Finally met someone I really like

[Glassguy]

It's been almost a month since I posted on here and we've maintained effort with each other spending our weekends together. We've had some nice times and visited some nice cities. She made a real effort one night getting dressed up and I said "wow you look nice" she didnt like my reaction and wanted me to be blown away. I was, but she wanted me to exclaim it. 80% of the time it has been fine but there has been moments when I've just felt an unease with her behaviour. I sat down with her and said calmly that I'm worried about things I'm saying and I don't want it to be like that, she replied accusing me of analysing her behaviour like she was a child which wasn't true it was just how she reacted. I'll fast forward to this evening, I called her and she seemed a bit stressed. (I'm good at gauging her moods) I made a tongue in cheek comment to try and cheer her up but she took it badly and hung up the phone. I told her I was just trying to make her smile and she apologised. It seems to be every few days that there is a little issue that gets between us. If I say she looks nice, to her that isn't good enough and I should say she looks amazing. If she texts me she misses me and I don't text her the same back she can appear off on the texts from then on. It's making me feel uneasy and now I'm getting to the point of moving on. Just wish she could be more chilled out and easy going but I'm tip toeing around her watching what I say in case she gets offended.

She is a child. Because that's how she acts. Ahe shouldn't be surprised that you would treat her as such.

Why in the world would you stay with this little bytch of a brat?

Are you that desperate? Being alone and going out having fun doing stuff you like would be a much better option.

You don't listen to advice very well and this ends badly for you.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

The weather was bad so the walk was cancelled and her mood was a bit off, we had a minor disagreement about plans for the day and she completely lost it and starting slamming cups down etc.

I went home, didnt contact her and got a text a few hours later apologizing

You should maintain frame and never apologizing for anything which isn't your fault unless you are truly in the wrong doing of something really obviously stupid....

 

[dasein]

Eject due to bad behavior and attitude, but this doesn't look like Borderline/cluster B, or at least not a dangerous one. OP would almost certainly not have made this thread if 1 month in with a Borderline/Cluster B. Instead, he'd be in bed constantly while she pulled out all the stops to hook him in, kinks, perfect body hygiene, perfect skin, perfect tan, strip teases, constant BJs... which would be outstanding, not mediocre. They are way too crafty to show ANY of their true colors that early on, it would be a wild honeymoon period, up to 3 months or more until she knows he's caught well and good with sex. THEN and only then do the fireworks begin with explosive rage and splitting. The only thing they show early IME is hints of abandonment issues and perhaps no boundaries in telling about things like childhood abuse, etc., perhaps she is a bit more distraught than a normal person would be when time to leave each other or hang up the phone.

I have been talking to a woman lately and am suspicious from past experience because she sounds like she is about to get overly emotional near the end of phone calls, and have only had two calls. When she says "Bye" it's in an overly soft, quiet, somewhat anxious voice. That's the kind of thing you see from Cluster Bs early on, not plain old brattiness, which they hide.

 

[metalwater]

you do not like what she is doing.

you keep her anyway because of what?

take the time to identify properly why you are keeping her.

what I mean is, if you have her and another woman that was acting the way you like who would you keep?

 

[Kapp]

She’s 39 and you’re 35. Why are you wasting your time? You should be spinning plates in the 18-28 range. And even better get your house, finances, work and body back in top form and go get the women you deserve man!

 

[Mazer]

Damn, four weeks in and she is pulling this crapp, If I were you, I would eject immediately. It also sounds like you are giving off relationship vibes in the first week. You just stayed at her place and then you made plans to go for a walk right away. Give her time to miss you. How many times have you hung out with her in these four weeks? Good Luck.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I met a girl 4 weeks ago, she's 39, I'm 35. We hit it off quite well and had good chemistry, it was all fun and things were going well. We've both put effort in and spent time together, both staying over at each others houses. The first sign of something not quite right came a week after we first met, I stayed at hers and we planned to go out for a walk the next day. The weather was bad so the walk was cancelled and her mood was a bit off, we had a minor disagreement about plans for the day and she completely lost it and starting slamming cups down etc. I went home, didnt contact her and got a text a few hours later apologising. I left it at that but it made me wary around her and I felt like I had to think twice about what i was gonna say in case she lost it again.

A week later she asked me over to her house so I got my stuff ready to go yet she started becoming hesitant on times because of childcare issues and ended up arguing with me again, in the end we patched up and I went over that night. Things were soon rectified.

Now I've been through a pretty tough situation this last week, I had to move into an Airbnb due to an issue with moving into a house so I've been a bit stressed about it the last few days and when we have spoke on the phone she has said I've been sounding down and its killing the vibe. I said it is temporary and will pass but she really had a go saying I need to man up and cheer up, she said it was getting her down and she didnt think she could carry on because she feels too emotionally invested in my issues. I told her things will be ok and she said I'm not interested in her problems and she thinks I'm selfish. Now we've been speaking tonight but the whole dynamic has changed, I can feel it in my stomach that something isnt right and the texts have completely changed. I have feelings for her and want to get things back on track and to begin fun and flirty again but surely it hasnt burnt out so quick?

