Fling advice

[Quick_Isk]

A few weeks ago I was attending a work meeting where at dinner I ended up sitting opposite a woman I know very little. Due to work, we both know each other through others, but have never interacted much apart from a couple of times very briefly. We are both married and we both know about each others relationship status, so I don't want to focus on the ethics of it.

Long story short, after dinner we end up walking together towards our hotel and we quickly end up in bed together. After that, we were were talking all night and she was complimenting me to my surprise, saying that I have an interesting face, that I am very attractive, very good in interacting with people, and very charming.

Next day I see her eyeing me and smiling at me a lot, and we end up sitting together again at dinner and chatting a lot. Once again we end up at her hotel, and after a deep conversation over wine we end having sex again. The sex was wild and she really enjoyed it dirty and aggressive. After sex she seems to switch and be interested in learning more about me, and commenting about how she noticed that other girls found me attractive etc.

She originally said she had a bad opinion about me since another co-worker (male) had been bad mouthing me a lot, so when she saw me first time she disliked me. All of this has got me confused about her intentions, and how I should interact with her. Was she into me just for the sex or was it more general interest and attraction? I know it matters very little since we are both married, but was just curious on what she might be thinking.

 

[Quick_Isk]

Thanks, this seems to be the case. I stayed no contact for 3 days and she reached out to me for a quick chat. Kept it light and fun, so it does seem that she might be in for more than just the sex. I also keep away from the gossip and all the negativity.

 

[Quick_Isk]

An update for those that wonder how these things unfold.

So, after keeping no contact after the initial couple of days of meeting in person and having sex, she reached out and started chatting.

I have been keeping it cool, and we have had some light and fun chats, but nothing sexual or too serious.

She has gradually started sharing much more about herself and now texts me regularly, sharing what she is doing and pictures of herself and complimenting me on my looks and charming personality.

I find it both flattering and exciting, but I am trying to keep grounded. I always try to keep my guard up in some way with women I have just met. It is just more proof, though, that the more calm and controlled you are, the more they will be into you. I think she is used to guys drooling over her since she is extremely attractive and social, so perhaps this dynamic is something that she is not used to.

 

[pipeman84]

complimenting me on my looks and charming personality.

I find it both flattering and exciting, but I am trying to keep grounded.

Keep in mind though that she's a cheating, lying hore. Why do you continue interacting with her?
You already had sex with her, chalk it all up to a moment of weakness ... now go to your local priest, confess and repent.

 

[Quick_Isk]

Why do I continue the interaction? Well, because it is interesting and fun. It is not only about having sex. If that were the goal, I could purchase it. I would also say that I am equally guilty, and maybe what we are both seeking is this sense of excitement that gets lost when you are in a long-term relationship.

I am not trying to justify my actions; I am just giving insight into my motivations and the interpretation of how women may think in such circumstances. I know the topic of why women cheat has been discussed a lot here, and it appears that it is not only about fulfilling a sexual fantasy.

 

[BaronOfHair]

She has gradually started sharing much more about herself and now texts me regularly, sharing what she is doing and pictures of herself and complimenting me on my looks and charming personality.

Sounds like she won't be ignored, Dan. Not to be alarmist, but merely candid:

You may have grabbed a tigress by the tail here, thus I hope you and your missus don't have kids. When this situation detonates, they're going to be caught in the middle of your soap opera

 

[Quick_Isk]

That's good input, and thankfully, there are no kids involved in the situation. What is also reassuring me is that she has been married for some time, so my reasoning is that she is also just seeking an "escape" from reality.

She is not demanding attention, and she can easily get it from 1000 guys, so I don't think I am feeding her ego in that way.

 

[BaronOfHair]

What is also reassuring me is that she has been married for some time, so my reasoning is that she is also just seeking an "escape" from reality

Don't be so reassured just yet, Q... If her husband is the jealous or even simply intemperate type, he may very well try to hasten YOUR "escape" not just from reality but this mortal coil, if you insist on knowingly canoodling with a married woman


Not even being facetious or hyperbolic here. These things really do end violently and fatally far too often

 

[Quick_Isk]

My impression of the situation is that she is not receiving the attention and type of interaction that she would like from her husband, and this is the root cause of the infidelity. From my understanding of the situation, he doesn't care too much about what she is doing, and she perhaps married too young to know what she likes, but she has settled because of the comfort and economic benefits it provides. I have the feeling he is fairly well-off.

