Update: long post
since my last post few things happened. Since her friend last time told me that she was thinking about me all the time and that she’s not doing well , i did the unthinkable and wrote her an 8 page letter and send it to her . On the letter i wrote about our good times together , the things that connected us and that all our issues happened because outsiders of the relationship from both sides were involved and that she should concentrate on the good things we had. I didn’t apologized or begged or gave any promises. Considering my values, I believe the content of my letter was very assertive and mature enough.
Anyway i send her 2 times flowers afterwards to her which she both time received. I didn’t write anything other than my name to know from who the flowers were . She didn’t replied or responded.
Fast forward yesterday, that Gay friend that was with me in that bar when i saw her on a date with some dude ( i mentioned the story earlier in the post) met her in some other place and they talked a bit . She thanked him for “saving her” from me when i was talking with them on the table because she said it was extremely awkward situation for her . My thoughts were like, why was it awkward? Didn’t her date had the balls to assert his dominance and tell me to go? How was i threat?If she didn’t care about me why would she feel awkward or uncomfortable? It doesn’t make sense why she would say something like this to my gay friend. I don’t know what to take from their interaction. My Gay friend told me that’s the only thing they discussed.
On the same night ,I was like 95% sure that she was out in some place that it’s considered very bad and she would never hang out as long as she was with me but since she befriended a woman for the last 8 months(ill call her L) , she occasionally visits this place and even lied to me few months ago that she goes into that place . She knows that I don’t go into such place because the owner are like the bad world in our area and i keep distance from them as well as they do from me for personal reasons. Anyway I went into that place and guess who was there ? Her with that fcking friend of hers. I wasn’t surprised at all but she was , seeing me there.
She was with some mutual friends of ours. I knew the owners and they knew me (unfortunately or fortunately) I was alone there so i had a discussion with them and had some drinks. L was always looking on my side and tried to watch every move i did and she would explain it to my ex . Then i went to approach them and greet them , while i was approaching, he friend was telling her “he’s coming “. I greeted them and asked my ex if she received my flowers. She said yes but she doesn’t want to talk about it right now . I kindly took a step back and wished them both good night and went on my table . She didn’t look at me once or even the eyes when I approached , she was looking on the floor, she couldn’t speak normal and it felt like she wanted to cry .She looked like when dogs are guilty and they look somewhere else. I have never seen her like that before. She had also lost weight and she wasn’t so well dressed as i knew her to be . She also started smoking again (she stopped when she was with me . ) I was like wth happened to her.
After 5 minutes my ex wanted to leave .I went after her and asked her if she could spare 5 minutes to talk with me . She lied that taxi was waiting for her (her friend drove her) .I told her why she runs away from me and doesn’t want to talk. She left with L and they drove away .
Then our mutual friend that sat on the table with her asked me what’s going on . He didn’t know our situation. He told me she commented when i came into that place with “ shyt my ex is here” . Them he told me , he asked what’s wrong, she told him that i
text her all the time ( last time i did was 2.5 months ago) and that i send her roses all the time that she doesn’t want and considers to send them back . Then she asked him if he could come with them outside because she was afraid of me .He asked her why are we broken up cause he thought we had such Harmony as a couple and he was surprised and she said that it doesn’t passt anymore .Our mutual friend told me everything cause he was a bit drunk .
Anyway I don’t know what’s wrong here . I don’t know what to take from it .
First i know that she’s not over me , not even close. I never saw her that bad , she has lost a lot of weight , she started smoking and started hanging into those places to avoid seeing me . When she gave me her hand to greet her , she was a bit hesitant . She didn’t even was able to look me in the eyes , she couldn’t spit normally a word when i first went to greet them (like she was under shock) , felt like she wanted to cry and her friend(L) was watching her during the small interaction like “ if she’s going to cry I’m gonna save her” , i don’t know how to best explain it . Wtf is wrong. It felt like i was Meeting an abused survivor. Like i was hitting her . I never touched her or abused her in my life . Not a single time . Wtf did those people told her about me .
Then what shocked me was when our mutual friend told me that she was telling him about the flowers . I was like , why the f would she tell something so private to a guy that she almost never talk with and they only interacted there in that place cause there was nobody else . And not knly that , she asked him to bring her and fckinf L outside because they were afraid of me . The dude while talking to me , was looking st me like I’m a monster and wondering if I really am the man i look like to be . It felt like my reputation was threatened and asked him if he honestly thinks I’m not the guy he thinks to be and he said he is not sure anymore. Wtf is wrong with people. That fcking L has manipulated her beyond recognition. Small info about L , she has or had breast cancer and she’s like 27yo . Her ex left her while she got diagnosed and that guy was bad . He used to drink a lot , hang out with other women , abused her and all together bad . She met with my ex just a little bit after she broke up with her ex . Back then i was not together for a few weeks with my ex , so i guess misery loves company.That fcking L right now is together with a a close friend of my ex which few weeks before we come together, he made a love confession to her but my ex rejected him .
Since she met fcking L all this shyt is happening to us , the lies , the weird behavior, the instability, the intense toxicity, everything.
I don’t know what to do. I have accepted the break up but still got feelings. I saw her in this kind of situation and I felt really bad . She wasn’t like this when i met her or when we were together. She was really bad and that’s because of her fcking friends that brought this on us . I don’t know what to do anymore. I have really nothing on my hands .
Anyway , all this behavior is completely abnormal. She treats me like i abused her , like that i hit her or like im a stalker or that i never leave her alone . Not to mention she says everything about me to outsiders that have zero to do with us . I never said any single bad word about her and always talked well. I even thanked our mutual friend that he looked after her
I want to let go , but i at the same time I cant. My heart was shattered after seeing the way she became and I can’t say im nit responsible.
