She's in for a shock in a number of ways. I think she'll reach out when she starts that journey. Hopefully I can help her find her way. We shall see.
I am hoping the opportunity arises for me to be frank about what men expect these days and how she needs to spruce up in the appearance department. She still has a great smile, beautiful skin, and healthy hair. There is a positive brightness about her. She is active (skis every other weekend), and poised. She could stand to lose 25 lbs. but she isn't that far off, BUT the children at home will be a turn off and everything will need to be on point.
It would be beneficial for her to have a discussion with you about dating in the 2010s-2020s. Her experience of dating in the mid-1990s is outdated. She's changed a lot and the overall market has shifted. It will be a difficult adjustment. It will be more difficult than I first imagined it would be because her children are not 18+. That's her biggest disadvantage right now and the thing that will make the experience the most difficult. The market isn't kind to women in her age range whose children are not legal adults and independent. I'll get into that more below.
I am able to understand why you bring her up as someone who has a good degree of innate, traditional femininity. She was not a high notch count woman. She took her marriage vows seriously. The most glaring behavioral error was not realizing that her boyfriend/husband was not really into having kids as much as she was. The ideal time for her to leave him would have been in senior year of college or very shortly into the marriage as a childless woman. A childless divorcee in her 20s doesn't take that much of a hit in the sexual marketplace in terms of her overall value.
Right now, there are some points she has going for her. The positive brightness and the femininity have some value. Losing 25 pounds is a must and that's not too easy to do.
her kids are young and she will be in her 60s before they are both in their 20s.
Most men will not put up with someone else's teenagers in the home unless the woman really is attractive & brings a tremendous amount to the table (which my sister is a great woman but she's plain looking now alongside other women who prioritize and understand the importance of appearance.)
I have long believed that "The Wall" is softer than many in the Manosphere think that it is.
There are plenty of examples of women in 35-65 generating a lot of interest from men on the open market. Most of the time, this massive amount of interest is as a result of using a swipe app or online dating website. The typical 35+ woman isn't getting approached regularly in person and her day-to-day routines are not conducive to getting approached in real life. A lot of 35+ women dont like to hear that they'd have to alter their day-to-day routines to meet more men organically. They would rather waste time fielding virtual approaches behind an electronic screen.
Your sister would interact with the most men behind an electronic screen but that's probably not best for her. That's also going to result in a loss of positive brightness. Her best bet for reducing mental anguish is focusing on meeting men that will be a quality fit for her rather than quantity. On a swipe app, dating website, or social media platform, there will be plenty of thirsty betas in their 50s/60s who will be interested in her.
Even though she can get quantity, these thirsty betas have a limit. A lot of these 50+ men will be divorced men whose children are already independent. These betas have no desire to put up with someone else's teenagers unless everything else is on point. You and I agree with that. That's not even mentioning possible alpha and sigma males. The most desired women between 45-59 are women with independent, adult children or women who are childless. Even to a beta, it's a tough sell to start a new relationship with a 50+ woman with children many years away from independent adulthood.
Her kids are younger (16 and 12) because my brother in law really didn't want kids and put it off as long as possible within the marriage. My sister was always very clear about her desire to be a mother & she was going to leave him when they were college sweethearts over the issue. He didn't want to lose THE COLLEGE CHEERLEADER so he lied and said he wanted kids after all, but he didn't really.
This is a complicated issue. I am able to identify with the way your brother in law has perceived having children. At the same time, I don't think he handled that issue well and I also don't think your sister handled it well.
The ideal length of this relationship would have been something like 1-5 years, with or without a marriage. It would have been better without the marriage. Instead, what happened was a 27 year long marriage and around 29-30 years of total relationship time. A lot of time was wasted. I think both partners would have liked to have had 25 years back where they could have had more freedom to pursue partners that would have been a better longer term fit. In considering the relationship as a whole, they had longevity but that longevity wasn't quality longevity.
I observe a bit of scarcity mentality in not wanting to lose THE COLLEGE CHEERLEADER. I have had sex and relationships with attractive women that are the same type of women that would have been college cheerleaders. I have enjoyed the sex and the relationships. I want to be in situations where relationships benefit both sides. For the longest time, I doubt that was the case for your sister and that's why it eventually ended.
While I never ruled out having children, I was never motivated to have them either. Since turning 35, I've wanted them even less than when I was 18-34. I have tended to have longer term relationships with women who were also ambivalent about children or did not want them. I don't often state my viewpoint on children. In my 20s, it was easy to have relationships with women in their 20s who weren't in any rush to have children. My point of view was never an issue and things ended before children could become an issue. In my 30s and now into my 40s, it has been more of a issue, but a minor one. If a woman really wants children and she's 30+, I'm not going to waste her time. It's better for me to date someone closer to my own age who is ambivalent/doesn't want any or someone under 30 who sees having children as a long way off. If the interaction is a casual sex/situationship interaction, the topic of children isn't really discussed. I don't know about her desires for children and she doesn't know mine.
The men who actually have it the worst in the mating environment are the ones who are open about not wanting kids and/or have a vasectomy already. Stating a desire to not want kids often costs men sexual options and having a vasectomy also does as well. Even if a 20s/30s woman doesn't want kids in the near term, she's often not going to want to get sexual with a man that can't give her kids at some point in the future.
Shes in the Pacific NW so its a bit more "granola" than many other places but the best men will have the most options. She has a robust social circle and lives in an exclusive historic area with a popular bakery/cafe a block from her home. She perhaps should get a cup of coffee over there & put herself in a target rich environment at times but until the divorce is final she's not looking at all.
The robust social circle is going to help her when she's ready to date. She might get approached at that bakery/cafe, she might not. It would be best her to get introductions through her circle. I doubt she's going to be excited to go to bars. Meetup.com events are somewhat effective for older people seeking other older people but generally useless in younger age groups.
