Ex is confused?

[guitaronfire411]

So I suspected it was a front but know I'm confident about it.

My ex-fiance dumped me on the 14th of May out of nowhere, claiming that she no longer had feelings for me. I tried to sort things out because she has horrible communication. She then blocked me off of everything and claimed that she wanted to date other guys. Since then I just shrugged and continued on with my life.

Now she is claiming she is "free" from me yet her profile picture on Facebook and her fb cover are both talking about how she's 'I know what you're doing..and I'm not coming back' and how she is "free and no longer has feelings." Um, sure.

So I will continue to live my life until she apologizes or otherwise contacts me. It was dumb of her to dump me since her birthday is on Wednesday and she took forever to remove all of my friends from her fb (2 days ago even!).

Now she has maybe 1-2 friends in the real world. Smart.

I am talking to many women right now.

Ideas?

 

[expos]

Ideas?

Not even worth the fight. Continue to date.

 

[In2theGame]

What you need to do is lay low right now and what i mean by that is don't do anything drastic because deep down your probably filled with hurt and confusion as to why she would just want to leave "out of no where" All women seem to do it out of no where. Do not look at her facebook, Do not try to see what shes doing in any way, Do not try to contact her or make a way for her to contact you. just don't do it. It will save a lot of emotional mess and stress.

The same thing happened to me in late 2010. I was with her for 5 years and "out of no where" she wanted to leave and felt confused about "everything". I did the facebook mistake and turns out she got engaged to another guy quick, moved in with him and claimed her love for him for everyone to see.

I'm sure there's another guy shes planning to stroke soon but you cant let any of that bother you. What you need and should do is keep talking to other girls, Hang out with friends and get your own life in order. If your ex contacts you, don't bother to answer.

 

[sodbuster]

She left because she was dumb enough to think she could do "better". WHY do you care about what you should do now?...about her? You are a free man find another woman and don't take this one back. (You COULD take her back in the future, but make her work for it with dozens of Oral sessions.) You DON"T take her back as if NOTHING happened

 

[hobbes]

Man, I read stuff like this and while I am not surprised, I just get so effing angry just reading how women do men. Its really a complete free for all out there.
Fiancee? really?
Think about the level of narcissism and lack of empathy a person would have to have to do that. There are murderers in jail who would have more empathy, for christs sake.
Look, relationships go bad, love dies, it happens to all of us- and we are, at any give time the rejector and the rejected. But the calousness of women today is literally off the charts.
And why should they behave any different.. as that line in that movie where that writer, when asked how he writes womens characters so well nswers
"I think of a man, and take away all reason and accountability"
And that is where women are right now, there is no accountability- as we men are always accountable, no matter what.

Hang in there op, I know its gotta sting something mighty. it'll get easier

 

[In2theGame]

Man, I read stuff like this and while I am not surprised, I just get so effing angry just reading how women do men. Its really a complete free for all out there.
Fiancee? really?
Think about the level of narcissism and lack of empathy a person would have to have to do that. There are murderers in jail who would have more empathy, for christs sake.
Look, relationships go bad, love dies, it happens to all of us- and we are, at any give time the rejector and the rejected. But the calousness of women today is literally off the charts.
And why should they behave any different.. as that line in that movie where that writer, when asked how he writes womens characters so well nswers
"I think of a man, and take away all reason and accountability"
And that is where women are right now, there is no accountability- as we men are always accountable, no matter what.

Hang in there op, I know its gotta sting something mighty. it'll get easier

The women of today have or try to have ALL of the angles closed off so the guy will have no way of being right and what i mean by that is when a guy senses his girl might be playing around or doing something wrong, the woman QUICKLY tries to reverse the situation so that he looks bad and he forgives her.

Example 1: GUY: Why didnt you call me last night? I called and you didnt pick up? Girl: What? Why are you acting so controlling? You need to stop this and trust me.

Thats just one example of probably hundreds but here is the thing... in my opinion, women are getting away with this behavior because they arent getting called out on their Bullsh!t when its sensed by the man. I was just recently dating a pretty damn hot 9 blonde, blue eyes, huge t!ts, ass and just a tight body overall, she tried to "sh it test" me about some things and each and every time I put that chick in her place and the result was she was falling in love with me because according to her, in her words "Your so manly" Whatever that means but i didnt let her get away with a damn thing. i recently cut her loose because i wasn't ready for a full blown relationship and she wanted to introduce me to her parents.

