Fling advice

[Pierce Manhammer]

You hit the nail on the head with this comment. I have caught myself falling in this trap and it takes some cognitive effort to recalibrate and not move into this mode of thinking. What helps me is that I think of it as a friendly bonding, where the sexual part is not that important due to distance. And no, I am not drawn by the sex, so if we were just to remain friends that would work fine for me.

What I observe though is that she is bonding, and that is what is more scary for me, since I cannot control how others react. She is opening up to, telling me about her past, her insecurities and how she used to be as a person.

Be careful, she’s falling for you seemingly. “He just gets me!”, “I can tell him anything!” She’s probably made comments about how easy it is to talk to you and that she’s confessed things to you she’s never told anyone else. Also not leave out the “I’ve never done anything like this!” proclamation…

 

[Quick_Isk]

Be careful, she’s falling for you seemingly. “He just gets me!”, “I can tell him anything!” She’s probably made comments about how easy it is to talk to you and that she’s confessed things to you she’s never told anyone else. Also not leave out the “I’ve never done anything like this!” proclamation…

Irony asise, I am not a first-timer with women, and I know how fickle and deceptive they can be. Obviously such BS dont resonate, but you can tell more about actions than words. Perhaps she is in just for the thrill and excitement, and maybe is a serial flirter. I am not completely blind or trusting, and this is based on past experience with women. Thinking like this also helps me remain detached apart from the other reasons.

 

[Quick_Isk]

Be careful, she’s falling for you seemingly. “He just gets me!”, “I can tell him anything!” She’s probably made comments about how easy it is to talk to you and that she’s confessed things to you she’s never told anyone else. Also not leave out the “I’ve never done anything like this!” proclamation…

By the, what clues make you think she is pretending?

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

By the, what clues make you think she is pretending?

I do not think she is pretending. The lines I posted have been uttered by women endlessly. It's not so much that I'm a cynic, its just reality. Many men have been lured in by comments like them, and im sure many here have heard them as well.

 

[Quick_Isk]

My impression is also the same. I have heard those lines millions of times before, so I have learned to ignore them. Things like sending updates about what she is doing, what she has been thinking, and sharing information about her family, though, show me that she is bonding. If a woman says it is the first time she has done something like that, it goes in one ear and comes out the other.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

My impression is also the same. I have heard those lines millions of times before, so I have learned to ignore them. Things like sending updates about what she is doing, what she has been thinking, and sharing information about her family, though, show me that she is bonding. If a woman says it is the first time she has done something like that, it goes in one ear and comes out the other.

There are certain comments that can be taken at face value, but you need corroborating information and a good gut to make the judgement.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I am fairly sure that I could keep it platonic if needed, but you have a good point. The emotional part has the tendency to creep up when you dont expect it. I hope that she also feels the same, although I cannot know what she is thinking. Since we only meet 2-3 a year for a couple of days each time, I dont see it turning into something more. But the again I may be wrong.

I mean this respectfully but you’re already attached if you’re asking the internet if you can keep it platonic.

 

[RickPound]

You need to let it die. No point in either of you getting emotionally attached long distance while both being married. If you see her a couple times a year for work, “reconnect” then, but only then, if you want. Put it out of your mind the rest of the year and live your life.

 

[Bingo-Player]

I do some days think about wanting to get married but then I hear about situations like this and realise the concept is generally a lie

I think the only time a man and woman can really stand the test of time in marriage is when they are both in their retirements and merely looking for companionship

The second you add sex and attraction into the mix the whole concept just seems to fall to bits which is what has happened with both OP and his mistress

They've both been bored and fancied a little excitement , I think this goes on within society A LOT seems ridiculously common in workplaces and at work parties

If its kept as a one time thing and hush hush it can sort of be dismissed as a misdemeanour , but it sounds like OP and his mistress are trying to turn into a 3 book romantic novel

This is where the problems begin because soon you will start resenting your original partner ( whom is highly likely blue pilled and completely oblivious to stuff like this happening )

I mean can you imagine being the mistresses husband ? wife goes on a work trip ends up getting fvcked both nights she's away

When you look at it from this perspective it starts getting a bit grim

 

[Nitrozv20]

A few weeks ago I was attending a work meeting where at dinner I ended up sitting opposite a woman I know very little. Due to work, we both know each other through others, but have never interacted much apart from a couple of times very briefly. We are both married and we both know about each others relationship status, so I don't want to focus on the ethics of it.

Long story short, after dinner we end up walking together towards our hotel and we quickly end up in bed together. After that, we were were talking all night and she was complimenting me to my surprise, saying that I have an interesting face, that I am very attractive, very good in interacting with people, and very charming.

Next day I see her eyeing me and smiling at me a lot, and we end up sitting together again at dinner and chatting a lot. Once again we end up at her hotel, and after a deep conversation over wine we end having sex again. The sex was wild and she really enjoyed it dirty and aggressive. After sex she seems to switch and be interested in learning more about me, and commenting about how she noticed that other girls found me attractive etc.

