First Date a Success [i think].... Now what?

[j.619]

Met a young girl at work, who happens to be an occasional client. She's young, gorgeous, polite, seemingly totally my type. I met her for the first time about a year ago here at the office. We talked briefly about business. I didn't ask her for a number thinking that I'd see her again and have another opportunity. Little did I know, she wouldn't be back for just about a year.

Fast forward to three weeks ago... I see her back here at the office during auction day (which gets nuts). I play it cool, pretend I don't see her at first and continue to mingle with clients and regular customers. I keep a close eye throughout the sale and catch her on her way out to close the number. She mentions that she didn't think I remembered her, gave me a hug, gives me her number. Even though I'd never outwardly show it, I was excited about getting her number. The whole 'year since I had seen her' and the fact that she's pretty much flawless aided in the excitement. I'm not naturally a clingy or needy person, so I had no problem waiting a week before making a phone call to set up a date. I call later in the evening, as she's busy with two jobs and school, so logic told me she'd be free closer to the evening. The first phone call went as follows:

Me: Hey you, how's your night been?

Her: Good so far. Just relaxing, eating a salad.

Me: That's really healthy of you, gonna have to start taking notes

Her: *giggle*

Me: Any chance you're gonna be by the auction tomorrow?

Her: No, I'm going to be in class most of the day

Me: Bummer, how's Saturday look for you? Was hoping to hang out.

Her: I'm working until 9, but I'm totally free after that

Me: Perfect. Let's plan on Saturday night and I'll keep you posted on details later this week (I called on a Wednesday)

The week drags on and I text her on Friday simply saying... "Hope you had a great week this week. Looking forward to seeing ya tomorrow night". She replies, "Thanks it's been a crazy one, hope yours has been good as well". Thought it was a little off that she said nothing about the date, but shrugged it off. The next afternoon, I send her a text... "Does 10(pm) give you enough time to be ready?" She replies, "I just might be out early, where are we going & what should I wear?" I reply, "Dress casual, gonna see a view".

Fast forward to 10PM.... I pick her up on-time at her place (she lives with parents). I give her a hug, hand her a single rose, and open her car door for her. We go for our walk along the bay, learning about each other, enjoying scenery, etc. This lasts 30 minutes or so. After our walk, we head to the car, hit up Starbucks and get some hot cocoa, then I drive her home (she worked early the next morning, ended early on my own accord, plus I had drinks to drink with the fellas lol). We get to her place, I walk her to her walkway, we share a nice, long hug (close, not ass-out). I went for the kiss, but she gave me cheek. I didn't think too much of it, since I've gotten cheek on first dates before and they never affected relationship progression. I get home, she texts me 20 minutes later saying she had a good time and that I get bonus points for the rose since it was her favorite flower. I respond "You're welcome, goodnight".

Today is Wednesday. I haven't had any contact with her since the date. I have no desire to spark conversation via text message because I don't feel like those get anywhere (or help you stay relevant either). I'm basically asking for advice as far as when/how I should contact her again. I want to ask her to hang out with me again this Saturday, but want to do it properly. I would love for this to progress into something long-term, but will definitely not complain with a fling. She's young, attractive, busy; I know these are the toughest ones because they seem to get disinterested easily. Which brings me here. I feel like my leeway for error is slim and I want to make the right, calculated moves to be successful... with help from you experts, of course


*Edit* Please feel free to critique any of my moves up to this point also. I love the constructive criticism and want you guys help me be better

 

[Legday]

im surprised that she actually is still talking to you

i cringed at everything you did lol so beta srs

she probably thuoght you were going to an nice resteraunt or a club and then you took her on a walk like shes a dog lol then went to fukin starbucks

shes probably disgusted and annoyed, idk brah id say maybe hit her up saying to see a movie at your place next fri night and smash but its probably over

 

[SgtSplacker]

There's a TON of stuff here that makes me want to break up with you already. But i'd say the most important thing is to check your emotion and never let this girl know she has you in the palm of her hand (like she does). As soon as she does she's history. She must be the one to make any declaration of affections.

You wrote in your posting that she was "flawless" <== stop this immediately.

You don't even know this girl yet!

WTF

 

[GotED?]

The rose definitely killed you - and she gave you the cheek. Way too early going in for a kiss.

Don't be so desperate to prove yourself, you've already lost by trying to qualify what a great guy you are to her. She should be the ONE qualifying herself to YOU.

This just means you have ZERO options other than her at this time in life.

I am not being mean, I want you to not come back here crying AFC tears and asking about if you go NC on her will you get her back and amongst hundreds of other threads here started on the SAME EXACT TOPIC because they fooked up.

Exodus

 

[Partizan]

I cringed at the rose thing. I try to make the first date as casual as possible.

 

[j.619]

This is exactly what I was hoping for... Couple things:

.Rose was a bad idea. Noted.
.Emotions are in check. 'Flawless' was for descriptive reasons. I know better than to flatter the **** outta her outwardly.

