Ex has my balls in a vise...

[Atom Smasher]

Sounds like you pretty much dodged a bullet on this one. You definitely have a propensity to show your hand and lose your power, though, bro.

In most situations it is very important to play your hand close to the vest. No paper, no chatter, just taking care of business. All people, no matter how altruistic they may appear, live for their own self-interests and little more. I make it a point to live strategically and never give anyone any rope by which they might decide to strangle me later. Today's friend can easily be tomorrow's enemy.

 

[Cheeks]

Sounds like you pretty much dodged a bullet on this one. You definitely have a propensity to show your hand and lose your power, though, bro.

In most situations it is very important to play your hand close to the vest. No paper, no chatter, just taking care of business. All people, no matter how altruistic they may appear, live for their own self-interests and little more. I make it a point to live strategically and never give anyone any rope by which they might decide to strangle me later. Today's friend can easily be tomorrow's enemy.

You're right, definitely something I need to work on. And this whole situation was a much needed wake-up call.

 

[Boilermaker]

Well done sosuave

What a strange thread.

Guy snatches single mom's money (for a fvcking car), b!tches about her getting support from the state, guy had cheated on her, and you people are screaming for him not to pay. he still doesn't pay, and he still gets to play the victim.

You know, there are other ways of stealing, too. You could go to the closest Wal-mart and start a shoplifting career. It is easy to rationalize later, anyway, "Hey them Walton b!tches have already enough money, don't they?" could be a nice one-liner from one of you.

Sometimes, the feminist paranoia in this forum becomes unbearable and I don't even want to think of the reaction if the guy was swapped with girl in this story. When it's him to pay, you monkeys tell him not to pay, if it was the girl who wasn't paying and he looking after a kid, the entire board would capsize in arguing how all women are born to steal.

I don't even have a suggestion for the OP, to me he's a douchebag who practically stole his ex-girlfriend's money. What kind of a man are you? How can you live with yourself in this situation? I am curious.

and to all those immoral nihilists here, next time you come here saying women have no principles, remember your own low behavior under the right conditions. You are not one bit better.

 

[Cheeks]

What a strange thread.

Guy snatches single mom's money (for a fvcking car), b!tches about her getting support from the state, guy had cheated on her, and you people are screaming for him not to pay. he still doesn't pay, and he still gets to play the victim.

You know, there are other ways of stealing, too. You could go to the closest Wal-mart and start a shoplifting career. It is easy to rationalize later, anyway, "Hey them Walton b!tches have already enough money, don't they?" could be a nice one-liner from one of you.

Sometimes, the feminist paranoia in this forum becomes unbearable and I don't even want to think of the reaction if the guy was swapped with girl in this story. When it's him to pay, you monkeys tell him not to pay, if it was the girl who wasn't paying and he looking after a kid, the entire board would capsize in arguing how all women are born to steal.

I don't even have a suggestion for the OP, to me he's a douchebag who practically stole his ex-girlfriend's money. What kind of a man are you? How can you live with yourself in this situation? I am curious.

and to all those immoral nihilists here, next time you come here saying women have no principles, remember your own low behavior under the right conditions. You are not one bit better.

How did I steal her money? She willingly loaned it to me and I never stopped making payments and I don't intend to stop, even after she dumped me.

 

[Jeffst1980]

This one is pretty simple- work overtime and pay her back as fast as possible...then never speak to her again. She sounds like a headcase, and would certainly have made your life miserable had you remained with her. A truly feminine woman would NOT stoop to the level of insults and power grabs in an attempt to "control" you.

Rest assured that she is extremely bitter about the end of the relationship, and that's her reason for lashing out at you. As much as you believe she has the upper hand, she really doesn't. As soon as you settle your debt with her, cut her out of your life and watch her go crazy in an attempt to recapture your interest. Hopefully, you will be too busy dating younger, childless women to notice.

 

[Zunder]

Moral of the story: Never have a relationship with a woman with a kid that isn't yours. Pump dump move on.

