Financially Unsuccessful Guy Facing Crisis in Confidence With Women

[MikeEdward1973]

I'd still like to know what type of degree you paid $100k for and can't get pay off. Must have been an arts degree?

 

[Stavrogin]

Sorry. I was vague about what kind of degree it was just to protect my privacy.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Sorry. I was vague about what kind of degree it was just to protect my privacy.

Well, with all due respect, sounds like a real bad decision. You should have looked at what others with this degree were earning before you got one yourself.

 

[Colossus]

Sorry. I was vague about what kind of degree it was just to protect my privacy.

Dude, no one is going to deduce your identity from your degree. We only asked because it would be helpful to the discussion. We're not talking about blowing up bridges here, just bettering yourself.


Str8up-

Nothing you have said here is so esoteric or profound that we have to be a certain age to "grasp" it's gravity. The point is your original advice was crap. Rather than maybe rephrasing your advice, you spent several long posts trying to convey to us simpletons how the power of perception will give you these huge fvcking balls and untold success. Appearances, we get it. As you touched on later, our OP is irrationally concerned that his financial plight will stifle any progress he may have with women. It only will if he lets it.

 

[STR8UP]

Str8up-

Nothing you have said here is so esoteric or profound that we have to be a certain age to "grasp" it's gravity.

Obviously you didn't "grasp its gravity" because you said the advice was "crap", and I'm here to tell you that if that's what you think, you haven't lived it and seen it firsthand, so although you might not have to be a certain age, you do have to be at a certain point in your life to understand it.

This post was about lack of confidence because of factors that shouldn't even come into play when dealing with women. My advice to the OP was to get his head out of his ass 'cause that's the ONLY thing that is holding him back with women, not his debt or lack of job prospects.

As you touched on later, our OP is irrationally concerned that his financial plight will stifle any progress he may have with women. It only will if he lets it.

So maybe you should have read a little deeper into what I was saying rather than calling my advice "crap"?

 

[azanon]

I've been attending a particular kind of grad school for the last couple of years. I'm now $100,000 in debt, and my job prospects are BLEAK. I've been reading about guys spending over half their (meager) paychecks just to pay off student loan debts. I went back to school so I could be successful. Now I'm facing the possibility of being even worse off! I feel like I've wasted a lot of years (college and grad school) that should've been used gaining job experience. Employers see my resume and think I'm a bum.

Meanwhile, most guys my age are well into their careers. I'm really nervous that I won't be able to compete with them for women. I don't see why a woman would go out with a guy who is unsuccessful or less successful than others (including her), has a ton of debt, and has accomplished zero in life. If I looked like a GQ model (which I don't), I wouldn't worry as much. Well, I'm worrying a lot! I'm "nice," but everyone here knows that women couldn't care less if a guy is "nice." Even if I used master DJ skills, a woman will find out I'm unsuccessful and unaccomplished. So, if you were in my shoes, why do you think a woman go out with you? How would you get her to go out with you?

>Well, you do need an answer as to why you're 30+ and still not finished with grad school. Just make sure its not "well, i played my pc in my parents basement for several years".

>Why is the debt all of a sudden bothering you? You don't get $100,000 in debt overnight any more than one gets fat overnight. Oh yeah, sure it should bother you! Can I assume you've moved to step 2 which is to not take on any more debt???

>If women ask, just tell them you worked for a bit after college before going back to graduate school. Big deal. What other explanation is there? ;-) But I agree with someone else, your primary concern should be that debt and getting a job.

 

[Colossus]

My advice to the OP was to get his head out of his ass 'cause that's the ONLY thing that is holding him back with women, not his debt or lack of job prospects.

Fair enough.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Wow. 2 pages and no one's chimed in with how he ought to read Think and Grow Rich (see The Secret, circa 1950)? I'm almost disappointed.

The "success" of commercial PUAs like Mystery is a testament to the validity of Laws 34 and 37. But it's all about context. Televangelists using Law 37, baaaaaad. Politicians who's party you favor, gooooood. Whether or not you're comfortable using a particular Law doesn't invalidate that Law.

By JOPHIL's logic STAVROGIN could wear torn jeans and a tank top to his next job interview. What difference would it make if perception is unimportant?

I find it fascinating that if Napoleon Hill says "dress for the job you want", it's gospel, but if Robert Greene tells you to treat yourself like a king or create a compelling spectacle it's "faddish pulp which appeals to the gullible".

