Eye contact inconsistencies

[becker]

Who here believes that eye contact is a sign of interest from a girl?

Lately I've been around a lot of women, and have had eye contact with all of them. Most have had this sort of dreamy look, or intense eye contact which I've often interpreted as good IL. At first, I thought it was just a few women that had this, but as I've approached more women, it has been established that they all seem to do this. However, the problem here is that almost EVERY woman I've run into lately has had intense eye contact with me as though they're transfixed on me.(I've made a conscious effort to make sure I run into a lot of women and talk to as many as possible, which has been quite a few).

My conclusion here is that either (1) eye contact doesn't really say that much about a woman's IL or (2) I'm even better looking than I think I am. I'd like to think it's (2), but at the same time, I'm not going to try to sound conceited. I've definitely been told before by women that I'm not that bad looking, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? Is it possible that maybe women just look at ALL guys like this?

 

[confus4ever]

i wonder the same damn thing.
but heres one thing you can do to evaluate this. See if chicks look at ugly dudes the same way. I get alote of eye contacts too now, but never noticed it until i started studying this sh*t. Also, can you continue to keep that eye contact while you are talking to them.

 

[becker]

I have absolutely no problem holding eye contact, and can always be the last to break it.

I work with this one guy who's a little overweight, but otherwise a nice guy. Pretty AFC-ish and not very manly either. Sort of ambiguously gay even. Anyways, the other day we went to get something for him from the receptionist, and she looked straight at me the entire time, as though he didn't even exist. Then, I tried to introduce him to her and she just said "Oh, I met him already" in a sort of disinterested tone, and proceeded to keep her attention on me. She's pretty darn hot too. Amazing eyes that I like to just stare into.

I'm really into this one girl at work who is easily a 9 or 10, but I don't get to see her much. I've had some pretty good eye contact with her as well when I've had the chance to. One time she was sitting outside with another guy from work and I was walking by, and she literally stared me down the entire way. I looked right at her and smiled and she smiled back.

 

[confus4ever]

you answered this, but what i meant is does the woman consistently try to keep eye contact 2 to 3 seconds with you as your chatting?

 

[confus4ever]

do you have a reply to question "how can i get your love" ( my post)

 

[becker]

Originally posted by confus4ever
you answered this, but what i meant is does the woman consistently try to keep eye contact 2 to 3 seconds with you as your chatting?

Yes, the woman will usually keep eye contact the entire time with me, never looking away, and all of them do that, which makes it difficult to tell who is and isn't interested.

 

[confus4ever]

the question here is what is the next step?

Like i said, i'm confused by this as well, but we guys need to challenge further to make one's conclusion

The hardest part

 

[confus4ever]

to your answer..

First, forget the BF even exists and gauge her IL.

If she isn't interested enough to want to break up with the BF for you, then you're going to have to just move to other women while you still keep in touch with her, in case she ever does break up, or if she actually has interest in you.

Don't give her the ballad tape, that's way too much for the relationship that you two have. It doesn't even sound like you know her that well.
............................................
I just thought i would say "would you give me the pleasure of listening to this demo for me? I need all the feedback i can get."

I don't see what would be wrong with that. I feel if she liked it, she might be more interested
what do you think?

 

[confus4ever]

Also, she is into photgraphy and shows me her photos. So we both do share are own interests.

 

[00Kevin]

I have to agree. It is always easy to make eye contact with a girl. Infact I think every woman belives that she will be able to spot her dream guy by looking into his eyes. You can be sure that every woman will try to do this at some point. So you can't really count on it.

The problem i have is that when I look into a totally hot girls eyes I just can't trust her. Anyone have this problem? It's funny one time i was accused of being shy because i thought she was the biggest ***** I ever met. I didn't say anything because i just wanter her to go away. It worked too. nexting by a false impression.