I'm a grown man. That being said, I can deal with rejection and the like. That's not what I'm afraid of. Trying to hunt for tips from you fellas is all. Won't be crying AFC tears or asking for NC advice... even if it does go sour. Not my style. Let's just help make sure that doesn't happen. Thanks guys

 

[old_skoolr]

I can see how most people would find the rose thing completely wrong. Was probably too early to giver her one, but hey I've learnt that theres two ways you can do something, the DJ way or the AFC way. So I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that.

To your problem contacting her after a date, I've been in that situation before, I dont think theres a problem texting her a few days later and then telling her, you'll ring her later that night, since you gotta go back to work. Keep texting to a minimal, but dont overlook it coz it does have its advantages.

Good luck OP

 

[j.619]

I personally think you did most things well on this date. The rose, etc. are all good in my mind. Particularly impressed with your keeping the post-date text to a minimal. That's KEY IMO. A lot of guys fvuck things up by getting too excited after the date and start texting her too soon.

OP do me a favor and read this thread and the comments. IMO perfect for your situation.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=188587

Thanks for that Espi. Gonna take a look at that thread sometime tonight. Appreciate the encouraging words too. Why is it that you suggest a text instead of calling for the date? Interesting...

I can see how most people would find the rose thing completely wrong. Was probably too early to giver her one, but hey I've learnt that theres two ways you can do something, the DJ way or the AFC way. So I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that.

To your problem contacting her after a date, I've been in that situation before, I dont think theres a problem texting her a few days later and then telling her, you'll ring her later that night, since you gotta go back to work. Keep texting to a minimal, but dont overlook it coz it does have its advantages.

Good luck OP

Looks like I might go ahead and make some contact of some sort tomorrow. Whether that be by text or phone call.

Thanks for the luck.

 

[j.619]

I personally think you did most things well on this date. The rose, etc. are all good in my mind. Particularly impressed with your keeping the post-date text to a minimal. That's KEY IMO. A lot of guys fvuck things up by getting too excited after the date and start texting her too soon.

OP do me a favor and read this thread and the comments. IMO perfect for your situation.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=188587

Thanks for that Espi. Gonna take a look at that thread sometime tonight. Appreciate the encouraging words too. Why is it that you suggest a text instead of calling for the date? Interesting...

I can see how most people would find the rose thing completely wrong. Was probably too early to giver her one, but hey I've learnt that theres two ways you can do something, the DJ way or the AFC way. So I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that.

To your problem contacting her after a date, I've been in that situation before, I dont think theres a problem texting her a few days later and then telling her, you'll ring her later that night, since you gotta go back to work. Keep texting to a minimal, but dont overlook it coz it does have its advantages.

Good luck OP

Looks like I might go ahead and make some contact of some sort tomorrow. Whether that be by text or phone call.


Additionally, what would you consider an appropriate second date?

Forums like this one make it sooooo easy to second-guess yourself. Which, in turn, is the opposite of being an 'Alpha'. Oh, the irony. Gonna collect as much guidance as I can and make some contact tomorrow. Feel free to chime in if you have anything for me

 

[GotED?]

Only way you can find out how you did on the first date is to ask for a second date. End of debate.

Exodus

 

[Yewki]

The whole 'year since I had seen her' and the fact that she's pretty much flawless aided in the excitement.

AFC, check.

The week drags on and I text her on Friday simply saying... "Hope you had a great week this week. Looking forward to seeing ya tomorrow night".

Weak

I give her a hug, hand her a single rose

Handing her the rose was equivalent to handing over part of your value.

she texts me 20 minutes later saying she had a good time and that I get bonus points for the rose since it was her favorite flower.

Banging her (or at least making out) >>> "Bonus points"

I'm basically asking for advice as far as when/how I should contact her again

Contact her when it feels right to arrange another meetup.

 

[Thorninmyside]

I think you followed old school courting protocol like a gentleman, but that's not really the power approach needed for this age.

The rose was sweet, but sweet gets you trodden on. Give your wife a rose, not a first date. By her replying about bonus points, she's established, with your help, that you're the one who has to impress HER. It's ass about.

I know it sucks to be strategic when all you wanna do is be a cool guy and show your feelings, but sadly that **** will be the noose you later get hanged with.

 

[Thorninmyside]

Oh, and go for an "action date" this time rather than a sit around cosy chat. Get her heart pumping a little. It's good for the attraction.

 

[VladPatton]

Damn, man. You gotta do some sort of 360 here. That rose thing was way over the top. No, wait, they hot cocoa was. No, wait, they both were, actually. Too Disney movie, man. I hope she's not laughing about it with her girlfriends over Twitter or some shıt! Please tell me you didn't wear a tuxedo.

Ditch the 1925 formal shıt.