I'm recently dating another blonde but this one is a real head turner and the result is the same however she told me straight up that it turns her on so much that i put her in her place, in the bedroom and outside the bedroom. We recently met this weekend for drinks and i was late, about an hour late and she Texts me "ugh where are you? im waiting!", Instead of saying im sorry i said "im on my way, i didnt know you would be there so fast but you better not be giving me an attitude or else you'll hear about it later in the bedroom" She replied "Ok " I got there and she had a drink waiting for me and my seat waiting, Rest is history.

Anyway, the point is Woman are getting out of control because they themselves dont know how to get out of their own way and they need a MAN to lead them or else they will be an emotional mess and get BS advice from their GF's. I do not care what a woman says, I am the man and your going to be with me or not. Ill take care of her as long as shes my lady but if i even so much smell BS... get the F*ck out. My looks might help me get away with some things lol but the concept is still the same.. The man leads, the woman follows.

 

[PeakIV]

female confusion = female hedging her bets and stalling for time

 

[guitaronfire411]

Thanks guys.

I thought this one was in the books, a done deal. I was doing well for the first year and a half and then she started being uber aggressive, hiding things, etc. Stuff a decent girl would not do.

Does she respect anyone? Not for very long. She's 14K in the hole, unemployed, went from my personal 8.5 to a fat 6 in just over 2 years, and has become a naggy cow when I was trying to get my university degree.

Caught her in tiny and moderate lies. You see, she was not diagnosed as bipolar until roughly February of this year and now says she doesn't want or need my help.

If she is on her Bipolar II meds, she is fine. We get along like 85% of the time. This time she went off of her meds at least a few days before the break-up. I tried to reconcile -- I know, it was a bad idea but I had to try because she lacks the ability to compromise -- and she started blocking/removing my friends.

Now she thinks I'm going to show up at her place even though I haven't talked to her for a week. That's her bipolar talking, so I know that she is still off of her meds. Her parents and friends won't do jack-squat.

So I have been trying to move on but she has become this uber-vindictive angry *****. I suspect she thought I'd come crawling back pleading endlessly but I am not like that. The damage in the first two weeks was severe. Never had gone to bed and woke up to find that I was single before after being with someone for almost 4 years.

I graduate in just a week and her birthday is on Wednesday. I am not going to wish her a happy birthday because she is not my problem anymore!

 

[pdx1138]

Exactly, she means nothing to you. Don't ever contact her or respond when she contacts you.

14 thousand in the hole and unemployed....that would only drag you down anyways.

Good save for you!

 

[Zarky]

Bible Belt would advise you to immediately marry her. Heehehheheheheehe!!!

 

[guitaronfire411]

I did not wish her a happy birthday. It probably upset her a lot and brought the situation home to her!

I'm finding it hard to move on. My friend contacted her and my ex-fiance's reply was something like, 'fu for the thoughts in my head' and her telling me to 'grow up' (and move on). She's selling all of the gifts I gave her because she is likely desperate for money. She is super angry and is avoiding talking about me at all to people.

I am giving myself time to recover by working-out, talking to friends and trying to keep busy. I find if I am even a little bit stressed out, I instantly feel sick. I had alcohol the previous day but not at all yesterday. The gym is great until I get home and then suddenly I feel lonely when my endorphins start to disappear. Any solutions?

Found out that she started to sleep around shortly after the break but she is still single weeks later. Yes, I have a big heart and it's hard for me to let go 100% just yet.

Trying to get numbers but I have not seen any hotties yet in my area. I was feeling really suicidal a week ago and feel a glimmer of it today.

Her primary goal now is to make me suffer for the pain that she is experiencing with NC, so I have been trying to do NC in light of my failed date that I had.

 

[In2theGame]

I did not wish her a happy birthday. It probably upset her a lot and brought the situation home to her!

I'm finding it hard to move on. My friend contacted her and my ex-fiance's reply was something like, 'fu for the thoughts in my head' and her telling me to 'grow up' (and move on). She's selling all of the gifts I gave her because she is likely desperate for money. She is super angry and is avoiding talking about me at all to people.

I am giving myself time to recover by working-out, talking to friends and trying to keep busy. I find if I am even a little bit stressed out, I instantly feel sick. I had alcohol the previous day but not at all yesterday. The gym is great until I get home and then suddenly I feel lonely when my endorphins start to disappear. Any solutions?

Found out that she started to sleep around shortly after the break but she is still single weeks later. Yes, I have a big heart and it's hard for me to let go 100% just yet.