 

[k_hectic]

Man, EYE CONTACT is a TEST that women induce on a man to see how CONFIDENT he is. That's why most attractive women would look you in the eye if you look at them and wait to see if you will shift your eyes away first. If you do, then forget it, they already lost interest. If you smile confidently or keep your gaze until they look away. Then, you won the first battle and your prize is a chance to have a small conversation with them when you walk to them. Of course, then there is another battle, which again might either disqualify you or move you further into either a deeper conversation or just a telephone number that you can use later.

Get it!

 

[becker]

Originally posted by k_hectic
Man, EYE CONTACT is a TEST that women induce on a man to see how CONFIDENT he is. That's why most attractive women would look you in the eye if you look at them and wait to see if you will shift your eyes away first. If you do, then forget it, they already lost interest. If you smile confidently or keep your gaze until they look away. Then, you won the first battle and your prize is a chance to have a small conversation with them when you walk to them. Of course, then there is another battle, which again might either disqualify you or move you further into either a deeper conversation or just a telephone number that you can use later.

Get it!

I agree that it's a test, and very good point. Maybe that's what it is, and it isn't really a big sign of attraction.

The argument might be that remember that looks are what get your foot in the door, so if she's even giving you mad eye contact, then that, along with her other bodily gestures (she touches you, smiles, pupil dilation, etc) together may at least tell you that you're attractive physically to her.

This especially makes sense if you just think that how often do you give deep eye contact to a girl who you don't think is attractive? I sometimes do it just to be flirty because it's fun to watch women swoon over you, and it's also very empowering on the confidence. It's still physical attraction in the end that counts the most initially, and that's REALLY what a girl will tend to judge you by initially rather than whether you can hold eye contact. To me, the whole eye contact test is the second step after you passed the physical attraction test.

I remember the other day I was in the office and I ran into the totally HOT girl that I've been trying to get to know better, and she was with this other office worker (a UG3 at best) who I had never met, and I turned to this UG3 and introduced myself, looked into her eyes, and then diverted myself immediately to the HB9 that I was interested in. I said hi, left the room for a second to get something, then as I was leaving, I said goodbye to HB9, and shared a good long glance and sort of ignored the UG3. Pretty mean, but it wasn't intentional, so just goes to show you sometimes this stuff might be subconscious.

I also engage in conversation right away when I hold eye contact with a girl, so I don't wait until the eye contact breaks before I say anything. I also think that it's good practice to have eye contact with every girl you meet, whether they are ugly or not. I've had some girls not give me good eye contact, usually total strangers if any, but remember that eye contact with someone is a somewhat invasive thing, sort of like you're invading on their private space. For example, imagine the 2 people in an elevator situation; if you get in and stand face to face with the other person right in front of him/her it will be a little uncomfortable. The social norm is to stand at opposite ends facing the door. It's an unwritten rule, but everyone knows it. I think that looking into a stranger's eyes can give off the same uncomfortable vibe. For this reason, if a girl who is a stranger on the street doesn't look you in the eye, it can mean one of several things: (1) she's not attracted to you physically, (2) she's just sort of following that unwritten social rule above, (3) she's extremely introverted and shy, or the best one to have, (4) you're so good looking that she's intimidated by you. If it's anything other than (1) above, then you've got a chance.

 

[k_hectic]

Ok, here is my 2 cents.

If the girl looks at you first, then you probably appealed to her in one way or another by the look only. However, girls don't think the same way guys do. She might have liked your air of confidence. She might have liked your extremely fashionable hair and dress. That all can be in addition to your physical look.

On the other hand, if you look at the girl first and she notices your eyes, she will stare you down regardless of whether you were attractive or not. That's what I mentioned in my last post. This is more of a test of your personality. Girls don't place much value on physical attractiveness as we do. In fact, if they like your personality so much your look won't matter at all then. Get it!

 

[StockTrader]

Here are my observations on EC:

Yes, most women will hold it with you. It's almost like what they were born to do. Obviously, making EC with her is better than no EC. But are there better guidelines to follow when you two lock eyes?

