First Date Requesting Dinner after Drinks before we meet

[BillyPilgrim]

Meeting in an hour, definitely not LTR material. Gonna smash or dash tonight

View attachment 8876

Was this @ss built with legos? lolz

 

[eli77]

Maybe I'm reading into this too much, but this is my first encounter.

We agreed on drinks Monday at 6 and she texts me last night asking if we can go somewhere to eat. Many posters have mentioned that there's chicks out there that want a free meal. Which is definitely true in some cases. My other thought is she might wants to prematurely extend the date, but that seems a little fishy.

So far,
-Quick exchange on Hinge and she texted me an hour after I gave her my number
-She has read receipts on and texts right after she reads it
-Had a 30 minute call, but lasted for more than an hour

What's your take on this?

Run!!!

 

[EyeBRollin]

Meeting in an hour, definitely not LTR material. Gonna smash or dash tonight

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Broski, why are you even evaluating LTR material before meeting the gal?

You guys gotta loosen up and have fun. Go with the flow. Don’t take this dating stuff so seriously

 

[corrector]

He must be having fun now. Aint nothing but a horndog, rocking all the time...UPDATE. That is right, post it on that smartphone, did you seal the deal? Just type yes.

 

[member160292]

Meeting in an hour, definitely not LTR material. Gonna smash or dash tonight

Chick from last night texted that there wasn't a connect right before I met this chick. Come to think about it, I might have been a little to much in qualifying that it sucked out the fun.

Girl tonight is still not what see long term, but a quick reflection of last night I was more 'forgiving.' She was better than I expected and drove a nice car. Much less outcome dependent now, maybe because I was in a let it ride mode. First time in a LONG time I went in for the kiss at the end of the first date. No makeout, but she was receptive. No f'ing clue how I was able to get ONS over the past month - probably liquid confidence, but from here on out the chains are broken. I'm getting what I want.

 

[corrector]

Chick from last night texted that there wasn't a connect right before I met this chick. Come to think about it, I might have been a little to much in qualifying that it sucked out the fun.

Girl tonight is still not what see long term, but a quick reflection of last night I was more 'forgiving.' She was better than I expected and drove a nice car. Much less outcome dependent now, maybe because I was in a let it ride mode. First time in a LONG time I went in for the kiss at the end of the first date. No makeout, but she was receptive. No f'ing clue how I was able to get ONS over the past month - probably liquid confidence, but from here on out the chains are broken. I'm getting what I want.

That was it?

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

It's definitely dinner time. If she brings up a meal, and I'm feeling like dinner would be fun with her then sure. But since she brought it up we're splitting the check (not telling her this beforehand, it's a good opportunity to test her), since my initial offer was only drinks. Any attitude about this when the bill comes will have me putting her way further down on the list that she'll have to work to climb back up. It'll give me valuable insight about her expectations and personality regardless. A positive attitude and compliance without missing a beat is what I'm looking for.

"Sure, got a place in mind?"
That's all I'd say if I was feeling her. If she can't pick then we'll meet for drinks and grab something close if we're vibing.

Even in my LTRs we split the checks unless I feel like treating her, or her me. It's a respect for the other person's economic preference, essential in a partner for me personally.

 

[member160292]

That was it?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Look, do you want to get laid or not? Geez, this isn't rocket science, lol.

Again, many of the men here complain about first dates not leading to sex and not leading to second dates.

So continue doing you, insisting she comply with your frame of just drinks, forget creating a vibe conducive to connecting and leading to sex.

You've always got your hand, enjoy!

Not with you.

But to offer some clarity, the vast majority of the time we don't know if she's going to offer to pay for anything or not until *after* everything is ordered. Just because *you* would offer to pay, doesn't mean *the woman we are with* will.

In other news, the sky is blue on a sunny day.

There is no need to respond.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Maybe I'm reading into this too much, but this is my first encounter.

We agreed on drinks Monday at 6 and she texts me last night asking if we can go somewhere to eat. Many posters have mentioned that there's chicks out there that want a free meal. Which is definitely true in some cases. My other thought is she might wants to prematurely extend the date, but that seems a little fishy.

So far,
-Quick exchange on Hinge and she texted me an hour after I gave her my number
-She has read receipts on and texts right after she reads it
-Had a 30 minute call, but lasted for more than an hour

What's your take on this?

Regardless of whether she is "one of those", never get dinner for a first date. It simply isn't worth it unless it is a place you def want to try and would go to regardless. Even then it might send the wrong message, it's about earning that type of investment and use of your resources.

