Financially Unsuccessful Guy Facing Crisis in Confidence With Women

[realsmoothie]

Total Bull Shyt cop-out. Give me a break. Do you really believe that it was your financial situation that was "getting in the way". No, it was your insecurity. You were feeling insecure and your financial situation was the first convienent target to wallow in self-pity.

Do not run away from this. Face your insecurity head on. Life a FKing laser beam between the eyes. I know what it is like to be in an in-between situation in your life. You really haven't made any money, you don't have a job lined up, you're not sure what the future holds. DEMOLISH ALL THIS BULL SHYT. You are a real man. You took a monster risk to assume all this debt to get the education you require to achieve your dreams. That is what a real man is all about: seeing what you want and taking it. Drive these self-limiting beliefs out of your life. Trust me, with insecurity, if it isn't your financial situation, it will be your height, or your car, or your nose, or your gut, or whatever else your mind discovers to hold you back. You must tackle the ROOT cause.

Get physically fit; eat a healthy diet; set mini-goals and achieve them. These are the things you are in total control of at the moment. This will drive your self-confidence up dramatically; and once that happens, you'll notice other areas of your life starting to turn for the better, which will boost your confidence even more; and then it begins to snowball until you are a true alpha male. It's nothing more than confidence. Believe in yourself and kick this stupid fking self-limiting shyt to the curb. Take charge!

Between this and your comment on the "guilt" thread... you are my new guru, Don.

 

[Vulpine]

There is something to be said here about "internal validation versus external validation".

How do you measure success?
If you are using someone else's gauge, then the odds are, you'll be miserable as you will seemingly NEVER measure up. This is how media and marketing works, by the way: "You'll never be happy if you don't buy our product." "Show the world you're successful by riding around in the new Cadillac." "A diamond is forever."


The only gauge of success that matters is the one which you use to measure your progress towards your goals.

The only goals that matter are the ones you set.

There is no success without a goal to measure it against.

And, the only opinion about you that matters is yours.

If you don't like an aspect about your situation/life, fix it. It's simple and plain.

So, to look at seemingly "successful" guys and assume they "have it all" is ridiculous. Most likely, they don't have goals, envy the next guy who's watch has more rocks glued to it, have all sorts of debt that they conceal, and don't have any success with ladies.

It makes me laugh to no end how many sheep play the "impress thy neighbor" game. It is those people who validate their worth and gauge their success by how impressed their peers are. Those same people, for lack of a more interesting story, ramble on and on about their new luxuries. "I just got a 750" TV the other day... man, you should see the picture!"
:crazy:
Cool... did you pay cash outright for it? No? Then you couldn't afford it, moron. Have fun with your payments.
:kick:

Learn internal validation. If you are happy with yourself, your progress, your victories, and your lifestyle, then others will be more readily "happy with you".

Don't look to the world for your happiness, create your own.

 

[edger]

There is something to be said here about "internal validation versus external validation".

How do you measure success?
If you are using someone else's gauge, then the odds are, you'll be miserable as you will seemingly NEVER measure up. This is how media and marketing works, by the way: "You'll never be happy if you don't buy our product." "Show the world you're successful by riding around in the new Cadillac." "A diamond is forever."


The only gauge of success that matters is the one which you use to measure your progress towards your goals.

The only goals that matter are the ones you set.

There is no success without a goal to measure it against.

And, the only opinion about you that matters is yours.

If you don't like an aspect about your situation/life, fix it. It's simple and plain.

So, to look at seemingly "successful" guys and assume they "have it all" is ridiculous. Most likely, they don't have goals, envy the next guy who's watch has more rocks glued to it, have all sorts of debt that they conceal, and don't have any success with ladies.

It makes me laugh to no end how many sheep play the "impress thy neighbor" game. It is those people who validate their worth and gauge their success by how impressed their peers are. Those same people, for lack of a more interesting story, ramble on and on about their new luxuries. "I just got a 750" TV the other day... man, you should see the picture!"
:crazy:
Cool... did you pay cash outright for it? No? Then you couldn't afford it, moron. Have fun with your payments.
:kick:

Learn internal validation. If you are happy with yourself, your progress, your victories, and your lifestyle, then others will be more readily "happy with you".

Don't look to the world for your happiness, create your own.

Good post Vulpine, that's exactly what I'd say.

 

[azanon]

Learn internal validation. If you are happy with yourself, your progress, your victories, and your lifestyle, then others will be more readily "happy with you".

Don't look to the world for your happiness, create your own.

I like this mindset because it's generally healthy - you're entire post - , but one should be careful to not take it to an extreme.

One's potential can be squandered. And this isn't necessarily relative. Lets take the Olympics for example: If i was born with a body to run the 100m in 9.40, had reasonable knowledge that I was capable of training to that level, but didn't do it, I'd believe I'm squandering something. This is just one example of many.

In short, don't settle on being a loser in the eyes of 95% of people simply because you found a way to be genuinely happy being a nobody. Happiness is way up there in importance; .... but it isn't everything.

I think one should at least care a little what the Jones' think. The purely apathetic have no self dignity.

A lot of perception can be created, yes, by your own happiness. But unless you're some kind of wizard, you can't fake real money. These days, you ain't gonna be buying no big house and expensive car on pure credit. Banks have been there, done that, and are now paying for it. They are far more cautious now, so the pretenders are going to be exposed more and more. In short, yesterday called........ they want their easy loan back.

 

[STR8UP]

I think one should at least care a little what the Jones' think. The purely apathetic have no self dignity.

Very good point. Too often it is stated that what others think should have no bearing on our actions, but we are social creatures after all, and sometimes it's good to use SOME of what others think to help guide you.

The trick is knowing what to place emphasis on and what not to.

 

[Barefoot Boy]

Awww, shucks ....



it's not about gold-digging, it's about a deeply seated instinct that is instructing them on how to filter and choose a capable male.

No, its about today's cour·te·san
Etymology: Middle French courtisane, from northern Italian dialect form of Italian cortigiana a woman courtier.

courtisane : a prostitute with a courtly, wealthy, or upper-class clientele:nervous: