Finding a Quality Woman

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If you are looking for a quick lay or are not serious about finding a woman for a serious relationship than this advice will be useless to you. If you are looking for the type of woman you could fall in love with than this advice will help you.

I always notice guys on here complaining about the lack of quality women out there. I think that is crap. There are many beautiful, amazing, intelligent, faithful, in short quality women out there. My girlfriend and ex-girlfriend have both been amazing women that any man would be lucky to be with. (The ex is an ex for external reasons, timing was just bad).

So how does a mature man find a quality woman in this day and age?????? Well let me start by breaking a few myths . . .

I see alot of people talking about sexual state on here and I think it is kind of ridiculous. You are a man, she is a woman, if you are interested in her just let it happen. Don't be afraid to try and get her excited, don't afraid to be sensual. Don't be afraid to up the sexual tension in any way. If she rejects your advances then she is not interested and you need to move on.

1) All the good ones are taken . . . False, yes some of the good ones are taken but many of the good ones are not. In fact often they are not, the reason is that the good ones DON’T NEED A RELATIONSHIP. That’s right a quality woman does not need the validation from being in a relationship and can actually be resistant to the idea of being in a relationship.

2) If a good one refuses your advances you should move on . . . again false, in fact to find and date a quality woman you need sincerity. If she finds you attractive or charming in any way she is going to have you pegged as a player. Also related to #1, quality women have other things going on in their lives and may want to hold off dating until their goals are met. Quality women will even hold off dating you because they like you so much and thus think you must be a player.

3) You can’t be a DJ and sincere at the same time . . . false, A DJ can and in fact should let a woman know he is interested, how does this vibe with challenge, you qualify that interest. Let her know that if that interest is not reciprocated you will walk. Have other goals in your life (we all know this right). Be an amazing person, this is the single best piece of advice anyone can give, be someone that other people admire and you will have the tools to make a quality woman interested in you.

First take your time when you are newly single or in a new situation. Build your circle of friends including men and women. Include women whom you find attractive in this building of a circle of friends. You are not really looking to date anybody right now. You are building a social network. Get her number or email with the intention of including her in your social network.

Like I said when you meet a woman you find attractive simply insert her into your circle of friends. Start by including an invitation to her when you send mass email invitations to your friends. If there is a party going on you should invite her to come. Watch how she interacts with other people and with other women. A quality woman is one who interacts well with others, especially other women, an attractive woman who can make other women feel at ease is a gold-mine.

See if you like her personality, see if you two can vibe and make each
other laugh. Chances are she is not the only woman you are interested in and that is a good place to be. You won’t get so concerned with just her. Don’t spend your time just gaming the girls you are interested in. You have to be social.

Before you can date a quality woman she has to be attracted to you. Very attracted to you. If you are not sure whether she is attracted to you the she probably isn’t. By the time you have reached this age you should be able to tell when a woman you know is attracted to you. If you have decided you want to date her, just ask her out, make sure she understands that this is not a “group thing” and that it is not a “friend thing”. This starts the real fun. She will resist dating you. The reason she resists you is because she doesn’t trust you. Just keep working at it as long as the attraction is there or she hasn’t told you to leave her alone. This resistance is just likely to cause internal conflict because she wants to date you. She is just worried about countless things, foremost is that she is scared that you can break her heart.

Chances are she has seen you interact with a lot of different attractive women. She has deemed you a “player”, this is where sincerity comes into play. A quality woman will not settle for sharing you with other women (if she does she is not a quality woman in my book). You have to let her know that yes while you may have many female “friends” that’s all they are. She will sense that at least a couple of these “friends” have other plans but let her know that you are not interested in them. At the same time she knows that a heartbroken man is likely to sleep with the first attractive woman that crosses his path and you should have many attractive women crossing your path.

The “friend zone” it may happen that a quality woman will try and place you in the “friend zone”, well that is unacceptable. She may be in your “social circle” but not everyone in your social circle is your friend. You two are not friends, and you could never be friends. The reason you can not be friends is that a true friendship is without agenda and you have an agenda, to be more than friends. You can even say that if you want, it has broken me out of the “friend zone” I saw myself being placed in.

