NEVER

:crackup:

 

[aliasguy]

-
-
-

Yeah, never. Really.
Don't do it, don't talk about it.
If she brings it up, don't say "no" right away, just drag your feet; subtly change the subject.
Make no promises.

But, don't ever do it. Really.

-
-
-

 

[Lord Shinra]

I usually feel moving in is putting the chain on before the ball.

 

[ready123]

if the LTR is serious enough that you think marriage will be a possibility. living together first to test the water first is the smart thing to do

 

[DavenJuan]

tHERE ISNT REALLY A CLEAR CUT ANSWER...WHEN YOUR READY I WOULD PRESSUME.

 

[Nightwing]

I think if you're seriously thinking about getting married to this chick, I think that 1 year prior to the date of you two getting married would be good just to see if the two of you can live together and not tear each others heads off.

If she's just a GF that you have no intention of marrying, I wouldn't even consider it. Not even if it's an LTR thing.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I think if you're seriously thinking about getting married to this chick, I think that 1 year prior to the date of you two getting married would be good just to see if the two of you can live together and not tear each others heads off.

If she's just a GF that you have no intention of marrying, I wouldn't even consider it. Not even if it's an LTR thing.

So how do you go about determining whether or not you want to marry a woman? I see so many guys decide just by the fact that they've dated for a certain length of time. Then they decide to move in together and then find out that even though they could date one another, they couldn't live together. The relationship usually goes to pot because one is bitter because they have to move out and the other is left with a home they can't afford on their own. Madness...

 

[ready123]

So how do you go about determining whether or not you want to marry a woman? I see so many guys decide just by the fact that they've dated for a certain length of time. Then they decide to move in together and then find out that even though they could date one another, they couldn't live together. The relationship usually goes to pot because one is bitter because they have to move out and the other is left with a home they can't afford on their own. Madness...

you just speculate from your experience w/ her and other women whether or not you feel she's worth it. but marriage is always a gamble anyway

at least they found out early they can't live together - better than finding out after being married and if they bought a house together, that's hella dumb. get an apartment first

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

you just speculate from your experience w/ her and other women whether or not you feel she's worth it. but marriage is always a gamble anyway

at least they found out early they can't live together - better than finding out after being married and if they bought a house together, that's hella dumb. get an apartment first

Personally I'd rather speculate about the stock market and who will win the next American Idol. When it comes to marriage I'm going to be completely sure that she's the one I'm willing to pledge myself to, failure is too costly for speculation.

 

[comic_relief]

Personally I'd rather speculate about the stock market and who will win the next American Idol. When it comes to marriage I'm going to be completely sure that she's the one I'm willing to pledge myself to, failure is too costly for speculation.

basically, I agree with Francisco

comic_relief

 

[ready123]

Personally I'd rather speculate about the stock market and who will win the next American Idol. When it comes to marriage I'm going to be completely sure that she's the one I'm willing to pledge myself to, failure is too costly for speculation.

if you know how to be 100% sure that the marriage will last for the next 50 years, please let me know how you do it. because realistically i don't see how it's possible

developing social skills, learning how women think, being wiser as a result of past relationships, and knowing exactly what does it for you in a woman - these are all things that help you know whether or not you wanna spend the rest of your life w/ that woman

but ultimately you can't control her and you can't control what life throws at you two. knowing that, I always felt marriage is one of those things only time will tell

 

[aliasguy]

if you know how to be 100% sure that the marriage will last for the next 50 years, please let me know how you do it. because realistically i don't see how it's possible

developing social skills, learning how women think, being wiser as a result of past relationships, and knowing exactly what does it for you in a woman - these are all things that help you know whether or not you wanna spend the rest of your life w/ that woman

but ultimately you can't control her and you can't control what life throws at you two. knowing that, I always felt marriage is one of those things only time will tell

-
-
--
You CAN'T know how to "do it." There's NO 100% ANYTHING.

Sorry.

Social skills, learning, wisdom, knowledge, etc., all are essentially USELESS in the long run. It sounds from your post that you already KNOW this.

You can WANT to spend the "rest of your life" with a woman, but it really isn't gonna HAPPEN, in the real world.

You are RIGHT, you cannot control her. But that's OK, you can control YOURSELF.

Good luck, man.
-
-
-

 

[ready123]

haha, which is why I was saying before, the most you can do is speculate

 

[strong like bull]

thanks for the input guys. i think the extended vacation idea is solid. ive heard it elsewhere and ive seen its effectiveness through friends of mine. one of my buds went on a 7 day trip to hawaii... fun in paradise for the first few days and by the second half he was just gettin wrecked all the time. he wanted to do cool stuff like go wakeboarding and surfin, she just wanted to smoke out and drink and shop and eat all day...

needless to say their relationship didnt last much longer afterwards. it was a solid test 'cause it actually seemed to cause more trouble, or break up the relationship than strengthen it by being in a tropical paradise together.

i think the bottom line is protect your heart, use your head, and if you think shes the one... go play house for a week or two and see what its really gonna be like.

-SLB

 

[iqqi]

Read this, OP: Going Steady.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

if you know how to be 100% sure that the marriage will last for the next 50 years, please let me know how you do it. because realistically i don't see how it's possible

Twentyfive or more years ago marriages lasted for lifetimes. The practice of marriage was taken seriously and wasn't though of as an afterthought nor disposable as it's though of today. People today (as you have proven) have no concept of how to do that or even believe that it could have ever been done.

They live their lives reacting to external influences without having the merit to chose wisely and do whatever is necessary to sustain the relationship. For them it's easier to go into situations with little expectation in order for it to be easier for them to walk away whenever it pleases them. They live their lives by fate instead of intention and that's why their accomplishments tend to be fleeting.

 

[ready123]

this is interesting to me so I'll keep the thread going, since we don't really have a lot of LTR stuff on this board

I think we're actually on the same page. I'm just talking about idealism vs the fact no matter how much wisdom you gain, there's always an element of blind faith when it comes to the future. You're talking about not taking vows seriously, which is not what I was getting at at all.

I think wisdom when it comes to relationships is a commodity though and just because a marriage lasts for a lifetime doesn't mean it'll be a happy one. You mentioned before failure is too costly. Which of these is more definitive of failure? Breaking your vows? Or sustaining an unhappy relationship?

 

[Nightwing]

find out that even though they could date one another, they couldn't live together. The relationship usually goes to pot because one is bitter because they have to move out and the other is left with a home they can't afford on their own. Madness...

That's exactly why you should give cohabitation at least a year prior to marriage.