Finding your niche/type

[kayman79]

One thing that realized is that when it comes to dating, attraction, DJing, etc., atrracting girls depends on what "type" you are. For example, you have your skater girls who like skater guys, girls who like jock/athletic types. Nerdy/dorky girls who go for nerdy/dorky guys. White guys who dress hip hop seem to attract white girls who like white hip style guys. There are girls who seem to like preppy types, fratboy types,. You have black hiphop/thugish guys who speak a certain way that attract black girls. You get the idea. Most guys fit into a niche or catergory that they're comfortable with and if their game is even halfway decent they'll at least get a girl here and there. One of my dorm mates is the perfect example. His game is actually pretty weak, he's not manly at all, very boyish and i've heard him say some corny crap around girls. But he fits into the catergory that some girlish/middle schoolish type girls go for.

My problem is that I don't seem to fit into any catergory. I'm a black dude but I don't really dress hip hop. No baggy jeans, no timbs, no du rags. My style is kind of like tiger woods, very proper nothing baggy. I speak proper english, I rarely use slang. I've been told that I don't sound "white" or "black." It makes it hard to attract black girls because I don't have that music video rapper look that a lot go for now. It's hard to attract white girls, not necessarily because I'm black(although it's the case with some) but because I don't fit their type.

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my parents are from Ghana(West Africa) so I was raised a lot different than most black Americans.

It seems to make girls uncomfortable when they can't catergorize you into a certain type so they don't give me a chance. Does anyone else have this problem? Any other Africans raised in America? I welcome and respect all opinions.

 

[diplomatic_lie]

I think you've got more things going for you than any stereotype black guy does. Girls look at those guys, and they're all the same, then they look at you and see something different. In other words, you stand out amongst the crowd.

Let's be realistic - not every black girl wants the hip-hop type of black guy. There'll be heaps who are sick of that and are looking for people like you. I've know a lot of black guys who don't do the whole hip-hop thing (one of my co-workers from Sudan HATES hip hop), and they easily get women, both black and white.

Most guys fit into a niche or catergory that they're comfortable with and if their game is even halfway decent they'll at least get a girl here and there

And then there's guys who don't fit into ANY niche, and can get women from all categories. It's not about what stereotype you conform to, its about how good your skills are

 

[FlawlessBadBoy]

Being a black guy myself, I kinda know how you feel. as diplomatic lie said, it's not about the type that like you, it's about the type you like. I have too many different styles. I can dress prep, Kanye West style, rap video style, east coast, west coast, it doesn't matter, cuz I still talk to the girls and screen them for what I like, not what they like. Seems like you're placing too much importance on their opinion of you and not enough on your opinion ofthem. Think about that.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Hi kayman, you sound pretty cool to me. I think most people stick to people who are the same as them out of insecurity and admire people who have the confidence to be themselves and individual.

I too am a bit of a paradox. I am intelligent but not geeky. I am preppy but get turned off by the whole rather shallow all that matters is what school you went to, how rich your parents are, status sort of thing. I am athletic and built and sporty but don't really fit into the dumb, macho jock stereotype.

Rather than trying to fit myself into a stereotype, I just do what I like to do, wear what I like to wear, talk to people I like, and say what I think. As long as you are trying to fit into a stereotype and try to fit in, then you are allowing other people to define you.

As Pook said in a post, girls buy worlds. Each guy's life represents a world which a girl decides whether she wants to enter. Some will only go for gangsta rappers, some will go for preppies, some will see you and think-I want to enter his world. You will be happiest if you are just being yourself and will attract more girls like this.

Don't let fears that a girl only goes for a certain type of guy hold you back. If you like a girl hit on her, and if she doesn't respond move onto the next girl. Plenty of girls, some will like you, some won't. Don't sweat it.

 

[urbanwhite]

Originally posted by diplomatic_lie
I think you've got more things going for you than any stereotype black guy does. Girls look at those guys, and they're all the same, then they look at you and see something different. In other words, you stand out amongst the crowd.

Let's be realistic - not every black girl wants the hip-hop type of black guy. There'll be heaps who are sick of that and are looking for people like you. I've know a lot of black guys who don't do the whole hip-hop thing (one of my co-workers from Sudan HATES hip hop), and they easily get women, both black and white.


And then there's guys who don't fit into ANY niche, and can get women from all categories. It's not about what stereotype you conform to, its about how good your skills are

I agree. Kayman79, I know what you are going through. I grew up in a predominately white town and went to predominately white schools. I speak so called 'proper' English and wear nothing but Polo shirts and Dockers. I still attract all kinds of women and you will too. Just be yourself.

