Female behavior shall never cease to amaze me. :D

[ZeeOwl]

Ex girlfriend who I broke up with 2 months ago. We're on good terms, still friends. See each other on occasion for fun & sex. We'd agreed (my idea) to see spend time together when we feel like it, but with no commitements. We're free to see other people. I called her around 1AM Saturday after some clubbing, to drop by and visit her. Originally, she was mad at me for waking her up. I thought it was an OK move, since she'd done something similar a few days earlier. Won't get into the details... Misunderstanding due to mixed signals on both our parts; anyways, we ended up sorting it out.

She originally told me that she wasn't happy with our arrangement anymore, and wanted us to get back together as a full-time couple (we lived together for 2 1/2 years, plus dated for 1 year before that), or stop seeing each other completely. Because this part-time business was making her feel frustrated. She wanted us to stop contact for a month, and think about what we want. Told her my ideas were very clear, and I didn't need any thinking time. I'd rather officially cut off all time together now. I didn't see us getting back together full-time. She tried to corner me into giving her more, but I avoided letting any of her pressure and arguments get to me.

So I ended up spending most of the weekend with her. It was all good, but Sunday afternoon I started feeling the thrill starting to fade (that was the main problem with our relationship, from my point of view), and went home.

Monday morning, I check my mail, and open this card she had sent me. She sent this before I dropped by.
Front of card: "Open this card"
Inside card: "Now close it and look at the back"
Back of card: "Ah ha! I knew it! You always do everything I tell you to do! Great! Now take an envelope, put a blank signed cheque in it, your car keys, and send it all to her address. From your charming daytime, nightime, anytime friend. S."

What the? Now this is obviously a joke. I was mostly Mr. Nice Guy with her during our relationship (she likes that type). Never a wussy with though, when she was out of line I let her know. And since we broke up (and I found this site hehe) I've pretty much had my way with her, and she knows it. Guess she must be venting some frustration...

Still kinda strange thing to send me just before she planned on calling a time out... And the ironic thing is that I spent the most of the weekend at her place, we had sex twice, went to see a movie together Saturday night, and she invited me to accompany her to her family's annual picnic on Sunday. lol

 

[myfriendblu]

Your not refering to that single mommy you were dating, were you? Irrational behavior from single mommies never suprizes me.

 

[bugsquish]

LOL blu get over it

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by ZeeOwl
Ex girlfriend who I broke up with 2 months ago. We're on good terms, still friends. See each other on occasion for fun & sex. We'd agreed (my idea) to see spend time together when we feel like it, but with no commitements. We're free to see other people.

She originally told me that she wasn't happy with our arrangement anymore, and wanted us to get back together as a full-time couple (we lived together for 2 1/2 years, plus dated for 1 year before that), or stop seeing each other completely. Because this part-time business was making her feel frustrated.

In my experience this kind of "arrangement" NEVER works out. Somebody always wants more (usually the person who was "dumped").

After 3 1/2 years together you expect to just phase into fvckbuddies without any drama from her - hell no!

First off the only reason she agreed to the whole "arrangement" is because she didn't want to lose you in the first place and of course wants you back. She is smart to want to cut all contact (many a AFC with oneitis on this board has been advised to do this) but is stupid if she thinks ultimatums will work.

If you really want to take the high road on this one you should cut contact yourself - give her time to get over you - otherwise things could likely get worse and you could quite possibly wind up with a stalker on your hands.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Originally posted by myfriendblu
Your not refering to that single mommy you were dating, were you? Irrational behavior from single mommies never suprizes me.

The horse is dead blu, put the bat down!

You know, one day, the irony of life will catch up with you. You will post a thread on here announcing that you have met the woman of your dreams. She will be the sweetest, sexiest, most beautiful woman you have ever met. You will be head over heels in love. And you will be asking us if we think you should propose to her, even if she does have 6 kids...

And I will congratulate you and wish you the best... After I have finished ROFLMAO.

To answer your question, no she isn't the single mom from my "Still hung up on ex" and "Testing 123" threads. She is a single mom though, just a different one. The only woman I've had a relationship with who hasn't caused me major problems. Which is why we're still friends.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Re: Re: Female behavior shall never cease to amaze me.

Originally posted by Ronin I
Somebody always wants more (usually the person who was "dumped").

You're right on that point.

After 3 1/2 years together you expect to just phase into fvckbuddies without any drama from her - hell no!