She originally said she had a bad opinion about me since another co-worker (male) had been bad mouthing me a lot, so when she saw me first time she disliked me. All of this has got me confused about her intentions, and how I should interact with her. Was she into me just for the sex or was it more general interest and attraction? I know it matters very little since we are both married, but was just curious on what she might be thinking.

This is coming from a guy who was an affair partner for about 3 years and just got out of it, my advice is to end this immediately. I wouldnt wish what i have been through on anyone.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I do some days think about wanting to get married but then I hear about situations like this and realise the concept is generally a lie

I think the only time a man and woman can really stand the test of time in marriage is when they are both in their retirements and merely looking for companionship

The second you add sex and attraction into the mix the whole concept just seems to fall to bits which is what has happened with both OP and his mistress

They've both been bored and fancied a little excitement , I think this goes on within society A LOT seems ridiculously common in workplaces and at work parties

If its kept as a one time thing and hush hush it can sort of be dismissed as a misdemeanour , but it sounds like OP and his mistress are trying to turn into a 3 book romantic novel

This is where the problems begin because soon you will start resenting your original partner ( whom is highly likely blue pilled and completely oblivious to stuff like this happening )

I mean can you imagine being the mistresses husband ? wife goes on a work trip ends up getting fvcked both nights she's away

When you look at it from this perspective it starts getting a bit grim

Marriages come to an end, and a new chapter begins... The circumstances under which this occurs is all that varies. Marriages are like everything else in life, in other words

 

[Bingo-Player]

Marriages come to an end, and a new chapter begins... The circumstances under which this occurs is all that varies. Marriages are like everything else in life, in other words

apart from you take a vow to be married for life ....

 

[BaronOfHair]

apart from you take a vow to be married for life ....

Your spouse WILL die some day, perhaps before you, and perhaps unexpectedly. Anyone who believes wedding vows are anything more than theater, and that the dangers of your woman

-Falling in love with someone else
-Deciding she's really a guy trapped in a woman's body then having a sex change
-Flying off to Tibet to "find herself"

Thus bringing the union to a close before you anticipated, is in for a ocean's worth of agony

 

[Clockwerk50]

This is coming from a guy who was an affair partner for about 3 years and just got out of it, my advice is to end this immediately. I wouldnt wish what i have been through on anyone.

Wow, what happened?

 

[Clockwerk50]

I am actually interested how this story will continue. I know logically speaking, both of them will not snitch on each other since both of them have a ton to lose.

I also read somewhere that in affairs one person eventually will go cold and then the other will pursue. Then the other goes cold in turn then the first person will pursue, and on and on.

 

[Nitrozv20]

Wow, what happened?

long story short
-I was going through divorce, old friend reached out
-her marriage sucked, things heated up
-full blown relationship for 2 years
-her divorce case gets dismissed because of kids
-1 year of still hooking up
-i start moving on, seeing the light that i was about to be dragged on forever with my strong attachement
-Out of my integrity, mental health issues started
-strong oneitis, dragged and wasted 3 years of my life, am numb, have hard time connecting

 

[Quick_Isk]

I am actually interested how this story will continue. I know logically speaking, both of them will not snitch on each other since both of them have a ton to lose.

I also read somewhere that in affairs one person eventually will go cold and then the other will pursue. Then the other goes cold in turn then the first person will pursue, and on and on.

So far the only thing that has happened is that we both interact by text now and then. Some times the texts are just casual, getting to know each other and other times they are a bit more sexual.

I also do not believe we will snitch on each other, since as you say we both have something to lose and part of what is exciting in all of this is the fact that it is forbidden.

From my perspective, what I see in myself is that I am drawn in two directions at the same time and it takes some balancing and finding the right mindset. On the one had, I really love my wife and would not imagine a life without her. I also would neve want to hurt her, so I am extra careful in what I do. On the other hand, I find the flirt invigorating and that it is bringing life back into me in some ways. I know it might sound stupid and something that would be classified as a mid-life crisis (I am in my very early 40s), but I feel it is something that I really missed. This sense of excitement, allure of interacting and engaging with an interesting and attractive person and slowly getting to know them.

I am fully aware of both the risks and the ethical concerns of this whole story and I am obviously not morally above anyone to justify my actions.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

This is too much drama. OP - she's Catholic isn't she?

The idea is to have a fling with someone who won't get attached (and vice versa).

 

[Quick_Isk]

I dont think she is religious, how is this relevant?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

An update for those that wonder how these things unfold.

So, after keeping no contact after the initial couple of days of meeting in person and having sex, she reached out and started chatting.

I have been keeping it cool, and we have had some light and fun chats, but nothing sexual or too serious.

She has gradually started sharing much more about herself and now texts me regularly, sharing what she is doing and pictures of herself and complimenting me on my looks and charming personality.

I find it both flattering and exciting, but I am trying to keep grounded. I always try to keep my guard up in some way with women I have just met. It is just more proof, though, that the more calm and controlled you are, the more they will be into you. I think she is used to guys drooling over her since she is extremely attractive and social, so perhaps this dynamic is something that she is not used to.

Imagine whats going to happen when she reaches out to your wife with all the texts and photos you have been sharing and what's been going on between you both.