 

[xiola]

same here. I"m a 31 year old white guy who loves techno and since, most of my friends are in the techno scene. But they are also younger and party harder then I do. Im starting to get away from that and go towrds more of a upscale, sophisicated crowd that is my age but that scene takes lots of money, which i dont have lol

You know how hard it is to find a single 27+ good looking woman with no kids, never been married and does not do drugs or have mental problems, that also likes techno music and classical/opera at the same time??

very frustrating

b

 

[unistork]

I'm a little bit of everything, I have asked myself what "type" I am and it seems that sometimes I am in Velour jumpsuits, then other days I look like a skater when I wear long pants and a beanie, then some days when I wear polo shirts I look "preppy" and TapouT/MMA t-shirts, I don't know, I have always had a hard time "finding my type" but fck it.. I just wear anything lol.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Why don't you take control instead and find the type of woman YOU enjoy instead of leaving it up to them. There are enough women out there who are bored of the same old type of guy. Use your uniqueness as a selling point, it definitely works for me!


As the French say "Viva la difference!!!!"

 

[Pugsley_f5]

Hey man, theres plenty of chicks out there that aren't the Hip-hop style of black chick, the very classy type of black chick and you can usually tell by the way that they dress what type they are (but not always) if you dress classy, polos and slacks you will attract that type of woman to you........I am a white guy and I dress that way....and I don't get nearly as many looks from say punk chicks as I do from chicks who dress the same style as i do......I bet you before Tiger Woods hit it big he had chicks diggin him all the time, just by the way he dresses......I know I can't stand the hip-hop type of african american girl and the attitude that always comes with it......but If I see a classy looking black chick who doesn't act like that and is very nice and polite........I can find that very attractive in a black woman, just because like attracts like......and also find chicks from the homeland like you are.....that will give you some tie in with them and will give you a huge advantage in terms of commonalities.....also chicks who are from Africa in their lifetime, or their parents are usually have this very polite and classy attitudes as well as *very* Hot bodies......


Just be yourself and keep your eye out for women who are like you.....


Pugs

 

[urbanwhite]

Originally posted by Pugsley_f5
Hey man, theres plenty of chicks out there that aren't the Hip-hop style of black chick, the very classy type of black chick and you can usually tell by the way that they dress what type they are (but not always) if you dress classy, polos and slacks you will attract that type of woman to you........I am a white guy and I dress that way....and I don't get nearly as many looks from say punk chicks as I do from chicks who dress the same style as i do......I bet you before Tiger Woods hit it big he had chicks diggin him all the time, just by the way he dresses......I know I can't stand the hip-hop type of african american girl and the attitude that always comes with it......but If I see a classy looking black chick who doesn't act like that and is very nice and polite........I can find that very attractive in a black woman, just because like attracts like......and also find chicks from the homeland like you are.....that will give you some tie in with them and will give you a huge advantage in terms of commonalities.....also chicks who are from Africa in their lifetime, or their parents are usually have this very polite and classy attitudes as well as *very* Hot bodies......


Just be yourself and keep your eye out for women who are like you.....


Pugs

There are a lot of classy black women who dress hip-hop. Anyway, don't limit yourself. Date whoever you want to regardless of WHAT she is.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

Originally posted by kayman79
One thing that realized is that when it comes to dating, attraction, DJing, etc., atrracting girls depends on what "type" you are. For example, you have your skater girls who like skater guys, girls who like jock/athletic types. Nerdy/dorky girls who go for nerdy/dorky guys. White guys who dress hip hop seem to attract white girls who like white hip style guys. There are girls who seem to like preppy types, fratboy types,. You have black hiphop/thugish guys who speak a certain way that attract black girls. You get the idea. Most guys fit into a niche or catergory that they're comfortable with and if their game is even halfway decent they'll at least get a girl here and there. One of my dorm mates is the perfect example. His game is actually pretty weak, he's not manly at all, very boyish and i've heard him say some corny crap around girls. But he fits into the catergory that some girlish/middle schoolish type girls go for.

My problem is that I don't seem to fit into any catergory. I'm a black dude but I don't really dress hip hop. No baggy jeans, no timbs, no du rags. My style is kind of like tiger woods, very proper nothing baggy. I speak proper english, I rarely use slang. I've been told that I don't sound "white" or "black." It makes it hard to attract black girls because I don't have that music video rapper look that a lot go for now. It's hard to attract white girls, not necessarily because I'm black(although it's the case with some) but because I don't fit their type.

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my parents are from Ghana(West Africa) so I was raised a lot different than most black Americans.

It seems to make girls uncomfortable when they can't catergorize you into a certain type so they don't give me a chance. Does anyone else have this problem? Any other Africans raised in America? I welcome and respect all opinions.

Before I read the last comment I knew you were an african-immigrant.