Just be super chill next time, and try something completely different. Like Thorninmyside said, try an action date, or just hang at a coffee shop, or a bar, a lounge even (think low-lit and relaxing). Get her a little tipsy. Touch, grab, feel, play around, tease, tease, tease the shıt out of her. Make her have mad fun. Get a little tipsy yourself, play some more, anything to get some one on one contact with her. Try for that kiss one more time now. She should be pumped, primed, warm, and ready to go!

If you STILL get the cheek, then YOU give her the cheek...the ass cheek! Next her, she isn't interested in a romantic relationship and wants an orbiter to go shopping for tampons with. See ya, toots, it was fun.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

 

[j.619]

I think you followed old school courting protocol like a gentleman, but that's not really the power approach needed for this age.

Yea i'm thinking this sums it up. Good thing the date was short

 

[Harry Wilmington]

PROS OF THE DATE:

1. You asked her on one - seems simple, but a lot of guys here get nervous about doing even THAT.

2. You kept it short - first dates shouldn't be longer than an hour and a half. No sense in doing over-kill, so the fact that you were able to end it when you did is great.

3. Going to a second location - it's a good technique to use because it makes it feel like you're going on more than one date even though it's all done together. Walk + coffee shop was fantastic, though I probably would have reversed the order.

4. Being a gentleman - you clearly have some good manners about you. Don't believe the other guys on here when they say that stuff is out of style - girls DO want someone that's going to treat them with respect and do things like walk them to their door, open car doors for them, etc.

CONS OF THE DATE:

1. The rose - you need to study up on flowers and what emotion each one means for a woman. Rose = "I'm already in love with you" to them, which is why you don't want to give them out too early, especially on a first date.

2. Texting before the date - it's not necessary. You need to get into the habit of planning a date, setting the time and place or time of pick up, and assuming it's going to happen. Like, you went a whole week without talking to her, and YOU remembered the date - assume she will too.

3. Trying to kiss her, part one: the first date is typically designed as the "get to know each other date." So, unless you had previously talked to her extensively on a dating site and already had sexual innuendos being sent to you by her, it should be assumed that kissing probably won't happen on that first meet up. Unless she's sending you signals or initiating kino, in which case you can chance it. But, I have found that if you're doing the coffee date as the first date (which I recommend), it's really more of an interview, and not an activity that's going to make her feel the "ready to kiss you" emotions...

4. Trying to kiss her, part two: Also, she lives with her parents. Which means you were trying to kiss her in front of her parent's house - and she's probably thinking "OMG, what if one of my parents are watching me do this from their window or accidentally open the door while our lips are locked?" Not a very comfortable feeling. So, in terms of the kiss, give her a pass on this one.

As for when you should contact her again? I usually recommend a minimum of 4 days; this is Wednesday, so it's been 5 thus far. Safe to say, you should contact her again, lol. Hit her up with a phone call and ask her out. Personally, I wouldn't ask her out for a weekend yet since those are designated "couples" date nights and you're not her boyfriend yet. But, if her schedule doesn't allow for weeknights to be a possibility, hit her up with a pre-designated date idea for Saturday and see what she says. It's really that simple!

Oh, one more thing: a lot of guys make the mistake of assuming if a girl goes on a couple of dates with them that they're automatically in there. Do NOT assume this, or you'll start doing things to screw this thing up. The way you're going about it now thus far is the way you should be doing it for the first 3 months. I like to say "you don't have her until you're at least 3 months in" because by that time she should be asking you questions like "so, are you seeing anyone else" or "what are we?" Which translates to: "So, am I your girlfriend?" Until you get those questions, though, keep playing it the same way you are now. Hope this helps!

 

[JohnChops]

Wait you guys don't make out with girls on the first date?! wtf I always end on a kiss. I have NEVER had a date where a girl didn't want to kiss me at the end of it. If you go about it with confidence she will follow and kiss you.

Kissing on the first date is PREFERRED but is not needed. I use it to set the status that I am not here to be friends. But if you don't get it on the first date try again(if you tried, if you didn't then go for it) and then gauge interest.

I like the rose. **** it. If you have the right attitude and confidence to pull it off you could essentially do whatever you want. As long as your comfortable with yourself to do it.

 

[BMX]

Drinks & sex would have been the more powerful date here.

 

[j.619]

Drinks & sex would have been the more powerful date here.

This woulda been ideal. Next date, I'll be saucing her up for sure. Should have an update for you fellas later today. Gonna give her a call after work and work some magic.

 

[Partizan]

I like the rose. **** it. If you have the right attitude and confidence to pull it off you could essentially do whatever you want. As long as your comfortable with yourself to do it.

Handing out roses on a first date is beta move. A high value man does not do this. Why should he? What has the woman done to deserve a flower at that point? She should be using the first date as an opportunity to prove to him that she is worthy of a rose.

With that being said, basic manners is a must. Like holding doors open and such.