Thankfully, we also live in different countries, so there is no proximity, and the chatting is not of a sexual nature. Not saying that it might not happen, but I think it is unlikely given the circumstances.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Thankfully, we also live in different countries, so there is no proximity, and the chatting is not of a sexual nature. Not saying that it might not happen, but I think it is unlikely given the circumstances.

I'm confused now, Q... Has she returned to whichever nation she came from, and is she calling/texting/emailing you from there? Or are you both currently still in the same country, and just carrying on until she departs?

 

[Quick_Isk]

Those are fair points, and I am perfectly aware of the risks of engaging in such situations.

My hope though is that it will not end up in something like this. Both since we do not get to see each other very often and because a lot of the discussions are platonic. Just a few compliments here are there.

The point of the thread was to give some insight into how a married woman may see infidelity and the dynamics at play when you have a mentality of abundance.

B, we are in different countries now and just texting.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

OP: are you married as well?

 

[The Duke]

When you don't signal neediness and desperation, women are more attracted because they feel you're living in abundance.

And every woman wants a wanted man.

 

[Quick_Isk]

OP: are you married as well?

Yes I am

And every woman wants a wanted man.

It is crazy, but it is true. When I was single such things were never happening and the dynamic was reversed.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Yes I am

Danger Will Robinson.

 

[Quick_Isk]

Danger Will Robinson.

For me getting attached or for her?

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

For me getting attached or for her?

That and more. I shouldn't have to explain. IMO: You're headed into an emotional relationship with the woman, this could spell ruin for your family and hers.

 

[Quick_Isk]

I am fairly sure that I could keep it platonic if needed, but you have a good point. The emotional part has the tendency to creep up when you dont expect it. I hope that she also feels the same, although I cannot know what she is thinking. Since we only meet 2-3 a year for a couple of days each time, I dont see it turning into something more. But the again I may be wrong.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Also keep in mind you're fulfilling the average woman's need for the tragic and forbidden love meme. Look at most chick flicks or books - its always the doomed, forbidden tragic love story that appeals. Its the fantasy, it's the naughtiness.

I'm glad you got access to some prime meat, it must have been exhilarating. I'm sure she is everything you describe her to be to you, but you certainly sound like you're growing attached. This is a phenomenon I've noticed in myself with women I consider to be intoxicatingly attractive (mostly physically, but add in intelligence and charm and BAM!) - what's happening is that you're starting to idolize her - its a mating mechanism that is in the brainstem/monkey brain. Your body has mated with this beautiful creature and your sub-conscious is trying to get you to invest in her because in nature mating means she's carrying your offspring which must be protected.

Be aware of the jedi mind tricks your own brain plays on you. Tread lightly.

 

[Quick_Isk]

Also keep in mind you're fulfilling the average woman's need for the tragic and forbidden love meme. Look at most chick flicks or books - its always the doomed, forbidden tragic love story that appeals. Its the fantasy, it's the naughtiness.

I'm glad you got access to some prime meat, it must have been exhilarating. I'm sure she is everything you describe her to be to you, but you certainly sound like you're growing attached. This is a phenomenon I've noticed in myself with women I consider to be intoxicatingly attractive (mostly physically, but add in intelligence and charm and BAM!) - what's happening is that you're starting to idolize her - its a mating mechanism that is in the brainstem/monkey brain. Your body has mated with this beautiful creature and your sub-conscious is trying to get you to invest in her because in nature mating means she's carrying your offspring which must be protected.

Be aware of the jedi mind tricks your own brain plays on you. Tread lightly.

You hit the nail on the head with this comment. I have caught myself falling in this trap and it takes some cognitive effort to recalibrate and not move into this mode of thinking. What helps me is that I think of it as a friendly bonding, where the sexual part is not that important due to distance. And no, I am not drawn by the sex, so if we were just to remain friends that would work fine for me.

What I observe though is that she is bonding, and that is what is more scary for me, since I cannot control how others react. She is opening up to, telling me about her past, her insecurities and how she used to be as a person.