 

[Zarky]

Boilermaker's a drama queen who likes to harp on his (erroneous) version of "feminism" every chance he gets. No offense.

and to all those immoral nihilists here, next time you come here saying women have no principles, remember your own low behavior under the right conditions. You are not one bit better.

That's amoral nihilist, and I never b*tch about women. I f*ck them gladly.

 

[Bible_Belt]

that email can be used as proof. she doesn't need a signed contract if she can prove that you took the loan under the agreed assumption to pay her back, which that email does. she's already got you by the balls. now you have to pay.

I don't think so. The email would be hearsay, and thus inadmissible under the rules of evidence. It's not a valid contract by itself anyway.

She has no case in court, and probably knows it, which is why she is manipulating the OP with guilt. All she has is a guilt trip, but to her credit that is apparently all she needs to get her money. She's a smart girl.

 

[Cheeks]

This one is pretty simple- work overtime and pay her back as fast as possible...then never speak to her again. She sounds like a headcase, and would certainly have made your life miserable had you remained with her. A truly feminine woman would NOT stoop to the level of insults and power grabs in an attempt to "control" you.

Rest assured that she is extremely bitter about the end of the relationship, and that's her reason for lashing out at you. As much as you believe she has the upper hand, she really doesn't. As soon as you settle your debt with her, cut her out of your life and watch her go crazy in an attempt to recapture your interest. Hopefully, you will be too busy dating younger, childless women to notice.

Yeah, she's definitely an unstable young woman, prone to fits and depression. And I was with her for nearly 3 years. Despite that, now that it's over I really miss the silly b1tch.

I doubt she's that bitter about things ending. She pretty much had this engineered a month in advance, growing distant from me while her co-worker fawned over her and started giving her gifts and stuff. For some reason, I thought she was just soaking up the attention and didn't really want anything else from the guy. How wrong I turned out to be.

I now realize after browsing this site that I had a major passiveness problem during the relationship. I pretty much never set any boundaries with her and in the end I lost out.

I will say that she's never been with a guy as long as me AND I got a car out of it, so I must've been doing something right.

 

[Cheeks]

I don't think so. The email would be hearsay, and thus inadmissible under the rules of evidence. It's not a valid contract by itself anyway.

She has no case in court, and probably knows it, which is why she is manipulating the OP with guilt. All she has is a guilt trip, but to her credit that is apparently all she needs to get her money. She's a smart girl.

You're right, and it's scary that I've allowed myself to be manipulated like this. Tossing and turning in bed thinking "Should I feel guily? Angry? How should I feel about this?"

It can be hard to stay level-headed and logical when she still has your heart in a blender.

 

[AlexDP]

Sounds like you pretty much dodged a bullet on this one. You definitely have a propensity to show your hand and lose your power, though, bro.

In most situations it is very important to play your hand close to the vest. No paper, no chatter, just taking care of business. All people, no matter how altruistic they may appear, live for their own self-interests and little more. I make it a point to live strategically and never give anyone any rope by which they might decide to strangle me later. Today's friend can easily be tomorrow's enemy.

I agree. Next time you loan money from someone and they start being *****y towards you, you do NOT say: hey, I didn't sign a contract, so there's no legal proof of this loan existing (not entirely true of course, but I am not going to annoy you guys with how proof works in civil matters), but I'll GLADLY sign one if you draw one up for me.

A. There was no contract, you are in control.
B. If you sign a contract, you are now legally obliged to pay.
C. You let her draw it up, probably without having the legal knowledge to understand what exactly every clause in it means.

 

[Warrior74]

What a strange thread.

Guy snatches single mom's money (for a fvcking car), b!tches about her getting support from the state, guy had cheated on her, and you people are screaming for him not to pay. he still doesn't pay, and he still gets to play the victim.

You know, there are other ways of stealing, too. You could go to the closest Wal-mart and start a shoplifting career. It is easy to rationalize later, anyway, "Hey them Walton b!tches have already enough money, don't they?" could be a nice one-liner from one of you.

