First Date Requesting Dinner after Drinks before we meet

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Don’t do it. She can easily ghost you after it because she didn’t feel a “spark”. Especially if this girl is from an APP, but women have turned first dates from simple screen dates to basically the final interview round. Your time and investment is not worth the risk.

 

[SW15]

Mine almost always start between 5:30 and 6:30 with probably 80% starting at 6pm and they are never dinner dates.

I am impressed by this. How are you able to pull off a 6 PM starting time and solely do drinks? Is this at all affected by single mom vs. childless woman? I know you are more open to dating single moms than I am.

A 6 PM start time would mean that I could get to first date sex at 8 PM if things went well, which isn't too late, You'd have to have tight logistics to pull that off too. Even if I didn't have first date sex, I would still prefer the earlier start time if I could pull it off.

I have avoided the pre-7 PM start times on weeknights due to heavy traffic in my city (higher chance for lateness) but more importantly due to avoiding the idea of a dinner date.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I am impressed by this. How are you able to pull off a 6 PM starting time and solely do drinks? Is this at all affected by single mom vs. childless woman? I know you are more open to dating single moms than I am.

A 6 PM start time would mean that I could get to first date sex at 8 PM if things went well, which isn't too late, You'd have to have tight logistics to pull that off too. Even if I didn't have first date sex, I would still prefer the earlier start time if I could pull it off.

I have avoided the pre-7 PM start times on weeknights due to heavy traffic in my city (higher chance for lateness) but more importantly due to avoiding the idea of a dinner date.

I don't know honestly. I wasn't aware this was a big issue for others. I just invite them to usually do something fun first like a walk/talk or mini golf and then a drink. Almost never have any of them mention dinner. If they do it's something like they'll eat prior to coming.

Not really dependant on any type of women as far as with me.

I rarely go for first date sex. Happens here and there but those would be weekend first dates which I don't do a lot of. I get handjobs/BJs a decent amount of time on first dates tho in the car. Maybe like 1 in 6 or 7 dates...

Yeah the traffic thing can really suck if you have a lot of it. Luckily for me the places where I am going have moderate amounts of traffic but it's not usually super busy.

 

[member160292]

If she follows up, I’ll write up what worked

We good.

Prior to the date, I texted her the day before to meet in an area between us.

Do you want to do dinner tomorrow in the area?
Maybe a drink first to see if we connect. When do you get off?
How about Saturday morning coffee hangout so no pressure to eat I get off around 6:30PM tomorrow
Let's meet at 7PM, insert YELP review. I'll get there a bit early to put our names down on the waitlist (Morning of the date)

I was outside waiting and saw her pass by to enter the restaurant. Made some small talk and sat her down on the booth. The menu was on an iPad so I took it and sat next to her to order the first rounds. She said she didn't feel like any alcohol, so it's going to be a sober date.

-Mental health therapist for college kids
-Tons of travel with her family, showing me pictures on her phone
-Active investor in the stock market, AMD Buy at $6
-Keeps current with the news
-Has her own house with a cat, it's not cheap to live here. She's makes around $100k a year with a masters, so probably back-loaded by family
-Went to school to study EE, but didn't like it so tried to switch to bio-engineering. She had to get a 3.99 GPA to do so, which was impossible. She had to double major in order to graduate, which she did.
-Volunteers quite often, mainly with childhood diseases

Red flags
-Obviously her work as a therapist (Schedule, stress, relating what her patients tell her into the relationship, college chads lol)
-"Knowing and seeking god through His word are a huge plus" in her profile. Luckily, it was never mentioned on the date, but I came prepared if it did
-Hours to a day to respond to text, she does initiate. I sent a text this morning saying it was fun and she responded in 15 minutes, so hopefully better response times
-Was in the ER for Covid last week (sent me a pic) even though she had Covid just in May. Weak immunity? Mentioned she experiences brain fog
-Horrible with geography and general sense of what area she is in

Good eye contact, allows me to take the lead when ordering, phone faced down, initiates conversations and isn't afraid to open up. As we were walking to her car, she gets super nervous. Going from one conversation to the next in a matter of 45 seconds. She said we'll talk soon and I gave her a half-hug, as I was moving to walk away she was standing stiff just looking at me

Edit: Yup, text responses within 10 minutes now

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

“Sure! Where are you taking me?”

