Ex Is Back On Pof 2 Weeks After I Ended It

[soulforge]

Been thinking long and hard about my break up... i admit there was things she did wrong and there was some things i did wrong..


We both handled the situation quite badly.. so we was both responsible for the argument that led to our break up..

In the end it was me who ended it with her... i tried to communicate with her, and try to resolve our fallout.. but she was bieng very in responsive and would not talk..

I offered to have a face to face chat... in the end i decided how can i have a long term relationship with a woman, who makes no effort to get over a petty argument..

So i decided to end it


i kind of feel we could had sorted things out, maybe i should have been more patient, gave her some more time, but it had already dragged out for a week.. and she made no effort to make up at all

Her i,m a princess.. and a victim mentality kicked in!


Anynhow 2 weeks after the breakup, she is now back on Plenty of fish dating site?


Should i reach out to her and see if she is willing to talk??

Remember it was me who officially ended it... but it was kinda mutual because she didn't try to make up with me!!


Would trying to talk to her now, be a mistake? I would be putting her in a position of power over me???


Please advice... i was getting over her, till i found out she is back on POF

 

[SeymourCake]

Movie on. Are you honestly taking a girl you met on PoF serious?

 

[Eljuego]

Been thinking long and hard about my break up... i admit there was things she did wrong and there was some things i did wrong..


We both handled the situation quite badly.. so we was both responsible for the argument that led to our break up..

In the end it was me who ended it with her... i tried to communicate with her, and try to resolve our fallout.. but she was bieng very in responsive and would not talk..


In the end i decide to finish it.. i kinda feel we could had sorted things out, maybe i should have been more patient, gave her some more time!!

Anynhow 2 weeks after the breakup, she is now back on Plenty of fish dating site?


Should i reach out to her and see if she is willing to talk??

Remember it was me who officially ended it... but it was kinda mutual because didn't bother trying to make up with me!!


Would trying to talk to her now, be a mistake? I would be putting her in a position of power

Hi Soulforge,

You say she is gone back to POF, so I'm assuming that you met her on POF? IMO, pof women for the most part are not worth getting into a relationship with. I think they develop a certain mentality....that fact that she didn't bother trying to make up with you or work things out reveals that online instantly replaceable mentality....they know they get loads of attention online so why bother trying to work things out or put any effort in when she has pof to fall back on. Anyway, I've used that site in two countries and the quality leaves a lot to be desired..

That being said I wouldn't say your breakup was 'kinda mutual because she didn't try make up with you'. You finished it. That's not mutual. I've heard loads of women say something similar to that...'oh I finished with him and he just said ok I understand or as you wish, so that proves he didn't care'. and my response has been 'what do you want? that he begs you' You want out, you've got it.....there's the door.

Why do you suddenly want to reach out and talk to her? Are you having remorse because she is back on the market? do you not have any other options?

 

[soulforge]

L

Hi Soulforge,

You say she is gone back to POF, so I'm assuming that you met her on POF? IMO, pof women for the most part are not worth getting into a relationship with. I think they develop a certain mentality....that fact that she didn't bother trying to make up with you or work things out reveals that online instantly replaceable mentality....they know they get loads of attention online so why bother trying to work things out or put any effort in when she has pof to fall back on. Anyway, I've used that site in two countries and the quality leaves a lot to be desired..

That being said I wouldn't say your breakup was 'kinda mutual because she didn't try make up with you'. You finished it. That's not mutual. I've heard loads of women say something similar to that...'oh I finished with him and he just said ok I understand or as you wish, so that proves he didn't care'. and my response has been 'what do you want? that he begs you' You want out, you've got it.....there's the door.

Why do you suddenly want to reach out and talk to her? Are you having remorse because she is back on the market? do you not have any other options?

Yes i did meet her on POF

and yes i did end it... and i still have feelings for her.. her bieng back on POF has left me feeling kinda crap.. she will be banging other guys!!


I dated her 4 months, developed feelings for her.. but quite alot of red flags too.

My main issue is.. she does not try to resolve issues, always blames me, plays the victim..

I am doubtful she will make a good long term partner for me!!


