Ex has my balls in a vise...

HalfAddict

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Take a piece of paper, write down what you owe her, and keep a record of it.
Make payments with what you can when you can until you pay her off.

Maybe you have a friend with legal knowledge? (My buddy's dad is a lawyer for example). If you have access to something like that have him help you keep a record of your payments!

This shows effort and a willingness to hold up your end of the bargain, start bringing someone with you when you pay her to witness her deplorable behaviour as you remain respectful and holding up your end of the deal.

This would definitely make her look bad if she were ever to decide to try and make it a legal matter.
 

metoo

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Get 18k your first year of college, (loans) up to 48k in 4 years, no collateral, no nothing basically, just pass your classes. Take easy ones, that interest you, that come online, from the one with the lowest tuition, Get grants to cover the tuiion. owe nothing until you are out of school, and then only 3% per year. Get rid of her from you life.
 

Bible_Belt

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A lawyer would tell you to tell her to fvck off. Without a signed and otherwise valid contract, all the money she gave you was just that - a gift.
 

window

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you need to get receipts for any money you give her stating how much and what it is for...it is best to get a contract written up if you intend to pay the money back. I would have no contact with her period. All payments through the bank. You need to clean up the mess and move on.
 

backbreaker

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Bible_Belt said:
A lawyer would tell you to tell her to fvck off. Without a signed and otherwise valid contract, all the money she gave you was just that - a gift.
exactly. fvck trying to be nice and be the "better man". fvck that. she should have considered that **** when she fell out of love.

reminds me of a pissy client i had once. guy paid us 2 grand to basically take a site design and program it into a site. It was not really complex, but it wasn't a cakewalk either. It was worth 2 grand. anyway, guy pays a $1,000 deposit. I'm like okay dude, send the files, so we can start programming. This dude, sends me this xml file that i can't decipher at all. I'm like dude, no. do like everyone else does, and just attach the damn files to the email and send them to me. this isn't rocket science. he refuses to. I'm like well, fvck it. he then gets pissy and demands his money back. I'm like nope. It's ot even about the money. i have a contract that states as clear as day, that you ahve to send us the files we need to do our job. You have not lived up to the contract. YOu have breached the contract, not us. We can't even find the damn files in the xml file you sent.

so he raises this big scene, and I just think it's too funny.l about how he is going to take me to court over the $1,000 and threatens to tell the BBB he got ripped off (the BBB is the biggest crock of **** on the internet, it's where everyone runs when they feel cheated, rthater they were actually cheated or not, then the BBB will only settle with you if you pay them a fee, rather you actually did it or not).. I'm like dude, we can end this right now, if you would just send me the fvcking files. Eventually he went away. why i don't know, we owed him a website. I would have happily programmed the site, it was a nice design, would have looked good in the portfolio. But at the end of the day, he couldn't do a god damn thing, despite all his talking other than 1. send the damn filles or 2. walk away. i was not in the wrong.

anyway the point is, don't let emotions get in the way of legal decisions. you don't own this..woman.. anything. wno the hell cares if she thinks you are a loser or not. she's not going to thionk any better of you if you pay hero or not. do you think she would pay you if you were in the opposite position? i think not.
 

Slickster

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PAY HER THE MONEY BACK ASAP!!!

I can't believe you let a debt with an ex linger like this. I would never borrow money from a girlfriend but if I did I would pay her back immediately!!!

What a lame position to be in.

Work your friggin' arse off to out from under her thumb.

As for her demeaning you I bet you'd be doing the same thing if she still owed you money too.

I'm kind of surprised by some of the comments about not having to pay her back because there is no contract. That's pretty low in my book.
 

backbreaker

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Slickster said:
PAY HER THE MONEY BACK ASAP!!!

I can't believe you let a debt with an ex linger like this. I would never borrow money from a girlfriend but if I did I would pay her back immediately!!!

What a lame position to be in.