Most of my freinds that are black immigrants(i'm half bajan myself) feel this way but those are just stereo-types and massive generalizations.

There are PLENTY of black women who are CLAMERING for guys who don't act like what you described.


The pressures of youth and growing up under racial stereo-types is strong as you already know by being here.

 

[Metaphysikal_Lover]

1. You should be looking for what YOU like.

2. If your trying to date sista's you might read the book "the art of macking" by tariq nasheed. In it he broke sista's down into multiple catagories. You would do good going for the high class sista who want's a tiger woods type or the upper middle class sista. These types want educated "white talking" brutha's.

3. My son just got back from living in paris. He told me that African's think that we blacks in America are ashamed of our color and race...is that true? I have seen quite a few so-called brutha's on this forum alone who ARE ashamed of being black and many will hide the fact of their race on here.


4. Having graduated from the now defunked National Broadcasting School I can feel you on that folks think you sound "white" kinda thing. But I've found it's more of a affectation. We choose to use "proper" english. It's like throwing mud on a barn wall. So what you might try doing is letting down the walls a bit. Relax. Loosen up your tongue a bit if you want to go for the lower class of women and be successful.

One thing we can do is something those ebonics freaks coined "codeswitch".

Good luck family,

 

[Tha Realnezz]

I've heard people on this site say that they "black, but from an aritstrocatic background".



Just goes to show you that self-hating bruthas aren't limited to the states.

 

[Metaphysikal_Lover]

Originally posted by Tha Realnezz
I've heard people on this site say that they "black, but from an aritstrocatic background".



Just goes to show you that self-hating bruthas aren't limited to the states.

lol

 

[Desdinova]

For example, you have your skater girls who like skater guys, girls who like jock/athletic types. Nerdy/dorky girls who go for nerdy/dorky guys. White guys who dress hip hop seem to attract white girls who like white hip style guys. There are girls who seem to like preppy types, fratboy types,. You have black hiphop/thugish guys who speak a certain way that attract black girls. You get the idea.

WTF??? Did I miss something here, or am I living in the real world? I really haven't seen this 5hit since I was in high school. After high school, most of this 5hit goes out the window. The only thing that differs is personalities an interests. If I go out to a bar, there's no way in hell I can pick out the hip, prep, frat, thug, or whatever the fvck people are classified in school. They're all just regular people with different interests. I've dated women I've had nothing in common with.

Also, opposites can attract. I went out with some brainy femanist wannabe who likes Celine Dion and ballerinas. To her, I was a "bad boy, chain smoker, what the fvck are you listening to" guy. The only thing we had in common was we both thought she had big t1ts.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Tha Realnezz
I've heard people on this site say that they "black, but from an aritstrocatic background".



Just goes to show you that self-hating bruthas aren't limited to the states.

Seems like it's all about what you have and not who you are... or is it that you define who you are by what you have????

 

[TheInfamousCBear]

Originally posted by Desdinova
WTF??? Did I miss something here, or am I living in the real world? I really haven't seen this 5hit since I was in high school. After high school, most of this 5hit goes out the window. The only thing that differs is personalities an interests. If I go out to a bar, there's no way in hell I can pick out the hip, prep, frat, thug, or whatever the fvck people are classified in school. They're all just regular people with different interests. I've dated women I've had nothing in common with.

I dont know where you live, but it still goes on after high school...Everyone has their type and what they like...You have to pick a style, you cant just dress default cause then noone will pay any attention to you...Maybe you dont see it cause you are older and you run in different circles than I do cause of age, but I see it all the time...

As far as the poster, youre gonna have to pick something, cause unless you got game skills, money, or good looks, its gonna be a little hard...

 

[kayman79]

You have to pick a style, you cant just dress default cause then noone will pay any attention to you

I kind of like the Taye Diggs in Kevin Hill sophisticated look but it's probably expensive to dress like that.

I think you're right. Maybe my look is too plain.

Thanks for all of the advice guys.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

I hate it when people think they *have* to conform to a stereotype, and if you break out of that stereotype you are supposed to be "whitewashed".

Like if you talk proper English and don't have a hip hop accent, and you happen to be blacked, you are "whitewashed". Or if you're Asian and you decide to become an artist, you're also "whitewashed".

That's one of the biggest reasons why there is still racism. Because people, not just whites, but minority groups, insist on maintaining the stereotype.

 

[TheInfamousCBear]

Originally posted by kayman79
I kind of like the Taye Diggs in Kevin Hill sophisticated look but it's probably expensive to dress like that.

I think you're right. Maybe my look is too plain.

Thanks for all of the advice guys.

You can dress like that for cheap...Hit up H&M, or other stores that have clothes like that for cheap...