Sometimes, the feminist paranoia in this forum becomes unbearable and I don't even want to think of the reaction if the guy was swapped with girl in this story. When it's him to pay, you monkeys tell him not to pay, if it was the girl who wasn't paying and he looking after a kid, the entire board would capsize in arguing how all women are born to steal.

I don't even have a suggestion for the OP, to me he's a douchebag who practically stole his ex-girlfriend's money. What kind of a man are you? How can you live with yourself in this situation? I am curious.

and to all those immoral nihilists here, next time you come here saying women have no principles, remember your own low behavior under the right conditions. You are not one bit better.

Who wants to be better? Being better is what landed us here in the first place. Anyway I loved the way you conveniently ignored all of the people who encouraged him to pay her back asap, but not to sign a contract blind. Even in my bad angel good angel post I said to either screw her over or take out a loan, but don't sign anything. The last thing you want to do is to have your nuts really in a sling when she's waving a contract at you court. I guess you would go meekly to tha slaughter and sign whatever she sticks under your nose right? Right? No? Feels good to just come and vomit up your moralizations without critically examining anything or contributing anything of value doesn't it?

 

[Boilermaker]

I can understand why my post stung Zarky because it reveals his truly selfish personality but I don't know why it got your attention. I was clearly referring to people who urged him not to pay back because there was no contract. I thought the over sensitive crowd here was +50 years old or am I wrong?

I live my life with a healthy dose of objectivity and I witness everyday how people are just people and nothing more(no grand expectations from anyone). That's why I feel like I have to respond whenever I see grossly biased statements making valiant generalizations about gender behavior based on half assed examples like this one where the moral of the story depends on whos the guy and who's the girl.

Don't be so mad just because I didn't pay homage to your brilliant "good angel bad angel" post. I did read it critically and I agreed to it. Do I have to start with a salutation and a proper audience identification every time I criticize something?


Ps. Zarky. We'll debate later (when I have the time and when I'm not vomiting)whether there can be immoral nihilists or whether they all have to be amoral or not. Think for two seconds before dashing a response maybe taking up chess could do you good? I actually meant what I wrote. And English is MY second language :nono:

 

[Warrior74]

I can understand why my post stung Zarky because it reveals his truly selfish personality but I don't know why it got to you so badly. I was clearly referring to people who urged him not to pay back because there was no contract. I thought the over sensitive crowd here was +50 years old or am I wrong?

I live my life with a healthy dose of objectivity and I witness everyday how people are just people and nothing more. That's why I feel like I have to respond whenever I see grossly biased statements making valiant generalizations about gender behavior based on half assed examples like this one where the moral of the story depends on whos the guy and who's the girl.

Don't be so mad just because I didn't pay homage to your brilliant "good angel bad angel" post.
Sometimes you are not as impressive as you think, you know?


Ps. Zarky. Give me your postal address so I'll send you a webster's so that you can look up what "immoral" means. And I'm the guy who had to learn this English stuff. Sad.

While I agree with you, I am pretty awesome, and your failure to show due respect to my mighty post was a complete disappointment. Clearly you waited until this post to speak to your intended audience, which is what I wanted you to do instead of random whining and moralizing. Good job.

As for generalizing, two responses on a forum of hundreds makes for an "over sensitive crowd"? Generalize much? Oh wait, people are people. Carry on my son.

 

[zekko]

A truly feminine woman would NOT stoop to the level of insults and power grabs in an attempt to "control" you.

Let's face it, lending the money to the OP probably wasn't the best idea in the first place.

I quoted your post though, because I couldn't help but notice your turn of phrase "truly feminine woman". I notice a lot of guys here don't like the term "quality woman". I wonder how they would feel about using "truly feminine woman" in its place.

 

[Jeffst1980]

I quoted your post though, because I couldn't help but notice your turn of phrase "truly feminine woman". I notice a lot of guys here don't like the term "quality woman". I wonder how they would feel about using "truly feminine woman" in its place.