Go simple, and also make a point that YOU lead. You make the plans. She follows and submits.


Modern Man Advice

 

[devilkingx2]

Look, do you want to get laid or not? Geez, this isn't rocket science, lol.

Again, many of the men here complain about first dates not leading to sex and not leading to second dates.

So continue doing you, insisting she comply with your frame of just drinks, forget creating a vibe conducive to connecting and leading to sex.

You've always got your hand, enjoy!

I think the logical middle ground is to get an order of hot wings or fries or something with your drinks at the bar.

 

[member160292]

Ha! Coincidentally MMA brought up this thread as I just finished dinner with a first date. Cute, great career and family wealth. It was a 2:30 hour dinner date coming to $120 after tip. Split cost.

She lingered a bit after I dropped her off at her fancy car and said she would text me her cat pic that we didn’t talk about. I didn’t go for the kiss close, I learned to take it slow on these type of chicks. Been burned too many times by being too aggressive. Feeling good, but you never know

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I like going out to dinner. I ask her out, I pay the meal. If I dont like her, I never see her again.

So do I, but not with a stranger.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Ha! Coincidentally MMA brought up this thread as I just finished dinner with a first date. Cute, great career and family wealth. It was a 2:30 hour dinner date coming to $120 after tip. Split cost.

She lingered a bit after I dropped her off at her fancy car and said she would text me her cat pic that we didn’t talk about. I didn’t go for the kiss close, I learned to take it slow on these type of chicks. Been burned too many times by being too aggressive. Feeling good, but you never know

Still going on dinner dates on first dates?

 

[member160292]

Exception to the rule

Took a month of exchanges with her getting Covid and me on work travel. Next few days I’m booked, not going to try and counter. Didn’t see anything wrong since we were ordering random sh!t with good conversation. Could have blown my money/time on other unproductive things

If she follows up, I’ll write up what worked. If she doesn’t, no more dinner first dates….deal?

To add the chick from my OP just ordered ‘fancy’ fries. I didn’t follow up with her after the date ended in me kissing her. Definitely no vibe when I look back from a 10k foot view

 

[Knight of Roses]

Ehh. I’ve grown a bit more flexible. I wouldn’t focus too much on this. Pick a reasonable place to eat or a whole in wall near the bar.
No one is asking you to take her to super fancy restaurant.

 

[SW15]

I think a meal for 1st date is a bad idea. Stick to drinks,weed out the freeloaders

I agree, but women can still freeload alcoholic drinks. It's great to have a vagina and be able to use that vagina to get free drinks and/or dinners. Freeloading is freeloading, whether it is drinks or dinners.

I like going out to dinner. I ask her out, I pay the meal. If I dont like her, I never see her again.

So do I, but not with a stranger.

I don't even like going out to dinner with male friends or established girlfriends. I would much rather eat at home. I have a nice dining room and dining room table. I could cook food in either social scenario or have food delivered from multiple restaurants with one of those food delivery apps/websites.

There isn't that much of a reason to go to restaurants. I didn't even enjoy meals in restaurants prior to the pandemic. I didn't miss indoor dining at all during the worst of the pandemic. I did miss the indoor bar pickup as an option during the pandemic and I still believe night venue approaching is still recovering from the impact of it. Even if you do outdoor approaching, bars are still needed for hosting drinks dates as a 1st or 2nd date, so it's quite difficult to cut night venues out of the seduction process entirely.

Took a month of exchanges with her getting Covid and me on work travel. Next few days I’m booked, not going to try and counter. Didn’t see anything wrong since we were ordering random sh!t with good conversation. Could have blown my money/time on other unproductive things

If she follows up, I’ll write up what worked. If she doesn’t, no more dinner first dates….deal?

To add the chick from my OP just ordered ‘fancy’ fries. I didn’t follow up with her after the date ended in me kissing her. Definitely no vibe when I look back from a 10k foot view

If there's a month of text messaging exchanges prior to a date, all momentum has been lost, especially if this is swipe app arranged stuff. I'd even say the momentum loss would be too much from stranger approaching or weak social circle (such as a co-ed sports league interaction at the bar after a game).

 

[SW15]

If you want to AVOID feeding women on First Dates then don't meet at DINNER TIME. 6-7pm for most people.

But in reality, I wouldn't ask a woman out on a date between 5 and 8 pm if I didn't think she was worth a meal.

Pretty hard to do during the week with people working early the next day most times.