If i reach out to her now, and she rejectes me... damn its going to hurt.. and i was only just starting to get over her!!


I guess the fact that she is on there 2 weeks after i ended it proves, she is not worth fighting for? ??

 

[Suspens]

Yes she is banging multiple other plates, yet you are still fapping to her pictures.

 

[soulforge]

Hi Soulforge,

You say she is gone back to POF, so I'm assuming that you met her on POF? IMO, pof women for the most part are not worth getting into a relationship with. I think they develop a certain mentality....that fact that she didn't bother trying to make up with you or work things out reveals that online instantly replaceable mentality....they know they get loads of attention online so why bother trying to work things out or put any effort in when she has pof to fall back on. Anyway, I've used that site in two countries and the quality leaves a lot to be desired..

That being said I wouldn't say your breakup was 'kinda mutual because she didn't try make up with you'. You finished it. That's not mutual. I've heard loads of women say something similar to that...'oh I finished with him and he just said ok I understand or as you wish, so that proves he didn't care'. and my response has been 'what do you want? that he begs you' You want out, you've got it.....there's the door.

Why do you suddenly want to reach out and talk to her? Are you having remorse because she is back on the market? do you not have any other options?

I think you got a little mixed up there... i only ended it, after trying to talk to her first.. i tried twice to communicate with her..

She was very in responsive.. i suggested meeting to talk, she said you could not that night, because of her kids.. but she made no counter offer to talk on another day!


I was done trying to fix things.. why should i grovel like a dog trying to sort things out..

She made no effort.. so i decided to nuke the relationship and end it with her...

 

[Peña]

She has moved on and so should you. No point to reach out to her. If she wants to reach out to you she wlll. Looks like she wants to reach out to other men on POF. Forget her.

 

[soulforge]

She has moved on and so should you. No point to reach out to her. If she wants to reach out to you she wlll. Looks like she wants to reach out to other men on POF. Forget her.

Well i initially saw her profile pop up on POF last week.. this was just one week after i ended it with her..

Then for some reason she was not on there anymore..

My guess is she either noticed that i was on there, and she came off it for a bit..

Or she hid her profile.. so i would not see her!


Biggest mistake i made was getting involved emotionally with a POF chick

 

[soulforge]

This must be your 250th thread asking about this girl.

What does that tell you about yourself?

FFS, man either sack up and move on, or just call her and ask her out.

Lol i think calling her and asking her out, would be a mistake

 

[Peña]

Well i initially saw her profile pop up on POF last week.. this was just one week after i ended it with her..

Then for some reason she was not on there anymore..

My guess is she either noticed that i was on there, and she came off it for a bit..

Or she hid her profile.. so i would not see her!


Biggest mistake i made was getting involved emotionally with a POF chick

Maybe she is with another guy already. Who cares though. You ended it so why are you pining away for an online girl who jumped back online? Do what she did and move on. Can't you get new girls on POF?

 

[soulforge]

You asked for advice numerous times, the same question just worded differently.
Everyone told you to move on and forget her. You YOURSELF have said this numerous times.

Why keep asking?

Hey mauser you gave me some good advice..

I think it was just the initial shock of seeing her back on there so quick, that bothered me..

Also the feeling of losing her for good.. but your right, i need to let this one go...

If she comes after me at some point, then fair enough... otherwise need to find a better girl than her... and doubt i will find her on pof..

Plus trying to reach out to her now, will make me look like a desperate dog in her eyes

 

[skinnyguy]

Lol, this an extreme case of oneitis. There should be a medicine for this kind of stuff

 

[EFFORT]

Lol, this an extreme case of oneitis. There should be a medicine for this kind of stuff

Yeah, definitely a bad case of oneitis.

-soulforge what you're feeling from seeing her profile on pof is a normal physiological response from way back in time. Don't run from the feeling, just accept it for what it is. Whatever you do don't let it take you over and contact her in desperation have some dignity.

I've made up a system with silly/dorky predictable "Phases" to help me manage my romantic relationships. You went through "Phase-6 Turbulence" (probably been going on for some time the argument was just the last stand, avoid arguing in the future, be in the business of keeping your stress low) then "Phase-7 Departure" (Break up, her back on POF) In my experience if you handle Phase 7 correctly they usually come back at some point (Phase-8 Return). Most men are either too controlling/jealous/territorial/hot head or beta/wussy and it gets old and they just come back if you don't act like either of those types.

