First date guidance

[will123]

Hey all,

A girl asked to swap numbers on my last day at work. (I now work at another job).

I have been chatting to her over WhatsApp. (I know now a big mistake, hence no longer do so). Over WhatsApp it seems to be going great. For example, when asking her to let me know when she is available she responds "Okay. I'll give you some of my available dates soon" with a thumbs up and smiley face. Other times she text me when I didn't make a date when available by saying "Yes, should have done it for this week. I am off" with a flushed emoji. I then ask her when she is next available and she says "off from the 7th Jan". I then make a joke and say "great. I get paid that week." She replies "Make sure you put some aside for out evening out." So I left it by saying "let me know when you are next free." She replies "I will. I will" with a happy face emoji. In addition, her friend when pissed blurted out to this girl "he fancies you. And when you go out, it is a date." To which this girl replied "well if it is a date, I'll have to look nice."

Hopefully, there is SOME interest on her part with the above interactions.

So I have planned to take her out next Saturday. But I need advice and I have the following dilemmas:

1). Where I am taking her is a little like an activities park. There is bowling, pool/snooker, arcade amusement, and restaurants. I am unsure as to make it a three activities date - in other words, bowling then pool followed by amusement arcade. Some guys recommend three activities fun date. Any advice?

2). Should we meet there or should I pick her up at hers? It would appear she is of the belief that we will meet there.

3). How do I act around her to increase her attraction?

4). What topics do I talk about, and not talk about?

5). Do I need to be funny? Our WhatsApp exchanges she seems to find me funny.

6). Do I talk a lot or little on the date? In other words, do I let her do all the talking? I am naturally introverted and usually let them do all the talking. Sometimes this has worked and increased their sexual interest. Others meh.

7). Do I go in forn this kiss on the first date? AMS says he wouldn't, as you want her unsure of your interest.

8). Do I need to initiate touching on the first date? For example, my arm on her lower back as if to guy her, or grab her hand when waling places. Basically, touching.

9). Any other advice which I have not accounted for above.

 

[Dr.Suave]

1.- Go with your gut.
2.- Just ask her. "Should I pick you up or are you more confortable meeting there?" It always worked for me
3.- As long a you dont do or say anything stupid, you should be fine. Just have a good time and tease her when possible.
4.- Avoid boring stuff like Politics n work (unless you have a really cool job). Also avoid controversial topics like Andre tate, Feminism, Abortion, etc. If possible, talk about sex.
5.- Funny as in you are making her laugh every 3 seconds? No. Funny as in you tease her when possible and she laughs and playfully hits your arm and says something like "You are so mean to me!" or "I cant believe you said that!" or "You are a jerk!"? Yes
6.- Go with your gut
7.- If she´s really interested, it doesnt really matter if you kiss her 1st date or wait until 3rd date. Do whatever you want.
8.- As long as it doesnt feel forced, yes.
9.- Have a good time regardless of company. Do stuff you actually enjoy.

Good luck and report back after the date.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You seem to leave it really wishy washy on your end. Make a date and a plan. Be a man. She either agrees or doesn't or flakes.

You constantly asking when she is free without actually setting a solid date is making you look like you don't know what you are doing.

Similar to women liking guys who know how to close the deal sexually when things are heading that way they first need a man with the ability to close a date. If you put it in their mind you can't even close a date, the most basic of all basic things between a man and woman, then they are going to think you have no prayer when it comes to the bedroom.

 

[will123]

10). If the date goes well, do I let her know I'd like to see her again? Or do I leave it a few days to arrange another date?

11).She is bubbly, so likes to hug on arrival and departure. What shall i do?

 

[manfrombelow]

Hey all,

A girl asked to swap numbers on my last day at work. (I now work at another job).

1. This is good, it meant she was interested in you (at least right that moment).

For example, when asking her to let me know when she is available she responds "Okay. I'll give you some of my available dates soon" with a thumbs up and smiley face.

2. Always make a DEFINITE date, like: "Hey Janice, let's meetup at X venue at Y time."

She replies "Make sure you put some aside for out evening out." So I left it by saying "let me know when you are next free." She replies "I will. I will" with a happy face emoji.

3. Why don't you make a definite date? The longer you guys exchange meaningless texts on the phone, the lower her IL get.

1). Where I am taking her is a little like an activities park. There is bowling, pool/snooker, arcade amusement, and restaurants. I am unsure as to make it a three activities date - in other words, bowling then pool followed by amusement arcade. Some guys recommend three activities fun date. Any advice?