 

[NewMan]

Let's get to the crux of the OP's question.

Money and women.

I'm not saying I'm Rich - no - I'm comfortable. Sure I work for the 'man', but I make plenty of money to own my house and toys - plus put plenty into a 401K.

I though, act the opposite around women. I act like I barely make ends meet.

The point is, you don't need money to attract women - personnally I don't care for gold diggers, so if I can get rid of those up front, more the better. In fact, if a woman wants you only for the money (and quality women don't) then it's easy to act like you have money.

So to sum up - if your looking for someone to bang - act like you have money - it's not hard - Law 34 and 37.

In all honesty though, you've bettered yourself, and you should be proud of your success. don't worry about the $'s - it'll come.

 

[bigjohnson]

Problem is lack of prowess in any aspect of life. Women are drawn to evidence of prowess, earning big honkin' stacks of cash is one type of such evidence.

 

[STR8UP]

BigJ-

Right on the money, as usual.

I've said it before.....women are attracted to the QUALITIES that make a man, not necessarily the man himself.

Why is this?

Because talk is cheap. Women need a way to quickly filter out the wheat from the chaff.

I can walk around bragging about my big house and my fancy car, and women will thumb their nose at me.

I can SHOW THEM my big house and fancy car, and their some of them might pay attention.

But I can display the qualities it takes to acquire such possessions, and I will instantly be "attractive" to many women.

And for those of you who cry "well if you're looking for GOLDDIGGERS, then thats all good and fine", all I have to say is that you don't get it. Hopefully one day you will shed the idealistic "quality woman" mindset and realize that ALL women judge you based upon how you carry yourself, and the guy who carries himself as if he is above average in life will reap above average benefits from the opposite sex.

 

[bigjohnson]

BigJ-

Right on the money, as usual.

Awww, shucks ....

But I can display the qualities it takes to acquire such possessions, and I will instantly be "attractive" to many women.

And for those of you who cry "well if you're looking for GOLDDIGGERS, then thats all good and fine", all I have to say is that you don't get it.

And back at you.

They are after the prowess, for lack of a better generic term, but you can't see or smell or touch that. If you have lots of other women hanging around you, or earn big dollars, or whatever they know that is an indicator that you are an excellent male.

I don't blame or even criticize women for being attracted to men who make money any more simply because I now understand that for most it's not about gold-digging, it's about a deeply seated instinct that is instructing them on how to filter and choose a capable male.

 

[firebird]

Problem is lack of prowess in any aspect of life. Women are drawn to evidence of prowess, earning big honkin' stacks of cash is one type of such evidence.

My experience has been quite dismal. I can't tell them how much I make, how many assets I have, etc., of course, but just from the way I talk and act, some of them can perceive it.

For women with LSE, I run into believability issues.

For others, they don't seem to care. I don't drink, go clubbing and such. They don't need to hook up with a rich guy, they just want someone to have fun with. I am too good for them, so as to say.

 

[STR8UP]

And back at you.

They are after the prowess, for lack of a better generic term, but you can't see or smell or touch that. If you have lots of other women hanging around you, or earn big dollars, or whatever they know that is an indicator that you are an excellent male.

I don't blame or even criticize women for being attracted to men who make money any more simply because I now understand that for most it's not about gold-digging, it's about a deeply seated instinct that is instructing them on how to filter and choose a capable male.

I posted while back at a trend that I had noticed when being introduced to new women in a certain context.

The context I was speaking of was a combination of a few factors that allowed me to "knock it out of the park" and create instant attraction with women.

This took place back when I lived in my rock star townhouse.

The first factor that came into play was social proof.

My friends would stop by on their way to downtown on a Saturday night, and would often bring women I have never met. So on the car ride over to my place, they are already talking me up to the women that they are bringing to my place.

The second factor was the townhouse itself, which was impressive. When they walked in they were overwhelmed by it.

But the third and most important factor was the way I greeted them at the door.

If I were to greet them with the "I'm the man of the hour....WELCOME my honored guests!" greeting where I would be upbeat, cheerful, powerful handshakes with the guys and hugs for ALL of the women (even if I was just meeting them for the first time), I got instant attraction from several women. If I answered the door in a frumpy mood or whatever....COMPLETELY different response.

I pay attention to things like that. It has made a big difference in helping to deal with people, since I now know that the way I carry myself is of utmost importance to other people's perception of me.

Think of it as a mirror. When you are with other people they form a large part of their impression of you based upon how they think YOU think of yourself.