40?

Wtf did I read? hotter girls are turning 18 everyday!

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Damn, four weeks in and she is pulling this crapp, If I were you, I would eject immediately. It also sounds like you are giving off relationship vibes in the first week. You just stayed at her place and then you made plans to go for a walk right away. Give her time to miss you. How many times have you hung out with her in these four weeks? Good Luck.

I hit the eject button at pushing 30. 40 is absolutely disgusting. I know a lot of guys are struggle with the lock down but a lot of guys need to up their game. 40 is like buying a car with 7mill miles and no engine.

 

[f283000]

The crazy thing is, she works in mental health yet when I've been feeling low she has backed away. I'm not expecting her to take on my problems but I would appreciate it if she was a bit more respectful about them and understand I'm going through a stressful period in my life.

Mental Health workers much like nurses are some of the craziest women. It seems like you are putting a lot of hope into a girl you just met a few weeks ago. Keep it casual, keep it fun, if she becomes trouble pump and dump.

 

[Glassguy]

The real desperation in this thread is that OP "Likes her". How tf could you even tolerate being around such a bytch?

 

[PRW63]

You seem both the same to me. Both full of drama and excessive emotions.

I need to man up and cheer up, she said it was getting her down and she didnt think she could carry on because she feels too emotionally invested in my issues. I told her things will be ok and she said I'm not interested in her problems and she thinks I'm selfish.

You kinda left me "down" with reading your issues,...don't dump that crap on women. You are supposed to be the "rock",...the one who doesn't have any problems so that she has someone to rely on so that she doesn't worry about her problems. Telling a woman you are "not interested in her problems" is a stake through the heart. You can of course moderate how much you let her go on and on about things, but just saying you aren't interested is a stupid thing to say. Women are emotional driven beings, they have to feel you are listening even if all you do is grunt and nod once in a while,...it is a matter or social skills and relationship skills with women.

 

[PRW63]

To the whole thing in general,...not directly to the OP.

I don't see any BPD or any extreme behavor. I don't see where all these posts are coming up with all the "evil" behavor from this woman. I think everyone is PROJECTING their own past experiences onto the woman here and then one post feeds off another and then feeds off another. Posters are responding, projecting, and reacting mostly to each other and not the original message from the OP.

The worst thing I read was her slamming some cups on the table,...big deal. I can not quite put my finger on it but something about the way the post was written made me feel like slamming cups down,...I guess I'm BP.

The behavor I see from her is just the typical kind of response you get from a woman when she feels unsure about a man's masculine core and so doesn't feel sure about him, which makes her feel unsafe and that she can only rely on herself. So she feels frustrated and unsure. Combine that with the fact that she probably has had one after another after another after another,...and is thinking, "Well, here we go again, another one".

If a guy presents himself to women as masculine, mentally strong, & confident,...they will knock down the door to get to you and won't give you any crap when they get there,...they will be happy to be there. There won't be any flaking or uncertainty,...they will make it easy for you.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

It's been almost a month since I posted on here and we've maintained effort with each other spending our weekends together. We've had some nice times and visited some nice cities. She made a real effort one night getting dressed up and I said "wow you look nice" she didnt like my reaction and wanted me to be blown away. I was, but she wanted me to exclaim it. 80% of the time it has been fine but there has been moments when I've just felt an unease with her behaviour. I sat down with her and said calmly that I'm worried about things I'm saying and I don't want it to be like that, she replied accusing me of analysing her behaviour like she was a child which wasn't true it was just how she reacted. I'll fast forward to this evening, I called her and she seemed a bit stressed. (I'm good at gauging her moods) I made a tongue in cheek comment to try and cheer her up but she took it badly and hung up the phone. I told her I was just trying to make her smile and she apologised. It seems to be every few days that there is a little issue that gets between us. If I say she looks nice, to her that isn't good enough and I should say she looks amazing. If she texts me she misses me and I don't text her the same back she can appear off on the texts from then on. It's making me feel uneasy and now I'm getting to the point of moving on. Just wish she could be more chilled out and easy going but I'm tip toeing around her watching what I say in case she gets offended.

I hate to say I told you so but perhaps you simply didn't follow our advice which was to move on.

But hopefully, now you will?

Modern Man Advice

 

[The Duke]

This girl is straight up cluster b crazy. No matter how well you handle the situation, you won't come out of this without some shrapnel fired at you. But, if you don't emotionally invest(too late for you), they can be pretty entertaining in small doses and they always fuhk the best. Even then, they will push even the most self controlled guy to his limits. Not a good idea, you don't fix these people and they never fix themselves no matter how many therapists they see. Lots of experienced guys telling you to run, you really should.