=> First date venue should always be fun and light, bowling is great choice.

2). Should we meet there or should I pick her up at hers? It would appear she is of the belief that we will meet there.

=> First date means meeting there, it's too soon for the pickup thing and this way it increases the tension.

3). How do I act around her to increase her attraction?

=> Initiate 20% the topic (light, fun, relaxing topics such as travel, food, music, never discuss politics/sex/war/drug/) and let her do 80% of the talking. Don't "over-talk" her.

4). What topics do I talk about, and not talk about?

=> I just answered this.

5). Do I need to be funny? Our WhatsApp exchanges she seems to find me funny.

=> You can crack some jokes along the date, but don't over do it, because you are not a clown.

6). Do I talk a lot or little on the date? In other words, do I let her do all the talking? I am naturally introverted and usually let them do all the talking. Sometimes this has worked and increased their sexual interest. Others meh.

=> Re-read (3)

7). Do I go in forn this kiss on the first date? AMS says he wouldn't, as you want her unsure of your interest.

=> If the "vibe" is right, why not? The sooner kisses happen, the better.

8). Do I need to initiate touching on the first date? For example, my arm on her lower back as if to guy her, or grab her hand when waling places. Basically, touching.

=> Same as (7)

9). Any other advice which I have not accounted for above.

=> You should cover the date's expenses, even her Uber ride home. However if she insists to pay at some point, for example she wants to buy food because you already paid for the bowling, let her do it. But in all cases, you should cover 100% the date.[/quote]

 

[will123]

1. This is good, it meant she was interested in you (at least right that moment).































































2. Always make a DEFINITE date, like: "Hey Janice, let's meetup at X venue at Y time."































































3. Why don't you make a definite date? The longer you guys exchange meaningless texts on the phone, the lower her IL get.































































=> First date venue should always be fun and light, bowling is great choice.































































=> First date means meeting there, it's too soon for the pickup thing and this way it increases the tension.































































=> Initiate 20% the topic (light, fun, relaxing topics such as travel, food, music, never discuss politics/sex/war/drug/) and let her do 80% of the talking. Don't "over-talk" her.































































=> I just answered this.































































=> You can crack some jokes along the date, but don't over do it, because you are not a clown.































































=> Re-read (3)































































=> If the "vibe" is right, why not? The sooner kisses happen, the better.































































=> Same as (7)































































=> You should cover the date's expenses, even her Uber ride home. However if she insists to pay at some point, for example she wants to buy food because you already paid for the bowling, let her do it. But in all cases, you should cover 100% the date.

[/QUOTE]





She has agrees to pay for the bowling, and i pay for the pool and amusements.



However, now she claims she's off that week but busy that day, despite last week saying she was free on the 7th. She says any other day but next Saturday.

What should I say back? "No problem, hit me up when you are free?"

 

[Jor-El]

What should I say back? "No problem, hit me up when you are free?"
[/QUOTE]

Have you not read the above advice from the members...make a definite day. Doing the above,AGAIN,you are just going round in circles/ prolonging the inaction and chance of nothing happening. Dont overthink stuff.get her out,get it on!

 

[will123]

What should I say back? "No problem, hit me up when you are free?"

Have you not read the above advice from the members...make a definite day. Doing the above,AGAIN,you are just going round in circles/ prolonging the inaction and chance of nothing happening. Dont overthink stuff.get her out,get it on!
[/QUOTE]

The reason being is that I wasn't sure if she was flaking, so didn't want to seem desperate.

I have followed advice above and set a date for next Monday with a location and time. She has responded "Okay. Sounds like a plan" with a big smiley face.

However, I now feel boxed in with the definite date setting. We have schedule a date and time. But there is no way now of checking whether she is going to flake. Do I confirm on the day/day before the date?

 

[Jor-El]

Well you never know if they gonna flake whatever you do. People here will argue for and against confirming on the day or just before,I personally dont see the harm in doing so,but,good luck! Hopefully will lead to some action

 

[manfrombelow]

She has agrees to pay for the bowling, and i pay for the pool and amusements.



However, now she claims she's off that week but busy that day, despite last week saying she was free on the 7th. She says any other day but next Saturday.

What should I say back? "No problem, hit me up when you are free?"
[/QUOTE]

Make a DEFINITE DATE again.

 

[will123]

All done. We are going out next Monday. I have set a date and time and location. Should I hit her up closer to the time to confirm?

