Expanding my social circle in college

[Kerpal]

I'm in my last year at a large state school. I transferred here from an out of state community college so I don't know anyone and pretty much only hang out with my roommates, but a lot of the time I feel like I'm mooching off of them because they always have some party or group of people to meet up with and I don't bring anything to the table there.

One idea I had was to join a club at school. I looked through the listing of clubs and none of them sound very interesting at all, I guess that doesn't matter since I'm just joining to meet people, but any thoughts on what a good one would be for this purpose? I mean obviously something like the video gamer's club is not going to have the type of people I want to be associating with. I lived with 3 gamers for a year and it sucked, they never left their rooms or wanted to do anything. There's a BJJ club so I was thinking about joining that, but it's going to be all guys and I'm pretty much surrounded by guys all day in my classes, at the gym and at work so I want to find something with a slightly lower sex ratio.

It seems like usually people join at the beginning of the semester, but we're already a few weeks in. Is it too late? Any special considerations at this point? Do I just show up at a meeting or what?

Any other suggestions on this topic?

 

[Matt281]

Play club or intramural sports, join clubs even if you're already a few weeks in, go to career fairs and every other event you can think of, go places with friends and meet their friends, go to parties often and socialize, go to any events you can find off campus, study in the gym or library or anywhere that there's a lot of people, check out farmers markets or protests or whatever, and so on.

Just try to find any excuse to be around people and outside of your house.

 

[PapiChulo]

Join a German, Italian, Spanish or Scandinavian club or whatever even if you dont speak the language. These are all about free beer and meeting people.
Better yet, you may become a club official, i.e. treasurer, president at some point- that will give ya money to spend and socially-prove you right away.

Our scandinavian club dresses up like vikings and storms the wall (an event we have here), the rest of the time they get drunk.

 

[Kerpal]

Our scandinavian club dresses up like vikings and storms the wall (an event we have here), the rest of the time they get drunk.

:crackup:

 

[Kerpal]

Any other thoughts guys... I found the list of ALL clubs at my school, and none of them sound interesting at all or are more "technical" things I don't know anything about...

 

[HolyG]

You want a tip? I got a tip for you. Get off your fvcking ass and make an effort.

Out of the thousands of students in the hundreds of clubs on that campus you think you can't find a few you can click with. Right. How likely is that?

 

[Kerpal]

You want a tip? I got a tip for you. Get off your fvcking ass and make an effort.

How? This kind of advice doesn't help me. It's like going into the Health & Fitness section and saying "lift weights". I need more specific info.

I've tried a lot of things with no success so far.

 

[War Against Betaism]

I would say join a fraternity (it's more than worth putting up with their sh1t to get in if you ask me), but you're in your last year and I'm not sure if it would be worth it. The thing about what you're asking is that each school is different and each club is going to have varying results for their clubs, like a yoga club could be crackin' in one school and lame in another. I'm part of a Filipino club for two schools, one of them is hella crackin' and they're all a tightly knit group of drinkers that party every single weekend. The other Filipino club I'm a part of is...not so much.

Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure you're familiar with the term "rush". Check out a lot of rush events not for the purpose of joining a frat or club, but just to go out and have a chance to meet people. Most of them are free because they're trying to entice you to join and depending on the club or frat, they put a lot of money into their events so it'll be a good time + a chance to meet other people.

 

[Kerpal]

I actually thought about joining a frat when I transferred here but I can't afford it. Plus I don't think I have the social skill for it. It'd just be too much of a jump.

Rush is over already.

 

[CaptainJ]

I actually thought about joining a frat when I transferred here but I can't afford it. Plus I don't think I have the social skill for it. It'd just be too much of a jump.

Rush is over already.

I've always believed there is no such thing as a smooth transition into a new social setting, and that you always just have to grab your balls and plunge yourself in the deep end. Humans are adaptive creatures, and we quickly pick up how to act in our social setting and become on par with the people we hang out with. Now would you rather work your way up through the retards and pick up a lot of bad traits on the way, or just jump in with the cool social kids and learn the right way to do things instantly?

I think you have some major fears about socializing that are greatly holding you back, but you just need to suck it up and let go of your insecurities, if you want to grow socially. Saying you can't afford to join a frat is a poor excuse, because if you join a good one, you will benefit from it and it will be an investment that will more than make the paltry sum back. If you really don't have money for it, then get budgeting, dumpster dive for food, don't use heating etc.

Join clubs and societies, because they are apparently amazing places to make friends and to be part of a community, it does not matter which you join, just as long as you stick with it. You can even try something new and find a new hobby.

So basically, man up, stop procrastinating and throw yourself into the deep end.

All the best mate

 

[Kerpal]

I've always believed there is no such thing as a smooth transition into a new social setting, and that you always just have to grab your balls and plunge yourself in the deep end. Humans are adaptive creatures, and we quickly pick up how to act in our social setting and become on par with the people we hang out with. Now would you rather work your way up through the retards and pick up a lot of bad traits on the way, or just jump in with the cool social kids and learn the right way to do things instantly?

I think you have some major fears about socializing that are greatly holding you back, but you just need to suck it up and let go of your insecurities, if you want to grow socially. Saying you can't afford to join a frat is a poor excuse, because if you join a good one, you will benefit from it and it will be an investment that will more than make the paltry sum back. If you really don't have money for it, then get budgeting, dumpster dive for food, don't use heating etc.