Trying to get numbers but I have not seen any hotties yet in my area. I was feeling really suicidal a week ago and feel a glimmer of it today.

Her primary goal now is to make me suffer for the pain that she is experiencing with NC, so I have been trying to do NC in light of my failed date that I had.

Yo let me tell you something, I had the same feeling as you and im going to give you advice from my experience that you need to take. After 5 years and me wanting to Marry my ex, she did the same. She left and slept around, got involved with drugs, drinking, F'ing random guys and then ended up engaged to another guy. I had chest pains, Anxiety attacks and not only that but my financial life was collapsing, my best friends were no where to be found, My luxury car i had to sell, my gold watches and jewelry i had to sell for money and i ended up in the hospital few times from a nervous break down all while this is happening my ex is out F'cking other guys. Im telling you i know how you feel and what you need to do is go to the gym to work that stress off somehow, it wont make you feel better right away but what it will do is prepare you for when you do start getting over it and ready to go out and meet girls, your in shape and will be better off picking up women. Also, get your money right, learn to build cash either through investments or other methods. Try and hang out with friends and meet new people. While she will be on your mind, it is essential you try and keep going forward. Its ok you cry man, i did because i was Fcked over real bad. Let this be a lesson to you that you need to grow strong as a man and need to put future woman in their place.

Dont look at her facebook because you will more than likely see things you dont want to see. just DONT DO IT. How did i turn out you might ask? Today i have my own investments working for me instead of me working a job, I am Big and ripped, I have few plates all HB 8 to 9's wanted me to pound them out and although now i dont put women as my main focus, i have them there if i feel like getting some. I might date one but for now, my personal and financial life are most important. Take some Test boosters (Depending how old you are) take care of yourself first man, This will pass but try to be strong. its difficult but you CANT let it get the best of you. keep your head up and you will be better off without her, trust me.

 

[betheman]

Brutal but on the money Brad.

 

[guitaronfire411]

Thanks for the support guys. I haven't been in a 3+ year LTR before so it hit me harder initially than my last relationship of 8 months. I knew my ex had serious problems but she always found an uncanny way to complicate her life and ruin her life to the 9th degree further still. Her life became even ****tier once she was diagnosed as Bipolar II and she criticized me for focusing on creating my career instead of working at a menial position for minimum wage.

It was an emotional brick-wall. You are definitely right in saying that it comes in waves and the waves, while ****ty, happen to get easier and easier with the gym.

Plus I was in the middle of a ton of responsibilities that I wanted to avoid but saw them through nonetheless. If I had avoided those two big conferences it would have hurt my reputation even more!

I cannot emphasize enough how the gym has helped me recover. I hope that other people going through sheer hell like I did know that close friends and a hard work ethic will get you through a clusterf*ck.

I suspect confidence+persistance will pay off soon enough with a new girl. The gameplan is to continue hanging with my friends to help recover and keep focusing on self-improvement.

 

[corrector]

3. Maintain strict NC. No talking about her to friends. No stalking her FB. No keeping her pictures, clothes, and other mementos around. The sooner you listen to me here and get rid of everything that reminds you of her, the sooner you will get better. STAY AWAY FROM YOUR EX.

This point I've partially fulfilled. While I'm on strict NC, I continue thinking about my ex is one way or another and talking about her in some way or another. I keep her pictures.

The context however, is to show that "true love" is possible and that I had an experience. Why take off momentos, pictures, or clothes and deny the fact that you HAD someone for the past x years, or for past time? All of this proves you are not gay and like woman. Why delete it?

But I guess you don't want to build a shrine in your heart for her either and sensationalize it with other people.

 

[corrector]

When I broke up with my last GF - I felt somewhat like you...wanting to hold onto those things. But, I TOSSED them. Best thing I ever did. I still have some nice clothes she bought me and I will wear them until worn out, only because I am practical. Pics, letters, etc...are all gone. It was the right move.

You know what I've done with my ex-gf picture? When another woman brought me down and made me feel like I needed to change in order to attract a nice woman into my life...I sent those pics by email to show what a wonderful girl came into my life in the past who loved me for who I was. Then I broke up with her (friendship) for that insult and said, she saw pics of my "ex", now she is also an "ex" herself.

I'm sorry, the memories, as a net, are TOO good with my ex and it shows that I could love a girl who could also love me too. I never had another girl that came like this one did before and to get rid of the memory of her would be like getting rid of me. I can not betray the integrity of the memory or the relationship in that memory I have because it was almost perfect. It's like a movie, you can replay it over and over again....it belongs to you. Why throw away the DVD if its a good movie?