What you do is build a full life by doing the following

1. Sort out your goals/mission in life. Figure out 10 different ways you'll contribute to the world. Figure out what success/ideal life means to you.

2. Add Strength Training, Martial Arts, Yoga, Pilates, Dance, Meditation, Tai Chi to your life. Clean up your diet and take on a mission of learning how to cook healthy tasty meals.

3. Watch some James Bond movies and watch some of the movies from the top 100 man movie list.

4. Learn to play the Guitar or brush up on it if you already know how

5. Write hand written letters to people close to you (not your ex)

6. Join toastmasters, take an improve class, stand up comedy class and acting class

7. Clean up your place and rearrange things

8. Get a hair cut and try on some new clothes, add a few new items every month

9. Find some of your favorite albums/songs from when you were a kid and listen to them for old times sakes.

10. Find some cool bars/places to eat/hang out spots near you and become friends with the staff. Create a ritual where you bring people from your new active lifestyle to these places. Look to connect people as much as possible.

11. Listen to Brian Tracy

This will get things going in the right direction. Figure out what you want your "Woman" life to look like. (I recommend having 2-3 women that you're seeing) From there fix up your profile on POF and Okcupid and send out 20 copy paste messages on both sites every week on Saturday morning should take about 30min. (Don't waste time reading the profile)

You then just live and enjoy your life. Don't talk to her unless she talks to you. She comes to you, you don't go to her. If you're authentically happy enjoying your life sleeping with 2-3 women, she'll want back in after she experiences what the dating world has to offer, just don't be one of those men from above.

 

[soulforge]

It could be worse brother.

Was with my ex for almost 2 years and when I broke up with her she slept with another guy within a week (and she was a virgin when we met).

You can blame it on "grief" but its damaged goods regardless. Imagine my disappointment.

Thats pretty raw brother... well in my case i doubt she is banging another dude... or she would not be back on pof.. fuk her let her do what she wants..

 

[soulforge]

Yeah, definitely a bad case of oneitis.

-soulforge what you're feeling from seeing her profile on pof is a normal physiological response from way back in time. Don't run from the feeling, just accept it for what it is. Whatever you do don't let it take you over and contact her in desperation have some dignity.

I've made up a system with silly/dorky predictable "Phases" to help me manage my romantic relationships. You went through "Phase-6 Turbulence" (probably been going on for some time the argument was just the last stand, avoid arguing in the future, be in the business of keeping your stress low) then "Phase-7 Departure" (Break up, her back on POF) In my experience if you handle Phase 7 correctly they usually come back at some point (Phase-8 Return). Most men are either too controlling/jealous/territorial/hot head or beta/wussy and it gets old and they just come back if you don't act like either of those types.

What you do is build a full life by doing the following

1. Sort out your goals/mission in life. Figure out 10 different ways you'll contribute to the world. Figure out what success/ideal life means to you.

2. Add Strength Training, Martial Arts, Yoga, Pilates, Dance, Meditation, Tai Chi to your life. Clean up your diet and take on a mission of learning how to cook healthy tasty meals.

3. Watch some James Bond movies and watch some of the movies from the top 100 man movie list.

4. Learn to play the Guitar or brush up on it if you already know how

5. Write hand written letters to people close to you (not your ex)

6. Join toastmasters, take an improve class, stand up comedy class and acting class

7. Clean up your place and rearrange things

8. Get a hair cut and try on some new clothes, add a few new items every month

9. Find some of your favorite albums/songs from when you were a kid and listen to them for old times sakes.

10. Find some cool bars/places to eat/hang out spots near you and become friends with the staff. Create a ritual where you bring people from your new active lifestyle to these places. Look to connect people as much as possible.