Jealousy, after you begin dating you may find that other men are hitting on her constantly, it’s ok to be a little jealous. What I do is in a very matter of fact way I tell her after the fact if a situation made me a little jealous or uncomfortable. This reassures her that you are in fact serious about her. When dating a quality woman you need to temper the DJ with a little bit of AFC. Women are attracted to the DJ, but afterwards the AFC needs to be there in order for her to allow herself to fall in love with you.

Use this information with integrity. Quality women are a treasure and if you meet one you will be happy.
 
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Thanks for the insight. Just what I was looking for.

ADKdj
 

Bible_Belt

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What is 'quality?'

There's a book from the 70's, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, about a college professor who drives himself insane trying to answer this question.
 

TheTrader

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comote said:
When dating a quality woman you need to temper the DJ with a little bit of AFC. Women are attracted to the DJ, but afterwards the AFC needs to be there in order for her to allow herself to fall in love with you.

Use this information with integrity. Quality women are a treasure and if you meet one you will be happy.
at least you are being honest that you're giving semi-AFC advice.
 

yul

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Thanks a lot! That was very thoughtful.

I also feel one has to key down the DJ after some time.
It's unsustainable otherwise no?

Good luck guys and live a happy life.

Y
 

Latinoman

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All I have to say is that I have zero respect for a man that uses "friendship" as a false pretense to get laid or in a sexual relationship with a woman. I'm not saying that you implied that (I know you didn't). But I wanted to mention that. What I'm saying is that I personally very clear about my intentions. I'm either a friend or a lover. Once the relationship ends, then I move on and stop 100% communication with that woman (unless she is bound to me by kids, business, etc.).

On the issue of quality: You don't know the quality of a woman until you are YEARS with her. Many women go into hybernation (especially those that had a wild past). The hybernation stage is for the purpose of getting a quality man to marry her. Then, eventually...when things might not go wrong or when there bumps in the marriage or relationship...she might come out of hybernation. We leave in a society that is very judgmental (especially toward woman). Therefore, if a woman was willing to engage in certain sexual behavior in her past, then you can rest assure that she didn't care about any of the values set forth by society. That said, we all know that there are some things that we will never do (sexually)...so, if she did it once...that means that the threashold of values have been broken and the chances of doing it again are considerably greater than a woman that have never tried that in her past.

The "past is past" is something that is being put in today's men mind. Same with other crap we don't have to accept.

One thing is ignoring past with a woman that you are involved...but another is ignoring past with a woman you are going to marry, or worst, make the mother of your children.
 

Latinoman

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yul said:
Thanks a lot! That was very thoughtful.

I also feel one has to key down the DJ after some time.
It's unsustainable otherwise no?

Good luck guys and live a happy life.

Y
If you key down the DJ...you are doom.

Once a woman finds you boring (DJs are not boring)...no matter if you are married with her...if she had great values (and a great past), she might stick with you: but unhappy.

If she had a shaky past...she will start looking around. Possibly dump you...and high posibility of cheating on you.
 

comote

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I am absolutely not saying offer friendship and then try and build a relationship from that. Glad you saw that I wasn't saying that.

What I am saying is take your time, if you are interested in a woman take your time to figure out if you really are interested in her. Then once you have decided to pursue her you must do that with intention.

Although sometimes the DJ does need to be toned down a bit. I'm not saying hand your balls over to her on a silver platter. But if your needs are being met in a relationship then it is ok to tone it down a little. If your needs are not being met then you may have to make the DJ in you do some driving.
 

Latinoman

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comote said:
Although sometimes the DJ does need to be toned down a bit. I'm not saying hand your balls over to her on a silver platter. But if your needs are being met in a relationship then it is ok to tone it down a little. If your needs are not being met then you may have to make the DJ in you do some driving.
I don't disagree with that. I do, however, believe that we must ALWAYS be vigilant. I trust no woman 100%. The most I trusted a woman was my ex-wife and that was 90% (which is my maximum) and that was after MANY years together. And because I was able to mold her very early. ;)

But a woman in her 30s or 40s? HECK NO!
 

whistler

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Comote, nice, thoughtful post. Thanks.

