Finally met someone I really like

[AureliusMaximus]

I met a girl 4 weeks ago, she's 39, I'm 35. We hit it off quite well and had good chemistry, it was all fun and things were going well. We've both put effort in and spent time together, both staying over at each others houses. The first sign of something not quite right came a week after we first met, I stayed at hers and we planned to go out for a walk the next day. The weather was bad so the walk was cancelled and her mood was a bit off, we had a minor disagreement about plans for the day and she completely lost it and starting slamming cups down etc. I went home, didnt contact her and got a text a few hours later apologising. I left it at that but it made me wary around her and I felt like I had to think twice about what i was gonna say in case she lost it again.

A week later she asked me over to her house so I got my stuff ready to go yet she started becoming hesitant on times because of childcare issues and ended up arguing with me again, in the end we patched up and I went over that night. Things were soon rectified.

Now I've been through a pretty tough situation this last week, I had to move into an Airbnb due to an issue with moving into a house so I've been a bit stressed about it the last few days and when we have spoke on the phone she has said I've been sounding down and its killing the vibe. I said it is temporary and will pass but she really had a go saying I need to man up and cheer up, she said it was getting her down and she didnt think she could carry on because she feels too emotionally invested in my issues. I told her things will be ok and she said I'm not interested in her problems and she thinks I'm selfish. Now we've been speaking tonight but the whole dynamic has changed, I can feel it in my stomach that something isnt right and the texts have completely changed. I have feelings for her and want to get things back on track and to begin fun and flirty again but surely it hasnt burnt out so quick?

Ejaculate and evaporate!

 

[Clamslammer]

I met a girl 4 weeks ago, she's 39, I'm 35. We hit it off quite well and had good chemistry, it was all fun and things were going well. We've both put effort in and spent time together, both staying over at each others houses. The first sign of something not quite right came a week after we first met, I stayed at hers and we planned to go out for a walk the next day. The weather was bad so the walk was cancelled and her mood was a bit off, we had a minor disagreement about plans for the day and she completely lost it and starting slamming cups down etc. I went home, didnt contact her and got a text a few hours later apologising. I left it at that but it made me wary around her and I felt like I had to think twice about what i was gonna say in case she lost it again.

A week later she asked me over to her house so I got my stuff ready to go yet she started becoming hesitant on times because of childcare issues and ended up arguing with me again, in the end we patched up and I went over that night. Things were soon rectified.

Now I've been through a pretty tough situation this last week, I had to move into an Airbnb due to an issue with moving into a house so I've been a bit stressed about it the last few days and when we have spoke on the phone she has said I've been sounding down and its killing the vibe. I said it is temporary and will pass but she really had a go saying I need to man up and cheer up, she said it was getting her down and she didnt think she could carry on because she feels too emotionally invested in my issues. I told her things will be ok and she said I'm not interested in her problems and she thinks I'm selfish. Now we've been speaking tonight but the whole dynamic has changed, I can feel it in my stomach that something isnt right and the texts have completely changed. I have feelings for her and want to get things back on track and to begin fun and flirty again but surely it hasnt burnt out so quick?

You are 35 years old hitting your prime as a man stop wasting time on these premenopausal women with dry vags. Find a girl 8-10 years younger without the baggage. Leave her for the garbage men. If you are garbage yourself then work on yourself.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

What the hell is wrong with being selfish? What, you are supposed to burn it all up for some transient?

She can talk to you like this because she has options, if you guys can't even have an amicable phone conversation don't ever put your **** in this woman again

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thank you. It doesn't seem to bode well. Plus another thing is she spoke highly of her BJ skills and I just wasn't enjoying her style, had to think of someone else to finish. Now that certainly isnt a good sign!

Did you try to adjust her?

 

[Designer Man]

Did you try to adjust her?

In what way?