 

[Datinglife26]

This girl is straight up cluster b crazy. No matter how well you handle the situation, you won't come out of this without some shrapnel fired at you. But, if you don't emotionally invest(too late for you), they can be pretty entertaining in small doses and they always fuhk the best. Even then, they will push even the most self controlled guy to his limits. Not a good idea, you don't fix these people and they never fix themselves no matter how many therapists they see. Lots of experienced guys telling you to run, you really should.

They are like the ring from the lord of the rings, you think you will be different and unaffected. Next thing you know you are spending the next year of your life repairing the mental damage they did to you. You come out stronger but what a waste of time.

Some people can't be saved.

 

[Designer Man]

Things have been going really well. Fun and light hearted with lots of crazy sex. It has been a few weeks without a bad word said HOWEVER it all changed this evening. I went to the gym, my phone died. I come out of the gym to this:
"THIS MESSAGE WAS DELETED"
"THIS MESSAGE WAS DELETED"
"Don't message me again"

I asked what had happened and she wondered where I had been for so long. I explained what had happened but then she was quite distant and acting weird. She text saying "go back on your Instagram" now I have an account but I don't even use it. I literally go on occasionally to see gym posts. She accused of talking to girls on Instagram so I sent her a screenshot of my messages straight away. No idea where she got this crazy accusation from but I was hurt by this. I told her I felt upset by her accusation and she said "me too" I said "how can you be upset over something that doesn't exist?" She then give me the middle finger and I left it at that. What on earth happened here? I've never seen anything like this before.

 

[TheProspect]

@Designer Man

How many times are you going to ignore the advice in this thread and continue posting updates every few weeks that leave none of us surprised?

Things have been going really well.

No they haven’t. You met this chick only 2 months ago, started sleepovers within the first week meeting her, and by the end of the same week encountered (and ignored) major red flags.

The pattern of this thread is:
1) you post an update explaining the sh!tty red flag behaviour from this chick
2) receive unanimous advice to next this chick or at least withdraw your investment in her
3) ignore the advice given and continue pursuing her anyway
4) inevitably run into problems again with the same chick, leading back to (1)

Are you willing to apply the advice already given going forward?

Draw a hard boundary with this chick and next her at the slightest hint of the same sh!t behaviour. Better yet, conjure up some self-respect for yourself and get rid of her now.

Dating should be fun, and this chick sounds like anything but fun to me.

 

[Billtx49]

@Designer Man
You were previously warned by members here that have real life experience with this type of woman, don’t start after the fact whining to us now, that’s a feminine behavior trait.

 

[Designer Man]

I can provide an Update for anyone interested and I'm ready for a lot of told you so's.

I moved into her house in November 21. Even after a week we were already arguing over stuff I can't honestly remember at this point. Christmas was on the horizon and she was getting stressed. One thing I've noticed over the last 9 months or so is that when she gets stressed her stresses are absorbed by me and I become irate and can often feel how she is feeling. Christmas came and went just like it should, I took her on a nice city break a week before and we had a nice time. We had our first holiday (vacation for you) in March which went really well except for one night when he had quite a big argument. What my gf does in arguments is she jumps to the extreme which is usually "I want you gone" and it sends my anxiety into overdrive as like an idiot, I don't have another home to fall back on. The months went on, some good some bad but regular arguments were a thing and was happening maybe once a week, sometimes twice. The cost of living in the UK is currently high and I'd say I am living from paycheck to paycheck. I've managed to clear quite a bit of debt and reduced my monthly outgoings so now I can afford to get a place of my own.

The latest instalment came just yesterday when she stated I don't do enough around the house which she is right, I don't and I tend to clean up after myself and nobody else. She also said I don't take her anywhere anymore for nice meals and days out. She has a point there too, when we do go out we often go to watch football matches and do gym sessions. (Something we've done together from the beginning) I told her I have every intention of taking you out and taking us away places, I've just been paying debt and getting myself into a better financial position. She said life is too short and she wants to do things now, not in 12 months. I do agree and said I want to do things too. She said it's just words and that I have no intention of doing something with her, she's now at the point where she needs to move on and she wants me to leave. Now usually, in a day or two she will be saying how much she loves me, how much I mean to her and that she wants to be my wife. (That's another thing causing an issue, she wants to marry me but I will not entertain that conversation or the one about children). This time I feel there's no way back and its time for me to get out and get my own place. I'm stressed, unhappy and I'm becoming aggressive towards her, not physically but I'm shouting in her face which is not good and it's someone I'm not. She often tends to only remember those things from the argument despite what she does in the first place to goad me. She has a way of telling other people that I'm an aggressive psychopath which couldn't be further from the truth. I was the most calmest person when I met her and now she brings out a side in me that I hate. I'm not blaming her as I'm responsible for my own actions. I just don't understand who she is and what the hell is going on in her head.

 

[member160292]

Hey OP, at least you cleared off some debt and are financial able now.
Next step is to clear those bags of emotional/mental damage that built up over the last year.

We're here to help, but you have to make the effort to put it into action.