If you are making more EC than she is, obviously this is a good thing on your part. Maybe she's shy. Maybe she's not confident. But she's going to like your confidence for sure. I've had this happen many times. I make deep EC and she can barely look my way. Usually shy girls.

If you two are making equal amounts of EC. Don't shift from eye to eye. Keep a smile/non serious look on your face so she doesn't think you're a pyscho. In every encounter with a woman, you'll face a "point of no return" in the EC dept. This is when it gets uncomfortable for you to hold it. Keep holding it!! Let other guys break it. With an HB 8 or lower, this probably isn't as big of a deal. But if you're shooting for 9's and 10's, make her look away (in her mind she'll be thinking...god this dude is confident, most guys don't even look me in the eye). Back when I was first learning DJ stuff, I got solid rapport and kino and great EC from HB 9.0 Impossible (my old AFC self would have thought it would be impossible to get a girl like this even semi attracted to me). Picture a guy like Tom Green or Finch from American Pie (with more confidence), getting any kind of attention from a girl who looked like Kobe Bryants wife. That experienced helped my belief that it was even possible to interact with super hot, "impossible" women.


Even if your EC is not that dominating, kino and C&F can still bail you out IMO. If you've got all 3 elements working in your favor, you're in great shape.

 

[becker]

I agree that C&F can bail you out, but kino to me is very difficult if the girl doesn't seem interested in you.

Today I went to order a pizza and this girl who was behind the counter looked me straight in the eyes, and I never looked away. She was maybe a HB6 or 7, was really not bad looking, but not my type so I guess that's why I put her at a 6 or 7. Anyways, she didn't seem too interested in me and it was one of the first times I felt that I locked eyes with a girl and she didn't seem interested. I even tried to be a little flirty and was very confident because I wasn't interested in her.

Anyways, after I came back to pick it up, she brought it to me, and she walked out from behind the counter to hand it to me, looking me in the eyes the entire time, and this time she seemed more interested. Don't know if it's because of the eye contact from earlier.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by k_hectic
Ok, here is my 2 cents.

If the girl looks at you first, then you probably appealed to her in one way or another by the look only. However, girls don't think the same way guys do. She might have liked your air of confidence. She might have liked your extremely fashionable hair and dress. That all can be in addition to your physical look.

On the other hand, if you look at the girl first and she notices your eyes, she will stare you down regardless of whether you were attractive or not. That's what I mentioned in my last post. This is more of a test of your personality. Girls don't place much value on physical attractiveness as we do. In fact, if they like your personality so much your look won't matter at all then. Get it!

k_hectic, it seems that all the stuff in your first paragraph is supposed to be part of the whole package anyways. I still think that physical looks is really the major thing that is being looked at.

To me, the whole "women don't place much value on physical attractiveness as a guy" thing is a myth. I think there was a post below about this. Anyways, they all care about that, it's the first thing that comes out of their mouths when they talk to their girly friends. "Oh, that guy was cute", or "that guy is hot". I have been around enough women to hear this stuff consistently.

 

[k_hectic]

To me, the whole "women don't place much value on physical attractiveness as a guy" thing is a myth. I think there was a post below about this. Anyways, they all care about that, it's the first thing that comes out of their mouths when they talk to their girly friends. "Oh, that guy was cute", or "that guy is hot". I have been around enough women to hear this stuff consistently.

NO, the problem with guys is they think that women think like us just because they're humans and because of society brainwashing us with the idea of equality of sexes. In reality however, the sexes have many differences on many different levels.

When a girl says "cute" or "HOT", she's mostly describing the personality of the guy. The look accounts for probably 10% or less in their use of those words. The problem is women even mean things differently, so us being guys would expect "HOT" to mean the same thing it means to us.