To me, it comes down to this:


Quality women know their worth, and they will demand a quality man.

To get a quality women, you need to be a quality man.



It goes to the heart of this site.
 

Freddy1

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I would add: "can you live without a quality woman". People change over time and this includes women.
Your "quality woman" may be a totally different person when you are married to her. Her other programs (subconcious) comes into play. I had a few friends that when they got married or after she has children she changes into a different person. (like Jekyll & Hyde) :eek:
Even though people fall in love , people fall Out of love too. One just has to look at the divorce statistics.

I see guys who put too much importance in a "quality woman" and when she leaves him one day the guy becomes a Broken Person. He turns into a wreck. When you put all your eggs in one basket be prepare to have them all broken at once. (Its a fair warning to all guys)
 

Latinoman

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Freddy1 said:
I would add: "can you live without a quality woman". People change over time and this includes women.
Your "quality woman" may be a totally different person when you are married to her.
If you married her when she was in her mid to late 20s...or even older, you can rest assure that she is NOT "changing". Women, for the most part, are well defined when they are already in their late 20s. Unlike men, that we get into that stage after our mid 30s.

Now, the "she changed" myth, is just that...a myth. Who do you think invented the "past is past" term? A woman. Do you know why? Because past DO matter when it comes to evaluating a woman. If you know her past (as they relate to values and morals - and sex plays a HUGE factor there-), you will have a very clear understanding about her future. Women, many time go into a dormant stage. The dormant (or hibernation) stage is more for the purpose of catching a quality man. To put a smoke screen. I always blame a man in a marriage when a woman (even a SLUT) cheats or do whatever. Why? Because the man is the one that ASK the woman for marriage (not the other way around). So, he picked his "quality" woman and he picked wrong. His fault for lack of judgment.

How many times you have met a woman that have engaged in several one-night stands, gang bangs, etc. and say "I'm a quality woman. Sure, I had my wild years in my 20s"...and then you meet her when she is in her late 30s or even 40s in a NIGHT CLUB that is frequent by a bunch of women in their 20s. Hmmmm. Or the "you know how women were in their 20s, wild, etc." (Really? I know a LOT of women in their 20s that are VERY beautiful and educated and professional and have a very high value for their bodies).

To understand quality...you must understand her upbringing...her past...her present...

That's why I have no plans to remarry. When a man marries, he is giving his name to that woman. A name that is also HIS father's name...his father father's name...and eventually his children's (if don't have any already) name. A man that picks a low quality wife or even a low quality LTR girlfriend is one that shows he lacks good judgment. Who can respect a man with very low judgment? I don't. Not even in business (regardless of how successful he is), because it is a matter of time before he screws everything up for a lack quality woman. A matter of time.

Some women tells me, "but you have double standards"...fact is, men and women are different. And we should be evaluated different. A man that had a wild past in his 20s is a man that most certainly can change. I mean, men and women have behaved under certain social expectations for CENTURIES. That's something that cannot be changed in 10 years. Heck, we don't even have a woman President! And even in Europe, which are very liberal by nature, we only have a handful of ELECTED political leaders (forget about the Queens, that's so B.S. crap stuck to Europeans for centuries).

"Sex and the City" and other t.v. shows have make some women believe that they can engage in certain behavior...and end up with a quality man.

Well...I had the chance to watch that garbage a few times...and I like the ending: one ends up with a looser for a husband...the other with a married man...and one still alone (and getting older in the process). Of course, that's accurate too.
 

Freddy1

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Latinoman said:
Now, the "she changed" myth, is just that...a myth.
I think you mis-read me. When I said change I dont mean she is going to neccessarily change for you or for the best. What I ment is that after you get involved with her like marriage/have kids she can turn into a rotten b-tch on you because of various social programming. (Yes some women do play the hibernation game as well. agree)

Latinoman said:
I always blame a man in a marriage when a woman (even a SLUT) cheats or do whatever. Why? Because the man is the one that ASK the woman for marriage (not the other way around). So, he picked his "quality" woman and he picked wrong. His fault for lack of judgment.
(Yes guys have to think it smart too but also guys has to consider the person you first met wont necessarily be the same person forever.)
I knew someone who married a girl who nevered cheated but after 10 years of marriage she cheated on him.
Nevermind I know of another case where one of my friends mom cheated on his dad after several decades of marriage. Both of his parents got married pretty early in their life. She became a different person later in life. After a few years of marriage life becomes a boring routine.
 