Yes and no. I expect she'll try to get more out of it. But drama, not her style. That's kinda why I broke up with her. I won't go into details, would be a thread in itself...

First off the only reason she agreed to the whole "arrangement" is because she didn't want to lose you in the first place and of course wants you back. She is smart to want to cut all contact (many a AFC with oneitis on this board has been advised to do this) but is stupid if she thinks ultimatums will work.

I know that. She knows I know that. She's a smart lady. She doesn't really want to cut off all contact. She was bluffing, and I called her on it. As far as ultimatums, it has always worked on me (in all my relationships) until a few months ago. So can't blame her for trying, it's only human...

If you really want to take the high road on this one you should cut contact yourself - give her time to get over you - otherwise things could likely get worse and you could quite possibly wind up with a stalker on your hands.

I don't, and neither does she. She'll stick around as long as it suits her. There are many advantages, from her point of view. I give her several things that she's never had before, and is unlikely to find elsewhere. I'll let her stick around as long as she doesn't cause me problems, or I have something better lined up. And I don't expect anything more from her. No danger of her stalking me, I know her well enough for that. Though I realize that's a good point to consider with certain types of women... I would never had tried this kind of arrangement with my ex-wife, because I know how psycho she can be when she doesn't get what she wants.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Update.

Got a call from her this afternoon.

Her: Hi. How would you like some company for supper?
Me: Depends what you mean by company...
Her: Oh nothing special. Just wanted to spend some time with you. I have a meeting this evening. But if you'd like, I can come back afterwards...
Me: Maybe. We'll discuss it during supper.

lol Female behavior will never cease to amaze me. So much for her saying that us seeing each other so often lately is bothering her. We were together Saturday and Sunday, it's Tuesday and she's already calling me.

Arrived wearing a cute red t-shirt I had given her, and her cutest mini-skirt. She asked me why I was stand-offish on the phone. Told her it was because we'd agreed to spend less time together, since this had been giving her hope that we'd hook back up eventually. Therefore I was surprized that she was calling me so soon after the weekend. She said that she couldn't remember us discussing that. Women! Anyways, we spent all of supper talking about kids, relationships and psychology (she's a psychotherapist, and I love those subjects too). She told me that she'd been thinking about our "arrangement", and was fine with it now. She thought it was counter-productive to hold back on seeing me when she felt like it (contradicted herself from earlier comment ). She would go with the flow for another month, enjoy the advantages, and see how she feels then. Just before she left, she asked "So can I come back afterwards? We forgot to discuss it." I answered "Sure, if you want to come back you can." I think I'm really getting the hang of this Challenge and not being a wuss business.

Oh ya, I asked her about the card. She told me it was just a joke. Not to read anything into it. That she just thought it was really funny when she saw it in the store... "Uh huh", I replied with a sceptical tone. She didn't insist.

Before anyone flames me for this, I'm being straight up with this woman. I'm not lying to her or leading her on. I've been very clear about what I am and am not willing to give her. We spend time together when it suits both of us, no promises, no commitement, no BS. And she's 51, so perfectly capable of thinking for herself.

 

[stormwriter]

Zee,

So, are you actively out picking up on other chicks? Or are you spending your free time trying to get some pvss and hanging with this chick? I'm just trying to figure out where you are coming from. Do you think she's actively trying to find some dude, or is she just trying to grab hold of any dude that will give her attention? (you)

 

[ZeeOwl]

Originally posted by stormwriter
So, are you actively out picking up on other chicks?

I'm using the internet approach at the moment, getting quite good at it. Been meeting 1 to 2 new ladies a week, over the past 2 months. I've posted field reports on the last few I've gone on dates with. So far, nothing to get excited about. But I've gotten a lot of learning experience out of it. I'm also in Week 1 of DJ Boot Camp. So I'll be starting cold pickups in 3 weeks.

[Do you think she's actively trying to find some dude?

I doubt it, from her attitude. But that's her business. She know's she's free to do it if she feels like it.

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by ZeeOwl
She is a single mom though, just a different one. The only woman I've had a relationship with who hasn't caused me major problems. Which is why we're still friends.

Hahahaha I KNEW IT. good god i am a genious. This post just reeked of "Single mama drama". Zee, until you ditch you thing for single mommas, your gonna have problems.