Work your friggin' arse off to out from under her thumb.

As for her demeaning you I bet you'd be doing the same thing if she still owed you money too.

I'm kind of surprised by some of the comments about not having to pay her back because there is no contract. That's pretty low in my book.
okay. it might seem low. but let's put this in fiscal perspective here.

what if she was living with him? rent free? for 6 months or a year under the impression they were going to be married one day ,and she falls out of love? does she cut him a severance check for the past few months? fvck no she doesn't

what about all the little presents, the mini vacations they went on, the clothes he bought her, basically all the little **** in a relationship that ads up over time.

so I say, n o contract, she can burn in hell with gasoline draws on for all i care. that's just how I am. you might call it low, i call it being pragmatic. I mean, I would pay her back, assuming it's like 1-3k because i can afford to. the 3k to me, is not worth having to put up with her **** for however long. take it and GTFO. but if i am making pulling 2,500 a month or 3k a month and you want 500 dollars of that after taxes, after you have lived with me for this time, only to fall out of love, you can kiss my black ass.

Ironically, she will probably have more respect for you after you tolld her to burn in hell next time she called you about the rent. I decided not to pay you back? "why?" honestly I just don't feel like it. You took enough of my time and money/energy over the years, just charge that **** to the game babe.


This chick i miessed around with when I was 23 years old, a few months before I moved to california, i liked her, and she was going through some tought times. she gave me a hard luck story. and she was very sick and was having trouble paying bills or what not beucase she was in the hospital, so i let her "borrow" like 800 bucks, like look just pay me back 100 a month or whenever you can.

you think i saw 1 freaking dime of that money lol? not only did hte **** not pay me back, she talked **** to me like i was an *******, would ignore my calls, just treat me like ****. I learned a lesson that day. i did it trying to be "nice". fvck being nice. fvck being chaviorus. think she thought about the time i gave her 100 bucks to buy groceries after she spent 2 weeks in the hopstial? or the money i let her borrow to get her script filled (she really was sick, she was a diabetic and her **** got bad, and i kinda felt bad for the girl. i have a hard time watching people struggle. it's my soft spot. i've taken homeless people in the grocery store and bought them buy days worth of food before, i am a serious sucker for luck stories, plus it makes me feel good to help people less forunate). hell no. and i didn't so much want the money back, or even care that she paid ti back, but just thinking about how i was just brushed off as if "fvck it".

if we aren't in a serious, serious, LTR or married, or you aren't my momma, you can kiss my black ass. no one will ever call her on her bS becuse she has tits. but a man does the same thing and he's "low" or whatever. man fvck that. no contract no money.

lol the worst part is i really didn't even go AFC on her. I just wasn't really the party boy type she was into. she wanted to party 7 nights a week and not have any responsibilities. that's not me. so we kinda just fell out. a month later my calls are going straight to the answering machine.

and i'm sure you will say "she's a low quality person", and my response to that is, and my poiint being, at the end of the day, what does me or you thinking she is "low quality" have as far as an effect on ehr everyday life? does get a "low quality person": tax on her payroll check lol? hwo fvcking cares if a woman who fell out of love with you and started dating their co worker thinks you are a POS

another quick story, just thought bout this, the girl that borught me here.. god i tricked so much money on that girl i don't even want to think about it. computers, multiple computers, cash, clothes, you name it i tricked it at some point. i rmember one daty, think i was 21 at the time, she asked for 400 dollars.. didn't even give me a reason lol. just nigga give me 400 dollars. of course i did it. what that was may, in june her mom, who owns a newspaper needed 2 computers to donate for a raffle prize. guiess who ended up donating 2 company computers. Me of course. about 800 dollars worth of hardware/software. in august, I paid for her entire fvcking semister in college. i told you i should ahve went into the tricking hall of fame for the amount of **** i did for this girl, i wanted this motherfvcker lol. it was a juco/2 year school so it was like 1k but still that's money i could have spent on me.

come october, she asked for something, i think i t was money to get her car fixed. i said i would give it o her. at the time i was starting to take spin 1 plate, and i was kinda liking her, and i told her about it and she slapped some sense into me and told me she was just tricking me, and i said you know what, i can't do it, and she calle dme every name in the book, you POS, whatever. fvck every thing else i did for you, these *****es don't care man. they don't. so why do you.

what is she going to do , not fvck you lol? she isn't fvcking you anyway.
 