11. Listen to Brian Tracy

This will get things going in the right direction. Figure out what you want your "Woman" life to look like. (I recommend having 2-3 women that you're seeing) From there fix up your profile on POF and Okcupid and send out 20 copy paste messages on both sites every week on Saturday morning should take about 30min. (Don't waste time reading the profile)

You then just live and enjoy your life. Don't talk to her unless she talks to you. She comes to you, you don't go to her. If you're authentically happy enjoying your life sleeping with 2-3 women, she'll want back in after she experiences what the dating world has to offer, just don't be one of those men from above.

Yeh man i will just leave her to it... will not be reaching out... if she wants back sometime, might plate her up... but time to find a woman who isnt this much drama!!

 

[Eljuego]

I don't think that's how it works. If she is on pof she is at the very least entertaining other men and for all you know she may have signed up the day after you broke up.

It's not hard for girls to get dates. And sadly it's not hard for men to exploit. I've met up with several women on tinder who very recently split up with their boyfriends and fvcked them the same night only to have them tell me days/weeks later that they are giving things with their bf "another go".

The only difference is my ex was dumb/naive/trusting enough to tell me. The vast majority of women would not.

Women do fvcked up things when they're hurting. They don't think. Consequences be damned. And if your girl actually cared about you she will be hurting. The vast majority of women can't stand to be alone and most will desperately seek out a substitute or rebound in the wake of a break up.
I don’t even blame them for this idiocy. The point is the chances are your gf is probably in this category, which means you need to be 100% certain that you want to end things for good because if your gf slips up and fvcks another guy (which tbh she probably already has) then it’s done. You can’t undo something like that.

Finding a woman who is not a h0e is a big task in itself. But finding a woman who will remain loyal post breakup, while she thinks you’re out there screwing around is going to be incredibly difficult.

What I’ve learnt from my experience is that walking away is one thing, but if you choose to pull the trigger and end a relationship you need to be certain about never wanting to see this girl again. Because what she does after is out of your hands.

Hope for the best but expect the worst and plan accordingly. That way you will never be exposed regardless of the result. And for god sake grow a pair and go NC or get just get back with her before the above happens because if it hasn't happened already it definitely will in the near future.

Quick question. I'm not trying to undermine the pain of your break up or what you went through. I thought something similar many moons ago.

Just curious: You finished with your girlfriend. The relationship was over, your decision. She sleeps with someone else within a week. You think she was wrong for this? Why? You think she is damaged goods? Why? What should she have done in your opinion? Should she have waited a certain period of time (until you were over her?) then called you to ask your permission if she could bang somebody else?
Are you relating the amount of time between when YOU broke it off and when she slept with somebody else, to how much the relationship meant to her?

"But finding a woman who will remain loyal post breakup" where are your expectations? You actually think a girl should remain "loyal" to you when you break up? Do you have ownership rights? Do you remain "loyal" post break up?

"if your gf slips up and fvcks another guy" if she slips up? should she be out there pining for the OP on her best behaviour? Waiting patiently? If she slips up....

attachment issues.

 

[Eljuego]

Scarcity or abundance

I think you got a little mixed up there... i only ended it, after trying to talk to her first.. i tried twice to communicate with her..

She was very in responsive.. i suggested meeting to talk, she said you could not that night, because of her kids.. but she made no counter offer to talk on another day!


I was done trying to fix things.. why should i grovel like a dog trying to sort things out..

She made no effort.. so i decided to nuke the relationship and end it with her...

A little mixed up? It's quite possible. It's quite possible that you are a little confused too son. But I'll tell you why instead of making a statement.

Firstly, your confusing her with somebody who cares about you. She doesn't care about you. Her interest level has left the building, if it was ever there in the first place. Maybe it was and your neediness pushed her away.

Secondly, your confused about your gender role and your frame. You were probably acting like a needy girl which is why she wasn't interested in working things out. Maybe you should have withdrawn and got busy with your life and other women and let her come at you 'to work things out'

You made your decision. There was obviously a reason for your decision. Be firm in it and your frame. If she did get back with you it would probably be to finish with you later....imagine how you'd feel then. What's done is done.

Scarcity or abundance?

 

[badboyjmm]

Quick question. I'm not trying to undermine the pain of your break up or what you went through. I thought something similar many moons ago.