Me beat a dead horse? Shoot, I NEVER give up.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Originally posted by myfriendblu
Hahahaha I KNEW IT. good god i am a genious.

Genius? Because you guessed she was a single-mom? You know I prefer them, so adding 1+1 isn't what I'd call genius...

This post just reeked of "Single mama drama". Zee, until you ditch you thing for single mommas, your gonna have problems.

You call this drama? That's not drama. She's just trying to get as good a deal as she can from me. It's part of human nature to want more than we've got. If she didn't, it would worry me...

Read my "Testing 1...2...3..." thread (I know you read it, read it again). Now that's drama. Interesting point to note though, is she rarely acted like that. She'd nearly always been straight up with me. That's why it had me stumped.

I've seen much worst. My ex-wife for example (she didn't have any kids, weird huh?). And I had a gf who would do that kind of stuff (jealous, insecure, manipulative) every week during the 6 months we were together. It was pathetic, and annoying. Ended up dumping her because of it. And wait... Now that I think of it... She didn't have any kids either. In fact she hated kids. Never wanted to meet mine. Hmm.... Strange.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Originally posted by myfriendblu
Hahahaha I KNEW IT. good god i am a genious.

Genius? Because you guessed she was a single-mom? You know I prefer them, so adding 1+1 isn't what I'd call genius...

This post just reeked of "Single mama drama".

You call this drama? That's not drama. She's just trying to get as good a deal as she can from me. It's part of human nature to want more than we've got. If she didn't, it would worry me...

Read my "Testing 1...2...3..." thread (I know you read it, read it again). Now that's drama. Interesting point to note though, is she rarely acted like that. She'd nearly always been straight up with me. That's why it had me stumped.

I've seen much worst. My ex-wife for example (she didn't have any kids, weird huh?). And I had a gf who would do that kind of stuff (jealous, insecure, manipulative) every week during the 6 months we were together. It was pathetic, and annoying. Ended up dumping her because of it. And wait... Now that I think of it... She didn't have any kids either. In fact she hated kids. Never wanted to meet mine. Hmm.... Strange.

Zee, until you ditch you thing for single mommas, your gonna have problems.

Yeah, now, when I meet a woman my age who doesn't have any kids, I see it as a red flag. I try to find out why she doesn't have kids, because that tells me a lot about her potential as LTR material.

 

[Royal-tiger]

Hmmm...

Originally posted by ZeeOwl
Yeah, now, when I meet a woman my age who doesn't have any kids, I see it as a red flag. I try to find out why she doesn't have kids, because that tells me a lot about her potential as LTR material.

I admire your objectivity, ZeeOwl. However, please be advised that there are many women (particularly professional, career-minded ones) who either never got married and/or decided not to indulge in motherhood. Depending on your priorities I won't call it a red flag. Having kids is not a sure sign of normalcy.

There are many mothers who are psychos and many non-mothers who are perfectly sane, relatively speaking.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Re: Hmmm...

Originally posted by Royal-tiger
please be advised that there are many women (particularly professional, career-minded ones) who either never got married and/or decided not to indulge in motherhood. Depending on your priorities I won't call it a red flag.

I 100% agree with you. I should have worded it "I see it as a red flag for me". I'm not attracted to the career-minded type, total turnoff for me. My type of woman: sweet, affectionate, compassionate, a giver, natural/feminine (not the Barbie-doll or model type), family oriented. This type, unless she's very young, will nearly always have kids. Hence my remark.

Having kids is not a sure sign of normalcy. There are many mothers who are psychos and many non-mothers who are perfectly sane, relatively speaking.

Again, I 100% agree with you. Having kids is no guarantee of sanity. I evaluate that independently. I had a gf with kids who was pretty messed up (read my Testing 1...2...3.., thread). And I've dated women without kids who were sane. Oh wait a minute, no I haven't. They were all nuts. lol But maybe I was just unlucky. And truthfully, most of the women I've dated did have kids. I tend to avoid the ones that don't now, because of the previously mentioned reasons.

I'm just jousting with my friend blu here, because he hates single moms. So I'm giving him a hard time

 

[myfriendblu]

Re: Re: Hmmm...

Originally posted by ZeeOwl
I'm not attracted to the career-minded type, total turnoff for me.

Zee, the worlds best single momma chaser!
I actually agree there. . But i think it DEPENDS on the career.

