Female behavior shall never cease to amaze me. :D

[myfriendblu]

Re: Update: Back to the original subject of the thread.

Originally posted by ZeeOwl
So here's the problem now. I can't avoid all contact with her as we're involved in a few common activities. Also, when she moved out from my place, it was into a temporary dwelling (just a room) with little space, so she still has a lot of her stuff at my house. She still has a key to my place (access to her stuff), so I was thinking of asking for it back, though I don't want to go over there just for that as I feel that would make me look like an a$$hole. I do want to keep contact to a minimum however. Also, if it's possible keep the door open to her changing her mind and really holding to our original agreement (I doubt she's capable of it, but you never know, I've seen stranger things happen), I rather would.

Mmmkay,
This is why Im so against dating people you work with. Your stuck with being in contact with them long after the breakup. Im guessing you see her in some sort of activity like a bowling league or work right? Yep, this is why.

As far as getting your stuff, this is when its gonna get a little hairy. I have seen this situation before. She won't come get her stuff right away until she is totally over you. Thats the problem. She will leave it there, in a way to still be connected to you and into your life on purpose. Decieving bitc hes. No biggie, this is what you do. Go rent a pick-up truck or a small U-haul from your local u - haul store. There cheap, less than 30 bucks. Find out when she is gonna be home first. Then, pack her sh it up your dam self and move it over there. Unpack it. Ask for your key back. If she acts like she doesn't wanna give it back or "Lost It", LOL, call up the locksmith and cough up the 75 bucks for new locks. You DO NOT want her stuff at your house or a workable key in her possession. She will use them as a leverage to stay in your life like a leach. Sucks eh? Thats why you don't let them move in in the first place

 

[myfriendblu]

Re: Update: Back to the original subject of the thread.

Originally posted by ZeeOwl
So here's the problem now. I can't avoid all contact with her as we're involved in a few common activities. Also, when she moved out from my place, it was into a temporary dwelling (just a room) with little space, so she still has a lot of her stuff at my house. She still has a key to my place (access to her stuff), so I was thinking of asking for it back, though I don't want to go over there just for that as I feel that would make me look like an a$$hole. I do want to keep contact to a minimum however. Also, if it's possible keep the door open to her changing her mind and really holding to our original agreement (I doubt she's capable of it, but you never know, I've seen stranger things happen), I rather would.

Mmmkay,
This is why Im so against dating people you work with. Your stuck with being in contact with them long after the breakup. Im guessing you see her in some sort of activity like a bowling league or work right? Yep, this is why.

As far as giving her her stuff, this is when its gonna get a little hairy. I have seen this situation before. She won't come get her stuff right away until she is totally over you. Thats the problem. She will leave it there, in a way to still be connected to you and into your life on purpose. Decieving bitc hes. No biggie, this is what you do. Go rent a pick-up truck or a small U-haul from your local u - haul store. There cheap, less than 30 bucks. Find out when she is gonna be home first. Then, pack her sh it up your dam self and move it over there. Unpack it. Ask for your key back. If she acts like she doesn't wanna give it back or "Lost It", LOL, call up the locksmith and cough up the 75 bucks for new locks. You DO NOT want her stuff at your house or a workable key in her possession. She will use them as a leverage to stay in your life like a leach. Sucks eh? Thats why you don't let them move in in the first place

 

[ZeeOwl]

Re: Update: Back to the original subject of the thread.

Ok, ok! Stop repeating. I heard you!

Originally posted by myfriendblu
This is why Im so against dating people you work with. Your stuck with being in contact with them long after the breakup. Im guessing you see her in some sort of activity like a bowling league or work right?

I'm against that too, for the same reason. Too risky. We're both involved in a non-profit organisation. That's where I met her. I'm not going to quit doing the volunteer work, and I doubt she would either. We both have more integrity than that.

She won't come get her stuff right away until she is totally over you. Thats the problem. She will leave it there, in a way to still be connected to you and into your life on purpose. Decieving bitc hes.

That's pretty much what the situation has been up until now. The "temporary" place she found was also temporary because she was hoping that I'd let her come back. She told me herself about 2 months ago. Though she realized a fair while back that it wasn't going to happen.