I went to hers at the weekend and we had a good night and morning together, lots of sex and she's been very soft these last few days with nice text messages and just generally being really nice. I've kept things fun and gone back to how it was when we first started speaking, she likes to do a bit of dirty talking which I'm not really bothered about but do it back anyway. If there's another outburst then I'm leaving.

 

[Old Balls]

ABORT ABORT ABORT

This x10 It won't be the last time she flips out on minor sh!t. Minor sh!t will turn into major sh!t at her convenience. There's a better way to live and your health and overall wellbeing will thank you. Been there, done that and I wish I had someone to tell me to abort.

 

[Chamber36]

Now I've been through a pretty tough situation this last week, I had to move into an Airbnb due to an issue with moving into a house so I've been a bit stressed about it the last few days and when we have spoke on the phone she has said I've been sounding down and its killing the vibe. RED FLAG - EJECT

No sympathy

she said it was getting her down and she didnt think she could carry on because she feels too emotionally invested in my issues. RED FLAG - EJECT

She is a victim because of your problems.

Bro if you want to take a look into a psychopath's mind stick around.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

In what way?

I went to hers at the weekend and we had a good night and morning together, lots of sex and she's been very soft these last few days with nice text messages and just generally being really nice. I've kept things fun and gone back to how it was when we first started speaking, she likes to do a bit of dirty talking which I'm not really bothered about but do it back anyway. If there's another outburst then I'm leaving.

You said her head wasnt' good, you could coach her and guide her if she lets you.

 

[Guy69JackBlue]

Bro, those are the worst types. Logically, you wouldn't think so but in reality, a lot of females that work in that profession has some deep rooted issues. It's the main driver as to why they were interested in it in the first place. Some end up working themselves out after entering the profession but a lot of them don't.

I've dated over a dozen of them and they all had some deep issues. The last one I dated was a director of mental health services for a major hospital. She reported directly to the CMO(Chief Medical Officer) and I just couldn't believe even someone on her level would have some dark issues that she hasn't even worked out yet.

Yea and they all seem to have a superiority complex.

 

[oOh Nasty]

I'm not expecting her to take on my problems but I would appreciate it if she was a bit more respectful about them and understand I'm going through a stressful period in my life.

The problem with your thinking here is the fact that you believe she should be "respectful and understanding." Women aren't respectful and understanding on their own. Rather, they're led by a strong figure which makes them respectful and understanding of his authority. If you aren't pushing her buttons and setting a strong frame from the get-go, she'll start showing signs of her chaotic nature.

As others have noted, she's more than likely some kind of BPD train wreck waiting to happen. And, she probably sees the nice guy in you making you an easy target.

 

[Black Widow Void]

The crazy thing is, she works in mental health .....

I've dated four women in the psychology field (five if you count one that had her degree in psychology, but chose a different career path).

These five only make up a small fraction of the women I've dated, bedded and/or became relationship material (I'm much older and have had a long life of bachelorhood).
Yet, there's a bit of irony here... because the most fvcked up women from my past all have a psychology background. Personally, I don't think that they are bigger manipulators than the average gal. In my opinion, these types suffer greatly from self-denial/accountably .

 

[Chamber36]

I'll chime in om this.

Bro, those are the worst types. Logically, you wouldn't think so but in reality, a lot of females that work in that profession has some deep rooted issues. It's the main driver as to why they were interested in it in the first place. Some end up working themselves out after entering the profession but a lot of them don't.

I've dated over a dozen of them and they all had some deep issues. The last one I dated was a director of mental health services for a major hospital. She reported directly to the CMO(Chief Medical Officer) and I just couldn't believe even someone on her level would have some dark issues that she hasn't even worked out yet.

Somebody with an authority position over the mentally ill should righteously speaking be 100% objective, rational and empathetic.

Sadly, because they project this "illness" onto everyone other than them (ie. their patients), they view themselves as somewhat impervious.