Join clubs and societies, because they are apparently amazing places to make friends and to be part of a community, it does not matter which you join, just as long as you stick with it. You can even try something new and find a new hobby.

So basically, man up, stop procrastinating and throw yourself into the deep end.

All the best mate

I've already made great strides. Remember, this is coming from a guy who didn't leave his room for years except to go to work and run errands. So just the fact that I'm going out is progress. I simply cannot afford to join a frat. Not only are the dues high but these guys go out to clubs every night of the week. I can barely afford to pay my rent and feed myself right now. It's out of the question. As for the school club thing, I think it's a good idea, that's why I asked for suggestions as to specific clubs and joining them later in the semester.

I'm getting very irritated with this whole situation. When I go out, everyone is in their groups which seem to be extremely exclusive... I feel like I'm ****ed since I'm not really in a group. Also, I feel like I could be very successful with women if I could actually MEET some. My classes are literally a 10:1 ratio of guys to girls (who are all fat), this weekend I went to 4 different parties all of which had similar ratios, and when I go to clubs everyone is in their ****ing groups again (which usually consist of something like 6 guys and 2 girls). I resort to online dating and just get "Unread deleted" when I send a message to someone. It's seriously starting to make me extremely frustrated.

 

[Kerpal]

Alright guys, I'm really getting desperate here. How the **** do you make friends if you don't already HAVE friends? It's like a ****ing paradox.

You guys say "go to parties, meet people through your friends" etc. How do I go places with my friends and meet people through them if I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS IN THE FIRST PLACE? Am I supposed to go to parties by myself? I know that won't work, I'll just be the creepy guy who's not in a group. Go to the library? What do I do once I'm there, just go around talking to random groups of people who are trying to study?

I transferred here, everyone is already in their group which consists primarily of people they met living on campus their freshman year. I'm a commuter so I missed out on that just like everything else in my life. Intramural sign ups are over already.

I'm getting so frustrated right now, I'm so tired of sitting around by myself all the time

 

[Juice09]

I don't think you have to join a club you have no interest in simply to make friends. I'm a commuter too bro, so I don't think that's a good excuse. I met most of my college buddies in my classes. You can meet people all over campus, walk up to a smoker and ask for a cigarette. Ask the girl sitting on the bench where the Biology building is. Socializing shouldn't be an obstacle you feel helpless in accomplishing.

 

[flint]

Dude, you sound like you just hate socializing with people in general. If you hate socializing with people then why talk to anyone if they tick you off? Just talk to people if you are interested in talking to them. Develop a sense of humor by just saying random things. If you're sitting next to someone in class and the teacher is boring, just be like "wow this teacher sucks" and boom you are having a conversation. Just start having conversations about absolutely anything, and practice being social until you get an idea about what is good to say and what isn't. Being social is a skill like anything, you need to practice to get good at it.

 

[falconslax89]

Alright guys, I'm really getting desperate here. How the **** do you make friends if you don't already HAVE friends? It's like a ****ing paradox.

You guys say "go to parties, meet people through your friends" etc. How do I go places with my friends and meet people through them if I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS IN THE FIRST PLACE? Am I supposed to go to parties by myself? I know that won't work, I'll just be the creepy guy who's not in a group. Go to the library? What do I do once I'm there, just go around talking to random groups of people who are trying to study?

I transferred here, everyone is already in their group which consists primarily of people they met living on campus their freshman year. I'm a commuter so I missed out on that just like everything else in my life. Intramural sign ups are over already.

I'm getting so frustrated right now, I'm so tired of sitting around by myself all the time

talk to the guys in your classes. start up a conversation. become friends with them if you have to work on a project or whatever. just tell them your new in town and looking to have some fun and see if they can help you out. unless your a total weirdo im sure theyll invite you to hang out or party or whatever...its that easy.

 

[goodfoot]

Act like you suck at learning and start study groups for every class. If you really do suck at learning, even better. You need the extra work

 

[PapiChulo]

Show off your talents or be a class clown - that's how I attracted a few friendly and out-going people. It's not easy - I started making friends in my 3rd year after moving on to university, as opposed to just having "buddies" at my small college. Not much of a social life there either- most people would still hold on to their high school friends.

Start chatting with people from your classes and you will see how the rapport will be building up. Pay attention to freshmen who are seeking to make new friends- they are pretty responsive.

 

[Kerpal]

I'm in my last year, there are no freshman in my classes. How do you start talking to people in class? In my classes, everyone is silent taking notes while the professor lectures. Then as soon as the lecture is over everyone rushes out and goes their separate ways. I never see anyone having a conversation during class.

Also, there are basically no girls in any of my classes. To give you an idea of what the numbers are like, one of my classes has 35 guys and 3 girls, all of which are fat. My other classes are basically the same in terms of demographics. There are a lot of very attractive women at my school, but I just don't seem to have a way to meet them. Nobody even makes eye contact with me when I'm walking around campus.

 

[superwoman]

Try to move into a house with other college kids. You'll naturally expand your social circle through them.

 

[HolyG]

this is pathetic.

you've already given up.

Try cold approaching, try doing SOMETHING. You've just adopted a defeatist attitude.