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Freddy1

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Latinoman said:
To understand quality...you must understand her upbringing...her past...her present...
Its a dangerous false sense of security (I also agree with your hibernation theory.). Even if she never cheated in her life or was even a virgin when she met you doesnt mean she wont Ever cheat on you.
I had one women (40's) who had a prearrange marrage who simply wasnt satisfied with life started to make passes at me.

I believe pick up artist Ross Jeffires and Mark Cunnigham stated some statistics that asked women "if they had a one in a life time oportunity to cheat without any consequences to their current relationship would they do it?" 100% said yes.

People look for excitment and meaning in life. There is not adventure and sense of purpose if life becomes a boring routine.
 
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comote

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With that attitude is there even a point to looking for a woman to marry? If I go through all my relationships expecting the woman to lose her character than I will never trust any woman. I chose believing in someone . . . Yeah you gotta keep your dj skills strong but I have to believe that if I work at keeping my woman interested then she will stay of good character.

Whenever a pick-up guru states a statistic I call bullsh!t, they are trying to keep men paranoid about women.
 

Freddy1

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comote said:
With that attitude is there even a point to looking for a woman to marry? If I go through all my relationships expecting the woman to lose her character than I will never trust any woman. I chose believing in someone . . . Yeah you gotta keep your dj skills strong but I have to believe that if I work at keeping my woman interested then she will stay of good character.
One could get married but one should be ready if things dont work your way. (It comes personal experience and from the experiences of people I have met in life.) Latinoman is giving good advice as well.
In an ideal world things would be like in the movies where they "live happily ever after".
(btw remember the concept of marriage is a human construct. A number of pick up artist has broken such paradigms.)



comote said:
Whenever a pick-up guru states a statistic I call bullsh!t, they are trying to keep men paranoid about women.
Some of them perhaps. But I would test what they say to be true or not.
So far through my own eyes alot of things they say happened like they said it would (unfortunatley and to my pain). Its up to you to test them and come with your own conclusions.
 

Freddy1

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Taking an acid test.
Why dont one asks a pick up artist (PUA) to see if they can pick up your girlfriend or wife?

(At least you find out the truth no matter how painful it is. Saves you both time and money)
 
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comote

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You are right in that thinhs might not work out, there is a difference between knowing that you could get hurt and being so aware of it that you guarantee that it will happen.

As for your acid test, I have seen plenty of guys go after(and fail with) both my gf and my ex. Whether or not you would consider them pua's is beyond me. Some I would consider as such, other's were just posers. In any case I have decided it is better to be trusting than not. You really can't keep a woman from straying, you can only be interesting enough so that she won't. I will say that every so often there is that rare person who will not stray, simply because they realize they have something really good. I believe both the quality women that I have shared time with are that type.
 

Freddy1

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comote said:
.... being so aware of it that you guarantee that it will happen.
Generally one should brush it off and move on with life.
Now with finances I have planned out to have my assets covered (seen plenty of guys get burn in that area. Even Donald Trump got burn a few times lol).



comote said:
As for your acid test, I have seen plenty of guys go after(and fail with) both my gf and my ex. Whether or not you would consider them pua's is beyond me.
Not alot of guys I would consider serious PUA. Perhaps students of Ross Jeffres, de Angelo, Tyler Durden, Neil Strauss and Mystery would be more in line in what I have in mind. Those who are actually using the various technology that is out there. I'm quite impress when I see NLPers put a woman into trance or use anchors to seduce etc. (or like how Kim and Tom use anchors to manipulate others).

(Perhaps your goals with women is different than mine. Mine is to have a harem of women or become a polygymist heh heh. Each to their own my friend.)
 
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