First date guidance

[SW15]

What do you mean by "inexperience"? Do you mean in setting the date?

Many of the questions you ask are questions that only an inexperienced male would have. Inexperience can take on multiple forms. The argument could be made that a man who had been in the same relationship for 10 years is inexperienced in early stage dating.

I also looked at some of your older posts from January/February 2020 and the posts gave off an impression of inexperience.

I would like to disagree around the rescheduling issue. I think it was my mistake. She gave me a date of the 7th when she was free, but I took a week to arrange a date for the 7th, hence she now has plans.

If it was your mistake, that's an odd mistake to make. An experienced guy isn't sitting on a warm, social circle lead for a week if the woman is reasonably attractive. He's arranging that date quickly. Warm leads from social circle are some of the most difficult leads to get. That is a sign that you are either inexperienced/socially inept, you aren't very physically attracted to her and she's a backup, or she's a lower tier prospect of a man with abundance. I don't think you have the abundance to sit on a warm, social circle lead for a week. A man with true abundance isn't asking the questions you asked to start this thread.

 

[Dr.Suave]

10). If the date goes well, do I let her know I'd like to see her again? Or do I leave it a few days to arrange another date?

11).She is bubbly, so likes to hug on arrival and departure. What shall i do?

10.- Just mirror her. If she says something like "I had a great time" just say you did too. After the date is over wait at least 36 hours to ask her out again.

11.- Heck yeah bro, hug that babe.

 

[will123]

Many of the questions you ask are questions that only an inexperienced male would have. Inexperience can take on multiple forms. The argument could be made that a man who had been in the same relationship for 10 years is inexperienced in early stage dating.

I also looked at some of your older posts from January/February 2020 and the posts gave off an impression of inexperience.



If it was your mistake, that's an odd mistake to make. An experienced guy isn't sitting on a warm, social circle lead for a week if the woman is reasonably attractive. He's arranging that date quickly. Warm leads from social circle are some of the most difficult leads to get. That is a sign that you are either inexperienced/socially inept, you aren't very physically attracted to her and she's a backup, or she's a lower tier prospect of a man with abundance. I don't think you have the abundance to sit on a warm, social circle lead for a week. A man with true abundance isn't asking the questions you asked to start this thread.

Why are warm social leads difficult to get?

You are right about inexperience and her being a backup/not physically attracted to her. I was interested in another woman who displayed red flags, such a single mum, expressionless bitchy face, masculine in personality and style. She turned out to be exactly that: a *****. Very cold and had a ***** attitude. She has been single for a while but has VERY high standards like most modern women, despite HUGE red flags.

If this date goes well, great. If not, I am not really bothered. I will see it as a learning experience.

One issue I have at the moment is that I feel I could be talking my way out of liking me before the date even starts. On the other hand, not communicating increases the risk of flaking. So I am trying to figure out the middle ground (if there is a middle ground)

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

You're there to build attraction and not be an entertainer. I think 2 activities is enough. You could do something like 1 activity, followed by a bar drink (no full dinner), then a 2nd activity.

thank god someone said this

 

[Stanley]

Christ sakes just go out and have fun with the chick. Pick a date, define what you're doing and just roll with it. Take the lead, but quit overthinking this ****. If there is one thing I fully agree with Pooks old posts on is guys overthinking **** and resorting to formulas and play by plays. Relax, quit putting pressure on yourself and indirectly her, she'll feel you trying so hard to be something that isn't natural. I'm not advocating for the cliche "be yourself" line, but don't be something you're not. Find that balance and let go and see what happens.

Pook↓

15 Lessons for Young Men: Do Not Contain Yourself With Formulas (Lesson 9)

Women would rather share a successful man than be attached to a faithful loser. Many women do not marry for love. Most divorces end up with the guy cherishing the woman but the woman detesting the man.

bookofpook.com

Edit:
Also, you can hit her up a day or two before and confirm the date, it isn't beta and the woman if she is interested in you enough will likely ask YOU if you're still set if you don't. Go with your gut and roll with it.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Many of the questions you ask are questions that only an inexperienced male would have. Inexperience can take on multiple forms. The argument could be made that a man who had been in the same relationship for 10 years is inexperienced in early stage dating.

Me^^

 

[will123]

Christ sakes just go out and have fun with the chick. Pick a date, define what you're doing and just roll with it. Take the lead, but quit overthinking this ****. If there is one thing I fully agree with Pooks old posts on is guys overthinking **** and resorting to formulas and play by plays. Relax, quit putting pressure on yourself and indirectly her, she'll feel you trying so hard to be something that isn't natural. I'm not advocating for the cliche "be yourself" line, but don't be something you're not. Find that balance and let go and see what happens.