 

[thermodynamic]

Do whatever feels good to you. If you want to go eat go for it. Text her sure, pick a place out but you invite the food since it was your idea! If you want to pay and go eat, pay and go eat. If you don't want to go eat tell her no. Its not a big deal. Ultimately if your about your sh*t , when you meet up it should not matter, becaue now they will see how cool you are in person.

 

[Canadian_Man]

We good.

Prior to the date, I texted her the day before to meet in an area between us.

Do you want to do dinner tomorrow in the area?
Maybe a drink first to see if we connect. When do you get off?
How about Saturday morning coffee hangout so no pressure to eat I get off around 6:30PM tomorrow
Let's meet at 7PM, insert YELP review. I'll get there a bit early to put our names down on the waitlist (Morning of the date)

I was outside waiting and saw her pass by to enter the restaurant. Made some small talk and sat her down on the booth. The menu was on an iPad so I took it and sat next to her to order the first rounds. She said she didn't feel like any alcohol, so it's going to be a sober date.

-Mental health therapist for college kids
-Tons of travel with her family, showing me pictures on her phone
-Active investor in the stock market, AMD Buy at $6
-Keeps current with the news
-Has her own house with a cat, it's not cheap to live here. She's makes around $100k a year with a masters, so probably back-loaded by family
-Went to school to study EE, but didn't like it so tried to switch to bio-engineering. She had to get a 3.99 GPA to do so, which was impossible. She had to double major in order to graduate, which she did.
-Volunteers quite often, mainly with childhood diseases

Red flags
-Obviously her work as a therapist (Schedule, stress, relating what her patients tell her into the relationship, college chads lol)
-"Knowing and seeking god through His word are a huge plus" in her profile. Luckily, it was never mentioned on the date, but I came prepared if it did
-Hours to a day to respond to text, she does initiate. I sent a text this morning saying it was fun and she responded in 15 minutes, so hopefully better response times
-Was in the ER for Covid last week (sent me a pic) even though she had Covid just in May. Weak immunity? Mentioned she experiences brain fog
-Horrible with geography and general sense of what area she is in

Good eye contact, allows me to take the lead when ordering, phone faced down, initiates conversations and isn't afraid to open up. As we were walking to her car, she gets super nervous. Going from one conversation to the next in a matter of 45 seconds. She said we'll talk soon and I gave her a half-hug, as I was moving to walk away she was standing stiff just looking at me

Edit: Yup, text responses within 10 minutes now

You didn't go for a kiss?

 

[member160292]

You didn't go for a kiss?

I've been burned too many times by being aggressive in the past months, I err on the side of being patient now. I know a lot of guys preach escalating, I was one of them in the past - push the envelop to as far as it can go type.
I've had a lot of recent success making the girls wonder if there will be a second date, hence I end all of the first dates with a half hug. The first date I had weeks ago pulled me in during the half hug and we're having dinner at my place for the third date tonight.

I do think I give off a lot of player vibes during the date, I have some charisma that people tell me about. On top of that, the women I'm after are both higher quality in both looks and life than I met in the past. I would say it's a different ball game and I'm working with what I got. There's not a one size fits all glove or else there will be a billionaire writing books and most dudes are getting laid.

We'll see how it goes with this experiment, but seems to be working for me so far

 

[SW15]

She said we'll talk soon and I gave her a half-hug,

You didn't go for a kiss?