It's a shame, but even if they enter such a profession with good intentions, they might develop a narcissistic god complex (I'm sure this happens when they deal with very troubled patients). They have a lot of control over their patients and they, ideally, are meant to light the way to clarity and good mental health. The problem is, in the case of psychiatry, they attempt to light the way through pharmaceutic methods which is nothing but a bandaid on a gunshotwound for a lot of patients. So whatever sense of self-aggrandizement they may develop may well be based on falsity.

Few individuals in health care are purely good of heart because being good in such a profession requires they are able to put themselves in the shoes of a mentally ill person which few people in general are capable of, much less want to do, lest they fall prey to the same mental confusion the patient may be suffering from.

Sad but true.

(I am speaking from experience, so that's why I know. Many sad things happen there.)

 

[Guy69JackBlue]

I'll chime in om this.


Somebody with an authority position over the mentally ill should righteously speaking be 100% objective, rational and empathetic.

Sadly, because they project this "illness" onto everyone other than them (ie. their patients), they view themselves as somewhat impervious.

It's a shame, but even if they enter such a profession with good intentions, they might develop a narcissistic god complex (I'm sure this happens when they deal with very troubled patients). They have a lot of control over their patients and they, ideally, are meant to light the way to clarity and good mental health. The problem is, in the case of psychiatry, they attempt to light the way through pharmaceutic methods which is nothing but a bandaid on a gunshotwound for a lot of patients. So whatever sense of self-aggrandizement they may develop may well be based on falsity.

Few individuals in health care are purely good of heart because being good in such a profession requires they are able to put themselves in the shoes of a mentally ill person which few people in general are capable of, much less want to do, lest they fall prey to the same mental confusion the patient may be suffering from.

Sad but true.

(I am speaking from experience, so that's why I know. Many sad things happen there.)

People in mental health industry are not medical professionals.

Those who are actual medical professionals (cardiologists, oncologists, general practitioners, etc.) are definitely capable of dealing with people without getting a God complex.

 

[Chamber36]

People in mental health industry are not medical professionals.

Those who are actual medical professionals (cardiologists, oncologists, general practitioners, etc.) are definitely capable of dealing with people without getting a God complex.

Maybe it isn't her issue specifically, but I am sure there are a few MD's with NPD.

 

[Bokanovsky]

The crazy thing is, she works in mental health yet when I've been feeling low she has backed away. I'm not expecting her to take on my problems but I would appreciate it if she was a bit more respectful about them and understand I'm going through a stressful period in my life.

Nothing crazy about that. People who work in mental health are usually mental themselves.

 

[Guy69JackBlue]

Maybe it isn't her issue specifically, but I am sure there are a few MD's with NPD.

Law degrees too.

But honestly what girls aren't narcissistic? Lol

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Late to this thread. I didn't read all the responses, only your OP.

An inability to regulate emotions, spinning out of control, and having emotional entitlement (strong sense of her emotions are more important than yours and that she is impacted not only by her world but by yours too and you get blamed for it) are STRONG indications of BPD. I've been in LTRs with two women with BPD and this is what it is like. It will never get better. Women like this are generally unhappy. It has nothing to do with you, and they don't understand why they are unhappy but they always look externally for the cause and the solution. The people closest to them become their targets. They first see you as the solution to their unhappiness and when you fail to fix their issues, they then see you as the CAUSE of their unhappiness. It gets worse and worse over time. They really fear abandonment though, and when you walk away or employ silence and distance they come crawling beg and begging. Sometimes the first attempt to get you back will be to try to guilt or shame you and if that fails because you stand your ground, they will pivot 180 degrees into being apologetic and sweet and telling you how amazing you are and how they want to be with you forever etc. But each time that cycle repeats, it gets worse and worse and the good and happy vibes will become less and less and it will be constant walking on eggshells.