Very very few people are going to want dates starting at 9pm when they have to be up at 5 or 6 am to go to work the next day. I mean I have gotten push back for trying to have an 8pm start time as too late

This is not practical at all for the majority of people who work normal hours and who aren't dating on a weekend night.

I'd say literally 95% of my first dates fall between those hours during the week, so this is of no benefit to me. I'm not taking every first date out to eat. I'm not taking any of them out to eat, actually

I like this exchange a lot.

The date starting time matters a lot.

If you’re starting dates prior to 7 PM, you’re more likely to need to use a dinner date. I have typically started early-stage dates in bars either at 7, 7:30 PM, or 8 PM. I like 7:30 PM best as a start time for drinks dates. I am a person who works regular Mon-Fri hours and most of the women that I date work those types of hours as well. If you fall outside of this, your timing will differ. More on that later.

When I start my 1st or 2nd date type dates at 8 PM on weeknights, the worst thing about that is that they are typically ending around 10 PM, which is getting late. On a first date, it’s entirely possible after 10 PM on a weeknight that one or both people are starting to feel tired by that time, which can affect whether there will be a nightcap for sex at someone’s home as the public part of the date is finishing. First date sex at 10:30-11 PM on a weeknight with the combination of drinks in the system, fatigue from already being awake 15-16 hours that day, and newness of a partner is a not an ideal combination for good sex that will lead to a woman wanting more than just one instance of sex.

The 7 and 7:30 PM start times on weeknights help with that to some extent by pushing it up. Part of why I don’t push hard for first date sex or same night sex if a bar pickup is the combination of late nights and alcohol. I want the first instance of sex to be as impressive as possible because I desire repeats. If you’re a guy that is a hit it and quit it type and repeats aren’t that important to you, then you are able to push harder for first date sex or same night at the bar sex.

Scheduling dates prior to 7 PM can be affected by hunger or traffic in a larger metro. Since I’m trying to avoid a dinner date, 7 PM is likely the earliest I can get away with not doing a dinner date.

I like scheduling 1st and 2nd dates on nights when I’m not working the next morning. Those dates have a much better vibe to them in my experience. They sort of resemble the carefree days of high school or college, which is good.

One of the better first dates I had was on a Sunday night where I was not working the next Monday and the woman was self-employed and could set her own schedule. Since neither of us were concerned about work the next day, we could enjoy being in the moment more.

There are two main ways for people who work typical hours to avoid the idea of work the next day from impacting early-stage dates. They are…

• Doing Friday and Saturday night first dates
• Starting dates on Saturday or Sunday during the day between 10:30 AM and 4:30 PM. These are typically going to be activity dates, though the other options for this are outdoor beer garden patio type dates or brunch dates.

I’ve done both of those options before.

It’s quite difficult to get a 1st date on a Friday or Saturday night from either a cold approach or app swiping, but possible from a social circle introduction. Women in their 20s aren’t going to give up a Friday or Saturday night to a stranger. Women who are 30-35 and childless will be open to giving up a Friday or Saturday night for a first date, simply because their similarly aged friends are typically in multi-year LTRs, married without children, or married with young children at home. These women have Friday and Saturday nights available for first or early-stage dates because their friends aren't always available on Friday or Saturday nights. Those things operate on a case by case basis, so you’re going to need some social skill to figure out when you can do the Friday/Saturday night first date when app swiping or approaching strangers. With a social circle introduction, you have more leeway to initially try the 1st or 2nd date on a Friday or Saturday night, so definitely try that first.

Option 2 of the activity dates or weekend brunches works. Activity dates are difficult to schedule for people working regular Mon-Fri hours because a lot of those dates require daylight. With swipe apps and cold approaches, you might not know enough about the woman to plan an activity date and have it be good as a first date, but you’ll probably know enough to get a good activity date in as a 2nd date. You could do a boozy brunch date on a Sunday at 11 AM-1 PM and get laid from it, but that’s not a usual circumstance. I would choose a boozy brunch over a lunch or dinner date any time. Lunch dates in general are bad first dates, like dinner dates in restaurants. Day drinking on a patio somewhere is a good option on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon in some geographies and certain times of the year.

I have one last point on date scheduling. I have known men with job that have had them with unusual working hours, such as ending work between 9-11 PM. In those case, those men weren’t best served using swipe apps. Those men would simply do real life searches for women who worked similar hours and then do their first dates at 10:30 or 11 PM at bars when they got off work.

 

[Bokanovsky]

It doesn't matter if eating food with a guy is sexy to a woman - it's not sexy to a man. If it's not mutually attractive, then that activity can GTFO.