L B

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Ok...so...

1. she cheated on you
2. she's shaming you in front of others
3. demands money

You shouldn't show respect to someone who disrespect you. Pay her back on your terms if you want to do the right thing. But legally you owe her nothing because you didn't sign a contract with her.
 

Atom Smasher

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Cheeks, why do you actually have to see her in-person? You need to take the bull by the horns and handle this proactively. Your first problem is that you have a thing for her still. You'd better get some perspective on that.

Cut her off completely and send her checks on a regular basis, even if it can't be for the agreed-upon amount right now. Sometimes sending more frequent checks can offset the fact that you're paying less per month than agreed upon.

For examply, if you owed $400 per month, you could consider sending $150 every two weeks with no mention whatsever about your agreed payment. That can appease a lender who is feeling panicky about finances. The frequency makes up for the lesser payment.

As the guys said, do not, under any circumstances sign anything. In fact you need to set the frame and control all future contact parameters. From now on speak minimally, and write nothing, even via text or email. Cut her off completely except for making whatever paymants you can.

She has a legitimate claim to that money if you agreed to pay her back. It is nonsensical to count other factors against what you owe after the fact. Housing, presents, whatever, play no part in this because you agreed to pay her back, period. Your self-respect and integrity will suffer if you play games regarding trying to rationalize that you owe her less, as other posters have suggested.

Take the reins, set the parameters, and minimize or eliminate all contact with her. Somehow you're putting yourself in a position where you're allowing her to get under your skin. The guilt, the shaming, the threats all need to stop right here and right now. Only you can put a stop to this and regain control.
 

Slickster

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backbreaker said:
okay. it might seem low. but let's put this in fiscal perspective here.

what if she was living with him? rent free? for 6 months or a year under the impression they were going to be married one day ,and she falls out of love? does she cut him a severance check for the past few months? fvck no she doesn't

what about all the little presents, the mini vacations they went on, the clothes he bought her, basically all the little **** in a relationship that ads up over time.

so I say, n o contract, she can burn in hell with gasoline draws on for all i care. that's just how I am. you might call it low, i call it being pragmatic. I mean, I would pay her back, assuming it's like 1-3k because i can afford to. the 3k to me, is not worth having to put up with her **** for however long. take it and GTFO. but if i am making pulling 2,500 a month or 3k a month and you want 500 dollars of that after taxes, after you have lived with me for this time, only to fall out of love, you can kiss my black ass.

Ironically, she will probably have more respect for you after you tolld her to burn in hell next time she called you about the rent. I decided not to pay you back? "why?" honestly I just don't feel like it. You took enough of my time and money/energy over the years, just charge that **** to the game babe.


This chick i miessed around with when I was 23 years old, a few months before I moved to california, i liked her, and she was going through some tought times. she gave me a hard luck story. and she was very sick and was having trouble paying bills or what not beucase she was in the hospital, so i let her "borrow" like 800 bucks, like look just pay me back 100 a month or whenever you can.

you think i saw 1 freaking dime of that money lol? not only did hte **** not pay me back, she talked **** to me like i was an *******, would ignore my calls, just treat me like ****. I learned a lesson that day. i did it trying to be "nice". fvck being nice. fvck being chaviorus. think she thought about the time i gave her 100 bucks to buy groceries after she spent 2 weeks in the hopstial? or the money i let her borrow to get her script filled (she really was sick, she was a diabetic and her **** got bad, and i kinda felt bad for the girl. i have a hard time watching people struggle. it's my soft spot. i've taken homeless people in the grocery store and bought them buy days worth of food before, i am a serious sucker for luck stories, plus it makes me feel good to help people less forunate). hell no. and i didn't so much want the money back, or even care that she paid ti back, but just thinking about how i was just brushed off as if "fvck it".