Yes..I've kind of abandoned the idea of referring to "quality women" because such a distinction gets a bad rap on this board. However, I think we can all agree that some women are more feminine than others.

 

[Zunder]

What a strange thread.

Guy snatches single mom's money (for a fvcking car), b!tches about her getting support from the state, guy had cheated on her, and you people are screaming for him not to pay. he still doesn't pay, and he still gets to play the victim.

You know, there are other ways of stealing, too. You could go to the closest Wal-mart and start a shoplifting career. It is easy to rationalize later, anyway, "Hey them Walton b!tches have already enough money, don't they?" could be a nice one-liner from one of you.

Sometimes, the feminist paranoia in this forum becomes unbearable and I don't even want to think of the reaction if the guy was swapped with girl in this story. When it's him to pay, you monkeys tell him not to pay, if it was the girl who wasn't paying and he looking after a kid, the entire board would capsize in arguing how all women are born to steal.

I don't even have a suggestion for the OP, to me he's a douchebag who practically stole his ex-girlfriend's money. What kind of a man are you? How can you live with yourself in this situation? I am curious.

and to all those immoral nihilists here, next time you come here saying women have no principles, remember your own low behavior under the right conditions. You are not one bit better.

Hold on - he didn't want the money but she kept insisting is what he said in his op. So we either take him at is word or we dont.
Far as I am concerned bad luck for the dumb bytch - and wouldnt matter a jot to me if it were vice versca, i.e if it was the male whom lent the money, still a stupid thing to do.
Whats with the feminist paranoia quip? So you agree with feminism or what? Whats the deal behind that rather perplexing quip?

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Not trying to be a d!ck but didn't you say you cheated on her? This is probably why she is going balls-to-the-walls to be an @ss to you.

Look, sh!t happened as it did--it's over now--take the advice of these guys, get a set payment plan, pay her on whatever day of the month it may be, and don't talk to her otherwise. Period. She gets her money, you feel good about paying her back. Friendship/good vibes are a lost cause at this point.

Lesson 1: Don't cheat on a woman if you love her.
Lesson 2: Borrowing money, most especially from a girlfriend = dangerous territory.

I won't preach beyond that. And we've all made mistakes, that's for sure.

 

[Cheeks]

I actually agree with Boilermaker that I was a douchebag for accepting the girl's money. And I agree that a real man lives up to his obligations and pays off his debts. I am not that man yet, but I at least want to make an effort.

As far as the cheating...I came home with a hickey one night. I didn't have sex with another woman. There was drama for about a week, I showed contrition, then she was back to treating me like a king. I think she had her sights on this other guy before the whole hickey incident. I fell for her "forgiveness" act and when she cut me off I spiraled into AFC mode.

So that's really the root of the issue...I feel like I'm the one who should be angry with her, but I can't play the spurned lover and also be the humbled apologetic jerk ex-boyfriend. If I call her out on her guilt trips, she'll just come back at me with reinforcements, and if I remain polite and cordial, she'll view me as a chump. It's a hopeless situation I guess.

 

[Noodles]

Long story short

No. Long story long.

Here are the salient points of your story:
1. You borrowed money off someone.
2. You can't afford to pay it back.
3. You're complaining.

The answer? Sort yourself out. Pay her what you owe her.

Her being a girl or indeed your ex has nothing to do with this situation. Change the girl to a guy mate in the story and everybody here would be moaning.

Now my finances are in serious trouble and my ex is getting nasty with the payments.

No she's not. She wants the money you owe her. You're getting nasty over not paying her.

Now, I know it is my responsibilty to pay off the loan, and I have been making efforts.

Better. You're starting to make sense and act like a man.

I've already wished her the best, told her she has a right to want to be happy, and stayed out of her business. I mean, what more can I do?

You can pay her what you owe her. In fact - that's all you need to do. You don't need to see her or have anything to do with her. Set up a regular payment from you bank and get on with your life.