I texted her : yeah dirty thirty, I have some wine we could open for my birthday togheter
.
she responded: Dirty thirty XD
didn’t respond back but I think I got my answer
Too eager, gives her assurance and inflates her ego. These are not the words of a confident man. I'm not against answering her bday wishes, but i wouldn't throw in the last part immediately like that. I'd like to see some investment from her first, like: calling, saying she misses you, engages in the conversation, seemingly invested and interested. Then throw in "Hey, it's good talking to you but i'm really in a hurry. Let's catch up tomorrow tonight at 8 pm over a bottle of wine at my place."
There's alot of uncertainty after a break up and a period of no contact. The common response from most men is to become emotional in different ways, so no contact has the effect that it increases both anxiety and curiosity when you're not following the expected reaction. To soothe these feelings, women use different creative ways to reach out, to check the temperature, to see where you're at, if she 'won' the break up by seeing you miserable etc. Where a birthday/holiday gives her a convenient excuse to do this, also known as 'breadcrumbs', which is a low investment/possible high return action where she doesn't want you back whatsover, she's only looking at her self-interest.
You told her everything she wanted to know with that sentence. You responded to her, you don't seem mad and you seemingly want her too. Now she feels great again. This little 'dance' of no contact/anxiety and assurance can go on for a long time, until she's either got a new sure thing or the man genuinely moves on and away from her.
The theory goes like this.. if she wants you back you basically can do nothing wrong but if she doesn't, you'll just inflate her sense of self by interacting with her. A person who doesn't want to be with you and doesn't respect you anymore. The last part is unfortunately the case most of the time and men fall into this trap everyday and end up feeling even worse than during no contact, because of one feeling - hope.
This is not what a woman who's leaving you deserves. Because make no mistake here, you might think that you officially left her, but she had already been checking out from the relationship emotionally. Evident by her DGAF attitude towards the end in the linked post AND
belated bday wishes more recently. Women check out of their relationships long before they actually cut the cord and officially tell you, you just beat her to it.
The only way you would have a fighting chance is if she had to earn your attention and followed your leadership, then got to sex asap, but like someone said, i think you need time away and other girls for a complete mindset shift to be able to pull that off. You're basically trying to negotiate attraction at this point with someone who's not interested.