Female - Looking for honest advice

[AlphaGirl78]

I have been a lurker here for along time, as you can tell by my username... so i have seen the threads about how some guys don't like females being here. If so please put me on ignor, so i do not disrupt your board experience.

I am having a hard time with something and i can't think of a better place to get advice then here.

I am a professional 29 year old female. I am a cute girl, not sexy feme fatale or anything but cute. I am very independant, have great girl friends, am the CFO of a company, make over 250k a year, have a nice place, car, toys and so on. My problem is ... one of two kinds of guys want to date me. Guys who are looking for a meal ticket, think i can better their career, moocher, etc. ..no thank you. Now, i have no problem with a guy who makes less then me. But i have a problem with a guy who always expects me to pick up the check. i am a 50/50kind of girl. I am still a lady and would like to be treated as one.


Or guy number 2, the guy who claims to want to be with an "Alpha Female" but then has problems with it later. This type of guy is the worst to me because i am very clear about who i am. I am not an attention *****, i have my own life which i happen to enjoy. Usually about 4-6 months into the relationship everything that they originally liked about me, they no longer care for. I am trying to figure out how to attract a guy who is looking for a more self sufficant woman.


What is it that "Alpha females" do that make guys run for the hills? Is it something i could be unknowingly doing that is attracting these wrong types. How as a woman can i spot a man that is actually in to women who are self sufficant?

Thank you for any responses in advance.

 

[Max Power]

Can you give more specifics. Like how did your last relationship go and how did it end?

And when you say, "guys who think I can better their career" do you mean people who work for you?

Also, people don't so much dislike women posting here as much as they dislike women offering advice about how to **** women.

 

[AlphaGirl78]

Can you give more specifics. Like how did your last relationship go and how did it end?

And when you say, "guys who think I can better their career" do you mean people who work for you?

My last relationship ended because the guy started having a problem with my life i guess you can say. I work around forty to fifty hours a week and have certain work related activities, family and friends. But he was still always a priority. He started to want more and more of my attention, to the point of annoyance. He basically wanted to be and go everywhere with me all of the time. It was strange, he seemed to have traded his own life to try and have mine. It was a major turn off. So i broke up with him 3 weeks ago because i could not take the controling behavior anymore.


For the bettering the career part, i have not dated anyone i work with. But the last few guys i have dated have been in my field of work. I seem to meet a lot of people in my field because of the functions. When i meet guys at bars they are not usually quality guys.

Hope that's more helpful

 

[Bible_Belt]

Usually about 4-6 months into the relationship everything that they originally liked about me, they no longer care for.

Yeah, welcome to the club. That goes for everyone, not just you. After about six months, most people get old to most other people. That's why there are still single guys for you to date, so it is a mixed blessing.

What is it that "Alpha females" do that make guys run for the hills?

You could replace what you have in quotes with any other characteristic imaginable, and there is a thread here on sosuave explaining in first person why a guy is doomed to failure because of that one trait, the mortal curse that it is, how dare you people question my pain.

This is not about mortal curses, other than the human condition of making excuses. Whatever you think is wrong with you, whatever it is, it is in all likelihood not that big of a deal and not the true reason that you are yet to find what you're looking for. Maybe it will take a woman posting one of these threads to teach that to all of here who need to hear it.

 

[Phyzzle]

Don't pin a lack of successful relationships on having too much money. That's what we would call excuse-making around here. Trust me: your career is not a negative issue to any guy. We just don't care.

Clingy guys and girls are everywhere. Were you seeing him about 3 times a week, by the way? If not, he might have a point there.

You're just going to have to meet guys outside of your field. Expand. People everywhere think they are stuck for life with whoever happens to drift into their life, and it's a foolhardy attitude to have. The options are clearly drying up for you. You can get guys, just not the guys you want, so get more options.

I know it's hard, but you'll have to join a sports team, or some charity or club. There are scads of guys in male-dominated fields who are sick of dealing with gold-digging women who don't have their own careers.

I don't think you're doing anything to attract the wrong people. Clingy people are everywhere. You just need more options.

 

[Phyzzle]

...

 

[jophil28]

What is your definition of an "ALPHA female" ?

Next - what grievances did these guys have with your lifestyle ?
What do YOU mean by "making him a priority" . IT sounds like he did not think so.

Frankly, I agree with the other posters here who said that what YOU think is the problem is usually NOt the real problem. Unfortunately we do not have access to your men to ask them, so we can only comment and advise on what YOU tell us ..
If you want detailed responses then it will help us if you give detailed posts.
Saying that he wanted more of my time is still too vague - how did this all play out in yoiur recent hsirory with this guy ?

Anyways, welcome to this board - you came shopping at the best store.
The guys here will give you the hard truth, and it may not be palatable at times BUT we will tell you what you NEED to know and not necessarily what you want to hear.

 

[AlphaGirl78]

Don't pin a lack of successful relationships on having too much money. That's what we would call excuse-making around here. Trust me: your career is not a negative issue to any guy. We just don't care.

{QUOTE]


I was seeing the guy 3-5 times a week. But i also travel for my job. Usually once every other month for about 2-4 days.