 

[manfrombelow]

All done. We are going out next Monday. I have set a date and time and location. Should I hit her up closer to the time to confirm?

No. Never text between dates.

 

[will123]

No. Never text between dates.

So Just turn up on the date and time set?

Also, is it likely she may text to confirm the date closer to the time?

 

[SW15]

@will123 -- You are coming across in this post as a massive beta male who is unsure of himself. I am going to help you with your current questions, but I am going to recommend that you spend more time either reading fundamental Manosphere books or watching a lot of YouTube content that will put you in a more alpha/sigma male type direction.

We can help you with some things, but you really need to understand fundamentals so you'll understand how to react in the moment to situations.

A girl asked to swap numbers on my last day at work. (I now work at another job).

So I have planned to take her out next Saturday.

It's good that a woman initiated with you on your last day from a job that you quit in order to start a new job.

A Saturday first date could be an indicator of high interest, if it is Saturday after 5 PM. Friday and Saturday nights are considered the most valuable dating time slot and is given either to an established partner, a high value man with potential, or to female friens to go out and find new penis. Attractive women under 30 typically don't schedule first dates on a Friday or Saturday night. They have too many options and too many female friends. It's possible for a man to get a 30 something woman to do a first date on a Friday or Saturday night because a lot of her similarly aged female friends have become unavailable due to some combination of serious cohabitation relationships, marriages, and babies.

A Saturday daytime date that starts before 5 PM is slightly positive. I've done mid-afternoon type park or hiking dates with women from either dating apps/websites (pre-app era) or approaching strangers.

1). Where I am taking her is a little like an activities park. There is bowling, pool/snooker, arcade amusement, and restaurants. I am unsure as to make it a three activities date - in other words, bowling then pool followed by amusement arcade. Some guys recommend three activities fun date. Any advice?

You're there to build attraction and not be an entertainer. I think 2 activities is enough. You could do something like 1 activity, followed by a bar drink (no full dinner), then a 2nd activity.

2). Should we meet there or should I pick her up at hers? It would appear she is of the belief that we will meet there.

You've been co-workers. It's not a stranger danger situation. I would try to pick her up at her place, which does increase the odds of you getting invited into her place for sex. Bring condoms.

If you meet there, the logistics are going to be less favorable for first date sex. It might be possible to get first date sex, though the better play on that would be a slower seduction. Given that you were co-workers, the slower seduction play is a justifiable move.

3). How do I act around her to increase her attraction?

This is where reading something like "The Rational Male" would be useful. Iron Rule of Tomassi #1 is that Frame is Everything. A strong frame is going to help big time. You're going to want to appear confident and have firm boundaries. Ask some quality, open ended questions in conversation and use good body language. There are entire chapters in books and entire books dedicated to answering this question alone, let alone YouTube videos. Watch a YouTube video.

4). What topics do I talk about, and not talk about?

The definite no's are politics and religion. Politics and religion have always been no-no's, but the political climate in most nations has gotten more divisive in the past 10-20 years. It's unknown where you live, but the USA is more politically divided than ever, making politics a greater danger zone to discuss early on than 10-20 years ago. Even 20 years, in a less divisive climate, it still wasn't a good thing.

Good topics include her interests and passions. You can also broach pleasant childhood memories. Additionally, you worked with her at your prior job, so you have a good base of knowledge about her.

Keep the topics fun and pleasant.

Chapters in books and YouTube videos have been produced about first date conversations to increase attraction. I recommend watching/reading.

5). Do I need to be funny?

It will always help.

6). Do I talk a lot or little on the date? In other words, do I let her do all the talking? I am naturally introverted and usually let them do all the talking. Sometimes this has worked and increased their sexual interest. Others meh.

Let her do most of the talking.

7). Do I go in forn this kiss on the first date? AMS says he wouldn't, as you want her unsure of your interest.

Yes, kiss her if things are going well. The answer to the next questions will clarify with this.

8). Do I need to initiate touching on the first date? For example, my arm on her lower back as if to guy her, or grab her hand when waling places. Basically, touching.

Yes, you do. Touching is an escalation method to determine if she's ready to be kissed. If the touching initiation goes well, that's shows she's opened to being kissed.

10). If the date goes well, do I let her know I'd like to see her again? Or do I leave it a few days to arrange another date?

Men have been successful with both methods so it's up to you to read the situation. Without good situation awareness, the best thing to do is to leave it for another time.

