Female Breadwinner

[JoeMarron]

I honestly wouldn't care.

But then, I NEVER mix my money with any girl I am with. Even if married. It is stupid, stupid, stupid.

If you both have your own accounts and split the bills in some manner then you should be perfectly fine unless she makes outrageously more than you and the bills can't be split very evenly.

In short, questions like these only arise when men are predisposed towards mixing income and money.
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Sure when dating it's best to keep the money apart but I see no reason to do that when married. A husband and wife/family is one unit as far as I'm concerned. I certainly don't want to leave it up to a woman to manage the money.

Joe are you thinking about getting married to your girlfriend who makes more money than you? Why are you so interested in this subject?

I already am although I wasn't when I posted this.

 

[inkedDJ]

Ok I can fill you in on this because I am dealing with it right now.

I usually date girls who are wealthy. Not like I search them out, but it just so happens that they all seem to be independently wealthy. I am not referring to the girls that are still sucking on the parental tit. One of the girls I am dating right now just bought a very large home cash, and a new benz. I on the other hand make decent amount of money, but not on that level.

How you handle them has to be on point. Just like most women you have to be man in the relationship. Most men become like a dog with them, following their every command because they get little treats. You have to be the opposite and don't ever react to their money. When a girl with means is really into you they will give you gifts that you could never afford. How you handle that situation will dictate a lot. You have to accept that you will always have this struggle, and if you can't maintain yourself plan to have a very bumpy ride.

If you can handle yourself dating a wealthy girl is a lot of fun. You get all the advantages of a beautiful partner without all the problems of having to pay for them.

 

[Jaylan]

I saw a similar topic in the Mature Man forum and wanted to discuss it here. How would you feel about living with or being married to a woman who was the primary breadwinner? Do you think such a relationship can last without the woman losing respect for the man?

A lot of women are out-earning their men now. However, just making more money does not equal "bread winner" in my mind. Making substantially more money would make one a bread winner.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/record-number-wives-outearn-husbands-article-1.1299641

From what Ive seen, most women dont mind making the same or a little bit more than their guy. Its rare to find a woman whos the legitimate breadwinner though. Tina Fey is a famous example. A few years ago there was a story covering how much he handled the kids since she was making most of the money and her career had exploded.

Its really all about finding a good woman thats attracted to you and cares about you. Youd be surprised the things women will do for that man. The sad thing about all this is that some women will date and take care of straight up losers for a long time before realizing they are wasting their time.

 

[SgtSplacker]

One thing I have personally seen on at least three different occasions is that when the woman is the primary bread winner she is constantly overtly checking her man in some way about it.

Always a rude comment when company is over..
Always requiring him to make some sacrifice in front of people..
Always a disrespectful tone, or short temper in front of people..

Women need everyone in the room to know they are in charge. It's not like men that generally really don't care about supporting their wife or paying for things. For women it's a big deal regardless of how easy it comes for her.

Personally I would give a single strike regarding the issue. One stupid comment i'll warn her, second one i'm done with her. No way i'm gonna have that nonsense in my life.

Life is too short for that BS... not even once.

 

[inkedDJ]

Always a rude comment when company is over..
Always requiring him to make some sacrifice in front of people..
Always a disrespectful tone, or short temper in front of people..

If she is doing this you have lost control. Set the tone early, and money becomes secondary. First thing I always do is shut them down when money comes up, because I honestly don't give a ****. Put them in a different mind set when dealing with you. You have shown that them having money doesn't give them any extra control over you.

Example: Had a girl offer a paid trip to a far away place. Most men jump on the chance at which point you have given them the control. I passed and went out with the guys. After that money was never brought up again, ya I still got those trips, but she knew that it could sway my decisions.

You are correct in that most of the time it is like this.

 

[Alvafe]

One thing I have personally seen on at least three different occasions is that when the woman is the primary bread winner she is constantly overtly checking her man in some way about it.

Always a rude comment when company is over..
Always requiring him to make some sacrifice in front of people..
Always a disrespectful tone, or short temper in front of people..

Women need everyone in the room to know they are in charge. It's not like men that generally really don't care about supporting their wife or paying for things. For women it's a big deal regardless of how easy it comes for her.

Personally I would give a single strike regarding the issue. One stupid comment i'll warn her, second one i'm done with her. No way i'm gonna have that nonsense in my life.

Life is too short for that BS... not even once.

well to be fair I saw woman do the same with they husband, and it was him who paid for everyything, course the dude was pretty well on money, she spend over 10K month only walking in a Mall, and she was always ugly like hell, funny is when he broke (I wonder why....) she did divorce him, and try to such him from money even today.

so i'm more for maintain a good frame of respect then how much money she can bring home

 

[Kailex]

I think out of the last 10 women I've gone out with (semi-seriously) about 8 of them made more money than I did, and they knew it too.

But:

(1) I never carried myself as if she was the main breadwinner
(2) They knew I had the potential to further my career and make more than them eventually

Those two points alone carry a huge difference.
I never treated them as a sugar momma and never let them treat me as a charity case.

It just all depends on who the woman is and how you position yourself within the relationship.

 

[Jaylan]

Guys, what about 3 accounts? His, hers, and then a joint account? I imagine a separate joint account makes paying bills easier under one roof. For example, before moving in with a woman, you calculate monthly expenses and decide how much each person deposits each month. Then you simply set up automatic bill payments...or make sure that account is used when manually paying bills.