Total Bitc hes are usually in:
Law
Business
Sales
Retail management
anything feminism related

Your gonna find nice, decent women in these fields:
Nursing
Medicine (doctor, etc.)
Pharmacy
Teaching
physical, occupational, speach therapists

These are general statements, but are a good guide to let ya know what your getting into.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Re: Hmmm...

Originally posted by myfriendblu
Zee, the worlds best single momma chaser!

Yep. And proud of it! Somebody has to give the poor misunderstood darlings some lovin'

I actually agree there. . But i think it DEPENDS on the career.

Total Bitc hes are usually in:
Law
Business
Sales
Retail management
anything feminism related

We agree!?! Wow! What date is it? lol This is not good. We cannot agree... What fate will become this board? lol

Yep, you're right on that point. I would be highly suspicious of any woman working in these fields. Particularily corporate business or law. And if you take the time to observe, you are going to notice that this type of woman will rarely have kids. And if they do, it will be only 1 "token" child, just to prove to the world that she is capable of being maternal (yeah right). This kid will be materially spoiled, and attention/love starved. I'm generalizing here of course. There are exceptions, but they're rare.

Your gonna find nice, decent women in these fields:
Nursing
Medicine (doctor, etc.)
Pharmacy
Teaching
physical, occupational, speach therapists

You're right on the money here too. Guess what the woman I'm talking about in this thread does? She's a psychotherapist, for the past 7 years. Before that, she was a nurse for 21 years. And like I said before, unless she is very young (ie < 25), a woman attracted to these types of jobs will nearly always have kids, usually more than 1. Unless she's waiting to find Mr. Right and get married. Those I stay away from too, firstly because I want nothing to do with marriage, and secondly because they tend to have totally unrealistic expectations about life and relationships (They suffer from Disney on the brain). There's a logical pattern happening here. I've noticed it through experience. That's why I see having kids as a good sign, because it makes it likelier that the woman I'm dealing with has the type of personality that I like.

 

[myfriendblu]

Re: Re: Hmmm...

Originally posted by ZeeOwl
There's a logical pattern happening here. I've noticed it through experience. That's why I see having kids as a good sign, because it makes it likelier that the woman I'm dealing with has the type of personality that I like.

Hmm. dam i get were your coming from now. I think maybe if your dating olders girls in there 30's and above, I guess its a different situation. So I see what your angle is. There more than likely gonna have kids. The ones that don't, probably something fishy going on. Still though, no reason for the young DJ's here under 30 to be LTR a single mommy. Older DJ's, I actually understand

Still not my cup of tea though

 

[ZeeOwl]

Re: Hmmm...

Originally posted by myfriendblu
Hmm. dam i get were your coming from now. I think maybe if your dating olders girls in there 30's and above, I guess its a different situation. So I see what your angle is. There more than likely gonna have kids. The ones that don't, probably something fishy going on. Still though, no reason for the young DJ's here under 30 to be LTR a single mommy. Older DJ's, I actually understand

Still not my cup of tea though

Well, the age range I usually go for is 30-45. Though I'm willing to be flexible on that somewhat, considering other factors. I'm trying to hook one that's 23(no kids) at the moment, 1 of my 4 current prospects (the 3 others are 38(3 kids), 41(no kids) and 40(1 kid)). The 23yo not having kids doesn't worry me, as she's young. Thought I'd found an exceptionally mature one, but I'm not so sure anymore... The 41yo is a kindergarden teacher. The woman I'm talking about in this thread (my latest ex) is 51. For some strange reason, the older ones are always chasing me. Don't know why, I look younger than my age... I didn't even try to get my 2 last gf, they came after me (the preceding one is 53 now. but before you pass out, she was hot, an 8, nicer bod than most 20-year-olds). I'm 40, how old are you? When I was in my late teens/early 20s, I didn't think like this of course. A girl with kids would have scared me a little back then, though only a little. I was 20 when my 1st was born. Always been exceptionally mature for my age, maybe that's why the older ones come after me?...

So yes, no kids in a 30+ woman is a red flag for me. It means 1 of 3 things:
a) She's sterile. That's OK, as long as she likes kids. My ex-wife was sterile (that's what her gynecologist had told her), got her pregnant twice. lol
b) She doesn't like kids (self-centered). Next!
c) She's waiting for Mr. Perfect (unrealistic). Next!