I agree with the excuse making statement. But at the same time petty comments get old. "Well you make more then me, so you buy it" "i don't make as much as you so i cant just go out and do those things". I usually feel like it is the guy acting out because he doesnt feel like he can take care of me. I don't need someone to take care of me. I want someone who wants to be with me because they enjoy my company.

 

[Bible_Belt]

An ex of mine who will be taking the bar to be an attorney this summer once told me a similar story as you. Although girls love a guy being a lawyer, for the most part, men tend to get intimidated and run away when they learn a woman is an attorney. I think what you are dealing with is simply the male ego and its failings. A man being powerful is attractive. A woman being powerful is threatening, at least it is to guys who are not secure with themselves. That's what you need, and where guys are failing you; they're not secure with themselves.

A buddy of mine is a roughneck ex-con iron worker who is married to a corporate executive with an mba who makes almost as much as you. It is not a problem because he honestly does not feel threatened by it, or judge himself by what he makes. That is the type of guy you need to date.

 

[jonnnb]

Alpha Female,
from your post I couldnt tell if in your romantic relationships whether you wish to lead or do you wish to be led? (From observation, even now, few western women want real parity in a romantic relationship. Most whether through nature and/or nuture, want to be submissive to their mate. About 20% of women are naturally dominant)


Now if you wish to lead in your romantic relationship, then there are plenty of submissive men around. You could look on eg. BDSMsites where plenty of educated, well compensated sub men outnumber dom women greatly. There are plenty of submissive men on "normal" sites also, you would just have to develop the nose to find them

---​

If you wish to be led, to be the follower, the submissive. Do you naturally follow or do you want that submission bested out of you?
If you do only submit to men you feel are "mentally stronger" than you. Do you also constantly challenge them for supremacy?


As Bible_Belt's post showed, there are "real masculine men" on average or lower pay, that wont suffer an affluent woman attempting to throwing her weight around because shes the primary income earner. While still making you feel like youre a "lady" in the relationship

---​

My own personal prejudice is this, that women tend to be more status conscious, more hierarchical than men. Ive observed that women are more likely to treat men of a lower perceived status, like dirt.

Now be honest with yourself, do you try to ride roughshod over these type-2 guys you complain about. Constantly correcting their suggestions, or ignoring them.
Perhaps youve thought silently in your heart. That you earn more than them, so they cant be "real men" or theyre not "better" than you.

 

[( . )( . )]

"Alfa female" ...Dont make me laugh.

I dont know about these guys but if I ever heard a chick in real life claim she was an "alpha female" I'd immediately think to myself "this poor b!tch has had a string of submissive losers and is screaming to be taken up the ass". But thats just me.

And in case you meant as far as other women are concerned, well I hate to piss in your cornflakes but being a business woman is anything but "the top chick".

How as a woman can i spot a man that is actually in to women who are self sufficant?

Well considering a "self sufficient woman" rates about as high priority as a woman who's kick ass at needlepoint (actually scratch that I'd be more impressed with a chick who can do needlepoint) for most red blooded males I see no point in that quest. As long as you can cook and clean you should be set to go.

 

[afrojiggles]

lets say you drop ur *****y screen for a while and be the simple girl and get the man who loves the simple traditional woman who wana be swept of her feet every now and then...like the good old times,lol

 

[Sir-M]

Alpha Female.. lol..


Anyway, i think you is in a totally different social circle from the guys that you are dating.. lets face it you are looking for someone that understands your working environment, from your salary scale i can already see how much you work and that probably at one stage or another if i was in a relationship with you i should be prepared to not see you for a week cause of hectic schedules, probably meaning the guys you date feel they can change you if they date you ( hell its nice to dream.... she will be so into me she can ease off work or start skipping meetings.. lol..) .. the guys you mentioned on your first post.. the meal ticket.. next those. you believe in 50/50 .. so do a few other people.. some are perfect gentlemen and would like to look after the lady. irregardless of her salary scale. lets face it ladies wanna get taken care of, feel safe and secure... so ignore all meal tickets... the second guy?? the one that wants to date an alpha female.. listen i do not know what an alpha female is, sounds like a dominatrix.. you dont sound like one though.. i like your name though.. lol...

How as a woman can i spot a man that is actually in to women who are self sufficant?

:crackup: damn.. i for one would love a woman that is self sufficient, saves me worryin bout golddiggers.. selfsufficient womem are very lovely when they allow you to take care of them and not want to dominate.. cause..hellow i make more money than you.

 

[jcap]

none of these people replying have any idea on dating women who make a lot of money


1) you making more money is not a female trait, its a man trait, turn off #1

2) I make more money , but I do not want a female that makes a lot of money, she can just make normal money.

Why? Cause I don't like to deal with women's ego /arrogance/ , one arrogant male is good enough for the relationship

3) Your position probably jacks up your ego, I don't like that either.

4) You make a lot of money, fine, don't flaunt it or talk about it, not only does it make you ugly, its not feminine.


either date higher ceos, dating guys that make less money then you,

while you say "they have a problem with it"

its most likely, you are casuing the problems, you are a mirror of what you sow.

You probably have the *****est attitude on the world, and nobody can stand it.