Again, it's a simple and often effective way for people to filter out the winners from the losers. The important thing to note is that it can also be employed to one's benefit to change people's perception of you, regardless of what you have "backing you up".

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

But I can display the qualities it takes to acquire such possessions, and I will instantly be "attractive" to many women.

Law 9: Win Through Your Actions, Never through Argument
Any momentary triumph you think you have gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.


Ah, but here I go with the "fadish pulp" again,....

 

[backbreaker]

I have a library in my house, about 2000 books, and the 48 laws of power just might be the most important one.

 

[guru1000]

To the OP,

I have 1 million of debt in tax liens and a business that has lost me a multitude of money the last several months.

At one point in my life, I had no debt and was very liquid. I am more successful with women today than I was back then.

Your financial situation has absolutely nothing to do with being unsuccessful with women. Your lack of ambition and poor self image does.

Do you think Donald Trump had a poor self image when his negative net worth trumped several billion dollars, ten years ago?

Did you attain a $100,000 in debt gambling on the roulette table or receiving an education?

Let go of this self-defeating attitude. Not for the women but for yourself.

Every self-made millionaire started from either ZERO or a negative net worth. He was not GREATER when he achieved financial freedom. He was GREAT when he took the initiative with planned action.

Monetary success does not make you a PRIZE. Will, planned action with application makes you the PRIZE.

It is not your pockets that define you but rather the SUBSTANCE from which you are made.

I certainly never let a hefty tax lien WEIGH me down or hinder my success with women and life. I suggest you do the same.

 

[Stavrogin]

Thank you to everyone for the advice. I won't let my financial situation get in my way.

 

[englishman]

Financially I'm unsucessful. But I'm working towards changing that. I try to dress my best everyday and stay focused on my goals. I can't worry about women, either they want to be with me or they don't. I gotta do what I gotta do for me and my daughter, not for some chic. Girls are for fun, and if they ain't fun they can fock off.

Education is expensive, and if its education that has no job prospects at the end of it then its p1ssing money away.
Financially maybe you need to blow grad school off unless its going to make you wealthy?
I have a lady friend, she's 52 and working towards her PHD, when shes finished she'll be 60, she'll have a student loan of many thousands and about 5 to 10 good years left if shes lucky, whats the point? not a financial one anyway.
I dont think you have to be to rich to pull the ladies, even if like you say your not a GQ kinda guy.

 

[STR8UP]

To the OP,

I have 1 million of debt in tax liens and a business that has lost me a multitude of money the last several months.

At one point in my life, I had no debt and was very liquid. I am more successful with women today than I was back then.

Your financial situation has absolutely nothing to do with being unsuccessful with women. Your lack of ambition and poor self image does.

Do you think Donald Trump had a poor self image when his negative net worth trumped several billion dollars, ten years ago?

Did you attain a $100,000 in debt gambling on the roulette table or receiving an education?

Let go of this self-defeating attitude. Not for the women but for yourself.

Every self-made millionaire started from either ZERO or a negative net worth. He was not GREATER when he achieved financial freedom. He was GREAT when he took the initiative with planned action.

Monetary success does not make you a PRIZE. Will, planned action with application makes you the PRIZE.

It is not your pockets that define you but rather the SUBSTANCE from which you are made.

I certainly never let a hefty tax lien WEIGH me down or hinder my success with women and life. I suggest you do the same.

This is perhaps your best post to date.

I'm not going to go into details, but I was in an entirely different position a couple of years ago than I am today. I ran into some speedbumps and I'm still dealing with a few of them, but I get every bit as much interest from women toady than I did when I was throwing VIP parties at the club and had a bunch of chicks naked in my rooftop jacuzzi.

Back then I lived in a four story townhouse located blocks away from the downtown nightlife, complete with the rooftop jacuzzi.

Today I still live downtown, but I have scaled back and am in my old 1 bedroom first floor condo.

Back then I had a Bimmer and a 350z. Today I'm down to one vehicle.

But has my social life changed? Not at all. If anything it might have slowed a little from having had so much going on for awhile, but I still know the same people, the same cool hot ass chicks that have hot ass friends they introduce me to, and I'm still the king sh!t.

If I were to have bowed my head and tucked my tail between my legs I'm sure i would be starting from square one with the ladies, but the funny thing is that even the few that know that I have scaled things back a bit don't look at me any different, since I still carry myself well and don't walk around looking like the world is falling on top of me.