There is no way I'm going to allow her to go away from my mind since I dumped her and loved her at the same time (i.e. before she potentially walked out on me down the road in a marriage, lol!). I have journals written about her, dates and times, and if I'm happy about that past then who cares anyway, right? When I dumped her it was a pre-emptive strike. I guess that's why it's difficult to ever let go on this one until I meet the one.

 

[expos]

There is no way I'm going to allow her to go away from my mind since I dumped her and loved her at the same time (i.e. before she potentially walked out on me down the road in a marriage, lol!). I have journals written about her, dates and times, and if I'm happy about that past then who cares anyway, right? When I dumped her it was a pre-emptive strike. I guess that's why it's difficult to ever let go on this one until I meet the one.

I am very much like you. I've kept a majority of my things from exes. Old photos, some gifts, etc. I think it's important to do because you can look back at those exes and remember the good times, but keeping them also serves as reminder as to what not to do the next time around. I get better with every date and every relationship...I have those exes to thank.

I look back a lot, I think it's rather healthy. Of course, I'm always planning a head and living in the moment as well.

 

[corrector]

Ok fine if you really want to keep her pictures so bad and want to show off to other women the fact that you can get girls then keep the damn pictures. Just put them away in a box and don't think about it or reopen that box until a lot of time has passed and you're certain that you no longer have any more feelings for her.

The pics are just a couple of photos that are online. Maybe a DVD video that I took out on my camera. So far I haven't even picked up my camera to take out any further films -- like a mental block.

The point is, if you're stuck up on a girl put these clothes, pictures, and other mementos away until you are over your ex.

I don't interact much with any mementos that I do have as they are either in a box in the basement, or inside that video camera that hasn't been used. The rest are a couple of pics but I don't go on there to look at them.

I mean I sort of get it that this is all in the past, she's probably moved on a long time ago and has her own clique. However, the fact I got so much mileage out of her last year is still an ego-boost.

Any reminders will make you pine for them, and may even trigger an attempt to contact them.

I haven't contacted her in over 6-7 months. I don't think there can be any trigger strong enough to contact her, or I would have already contacted her already. At this point I do not know her. Come to think of it, since she hid so much about her past with me when I dated her, I don't think I ever did. I just had a facade of someone who was on anti-depressants and was trying to bury her past with me and I felt used because it wasn't true love.

The only indirect contact may be through current people in her life who may be interacting with her who I may be interacting with when I go to a home church. However, beyond that, I ignored a linked in request by her (assuming it was not automated, I hit unsubscribe to stop getting painful reminders), and apart from that there has been NC between each of us.

In short, any reminder of your ex may stunt your healing so you want to avoid such things for as long as you can. When you're over the ex, feel free to show off your clothes and pictures and prove to people what a great pimp you are.

But I think the greater issue is whether I can get girls in the first place which is screwing any healing. The experience with her is looked at as a miracle from what is otherwise a sad life (in that department) where it's difficult to find anyone I'm compatible with, let alone connect with in any nice way (that I'm genuinely attracted to). How can you get over that? I feel like that was a lucky year last year and it has that lottery feeling since allot of stuff on my "romantic bucket list" came though with her.

Even her ex-husband can't find another girl in over 2-3 years since she walked out on him and he divorced her. Both me and her ex-husband have issues finding new girls. An her ex-husband is a pastor and you'd think he's an alpha male in that environment or something. Maybe this girl targets guys who have difficulty getting girls or something since those who have no issues won't even see her as an option in the first place. They wouldn't take her seriously.

For the record, if her ex-husband pastor found another woman I would not have broke up with her. That fact in itself should scare anyone off. That means, if I invested all my money and time into a marriage and living together with her, all she has to do is walk out to wipe all of that out and I'm back to square one again anyway, like her ex-husband. I believe the motto bros before hoes. Didn't like what she did to that guy.

 

[Kidquick]

So I will continue to live my life until she apologizes or otherwise contacts me.

This women is not worth your time, ever. I strongly advise you to delete all connections to her and go strictly NC. For good.

 

[guitaronfire411]

I am trying to move on. I just feel crappy still and I guess my confidence at 30 took a hit. I have no problems approaching women on the street but if I went into a club environment and sometimes a bar environment, that is not where my strengths lie.

When I got into this past relationship, I was hoping that I would never have to go into a club or bar again as a single individual and lo and behold, here I am again.