If she does have kids, observing what kind of mother she is gives me a very good idea of the type of gf she'll make. And the fact that I have kids myself makes liking them a prerequisite for any woman I'm considering for a LTR.

I can uderstand that it's not your cup of tea though. Personally, I prefer coffee. So send them my way, I'll happily take them off your hands.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Update: Back to the original subject of the thread.

We had a convo about 10 days ago about how we were both feeling. She was trying to see what my angle was on what was going on between us for the past few months (since our breakup). It was pretty clear that she was trying to get me to say that we had a "relationship" going again. I told her straight out how I saw things (we don't have a "relationship"). She didn't react at the time. A few days later we were talking on the phone, and she tells me that she can't deal with the situation anymore. After a bit of talking, I figure out she'd misunderstood my position (she thought I didn't care about her), so I explain it to her better, and she tells me eveything is OK then. Everything seemed fine at the end of the convo, so we hang up.

We've seen each twice since then, and she'd acted weird (distant) both times. Which is really surprising for her at the moment because she's in her "warm" part of the month, and she's usually all cuddly and affectionate then. The 2nd time I saw her was last night. I went over to her place. She was obviously not all there, mentally, so I stop what we were doing and start talking with her. She ends up admitting that she wants a relationship, and wants us to see each other on a regular basis (I hadn't called her in 4 days, and she complained about that). The arrangement we'd agreed to is that we had no commitments to each other, and that we spend time together when we both feel like it. She'd clearly told me (a few weeks ago) that she was fine with that. Obviously, she'd lied. I didn't get mad at her, I didn't even mention it (not sure if that was a good move or a mistake). I just told her that since we don't want the same thing, we should stop seeing each other. She agreed. I left. Just for context, she was acting all cool and nice about what happened when I left, though I know she can be a good actress when she sets her mind to it. I was feeling a bit plssed at her for lying to me, and I think it showed.

So here's the problem now. I can't avoid all contact with her as we're involved in a few common activities. Also, when she moved out from my place, it was into a temporary dwelling (just a room) with little space, so she still has a lot of her stuff at my house. She still has a key to my place (access to her stuff), so I was thinking of asking for it back, though I don't want to go over there just for that as I feel that would make me look like an a$$hole. I do want to keep contact to a minimum however. Also, if it's possible keep the door open to her changing her mind and really holding to our original agreement (I doubt she's capable of it, but you never know, I've seen stranger things happen), I rather would.

I'm thinking maybe Kangi would be appropriate here, though I'm not sure if it applies to this context. I'll read up on it again... And of course before anybody suggests this; yes, I'm seeing other women. And I plan on continuing to.

Any suggestions would be welcome. The general direction I want to take is to keep contact to a strict minimum (only the common activities), but not come off as if I hate her guts.

 

[myfriendblu]

Re: Update: Back to the original subject of the thread.

Originally posted by ZeeOwl
So here's the problem now. I can't avoid all contact with her as we're involved in a few common activities. Also, when she moved out from my place, it was into a temporary dwelling (just a room) with little space, so she still has a lot of her stuff at my house. She still has a key to my place (access to her stuff), so I was thinking of asking for it back, though I don't want to go over there just for that as I feel that would make me look like an a$$hole. I do want to keep contact to a minimum however. Also, if it's possible keep the door open to her changing her mind and really holding to our original agreement (I doubt she's capable of it, but you never know, I've seen stranger things happen), I rather would.

Mmmkay,
This is why Im so against dating people you work with. Your stuck with being in contact with them long after the breakup. Im guessing you see her in some sort of activity like a bowling league or work right? Yep, this is why.

As far as getting your stuff, this is when its gonna get a little hairy. I have seen this situation before. She won't come get her stuff right away until she is totally over you. Thats the problem. She will leave it there, in a way to still be connected to you and into your life on purpose. Decieving bitc hes. No biggie, this is what you do. Go rent a pick-up truck or a small U-haul from your local u - haul store. There cheap, less than 30 bucks. Find out when she is gonna be home first. Then, pack her sh it up your dam self and move it over htere. Unpack it. Ask for your key back. If she acts like she doesn't wanna give it back or "Lost It", LOL, call up the locksmith and cough up the 75 bucks for new locks. You DO NOT want her stuff at your house or a workable key in her possession. She will use them as a leverage to stay in your life like a leach. Sucks eh? Thats why you don't let them move in in the first place