I've been burned too many times by being aggressive in the past months.....I've had a lot of recent success making the girls wonder if there will be a second date

I have found it quite difficult to get a woman to agree to a 2nd date without a first date kiss. In the past 10-13 years, the first date kiss has also become a less accurate predictor of a 2nd date. 10-13 years ago, it was nearly a guarantee that a first date kiss would result in a 2nd date. I've had first date kisses on the lips in the past decade or so that resulted in ghostings and flakings. I still think it is accurate enough. Some men believe in pushing for sex on the first date but I'm not big on that idea. I believe that if a man pushes for sex on the first date, gets the sex, and the sex is not amazing sex, the woman will ghost.

Leaving it at a kiss with no sex and the potential of future, repeated sex can be a justified effort as compared to bad first date sex.

Women 40 and under today expect "all the feelz" on the first date now. If they don't feel something amazing, they'll consider their abundant options before a 2nd date with a man that didn't give them "all the feelz".

I am impressed by this. How are you able to pull off a 6 PM starting time and solely do drinks? Is this at all affected by single mom vs. childless woman? I know you are more open to dating single moms than I am.

A 6 PM start time would mean that I could get to first date sex at 8 PM if things went well, which isn't too late, You'd have to have tight logistics to pull that off too. Even if I didn't have first date sex, I would still prefer the earlier start time if I could pull it off.

I have avoided the pre-7 PM start times on weeknights due to heavy traffic in my city (higher chance for lateness) but more importantly due to avoiding the idea of a dinner date.

I wasn't aware this was a big issue for others. I just invite them to usually do something fun first like a walk/talk or mini golf and then a drink. Almost never have any of them mention dinner. If they do it's something like they'll eat prior to coming.

Not really dependant on any type of women as far as with me.

I rarely go for first date sex. Happens here and there but those would be weekend first dates which I don't do a lot of. I get handjobs/BJs a decent amount of time on first dates tho in the car. Maybe like 1 in 6 or 7 dates...

Yeah the traffic thing can really suck if you have a lot of it. Luckily for me the places where I am going have moderate amounts of traffic but it's not usually super busy.

That's awesome that you noticed that weekend first dates are more like to result in first date sex. I far more enjoy doing early stage dates during the Friday night to Sunday late afternoon time frame. Most first dates are more likely to be the weeknight variety. Sunday night is a decent night for a 1st or 2nd date.

Since college graduation in the mid-2000s, I have lived in 2 of the 15 biggest US metro areas so I've been dealing with a lot of traffic. Good for you for not having bad traffic.

I like walk dates. I've done them alone or combined them with getting a drink. I've also combined mini golf with a drink.

I think plenty of men struggle with the date timing issue for weeknight dates.

The thing that surprises me is how many men are still doing dinner dates. I am still hearing plenty of stories about men doing dinner first dates, even for women that they meet on dating websites, swipe apps, or social media platforms. I stopped doing dinner first dates about a decade ago and I perceived I was late to the party in learning about the idea of dinner dates being a waste of effort. I'd be ok with doing a dinner date if the first date was arranged through a social circle connection, but that typically has not happened for me. Dinner dates from technology and stranger approaches are less than ideal.

 

[member160292]

I have found it quite difficult to get a woman to agree to a 2nd date without a first date kiss. In the past 10-13 years, the first date kiss has also become a less accurate predictor of a 2nd date. 10-13 years ago, it was nearly a guarantee that a first date kiss would result in a 2nd date. I've had first date kisses on the lips in the past decade or so that resulted in ghostings and flakings. I still think it is accurate enough. Some men believe in pushing for sex on the first date but I'm not big on that idea. I believe that if a man pushes for sex on the first date, gets the sex, and the sex is not amazing sex, the woman will ghost.

Leaving it at a kiss with no sex and the potential of future, repeated sex can be a justified effort as compared to bad first date sex.

Women 40 and under today expect "all the feelz" on the first date now. If they don't feel something amazing, they'll consider their abundant options before a 2nd date with a man that didn't give them "all the feelz".

I was at least kiss closing a decade ago on every single date. Heck there were first dates where I gave them a peck on the lips when I met them. As I said, there is a big difference in the women that I'm attracting back then and now. To lump all women in the same category as to what triggers them is absurd.