My strong advice: Get out now, and keep looking for these red flags in future women.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I met a girl 4 weeks ago, she's 39, I'm 35. We hit it off quite well and had good chemistry, it was all fun and things were going well. We've both put effort in and spent time together, both staying over at each others houses. The first sign of something not quite right came a week after we first met, I stayed at hers and we planned to go out for a walk the next day. The weather was bad so the walk was cancelled and her mood was a bit off, we had a minor disagreement about plans for the day and she completely lost it and starting slamming cups down etc. I went home, didnt contact her and got a text a few hours later apologising. I left it at that but it made me wary around her and I felt like I had to think twice about what i was gonna say in case she lost it again.

A week later she asked me over to her house so I got my stuff ready to go yet she started becoming hesitant on times because of childcare issues and ended up arguing with me again, in the end we patched up and I went over that night. Things were soon rectified.

Now I've been through a pretty tough situation this last week, I had to move into an Airbnb due to an issue with moving into a house so I've been a bit stressed about it the last few days and when we have spoke on the phone she has said I've been sounding down and its killing the vibe. I said it is temporary and will pass but she really had a go saying I need to man up and cheer up, she said it was getting her down and she didnt think she could carry on because she feels too emotionally invested in my issues. I told her things will be ok and she said I'm not interested in her problems and she thinks I'm selfish. Now we've been speaking tonight but the whole dynamic has changed, I can feel it in my stomach that something isnt right and the texts have completely changed. I have feelings for her and want to get things back on track and to begin fun and flirty again but surely it hasnt burnt out so quick?

Simple: Move on.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Designer Man]

It's been almost a month since I posted on here and we've maintained effort with each other spending our weekends together. We've had some nice times and visited some nice cities. She made a real effort one night getting dressed up and I said "wow you look nice" she didnt like my reaction and wanted me to be blown away. I was, but she wanted me to exclaim it. 80% of the time it has been fine but there has been moments when I've just felt an unease with her behaviour. I sat down with her and said calmly that I'm worried about things I'm saying and I don't want it to be like that, she replied accusing me of analysing her behaviour like she was a child which wasn't true it was just how she reacted. I'll fast forward to this evening, I called her and she seemed a bit stressed. (I'm good at gauging her moods) I made a tongue in cheek comment to try and cheer her up but she took it badly and hung up the phone. I told her I was just trying to make her smile and she apologised. It seems to be every few days that there is a little issue that gets between us. If I say she looks nice, to her that isn't good enough and I should say she looks amazing. If she texts me she misses me and I don't text her the same back she can appear off on the texts from then on. It's making me feel uneasy and now I'm getting to the point of moving on. Just wish she could be more chilled out and easy going but I'm tip toeing around her watching what I say in case she gets offended.

 

[Clamslammer]

It's been almost a month since I posted on here and we've maintained effort with each other spending our weekends together. We've had some nice times and visited some nice cities. She made a real effort one night getting dressed up and I said "wow you look nice" she didnt like my reaction and wanted me to be blown away. I was, but she wanted me to exclaim it. 80% of the time it has been fine but there has been moments when I've just felt an unease with her behaviour. I sat down with her and said calmly that I'm worried about things I'm saying and I don't want it to be like that, she replied accusing me of analysing her behaviour like she was a child which wasn't true it was just how she reacted. I'll fast forward to this evening, I called her and she seemed a bit stressed. (I'm good at gauging her moods) I made a tongue in cheek comment to try and cheer her up but she took it badly and hung up the phone. I told her I was just trying to make her smile and she apologised. It seems to be every few days that there is a little issue that gets between us. If I say she looks nice, to her that isn't good enough and I should say she looks amazing. If she texts me she misses me and I don't text her the same back she can appear off on the texts from then on. It's making me feel uneasy and now I'm getting to the point of moving on. Just wish she could be more chilled out and easy going but I'm tip toeing around her watching what I say in case she gets offended.

Passive Aggressive behavior...run forrest run. You are already miserable, now imagine being in a relationship, married, or having kids with this woman. Let some other loser deal with her. Go and find yourself a winner because this one has a major red flag, she does not know how to communicate like an adult.