Women like to watch chick flicks with guys and cats like to walk on the kitchen counter. It doesn't mean we should let them do whatever the F they want. Lmao.

I have to agree with Billy on this one. There is nothing “sexy” about sharing finger food. It’s messy and potentially awkward and let’s be real, food does not excite men nearly as much as it excites women.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I like this exchange a lot.

The date starting time matters a lot.

If you’re starting dates prior to 7 PM, you’re more likely to need to use a dinner date. I have typically started early-stage dates in bars either at 7, 7:30 PM, or 8 PM. I like 7:30 PM best as a start time for drinks dates. I am a person who works regular Mon-Fri hours and most of the women that I date work those types of hours as well. If you fall outside of this, your timing will differ. More on that later.

When I start my 1st or 2nd date type dates at 8 PM on weeknights, the worst thing about that is that they are typically ending around 10 PM, which is getting late. On a first date, it’s entirely possible after 10 PM on a weeknight that one or both people are starting to feel tired by that time, which can affect whether there will be a nightcap for sex at someone’s home as the public part of the date is finishing. First date sex at 10:30-11 PM on a weeknight with the combination of drinks in the system, fatigue from already being awake 15-16 hours that day, and newness of a partner is a not an ideal combination for good sex that will lead to a woman wanting more than just one instance of sex.

The 7 and 7:30 PM start times on weeknights help with that to some extent by pushing it up. Part of why I don’t push hard for first date sex or same night sex if a bar pickup is the combination of late nights and alcohol. I want the first instance of sex to be as impressive as possible because I desire repeats. If you’re a guy that is a hit it and quit it type and repeats aren’t that important to you, then you are able to push harder for first date sex or same night at the bar sex.

Scheduling dates prior to 7 PM can be affected by hunger or traffic in a larger metro. Since I’m trying to avoid a dinner date, 7 PM is likely the earliest I can get away with not doing a dinner date.

I like scheduling 1st and 2nd dates on nights when I’m not working the next morning. Those dates have a much better vibe to them in my experience. They sort of resemble the carefree days of high school or college, which is good.

One of the better first dates I had was on a Sunday night where I was not working the next Monday and the woman was self-employed and could set her own schedule. Since neither of us were concerned about work the next day, we could enjoy being in the moment more.

There are two main ways for people who work typical hours to avoid the idea of work the next day from impacting early-stage dates. They are…

• Doing Friday and Saturday night first dates
• Starting dates on Saturday or Sunday during the day between 10:30 AM and 4:30 PM. These are typically going to be activity dates, though the other options for this are outdoor beer garden patio type dates or brunch dates.

I’ve done both of those options before.

It’s quite difficult to get a 1st date on a Friday or Saturday night from either a cold approach or app swiping, but possible from a social circle introduction. Women in their 20s aren’t going to give up a Friday or Saturday night to a stranger. Women who are 30-35 and childless will be open to giving up a Friday or Saturday night for a first date, simply because their similarly aged friends are typically in multi-year LTRs, married without children, or married with young children at home. These women have Friday and Saturday nights available for first or early-stage dates because their friends aren't always available on Friday or Saturday nights. Those things operate on a case by case basis, so you’re going to need some social skill to figure out when you can do the Friday/Saturday night first date when app swiping or approaching strangers. With a social circle introduction, you have more leeway to initially try the 1st or 2nd date on a Friday or Saturday night, so definitely try that first.

Option 2 of the activity dates or weekend brunches works. Activity dates are difficult to schedule for people working regular Mon-Fri hours because a lot of those dates require daylight. With swipe apps and cold approaches, you might not know enough about the woman to plan an activity date and have it be good as a first date, but you’ll probably know enough to get a good activity date in as a 2nd date. You could do a boozy brunch date on a Sunday at 11 AM-1 PM and get laid from it, but that’s not a usual circumstance. I would choose a boozy brunch over a lunch or dinner date any time. Lunch dates in general are bad first dates, like dinner dates in restaurants. Day drinking on a patio somewhere is a good option on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon in some geographies and certain times of the year.

I have one last point on date scheduling. I have known men with job that have had them with unusual working hours, such as ending work between 9-11 PM. In those case, those men weren’t best served using swipe apps. Those men would simply do real life searches for women who worked similar hours and then do their first dates at 10:30 or 11 PM at bars when they got off work.

Mine almost always start between 5:30 and 6:30 with probably 80% starting at 6pm and they are never dinner dates.