If a guy, who in our opinion looked ugly, acted in a very friendly and funny way with some woman that she laughed her a$$ off, she'll perceive him later as being cute and tell that to her friends.

If another guy was very ****y and independent, and had the adventurer personality, a girl will find him "HOT" big time regardless of how he looks.

How could you think that girls not placing importance on guys' looks is a myth? Don't you see ugly guys hanging out with pretty hot girls almost daily? I know I do.

 

[BobbDobbs]

Originally posted by k_hectic
When a girl says "cute" or "HOT", she's mostly describing the personality of the guy. The look accounts for probably 10% or less in their use of those words. The problem is women even mean things differently, so us being guys would expect "HOT" to mean the same thing it means to us.

Your ratios don't ring true.

Both the male and female first attractor is looks. It is more important to the male, but it is still primarily important to the female.

The next thing a guy wants, but way down the list, is intelligence in the woman.

Whereas the next thing the woman wants down the list is status in the man. Intelligence would be third for her.

Way down at the bottom of the list for both men and women is personality.

A woman will enjoy a guy's personality, but she'll initially be attracted to a hot looking guy. If the hot looking guy has any positives in his personality, then game over for the ugly dude with the good personality.

Status is a big factor with women, but really, though Bill Gates could have his pick of HB golddiggers -- there are plenty of women who just don't consider him attractive enough to interest them. They'd turn down billions of dollars just because he doesn't appeal visually to them.

Yes, looks do matter to women. More than you think.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by BobbDobbs
Your ratios don't ring true.

Both the male and female first attractor is looks. It is more important to the male, but it is still primarily important to the female.

The next thing a guy wants, but way down the list, is intelligence in the woman.

Whereas the next thing the woman wants down the list is status in the man. Intelligence would be third for her.

Way down at the bottom of the list for both men and women is personality.

A woman will enjoy a guy's personality, but she'll initially be attracted to a hot looking guy. If the hot looking guy has any positives in his personality, then game over for the ugly dude with the good personality.

Status is a big factor with women, but really, though Bill Gates could have his pick of HB golddiggers -- there are plenty of women who just don't consider him attractive enough to interest them. They'd turn down billions of dollars just because he doesn't appeal visually to them.

Yes, looks do matter to women. More than you think.

BobbDobbs, I agree with your assessment. It pretty much reflects most of my experience with women in this area.

k_hectic, I also agree with some of your post, about the part where women will sometimes find a somewhat physically ugly guy "cute" or "hot" depending on his personality. Definitely have seen that before. At the same time, though, don't forget that beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. I've been around girls who have just pointed to guys on the street and have determined that he's hot without ever hearing him utter a word. Sure, it could be the way he walks and the way he dresses, but I definitely think it's more likely his facial features, and maybe his physique than what he's wearing.

Imagine taking some nerdy dude (like that one guy who was in MTV's "Made" recently who was trying to become a ladies man) and putting him in front of a girl without telling him to say anything, and take a model (even an unknown one that hasn't been discovered yet) and without either saying a word, I promise you that 100% will choose the model guy, and that will be based completely on looks, and probably the assumptions that are made along with the looks, such as that the guy is confident, or that he will not be a blabbering idiot. Even if he was, a girl would rather take him with his faults, and hope to transform him into her ideal man than to take the nerdy boy. Also, if the nerdy guy were allowed to speak, and let's say he was not a blabbering geek either, they'd still take the model.

 

[k_hectic]

I disagree. If the nerdy looking guy starts to talk and grab the girl's attention from the inside, and the model opens his mouth and stupid sh!t comes out, I assure you she'll be turned off by the model right away and immidiately go for the nerdy looking guy.

I still hold by what I said about girls caring more about personality. The problem is most of us forget that personality is reflected by the look. If the model was not standing confidently with his back straight and he was shifting his eyes nervously, whereas the nerdy looking guy was standing straight and giving the girl strong eye contact, again, he will grab her attention and get her attracted even without opening his mouth.