Go rent a pick-up truck or a small U-haul from your local u - haul store. There cheap, less than 30 bucks. Find out when she is gonna be home first. Then, pack her sh it up your dam self and move it over there. Unpack it.

I can't do that because the situation is a little more complex. When I asked her to move out, she found a place as quickly as she could. There's a housing crisis in Quebec this year. Affordable appartments are nearly impossible to find. That's (partly) why she rented a room until she could find a decent place she can afford. When she moved in with me, she left a full-size appartement and brought most of her furniture (all the stuff I didn't already have, plus her office furnishings). In her room she's got her bed, a small bookshelf and her desk. There isn't even a closet. There's no room for anything else. What she left here is mostly furniture (sofa, large bookshelf, dresser, freezer, sewing machine, small table and chairs) and all the clothes she has no place to store at her place. One thing I did think about while writing the original update... There's a room in my basement which she was using as her office. Most of her stuff is already in there. I'll just move the rest of it downstairs. That way at least I won't have to look at it everyday. When I next see her (in 3 weeks), I'll tell her to speed up the appartment hunting. Anyways, she can't stay where she is much longer, as the heating system isn't good enough for winter.

Ask for your key back. If she acts like she doesn't wanna give it back or "Lost It", LOL, call up the locksmith and cough up the 75 bucks for new locks. You DO NOT want her stuff at your house or a workable key in her possession. She will use them as a leverage to stay in your life like a leach. Sucks eh?

I'll ask for the key when I see her in 3 weeks. I'm sure she won't make a fuss. She's not the leach type. She won't try to stay in my life if I tell her clearly that I don't want her (what I did Thursday was pretty close). She has pride. I did the lock changing thing when my ex-wife moved out. Her, I couldn't trust.

Thats why you don't let them move in in the first place

You sure have a lot of those "never do this" rules, don't you? lol People live together sometimes. These things happen. In this case, I do admit that it was a mistake to let her move in. Though not because of the reasons you likely suspect. It was because it was her idea, and I wasn't too keen on doing it. I had a gut feeling that us living together would not work out. We're just too different, lifestyle-wise. She's a neat-freak, and I'm about as messy as they come. lol I suspected we'd get on each other's nerves, which is exactly what happened. But I let her talk me into it anyways. I must admit that I'd considered the financial advantage, which of course benefitted her too... Oh well, live and learn. I know I should always follow my gut feeling, but didn't.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Update.

I've got to get that key back, NOW! I was out on the road all day taking care of customers. When I got home this evening, there was a jar of home-made spaghetti sauce on my kitchen counter, with a note.

The note: "[Last weekend] I took some green peppers from your fridge back with me because they were partially frozen, so I brought you some spaghetti sauce. I have to vacate the room I'm renting by September 30th, and I'm looking for a nice appartment I can afford. It's crazy, but this morning I was thinking that I could rent the room downstairs in ZeeOwl's house with access to the kitchen and bathroom, we're not on bad terms... It's quite irrational, but I felt like telling you anyway. S."

She's a very rational person, the most rational person I have ever met in my life. It was like having a Vulcan girlfriend. Well, not quite that bad, but close... She does have emotions, and is capable of talking about them, and sometimes even letting them show in her actions. But logic always prevails. Her typical thought sequence goes like this:
1) What do I want/feel like doing?
2) Is this a reasonable course of action?
3a) If yes, I do it.
3b) If no, I don't do it, no matter how much I want to.

I'm a very passionate, emotional, spontaneous person, and occasionally a bit of a risk taker. She's exactly the opposite. Yeah, opposites do sometimes attract... To her irrationality = irresponsibility. And any type of intense situation/emotion frightens her (I once got her to admit that). So when we were living together, we would get on each other's nerves. I made her feel insecure, and she made me feel bored. Compounded by the fact that she's a neat -freak and I'm totally disorganized. A Bohemian, as she once put it.