Just curious: You finished with your girlfriend. The relationship was over, your decision. She sleeps with someone else within a week. You think she was wrong for this? Why? You think she is damaged goods? Why? What should she have done in your opinion? Should she have waited a certain period of time (until you were over her?) then called you to ask your permission if she could bang somebody else?
Are you relating the amount of time between when YOU broke it off and when she slept with somebody else, to how much the relationship meant to her?

"But finding a woman who will remain loyal post breakup" where are your expectations? You actually think a girl should remain "loyal" to you when you break up? Do you have ownership rights? Do you remain "loyal" post break up?

"if your gf slips up and fvcks another guy" if she slips up? should she be out there pining for the OP on her best behaviour? Waiting patiently? If she slips up....

attachment issues.

You've beat me to the punch. OP You decided to ended things with her, so she's free to do whatever she wants. She's single so it shouldn't matter. Please move on.

I understand that a behavior like that might indicate that she didn't really care about the relationship in the first place. But as other posters mentioned, most girls cannot stand to stay single for a while. They need the attention, even if it's just for a date to be validated.

Heck my ex not only had another bf within a month of the breakup (which is totally find, I ended things with her) She had a profile on POF that was empty, meaning that if things would end, she would be back on the site ASAP ! Plus when I made a post on Facebook about girls that are in Relationship but still looking for a better deal, she like the post !!! Talk about the irony

Move on and go pursue other girls. There's no benefit in talk to her now

 

[Solomon]

Movie on. Are you honestly taking a girl you met on PoF serious?

:crackup:

OP she has moved or is moving on I suggest you do the same, go to the gym, grab a new shirt and hit the town with your buddies this weekend have a fun!

 

[Between_The_Lines]

And this is probably my ego talking but I also think that she should have made more of an effort to reconcile. IMO sleeping with someone else (especially as a girl who has only slept with ONE guy) is something you should really be doing when you're certain there is no hope to get back together. She claims she saw no hope but I wasn't entirely convinced.

Yes, that is your ego fabricating nonsense. What, you think she should have "fought" for you? Thrown herself at your feet, clutching to one of your legs while screaming "No! Don't do this to me! I belong to you!!!"? And the only emphasis you should be placing on the part where she claimed that she saw no hope is that you listen to what she does, not what she says.

Well, her whole clean "good girl" image was one of the reasons I liked her. Knowing she could so easily spread her legs kills the attraction. Ok, maybe not attraction but certainly the love.

You fell for the whole "perception is reality" bit, and now you're nauseated and disoriented. In my view, you need a lot more first-hand experience of the nature of women. Yeah, go plow ten other women (usually) helps destroy oneitis, but it also stands to help you get the sort of education I'm talking about, especially if at least one of these girls that you go on to bang matches the sacred good girl image you place on a pedestal (refer any possible objections that "good girls" don't fvck around like that right back to your now ex). You need to see it for yourself that the notion of the "good girl" is very much a myth, made possible by the two of you - you for wanting to believe in it and, ultimately, needing to believe in it, even beyond your breakup, and the exact same applying to her. There are many parallels between the world of dating and the world of business - it's in a girl's best interest to do her absolute best to promote herself as a "good girl" to a potential partner(s) just as much as it's in a employee's best interest to promote himself/herself to a potential employer as a "reliable, trustworthy, diligent, hard worker".

Pretty much. Yes. Although if I'm entirely honest with myself I know that she love[d] me and yes I treated her like sh*t but I just think she showed very poor decision making in the aftermath

What she does when she's no longer with you should be of zero concern to you. You don't owe her anything, and the same goes in the opposite direction. If you knew for fact that you could easily replace her, that life would move along swimmingly without her, this would be a non-issue.

Not exactly loyal, but as I mentioned to you sleeping with someone else is MASSIVE. You can't undo that. And it begs the question, "is that all it took?". A few words and you basically do something that destroys any chance of a future. I get some women take grief badly but come on...have more sense.

Either she checked out some time back or, to continue hammering home the point I'm trying to illustrate, you were sold a bill of goods. Ideally, you should be at least moderately amused when a girl breaks character and it's revealed that she's not who she claimed she was, not seething with anger - that's who they are, they're simply carrying out their sexual strategy.