Pook↓

15 Lessons for Young Men: Do Not Contain Yourself With Formulas (Lesson 9)

Women would rather share a successful man than be attached to a faithful loser. Many women do not marry for love. Most divorces end up with the guy cherishing the woman but the woman detesting the man.

bookofpook.com

Edit:
Also, you can hit her up a day or two before and confirm the date, it isn't beta and the woman if she is interested in you enough will likely ask YOU if you're still set if you don't. Go with your gut and roll with it.

Ive taken this advice, and messaged her to confirm the time and place and she said "okay" So it is on.

 

[TimothyPrice]

You don't want to get into the position of going from zero touching to an awkward kiss attempt at the end of the date. Nearly as bad is one date extending into several dates with no touching or kissing. Research kino. Do it early and often.

 

[will123]

Update: I'm not feeling it. I get the impression she would pull back if I initiated kino or a kiss or whatever. So I've knocked the second date on the head as its a waste of time and resources

But thanks for the advice all

 

[Stanley]

Update: I'm not feeling it. I get the impression she would pull back if I initiated kino or a kiss or whatever. So I've knocked the second date on the head as its a waste of time and resources

But thanks for the advice all

ah well, least you gave it a go. Next

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Update: I'm not feeling it. I get the impression she would pull back if I initiated kino or a kiss or whatever. So I've knocked the second date on the head as its a waste of time and resources

But thanks for the advice all

this you have to kiss on the first date idea is BS.

 

[EyeBRollin]

After the date is over wait at least 36 hours to ask her out again.

Wait 5 days minimum. 36 hours is too soon.

Also, you can hit her up a day or two before and confirm the date,

Nah, don’t do that. You explain why right here:

it isn't beta and the woman if she is interested in you enough will likely ask YOU if you're still set if you don't.

This is exactly what you want to know! Why blow this intel?

this you have to kiss on the first date idea is BS.

I recommend always going for the kiss IF you want to see the girl again. It makes your intent unmistakably clear. It also forces her to evaluate her own feelings.

 

[Stanley]

Wait 5 days minimum. 36 hours is too soon.

Nah, don’t do that. You explain why right here:
This is exactly what you want to know! Why blow this intel?

"IF"

 

[SW15]

Wait 5 days minimum. 36 hours is too soon.

I have always liked how you have adapted 1990's Doc Love phone rules to the modern era that is mostly text message based. Limiting communication is always a good idea.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I recommend always going for the kiss IF you want to see the girl again. It makes your intent unmistakably clear. It also forces her to evaluate her own feelings.

I've only kissed one girl on the first date and that was because she looked like my ex lol. Never saw her again though lol. Probably was for the better.

 

[will123]

Wait 5 days minimum. 36 hours is too soon.



Nah, don’t do that. You explain why right here:



This is exactly what you want to know! Why blow this intel?



I recommend always going for the kiss IF you want to see the girl again. It makes your intent unmistakably clear. It also forces her to evaluate her own feelings.

Thing is she came across quite difficult. Her positioning on the date was such that making any attempts at initiating contact hard.

She asked questions about my family and siblings, she talked about herself a lot, in terms of childhood, favourite foods, family, music taste but did seem to have an immature palate.

She has agreed to another date. She suggested ****tail bar. I haven't accepted that suggestion.

 

[SW15]

I recommend always going for the kiss IF you want to see the girl again. It makes your intent unmistakably clear. It also forces her to evaluate her own feelings.

For many years, I have believed in not offering a 2nd date without a first date kiss.

It's essentially impossible to get a 2nd date without a first date kiss. Remember, women have more options today than ever before and they want "all the feelz" on the first date. No kiss is a lack of "all the feelz".

A first date kiss increases the likelihood of another date, but that's not even close to being automatic for getting a 2nd date.

 

[will123]

For many years, I have believed in not offering a 2nd date without a first date kiss.

It's essentially impossible to get a 2nd date without a first date kiss. Remember, women have more options today than ever before and they want "all the feelz" on the first date. No kiss is a lack of "all the feelz".

A first date kiss increases the likelihood of another date, but that's not even close to being automatic for getting a 2nd date.

She has agreed to a second date. But not sure whether I should now.

 

[Dr.Suave]

She has agreed to a second date. But not sure whether I should now.

Sound like you are not feeling it. Your gut is right most of the time. Focus on new girls.

 

[SW15]

Thing is she came across quite difficult. Her positioning on the date was such that making any attempts at initiating contact hard.

She asked questions about my family and siblings, she talked about herself a lot, in terms of childhood, favourite foods, family, music taste but did seem to have an immature palate.

She has agreed to another date. She suggested ****tail bar. I haven't accepted that suggestion.

But not sure whether I should now.

I am somewhat surprised she wants to go on a 2nd date. Most women aren't going to do that without "all the feelz". This might have something to do with you meeting her via social circle (former co-workers) as compared to my experiences with women in stranger approaches and swipe apps/website dating from the pre-swipe app era.

I can tell you haven't been feeling it at all through this.

Seems like you want out but are concerned about finding other women. Scarcity mentality.