if we aren't in a serious, serious, LTR or married, or you aren't my momma, you can kiss my black ass. no one will ever call her on her bS becuse she has tits. but a man does the same thing and he's "low" or whatever. man fvck that. no contract no money.

lol the worst part is i really didn't even go AFC on her. I just wasn't really the party boy type she was into. she wanted to party 7 nights a week and not have any responsibilities. that's not me. so we kinda just fell out. a month later my calls are going straight to the answering machine.

and i'm sure you will say "she's a low quality person", and my response to that is, and my poiint being, at the end of the day, what does me or you thinking she is "low quality" have as far as an effect on ehr everyday life? does get a "low quality person": tax on her payroll check lol? hwo fvcking cares if a woman who fell out of love with you and started dating their co worker thinks you are a POS

another quick story, just thought bout this, the girl that borught me here.. god i tricked so much money on that girl i don't even want to think about it. computers, multiple computers, cash, clothes, you name it i tricked it at some point. i rmember one daty, think i was 21 at the time, she asked for 400 dollars.. didn't even give me a reason lol. just nigga give me 400 dollars. of course i did it. what that was may, in june her mom, who owns a newspaper needed 2 computers to donate for a raffle prize. guiess who ended up donating 2 company computers. Me of course. about 800 dollars worth of hardware/software. in august, I paid for her entire fvcking semister in college. i told you i should ahve went into the tricking hall of fame for the amount of **** i did for this girl, i wanted this motherfvcker lol. it was a juco/2 year school so it was like 1k but still that's money i could have spent on me.

come october, she asked for something, i think i t was money to get her car fixed. i said i would give it o her. at the time i was starting to take spin 1 plate, and i was kinda liking her, and i told her about it and she slapped some sense into me and told me she was just tricking me, and i said you know what, i can't do it, and she calle dme every name in the book, you POS, whatever. fvck every thing else i did for you, these *****es don't care man. they don't. so why do you.

what is she going to do , not fvck you lol? she isn't fvcking you anyway.
Sorry BB but I'm not with you on this one. Not one bit.

The way you are talking about those ex-beatches that owed you money in the past is the same situation as this one. However in this case, it's Cheeks who is the beatch.

He wasn't paying her way thru life. She doesn't owe him anything. He borrowed money from her. For a freakin' car!!!

She did something good for him out of good faith. Now for whatever reason they broke up. (There are always two sides to any story). Sounds like she left his broke a$$ cuz he didn't treat her very well. So who knows really.

Now she's pissed off because more than enough time has gone by for him to pay her back and there's still no sign of the money coming? Of course she's going to have very few good things to say about Cheeks.

He obviously still has feelings for her after all this so called "abuse" which makes me wonder if he's just using her poor behaviour as an excuse NOT to pay her back. Very twisted!



Cheeks said:
Is there anyting I can say or do to this girl to gain myself a little respect back and get out of this vise grip on my balls she has? I know I'm not exactly a saint in all this, but I was actually incredibly supportive of her during our time together and always encouraged her to go back to school, make something of herself, etc. I maybe wasn't the most attentive boyfriend, and I did cheat on her once, so she has a a right to not want me around anymore. But this constant guilt trip and finger wagging is really messing with my head and I just want it to stop. I've already wished her the best, told her she has a right to want to be happy, and stayed out of her business. I mean, what more can I do?
Cheeks, do you really want to be the guy that owes the nice girl money? I don't think I could walk around all day knowing I took money from someone I cared about under the pre tense that I would pay it back. It's basically stealing.