You are your own mirror. The guy who ran out of the relationship within 3 months? Well he sure didn't walk out because you made too money, Probably cause you had a piece of sh1t as a personality.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hello Alpha Girl?I believe you beautifully illustrate the old adage that the bigger the lie the more likely suckers will believe you.....You guys believe she's for real ?come on she's a teaser,winding you all up like the Japanese monkey on the bicycle,She earns 250 000 what?bottle tops..get real fellahs...so honey whats your company?What do you produce apart from phantasies?Anyway we can both share a laugh...

 

[mrRuckus]

I agree with mr boobies and most of jcap. Those are about the things I was thinking.

The making more money thing isn't "bad" but it's concerning for the reasons jcap said. I always find that a woman shouldn't have anything to look down on me about. It just doesn't work that way. The ones that are completely all about me all look UP to me. The fiercely independent ones are annoying and cause more trouble than they're worth. They are trying too hard to be masculine when what I want is the feminine. I already bring the masculine. I wake up with it every morning. It's like your breasts. Not a big deal to you; you have them everyday.

We simply do not want an alpha female. What IS that? Power is not a feminine trait no matter what the feminists want to convince us. Men are not attracted to power. I mostly view women as women view children. They are weak and need my guidance and protection, but obviously not to the same extent as children. The last damn thing i want to do after a day at work is compete with the woman at home. I want her to run my bath and start cooking dinner because taking care of me is WHAT MAKES HER HAPPY. There are a lot of girls that are like this.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

What is it that "Alpha females" do that make guys run for the hills? Is it something i could be unknowingly doing that is attracting these wrong types. How as a woman can i spot a man that is actually in to women who are self sufficant?.

Sorry, but this is the biggest lie ever to be floated out by the 'Today's Woman' crowd. Men could care less what a woman earns or what she does to earn it - it's simply not a factor in attraction for us - we don't take a woman's status or wealth into consideration, all she has to be is hot. That is a guy's one condition for intimacy; a relative standard for physical attraction. She's gotta be hot - whether she makes six figures or is in the pit of poverty is irrelevant in attraction. Oprah and Star Jones' husbands still have to get aroused, and all the money in the world wont be any better an aphrodesiac.

Status, wealth and the other rewards that result from 'professional' life are conditions women have for men in attraction. That's not to discount men being physically attractive or other conditions, but women have far more conditions for their intimacy than men, and these conditions are predicated on characteristics that prove a man as a good provider for her and any future offspring's security.

Women in the "professional realm" would like the conditions for attraction to be predicated upon their professional status (wealth), individual merit and/or aspects of their personal integrity, and a whole list of esoteric qualities, but they still fight against men's basic impulses - she's-go-to-be-hot! If a woman is attractive a man is more than happy to have her foot the bill regardless of comparative incomes, it's just icing on the cake for us, but this is analagous to a woman who marries a rich guy who also happens to be good looking.

The 'Today's Woman' crowd loves to use this pseudo-fear that men are expected to have in response as to why guy's ought to be ashamed of themselves for basing their attraction of the physical by blaming it on 'men's fragile egoes' or how they 'feel threatened by professional women'. It comes down to an expectation and entitlement from their 'professionalism' that men should redefine their own attraction based on what women find attractive in the masculine.

The ideology then grinds it's teeth at the men 'qualified' to date professional women for having a tendency to hit on women far younger, less 'powerful' and (surprise) generally in much better physical shape than the 'professional' they should be dating. And for this they're called 'infantile', 'immature', or the behavior is regarded as a character flaw, or a desire to relive his youth with a 'trophy wife' - interesting that this term should come from the same faction to complain about the evils of objectifying women. All the man is doing is following his primary impulse, she has to be hot!

As most women bemoan, men have a tendency to see women as sex objects in attraction. Women have a tendency to see men as success objects. The problem with this 'professional woman' mythology is that professional women want to be success objects themselves, but nature keeps confounding their efforts.

Now, all of that said, if a woman's choice is to enter the public realm and pursue a career in the same fashion that men have for years, more power to her. Great, you go girl, so long as they understand the responsibilities and liabilities of doing so. They should also thoughroughly understand that men will define what is attractive for them, not women, professional or otherwise.

 

[NewMan]

By the way you write, I'd say this is a hoax.

Guys don't care what women do for a living. I've dated women with a variety of jobs; Starbucks barista's to Marketing exec's.

Guys are either thirsty, Hungry or horny - that's about my list, so if you take care of those 3, you should be good.

If you truly are who you say you are, my guess is, you are either letting your income get to your personnel life, or you are over thinking the whole process. Someone looking for a meal ticket is easy to spot - review your social circle and make the nexessary adjustments.

 

[The Bat]

You're either not hot enough to keep these guys around for a long time or you're picking up what we here call AFCs. And it's obvious that any woman will be turned off by AFCs.

You need to find yourself a real man who's going to bang the hell out of you.

And please, there is no such thing as alpha female.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Lots of new posters on this topic is encouraging, but please, read the rules of the MM forum before you do. If I don't see some ages posted on your profile I'm going to delete posts and I don't want to do that to some of these.