Why am I telling you guys this? I guess I need to get it out of my system. Anyways, the "it's quite irrational" is code lingo between the two of us that she knows I'll understand. Translation "I'm being irrational, see, I can do it too." She's defusing our differences, but in a very obvious way that won't look underhanded. Because she knows that I'm quite intelligent and have a grasp of psychology as good as her's (she's a psychotherapist). She lost it with her green pepper story though, as it's obvious that it's to "rationalize" her gift.

OK, here's where it gets weird. When I was at her place last Thursday, I purposefully did not 100% blow her off. My exact words were "Since we don't want the same thing, we should stop seeing each other". She agreed, and I left. Now I knew that she's savvy enough to pick up the true meaning of what I said. Turning the phrase around translates to "You can keep seeing me when you agree to my terms". I was leaving her with a way back in. This had been the whole problem, she "said" she agreed, but "behaved" as if she didn't. so IMHO the note is an attempt to see if I'll actually give her another chance, but done indirectly enough to allow her to pull out and save face if I don't. She's one smart cookie. But I'm sure she knows I'll figure all this out. It's game playing for the hell of it. Female behavior shall never cease to amaze me.

Now here's where it get's mucho loco. After reading the note, I actually considered her proposal.... for a few seconds. AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I just had to let that out. I'm tight on money right now, so I could use the extra income. She knows this. She will have tons of trouble finding a decent place she can afford. She knows I know this. Except that this idea is CRAZY! It makes no logical sense. We'd be right back to square one, getting on each other's nerves, except without the sex.

I know she'd like to keep seeing me, even if all she can get is sex and affection. I'm by far the best lover she's ever had, she told me herself, and I know it's true because I'm the first guy to get her out of her shell, sexually. I figured out where her buttons were (took tons of time, effort and building trust), and she's never met anyone else that could do that (she's really difficult). This whole deal is just an anti-slvt defense scenario. She's trying to get what she needs without looking like she's letting her emotional desires control her. That's not "reasonable" Once she's in the house, she'll be able to "spontaneously" give in to my "irresistible charm" without feeling guilty.

Now I admit I'd like her to stick around as booty call. But I don't want to live with her. She drives me nuts. I drive her nuts, and I don't enjoy driving people nuts. I can't be considering this, but I am. Help!, someone slap me! Not to mention how it would cramp my style. I can just imagine me bringing that fine HB from my #1 field report home, firing up the iMac in the living room with some romantic MP4s, pouring us some wine and showing her my waterbed... with my ex downstairs hearing everything we say, and all the passionate lovemaking noises coming from my room afterwards (my gut tells me that HB is one incredible lover).

This is just plain crazy. I know I can't do this, it would be mental torture and dating suicide. Why did I even consider it?

 

[JustDoItAlways]

Does anyone else see a train heading toward a section of missing track.

Change your locks, do not wait for her to give you back the (by now copied) key, do not contact her again, do not give her any money, do not let her (and her whatever number of kids from whatever number of fathers) stay at your place for free.

Find another babe who is not 100% crazy. 80% would even be a big step up.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Originally posted by JustDoItAlways
Does anyone else see a train heading toward a section of missing track.

Change your locks, do not wait for her to give you back the (by now copied) key, do not contact her again, do not give her any money, do not let her (and her whatever number of kids from whatever number of fathers) stay at your place for free.

Find another babe who is not 100% crazy. 80% would even be a big step up.

Haha! You've got my threads confused there friend, but thanks for the concern. She's not the crazy one from my "Still hung up on ex" thread, I haven't talked to her in 4 years. This is my latest ex, we officially broke up 3 months ago. Last time I saw her was Thursday. She's perfectly sane. Female, but still sane.

Changing locks is not necessary with this one (she has integrity, sometimes too much). She wouldn't ask me for money (she has pride). Her kids are adults and live on their own, and they all have the same father.

I agree with your train metaphor, no way am I letting her move back in. I was just stunned that I'd considered it. As far as contacting her, I'm undecided about that. I was thinking of waiting until she tries again more directly. On the other hand, getting the key back now would send a clear "don't you ever do something like that again" message. Hmmm.... If she really wants her booty call status back (minus key), I'd be willing to give it to her as long as she can convince me that she's capable of respecting my terms. Not going to be easy, but let's see what she has to say...