The best method for spacing communications comes from Doc Love's "The System" book of the 1990s. Doc Love used to recommend getting her phone number, then waiting one week to call her. After early stage dates, also one week to call back. When Doc Love wrote "The System", this was near the end of the landline telephone era, as even basic cell phones weren't even that common. On this forum, @EyeBRollin has written about how he has adapted the underlying ideas of spacing communuications from "The System" to the current era of telephone technology with cellular phones and text messaging.

It is best to do this method when you have multiple prospects going.

11).She is bubbly, so likes to hug on arrival and departure. What shall i do?

Hug her.

However, now she claims she's off that week but busy that day, despite last week saying she was free on the 7th. She says any other day but next Saturday.

What should I say back? "No problem, hit me up when you are free?"

This is not a good sign. She's downgrading you from Saturday to a less desirable time slot. There are a lot of reasons that could explain why she did this, and none of them are good for you. While this isn't a deal breaker, realize it for what it is. She did at least make a counter offer. It's up to you to offer another time slot. Your next move would be to offer another time slot, not ask her when she's free.

If you ask her when she's free, you won't hear back from her. She'll perceive that she's doing too much work and she'll also believe you lack masculinity. The only thing you can do now is to offer her another time slot.

The change of plans and downgrade in time slot isn't ideal. This needs to factor into how you assess her as a prospect. You can recover from this, but you're going to need to see more interest from her in order to recover.

It looks like you moved the date back to Monday, January 9. No more texting to confirm. If she wants to confirm on the day of the 9th, let her do that.

 

[will123]

@will123 --

It looks like you moved the date back to Monday, January 9. No more texting to confirm. If she wants to confirm on the day of the 9th, let her do that.

Well to be fair, she told me last week she was free and we could have gone out but I did not make a date as I was unaware. She also gave me a date of the 7th January as a day she was free. However, it was only today that I suggested the 7th. She could have made plans as I was slow in asking her out. But as you said, she did accept my counter proposal.

At the moment, she looks like she is trying to keep the texting going, which I have ignored as I have made a date for next week.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

No. Never text between dates.

Listen to this if you want your flake percentage to rise exponentially.

 

[manfrombelow]

Listen to this if you want your flake percentage to rise exponentially.

what do you mean?

 

[SW15]

No. Never text between dates.

Listen to this if you want your flake percentage to rise exponentially.

This is probably one of the biggest changes in early stage dating since the mid-2000s. Blackberries started getting big around then and Apple released the first iPhone in Summer 2007.

Prior to roughly 2007-2008, a man could get away with no contact between setting a date and showing up for a date.

Due to the flaking culture that emerged around text messaging and online dating (even in the pre-app website era of online dating), there needed to be some attention paid to communication in the time period between setting dates and showing up for dates.

It does boil down to Iron Rule of Tomassi #1 -- Frame is Everything. If a man doesn't want to do a lot of communication between setting dates and showing up on them, he's going to need to set that expectation, either through text message or preferably a voice call. Voice calling has become so underutilized in the last 10-15 years. This happened because roughly 10-15 years ago, younger women stopped picking up their cell phones for voice calls. It's creates a bit of an awkward dynamic. I remember going through some mild yet frustrating emotional pains in the early 2010s in dealing with women and even some younger Millennial men (I'm an older Millennial) in terms of getting these people on a phone call.

In this situation, @will123 is going on a date with a ex co-worker, which is a different setup than the more typical first date arranged via swipe app, social media DM (mostly Instagram), or stranger approaching. That's a social circle thing. There's more familiarity and less anxiety/uncertainty around that interaction. As a result, in theory, there'd be less need to overcommunicate.

The interaction is having some issues though because there's already been a date re-schedule. @will123 is showing some inexperience and/or frame issues.

 

[will123]

Listen to this if you want your flake percentage to rise exponentially.

Thanks. I am following this advice, even though she is trying to continue a conversation. She messaged me to say she has finished work and is going to sleep. So I replied "glad you had a productive day. Get some sleep" to close the conversation, and she said "Thanks lol, night."

Now I am feeling confused. Do I need to maintain contact between dates or not? If so, how do I communicate without being over-the-top needy or desperate etc.

 

[will123]

The interaction is having some issues though because there's already been a date re-schedule. @will123 is showing some inexperience and/or frame issues.

What do you mean by "inexperience"? Do you mean in setting the date?

I would like to disagree around the rescheduling issue. I think it was my mistake. She gave me a date of the 7th when she was free, but I took a week to arrange a date for the 7th, hence she now has plans.