Follow your goddamn heart!

[Lifeforce]

We all value a very nice ideal which has been put into words by many cool posters on this place. Alot of persons have taken this to be the goal of their life and so the "that's AFC/DJ" was born. We reach for an ideal and try to avoid being AFC. That's all good.

I want to tell you about another route which you can take. Let's say we let the terms afc and DJ die for a while and focus on our emotions. What do you feel you want to do? Do you hold back because you are afraid to be AFC?

In my life I have learnt one very important thing, which is I must fail and do the wrong stuff to learn and get motivation to improve. This is exactly what everyone need to do. But people are afraid to be labelled something bad in other peoples eyes. Let say you haven't had a girlfriend in your life and now suddenly you find a girl you like but in an oneitis way and you get together and you do something very very wrong like kissing up to her and being ultra weak. People here may say "That's bad! NEXT! Get a grip!".

I say continue to do it if it feels right, when it goes bad you will know why it went bad and you will get WISDOM out off it. The more you feel like **** the more you will realize you need to change.

Let's take me as an example on this. I constantly thought that looks didn't matter and I could trick my way into womens heart. I failed miserbly, I felt like **** and all that. Then suddenly I realized I needed to change my exterior, I started to work out like possessed. It gave me great results because I had deep motivation for it. Now I have no problem any longer in that department.

It's the same with all aspects of life, you need to do wrong to do right. Some are so afraid about becoming AFC so they do not know what to do, they fail because they are paralyzed and have no way to go. It's the opposite spectrum of AFCness. People who sit down and think they know all, who critique all relationships yet they do not know what to do themselves. I think there is some point in failure when people really have had enough, they cannot take it anymore, they snap and get that do or die motivation.

I say follow your heart, if you feel like you want to do something then do it. When it goes wrong enough times you will get an unbending motivation to change. It's not AFC to behave like one, it's how you learn, however it's afc if you do not realize there is a problem with what you do or if you realize and do nothing about it.

That's my point, AFC Is a person unwilling to change, DJ is a person who are willing to change. No other thing is DJ or AFC IMO. So don't be afraid to do wrong stuff or AFC stuff just because someone say it's wrong. Give them the finger and do whatever you want. It's all good as long as you have a motivation to change. No one can keep changing to the good without falling back or hitting a plateau at some point, it's natural and will give more motivation to keep going.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Great post Lifeforce. We have thousands of posts on this forum telling people how not to be a wussy and an AFC, but no matter how many times you read these posts, you will only learn when you go out into the real world, fall in love with a girl and screw it up by acting too needy and weak. You will continue to pester this girl until she cuts off all contact, you will feel like hell for a month or so and with the next girl you will not make the same mistake again. That is the best way to learn!

You will also find that your greatest motivation to improve yourself comes not from the endless wonderful posts on this board, but from falling in love with a girl and realising that you were not good looking enough, not successful enough, lacked good enough social skills etc. That will give you a huge desire to develop these skills and attributes so you can succeed with the next girl.

Anyone with a passing acquantaince with Napoleon Hill's work or any other philosopher will know that if you desire something bad enough you can achieve it.

 

[JSH]

Napoleon Hill, a philosopher?

 

[Matt Rogers]

I would say so. He created the philosophy of success-a way of life and thought that leads to great riches and success. I have upmost respect for his writing.

 

[jakethasnake]

Follow your instinct, even though they may lead to the incorrect path sometimes. That is really the only *real* knowledge you have, at least until you build EXPERIENCE. And if you keep yourself confined by rules and 'Bibles', then you can't build experience. Great post.

 

[Aycee]

Nice..

Long time reader, first time poster.

Nicely worded post, about an important and often overlooked topic.

Too often people try and see the whole DJ outlook as a series of black and white rules; but this is never the case. It's much better to think of this as an attitude, one of security and knowledge where you know the right place to use certain actions and have the social ability to play situations correctly.

This often leads to a time when the 'DJ' thing to do is to perform what would often be called an AFC action, but because the reasons are different and the knowledge is there to know what it will achieve and thus it's outcome; it must then be recognised as the utmost in DJ'ing.

Would love to talk further about this, but i'm off out.

 

[Permission]

nice tip

 

[Lifeforce]

nice tip

Hey Permission

Just want to apologize for being an assh0le towards you before. It was noway called for saying stuff like that. Actually you opened my eyes. I've been so dogmatic lately about stuff on this site and about meeting women. Thank you for this. Seems I thought it was possible to go from getting no girls to just being the prize without taking the long and hard journey to become the prize.

Glad you liked the post.

 

[pooparu]

Life force, another ****ing great post man. I think I was readind a while back through some of BBB's post (for some reason that guy was just my favorite poster, its a shame I wasn't around when he was but what can you do?), and one of his dealt with some thing like this too. How he knew it might be needy to call a girl twice after she hadn't picked up, but he knew she was a good girl, and he ended up getting through and finding out what was going on, and he said it felt so much better to actually know rather than the whole, "Alright the rules are don't call twice, no three day thing, whatever".

That really opened my eyes, along with this one. Its tying the two together and making more sense. So many people are just like, "Alright thats AFC, gotta avoid that", but if you want to talk to a girl just because you want to talk to her, just pick up the ****ing phone and call, **** these "rules" about, "Well I'm only supposed to have 5 minute conversations". Its not just about getting laid ALL the time (that's great and all), but if you just wanna talk to a girl because you think she's a quality girl adn enjoy her company, then phone her up one night and be honest (you don't have to be AFC to say), "Hey I just had a crazy day and for some reason I just thought about you and wanted to phone you up, What's up?". People appreciate knowing you thought about them.

That's not to say to do five times a day, but I think, and I believe I'm correct in my thinkings, that the rules were set up to polar extremes, so that AFCs like we were would abide by them like they were our religion until we got to the point where we could say, "Alright, the rules can be bent and broken here and there". The problem is, people aren't learning anymore, they are "brainwashing" themselves. Stop doing this guys, its not worth it to become the "ultimate playa!!!", if you don't even have your own set of beliefs. Its great to follow some of the suggestions and so called "rules" just know that they aren't the law of the land. Through real experience you can get out there figure out what works, what doesn't, and I think you will be surprised to find that at times, some AFC things (in the right context) can be really really great, especially when you've been teasing, busting, C&fing a girl, whatever, and then you phone her out of the blue and just say, "Hey I was thinking about you whats going on". Trust me, these things work wonders when you are congruent with your own beliefs, because you are SINCERE.

That's a huge part about being a DJ, sincerity! Not only do women smell bull****, but even if you do get past her bull**** sensors, you don't feel good when its not you communicating. You can be yourself and be a great DJ, THATS what the hell this improvement **** is about, but sadly I think too many people are just interested in the getting laid part, following what other guys are saying, and pretending to be DJ. Here's the ****in thing though, you are still an AFC when all you can rehearse is what you read online, and don't have your own opinions.

My two pesos, take it or leave it.