Alternatively you could simply share bills by deciding which person pays what bill, and only have two separate his and her bank accounts.

Thoughts?

 

[Kailex]

Joint accounts?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=176381

Still. I've seen couples do them successfully when the joint account is done with direct deposit and specifically just for joint bills like utilities, rent (mortgage), etc... Stuff like that.

But once there is complete disclosure to every aspect of the financial life, it's a tough path to go down with someone else.

 

[Jaylan]

Thats exactly why I think couples should still have their own personal accounts. I dont think there needs to be complete total financial freedom given up. I cant understand how some men agree to only a joint account and a daily expense account thats shared with the wife.

 

[JoeMarron]

How you handle them has to be on point. Just like most women you have to be man in the relationship. Most men become like a dog with them, following their every command because they get little treats.

Right. A man needs to run his relationship regardless of who's bringing home the bacon

A lot of women are out-earning their men now. However, just making more money does not equal "bread winner" in my mind. Making substantially more money would make one a bread winner.

I'm referring to the female making the vast majority of the money, which is what my situation is at the moment. I'm in agreement though that it seems like most women these days don't mind. This isn't something men should be striving for but there's plenty of bad boy bums out there with women providing for them because they know how to keep her attracted.

And I get the feeling that the suicide rates would be even higher if more men allowed themselves to sit around and watch TV all day and let the woman work. We have testosterone and bigger muscles for a REASON--men are designed to go out and accomplish things, not hold babies and watch soap operas.

Hah right. I fully intend for this to be a temporary situation.

I guess I'm old school when it comes to finances. It doesn't make any sense to me to have separate accounts when you're married. Sure each spouse can have their own bit of money that they can do whatever with but the vast majority of the income needs to be together. A husband a wife is on the same road together so naturally they need to be planning their finances together. This is how my parents did it and it seems to be working out for them just fine.

 

[bigneil]

It depends. Is the woman earning $200K per year and the man earning $150K per year? (Fine by me).

Or is the woman earning $50K per year and the man earning $0K per year? (Get a job you lousy bum).

 

[bigneil]

The ideal relationship would be her working a fun, side job and saving every penny in a separate account. The man would pay all the bills and contribute to her account if possible. Then, if she ever wants to leave him, she can take her account and go. Why give the lawyers any?

 

[Jaylan]

The ideal relationship would be her working a fun, side job and saving every penny in a separate account. The man would pay all the bills and contribute to her account if possible. Then, if she ever wants to leave him, she can take her account and go. Why give the lawyers any?

If I were to live with a woman, I would be contemplating marriage. In which case, a fun side job is not something I would tolerate. I dont even like casually dating women who arent educated and working towards some kind of professional goal.

The problem with this is that a woman with a side job can still take a man to the cleaners because she never had a full time position that made her decent cash. I prefer a professional gal with her own career. It would make the finances of the house more stable, and plus I wouldnt have to worry about her trying to rip me in a divorce.

Prenups are much easier to write up and enforce if the woman has always had an income that she could be self sufficient on. And lets be real here....how like is it that a woman is going to save up a very large nest egg if a man is paying for everything? She will like save some, but still be spending a lot on fun things for herself.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

wow, strong bump here

 

[JoeMarron]

The problems arise because she will start to assume "ownership" of your money, time and anything else you contribute.


My perspective is that you are always an individual first and a "unit" second. I have never, ever, in my life fought with an LTR over money. I see it happen all of the time with my friends.

Why? Because when you have two people dipping into the same jar, suddenly you are in the position of having to ask permission to spend your own money. Never a good thing for owning the frame in a relationship.

Best not to fight the battle at all.

I basically agree with what Jaylan said about three accounts. Pool all the money into a main account and each spouse gets a certain amount to do whatever with. If I'm leading the relationship then I need to have access and be able to manage all the money. I don't think that a woman who has already accepted a male led relationship would have a problem with this, even if she's the primary breadwinner.

The problem with this is that a woman with a side job can still take a man to the cleaners because she never had a full time position that made her decent cash. I prefer a professional gal with her own career. It would make the finances of the house more stable, and plus I wouldnt have to worry about her trying to rip me in a divorce.

Prenups are much easier to write up and enforce if the woman has always had an income that she could be self sufficient on. And lets be real here....how like is it that a woman is going to save up a very large nest egg if a man is paying for everything? She will like save some, but still be spending a lot on fun things for herself.

Right, which is part of the reason why I felt ok with marriage. I wouldn't dare risk marriage at this age when I'm the one providing for her.

 

[backbreaker]

My father has been married 4 times and every last woman he's been married to has made more money than he has. My mother made probably 2.5x more than he did.

But my dad is / was not a bum and was always self sufficient. It only becomes a probelm when you start to DEPEND on her money. that's when she has you. My dad would always have one foot out the door so to speak. I remember he would not buy a mececdes, which he could have afforded because he didn't want his car note to be over a certain amount becuase if he had to get an apartment he could swing it. lol he did eventually have to get his own apartment


it's when she has you by the balls financially that you're screwed.

 

[skinnyguy]

So my cousin has been with the same guy for 20 years. She's a lawyer and he doesn't work. Just sits around and drinks beer all day while watching baseball. He's depressed and for some reason she doesn't get rid of him. She probably just has really self esteem, or she thinks that if she breaks up with him she won't find anyone else. Pathetic situation overall.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I'd only date a woman like this only if I'm interested in something casual

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Bump