Pay her the money back and stop using her b!tchy behaviour as an excuse. You used her the same way those beatches in Backbreaker's stories used him. She has every right to be nasty to you right now.

Quit feeling sorry for yourself about the breakup. It didn't work. Now man up and do the right thing!

You can make all this go away and better by paying her the freakin' money!
 

window

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if you ask him and he's honest I bet he uses the loan to keep up contact with the ex thinking there is a "chance" that they'll magically get back together...my guess is he probably has had ways to pay it off in one hit but has decided not to as he can use it as an excuse ? am I right ?
 

zekko

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Cheeks said:
It doesn't help that her new boy is a flower-giving provider type that showers her with attention and compliments
Ever notice that hardly anyone ever comes on here and talks about how he lost his girl to some bad boy? It's always "I lost my girl to this AFC". Bad boys are so overrated by the pickup community.

I've never lost a girl to a bad boy. I can't even imagine losing a girl to a bad boy. That would be the biggest joke I could think of.
 

Cheeks

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window said:
if you ask him and he's honest I bet he uses the loan to keep up contact with the ex thinking there is a "chance" that they'll magically get back together...my guess is he probably has had ways to pay it off in one hit but has decided not to as he can use it as an excuse ? am I right ?
Nah, I don't have the means to pay it off in one hit right now. I don't have any illusions about getting back together either, I tried to "work it out" the week after the break and made an ass of myself, now I just want to heal from all this and put it behind me.
 

lgbs2004

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Stop paying her. There`s no frickin contract so tell her to fucck off!
 

Atom Smasher

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lgbs2004 said:
Stop paying her. There`s no frickin contract so tell her to fucck off!
How would you feel about a friend you you lent thousands to, then had a falling out, and he told you to fucck off, that there is no contract?

I'm sure your sense of morals would change from what you expressed above.

A real man pays his debts and keeps his word. You kids were brought up in a feminized educational system, and that's why so many of you can so easily say, "Don't pay back, there is no contract".

This is what women do. Women live in a constant fog of moral gray-area. They can rationalize anything because they are incapable of living by principle. We are called to be something different. Being a man is about learning to keep your word, no matter what the cost.
 

Warrior74

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Zarky said:
No contract, no proof. Tell her to p*ss off. And don't sign anything, for chrissakes. jezus, kids these days.

Seriously. Hope you haven't been texting/emailing about it with her. No paper trail, she can go to hell. Be the scumbag. Or do the right thing and get a loan and get out from under this woman and move on as quickly as possible. Either way, wrap it up before the year is out.
 

Cheeks

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Warrior74 said:
Seriously. Hope you haven't been texting/emailing about it with her. No paper trail, she can go to hell. Be the scumbag. Or do the right thing and get a loan and get out from under this woman and move on as quickly as possible. Either way, wrap it up before the year is out.
Too late, I texted her saying that I'm gonna see about getting a loan.

She responded: "Let me know if you get the loan. I'll email you the document I made of your payments & you can sign the contract on a day I am working. Also, I'll probably never go back to school bc I'm a loser & every time I think about college I have an anxiety attack."

What the fvck man, I don't want to sign anything now and I don't want to set her off again. I don't think there's anyway out of this alive.
 

backbreaker

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that email can be used as proof. she doesn't need a signed contract if she can prove that you took the loan under the agreed assumption to pay her back, which that email does. she's already got you by the balls. now you have to pay.
 

Cheeks

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Well, we just had another talk and somehow I diffused the situation. We're on much better terms now and she agreed to just let me make payments when I can.

I was surprised at how well it went, she even brought up the relationship and said "Its ok to convey emotions. I hope some day you truly understand that. If you didn't bottle everything up we would've had a more intimate relationship and you wouldn't have acted so weird at the end of things".

I just let her talk and avoided the subject, then went on my merry way. Strange how things work out.
 
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